아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Discussion
The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: [6]
The student presents a clear position throughout the response keeping the main idea for both the statement and the counter argument. However, the arguments could have been supported with more detailed explanations.
Coherence & Cohesion: [7]
The essay is organized with logical paragraphing and linking words to create a coherent flow across points. However, some transitions could have been clearer, particularly in the middle paragraph where two contrasting ideas are being discussed.
Lexical Resource: [6]
The essay contains a reasonable range of vocabulary but it could be used more appropriately and accurately. In several instances, the same words or phrases are reused quite frequently which reduces the diversity of the language.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [5]
The essay shows some range in sentence structures but there are quite a few grammatical errors that reduce their accuracy. Errors include inappropriate usage of articles and plurals.
Overall: [6]
Task Response: [6]
The student presents a clear position throughout the response keeping the main idea for both the statement and the counter argument. However, the arguments could have been supported with more detailed explanations.
Coherence & Cohesion: [7]
The essay is organized with logical paragraphing and linking words to create a coherent flow across points. However, some transitions could have been clearer, particularly in the middle paragraph where two contrasting ideas are being discussed.
Lexical Resource: [6]
The essay contains a reasonable range of vocabulary but it could be used more appropriately and accurately. In several instances, the same words or phrases are reused quite frequently which reduces the diversity of the language.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [5]
The essay shows some range in sentence structures but there are quite a few grammatical errors that reduce their accuracy. Errors include inappropriate usage of articles and plurals.
Overall: [6]
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Essay:
Opinions differ widely when discussing the primary objective of science. Some believe in favor of advancement in technology, while others, myself included, advocate for the improvement of human lives.
While technology enthusiasts argue that the primary aim of science should be technological progression, they frequently overlook the reasons why. It is indeed true that the development of technology can enhance people's lifestyles in numerous ways. The advent of smartphones and the internet, for instance, has revolutionized how we communicate, consume information, and even work. This argument maintains that by focusing first on technological advancements, the consequential improvements to human lives will naturally follow.
However, prioritizing technological advances in science could potentially disregard the essential human element. When the focus shifts too much toward scientific progression, human lives can inadvertently become mere test subjects for scientific exploration. If given improper weightage, there is potential to normalize hazardous scientific trials on humans. Therefore, I contend that the primary aim of science should be to directly improve human lives over prioritizing technological development.
In summation, though the development of technology plays a critical role in the progression of science, the safety and improvement of human lives must remain paramount.
Word count: 235
Essay translated in Korean:
과학의 주요 목표에 대해 의견은 크게 갈립니다. 일부는 기술 발전을 중요시하고, 다른 일부는, 저를 포함하여, 인간의 삶을 향상시키는 것을 주장합니다.
기술 열성가들은 과학의 주요 목표는 기술 발전이어야 한다고 주장하지만, 그 이유를 종종 간과하곤 합니다. 비록 기술 발전이 사람들의 삶을 여러 방면에서 개선시킬 수 있지만, 스마트폰 등이 나타난 후 우리의 의사소통 방식, 정보 소비 방식, 심지어는 작업 방식조차 혁신적으로 변화했습니다. 이런 식으로 향후 기술 발전에 초점을 맞추면, 인간의 삶의 개선이 자연스럽게 이어질 것이라는 주장이 있습니다.
그러나, 과학에서 기술 발전을 우선시하면, 기본적인 인간의 요소를 간과하게 될 수 있습니다. 중점이 과학 발전으로 많이 넘어가면, 인간의 삶이 무심코 과학적 탐사의 실험 대상이 될 수 있습니다. 더 중요시하는 경우, 인간에게 위험한 과학적 시험이 정상화될 가능성이 있습니다. 따라서, 저는 과학의 주요 목표는 기술 발전을 우선시하는 것이 아니라, 인간의 삶을 직접 개선시키는 것이어야 한다고 주장합니다.
결론적으로, 기술 발전이 과학의 발전에서 중요한 역할을 하지만, 인간의 안전과 삶의 개선이 가장 중요합니다.
Good expressions:
1. Opinions differ widely - 의견은 크게 갈립니다.
2. Technological progression - 기술 발전.
3. Consequential improvements - 결과적인 개선.
4. Given improper weightage - 부적절한 중요성을 부여받는 경우.
5. Potentially disregard - 잠재적으로 무시하다.
6. Remain paramount - 가장 중요하게 유지되다.
Opinions differ widely when discussing the primary objective of science. Some believe in favor of advancement in technology, while others, myself included, advocate for the improvement of human lives.
