AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Discussion
The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The essay generally addresses the task with a balanced discussion, providing arguments for both sides. The thesis statement presents the writer's opinion but it is slightly unclear as it contradicts the earlier argument.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is logically structured, with an introduction, discussion of two contrasting views and a conclusion. The writer's ideas are generally well laid out and argument flows logically. However, some arguments could be more fully developed for completeness.
Lexical Resource: 8
The candidate demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary with a few minor errors. The language is formal and there is good use of collocations and idiomatic expressions.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
There is a variety of complex and simple sentences and good use of conditionals and relative pronouns. However, there are some awkward or incorrect phrases such as "a several years ago" and "almost of patients being fully cured."
Overall: 7.25
This essay would likely achieve an overall band score of 7.25. The student demonstrates a good understanding of the task with well presented arguments, good vocabulary use, and a reasonable range of grammatical structures. There are some errors and areas for improvement, particularly in task response and grammatical accuracy.
Task Response: 7
The essay generally addresses the task with a balanced discussion, providing arguments for both sides. The thesis statement presents the writer's opinion but it is slightly unclear as it contradicts the earlier argument.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is logically structured, with an introduction, discussion of two contrasting views and a conclusion. The writer's ideas are generally well laid out and argument flows logically. However, some arguments could be more fully developed for completeness.
Lexical Resource: 8
The candidate demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary with a few minor errors. The language is formal and there is good use of collocations and idiomatic expressions.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
There is a variety of complex and simple sentences and good use of conditionals and relative pronouns. However, there are some awkward or incorrect phrases such as "a several years ago" and "almost of patients being fully cured."
Overall: 7.25
This essay would likely achieve an overall band score of 7.25. The student demonstrates a good understanding of the task with well presented arguments, good vocabulary use, and a reasonable range of grammatical structures. There are some errors and areas for improvement, particularly in task response and grammatical accuracy.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Essay:
The question of whether general health standards will decline or improve in the future is a compelling one, eliciting varied arguments. However, I believe that the enhancements made in medical technology will be able to cater to health conditions, with likely setbacks in the form of grower older population and prevalence of chronic illnesses.
One convincing viewpoint is that the constant advancement in medical technology will result in improvements of global health. Treated diseases and maladies are increasing with cutting-edge health tech, promising a society with a minimum number of sick individuals thereby elevating general health standards. For instance, diseases such as thyroid cancer, which was once regarded as fatal, are now being effectively treated almost universally, indicating clear progress.
Contrarily, while medical technology progresses unabated, chronic diseases still represent an unchanging problem. Chronic diseases persist, fluctuating and tormenting patients for their whole lives, such as hypertension and diabetes. Furthermore, seniors predisposed to illness combined with the rising, ageing population due to lower birth rates, could lead to a decrease in average wellbeing.
Despite these concerns, I remain optimistic that medical technology advancements will effectively manage these health issues, playing a key role in maintaining and raising health standards. Therefore, despite inevitable health complications that come with ageing, I maintain that future health standards will not significantly decline.
Word Count: 251
Essay translated in Korean:
미래의 일반 건강 표준이 감소할 것인지 또는 향상할 것인지에 대한 질문은 매력적이며, 다양한 논쟁을 불러 일으킵니다. 그러나 저는 의료 기술의 향상이 건강 상태를 처리할 수 있을 것이며, 노인 인구의 증가와 만성 질환의 유병률과 같은 차질이 있을 수 있을 것이라고 믿습니다.
하나의 설득력 있는 관점은 의료기술의 지속적인 발전이 세계 건강을 개선시킬 것이라는 것입니다. 첨단 건강기술의 증가로 치료된 질병 및 질환들이 늘어나고 있으며, 이는 사람들에게 건강한 사람 수가 최소한인 사회를 약속하고 있습니다. 예를 들어, 당뇨병 등의 만성 질환은 변하지 않는 문제를 제기합니다.
반대로, 의료기술이 끊임없이 진보하는 동안, 만성질환은 여전히 변하지 않는 문제를 제시합니다. 만성질환은 유동적이고 환자를 통째로 괴롭히며, 예를 들어 고혈압과 당뇨병과 같은 질병이 있습니다.
이런 우려에도 불구하고 의료기술의 향상이 이러한 건강 문제를 효과적으로 관리할 것으로 낙관적입니다. 따라서 노령화와 관련된 필연적인 건강 문제에도 불구하고, 나는 미래의 건강 표준이 크게 떨어지지 않을 것이라고 믿습니다.
Good expressions:
1. constant advancement - 지속적인 발전
2. effectively treated almost universally - 거의 일반적으로 효과적으로 치료됩니다.
3. medical technology progresses unabated - 의료기술은 끊임없이 발전합니다.
4. fluctuating and tormenting - 변하며 고통스럽게 만드는
5. predisposed to illness - 병에 잘 걸리는 경향이 있다
6. significantly decline - 크게 감소하다
The question of whether general health standards will decline or improve in the future is a compelling one, eliciting varied arguments. However, I believe that the enhancements made in medical technology will be able to cater to health conditions, with likely setbacks in the form of grower older population and prevalence of chronic illnesses.
One convincing viewpoint is that the constant advancement in medical technology will result in improvements of global health. Treated diseases and maladies are increasing with cutting-edge health tech, promising a society with a minimum number of sick individuals thereby elevating general health standards. For instance, diseases such as thyroid cancer, which was once regarded as fatal, are now being effectively treated almost universally, indicating clear progress.