While technology enthusiasts argue that the primary aim of science should be technological progression, they frequently overlook the reasons why. It is indeed true that the development of technology can enhance people's lifestyles in numerous ways. The advent of smartphones and the internet, for instance, has revolutionized how we communicate, consume information, and even work. This argument maintains that by focusing first on technological advancements, the consequential improvements to human lives will naturally follow.
However, prioritizing technological advances in science could potentially disregard the essential human element. When the focus shifts too much toward scientific progression, human lives can inadvertently become mere test subjects for scientific exploration. If given improper weightage, there is potential to normalize hazardous scientific trials on humans. Therefore, I contend that the primary aim of science should be to directly improve human lives over prioritizing technological development.
In summation, though the development of technology plays a critical role in the progression of science, the safety and improvement of human lives must remain paramount.
Word count: 235
Essay translated in Korean:
과학의 주요 목표에 대해 의견은 크게 갈립니다. 일부는 기술 발전을 중요시하고, 다른 일부는, 저를 포함하여, 인간의 삶을 향상시키는 것을 주장합니다.
기술 열성가들은 과학의 주요 목표는 기술 발전이어야 한다고 주장하지만, 그 이유를 종종 간과하곤 합니다. 비록 기술 발전이 사람들의 삶을 여러 방면에서 개선시킬 수 있지만, 스마트폰 등이 나타난 후 우리의 의사소통 방식, 정보 소비 방식, 심지어는 작업 방식조차 혁신적으로 변화했습니다. 이런 식으로 향후 기술 발전에 초점을 맞추면, 인간의 삶의 개선이 자연스럽게 이어질 것이라는 주장이 있습니다.
그러나, 과학에서 기술 발전을 우선시하면, 기본적인 인간의 요소를 간과하게 될 수 있습니다. 중점이 과학 발전으로 많이 넘어가면, 인간의 삶이 무심코 과학적 탐사의 실험 대상이 될 수 있습니다. 더 중요시하는 경우, 인간에게 위험한 과학적 시험이 정상화될 가능성이 있습니다. 따라서, 저는 과학의 주요 목표는 기술 발전을 우선시하는 것이 아니라, 인간의 삶을 직접 개선시키는 것이어야 한다고 주장합니다.
결론적으로, 기술 발전이 과학의 발전에서 중요한 역할을 하지만, 인간의 안전과 삶의 개선이 가장 중요합니다.
Good expressions:
1. Opinions differ widely - 의견은 크게 갈립니다.
2. Technological progression - 기술 발전.
3. Consequential improvements - 결과적인 개선.
4. Given improper weightage - 부적절한 중요성을 부여받는 경우.
5. Potentially disregard - 잠재적으로 무시하다.
6. Remain paramount - 가장 중요하게 유지되다.
제출한 라이팅
It is common belief that some people assert that the most important aim of science is development of technology. However, there is a more persuasive idea that the most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. Because, there is nothing that is more important than human lives.
On the one hand, some experts claims that the development of technology is the most important target of science. Because to improve the human lives, we need the development of technology first. If there is no technology development, human can’t live in convenient lives. In recent studies, data shows that people improve their lives through the development of technology. For example using smart phones is the best improvement in human lives to search and reach information easily and rapidly. Improvement of technology made it possible. Thus they think the crucial aim of science should be development of science.
Nevertheless, I support the idea that the improvement of human lives should be the most important aim of science. Because it can be dangerous when there is more value on development of technology in science, they can use human to prove the science. For example, some experiments which can be dangerous to human can be acceptable. Because of the proof of science to develop the technology.
In conclusion, it is apparent that development of technology is important element in the aim of science, while it is undeniable that the most essential aim of science should be to improve people’s lives because of those reasons.
On the one hand, some experts claims that the development of technology is the most important target of science. Because to improve the human lives, we need the development of technology first. If there is no technology development, human can’t live in convenient lives. In recent studies, data shows that people improve their lives through the development of technology. For example using smart phones is the best improvement in human lives to search and reach information easily and rapidly. Improvement of technology made it possible. Thus they think the crucial aim of science should be development of science.
Nevertheless, I support the idea that the improvement of human lives should be the most important aim of science. Because it can be dangerous when there is more value on development of technology in science, they can use human to prove the science. For example, some experiments which can be dangerous to human can be acceptable. Because of the proof of science to develop the technology.
In conclusion, it is apparent that development of technology is important element in the aim of science, while it is undeniable that the most essential aim of science should be to improve people’s lives because of those reasons.
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