Contrarily, while medical technology progresses unabated, chronic diseases still represent an unchanging problem. Chronic diseases persist, fluctuating and tormenting patients for their whole lives, such as hypertension and diabetes. Furthermore, seniors predisposed to illness combined with the rising, ageing population due to lower birth rates, could lead to a decrease in average wellbeing.
Despite these concerns, I remain optimistic that medical technology advancements will effectively manage these health issues, playing a key role in maintaining and raising health standards. Therefore, despite inevitable health complications that come with ageing, I maintain that future health standards will not significantly decline.
Word Count: 251
Essay translated in Korean:
미래의 일반 건강 표준이 감소할 것인지 또는 향상할 것인지에 대한 질문은 매력적이며, 다양한 논쟁을 불러 일으킵니다. 그러나 저는 의료 기술의 향상이 건강 상태를 처리할 수 있을 것이며, 노인 인구의 증가와 만성 질환의 유병률과 같은 차질이 있을 수 있을 것이라고 믿습니다.
하나의 설득력 있는 관점은 의료기술의 지속적인 발전이 세계 건강을 개선시킬 것이라는 것입니다. 첨단 건강기술의 증가로 치료된 질병 및 질환들이 늘어나고 있으며, 이는 사람들에게 건강한 사람 수가 최소한인 사회를 약속하고 있습니다. 예를 들어, 당뇨병 등의 만성 질환은 변하지 않는 문제를 제기합니다.
반대로, 의료기술이 끊임없이 진보하는 동안, 만성질환은 여전히 변하지 않는 문제를 제시합니다. 만성질환은 유동적이고 환자를 통째로 괴롭히며, 예를 들어 고혈압과 당뇨병과 같은 질병이 있습니다.
이런 우려에도 불구하고 의료기술의 향상이 이러한 건강 문제를 효과적으로 관리할 것으로 낙관적입니다. 따라서 노령화와 관련된 필연적인 건강 문제에도 불구하고, 나는 미래의 건강 표준이 크게 떨어지지 않을 것이라고 믿습니다.
Good expressions:
1. constant advancement - 지속적인 발전
2. effectively treated almost universally - 거의 일반적으로 효과적으로 치료됩니다.
3. medical technology progresses unabated - 의료기술은 끊임없이 발전합니다.
4. fluctuating and tormenting - 변하며 고통스럽게 만드는
5. predisposed to illness - 병에 잘 걸리는 경향이 있다
6. significantly decline - 크게 감소하다
제출한 라이팅
Some people contend that the average standard of people's health will decline in the future, while others believe that the standard will be better than now. In this essay, I will address two diametrically opposed views, and reason out the conclusion.
With the advancement of up-to-date technologies in the medical fields in the modern world, a myriad people are taken care of their diseases, and unhealthy conditions. Thus, the more the technologies develop, the more people will be treated and cured. That could lead to a society that a majority of residents do not have any illness, or underlying health conditions. Hence, the average standard of being healthy will rise. For instance, a several years ago, people considered thyroid cancer as a big problem as there was not much information about the cancer. However, with the development in the way of operating the surgery and in the medicine related to this disease, people do not take it as a very serious thing for now and almost of patients are fully cured.
While, even though there is a noteworthy development in medical industries, the number of patients who have chronic diseases such as hypertension, or diabetes will not be sharply changed. Normally, chronic diseases are considered as a life-time disease with various fluctuating symptoms. Also, the elderly people have a tendency to get the disease easily as they are getting old compared to the younger generations. As well as this, lots of countries have had a problem of the low birth rate, which means there will be more senior citizens in the future who has underlying health conditions. According to this, the average standard of people's wellness will be lower.
In conclusion, it can be observed that there are two contradicting viewpoints, which are both, to a certain degree, convincing. It seems to me that even though there will be more senior people in the future with chronic disease, the development of the technology would play a vital role to take care those conditions. Therefore, I consider the average stand of people's wellness will go down in the future.
With the advancement of up-to-date technologies in the medical fields in the modern world, a myriad people are taken care of their diseases, and unhealthy conditions. Thus, the more the technologies develop, the more people will be treated and cured. That could lead to a society that a majority of residents do not have any illness, or underlying health conditions. Hence, the average standard of being healthy will rise. For instance, a several years ago, people considered thyroid cancer as a big problem as there was not much information about the cancer. However, with the development in the way of operating the surgery and in the medicine related to this disease, people do not take it as a very serious thing for now and almost of patients are fully cured.
While, even though there is a noteworthy development in medical industries, the number of patients who have chronic diseases such as hypertension, or diabetes will not be sharply changed. Normally, chronic diseases are considered as a life-time disease with various fluctuating symptoms. Also, the elderly people have a tendency to get the disease easily as they are getting old compared to the younger generations. As well as this, lots of countries have had a problem of the low birth rate, which means there will be more senior citizens in the future who has underlying health conditions. According to this, the average standard of people's wellness will be lower.
In conclusion, it can be observed that there are two contradicting viewpoints, which are both, to a certain degree, convincing. It seems to me that even though there will be more senior people in the future with chronic disease, the development of the technology would play a vital role to take care those conditions. Therefore, I consider the average stand of people's wellness will go down in the future.
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