AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Discussion
The family has a great influence on children's development, but the influence from outside the home plays a bigger part in children's life. Do you agree or disagree?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The writer gives their opinion clearly and provides arguments to support their opinion. However, more specific examples or evidences could have been included to further develop and substantiate the arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
The essay is generally well-organized with clear introduction, body development, and conclusion. But, at times, ideas appear disconnected and transitions between ideas can be improved. The paragraphing is somewhat unclear, and it's difficult to distinguish when the writer is moving to a new idea.
Lexical Resource: 6
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, yet overuse of some phrases and awkward word choices suggest the necessity of enrichment of language resource.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
The text shows a variety of grammatical constructions, but also contains several sentence-level errors and incorrect verb tense usage is evident. Moreover, incorrect or absent use of determiners ("the", "a"/"an", etc) also affects understanding.
Overall: 5.5
The essay generally meets the requirements of the task, but needs improvements in coherence, grammatical accuracy, and lexical resource. The writer should work on connecting ideas smoothly, minimizing grammatical mistakes, and enhancing vocabulary.
Task Response: 6
The writer gives their opinion clearly and provides arguments to support their opinion. However, more specific examples or evidences could have been included to further develop and substantiate the arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
The essay is generally well-organized with clear introduction, body development, and conclusion. But, at times, ideas appear disconnected and transitions between ideas can be improved. The paragraphing is somewhat unclear, and it's difficult to distinguish when the writer is moving to a new idea.
Lexical Resource: 6
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, yet overuse of some phrases and awkward word choices suggest the necessity of enrichment of language resource.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
The text shows a variety of grammatical constructions, but also contains several sentence-level errors and incorrect verb tense usage is evident. Moreover, incorrect or absent use of determiners ("the", "a"/"an", etc) also affects understanding.
Overall: 5.5
The essay generally meets the requirements of the task, but needs improvements in coherence, grammatical accuracy, and lexical resource. The writer should work on connecting ideas smoothly, minimizing grammatical mistakes, and enhancing vocabulary.
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The family has a great influence on children's development, but the influence from outside the home plays a bigger part in children's life. Do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
I agree with the assertion that while the family environment plays a significant role in a child's development, external factors exert a greater influence. Undoubtedly, the family is their first microcosm, instilling the fundamentals of behaviour, manners, and approach to life that are often carried forward throughout their lives. An old Korean phrase rightly remarks that habits formed at the tender age of three persist till one is eighty, emphasizing the influence of early childhood upbringing.
However, when a child steps out of his comfortable family cocoon, he is introduced to society, a macrocosm teeming with new experiences, cultures, and differing perspectives, that further shape his personality. Interacting with peers, the child develops social skills, learns to manage relationships and handle volatile situations. Each interaction serves as a lesson, sometimes painful, sometimes insightful, but always contributing to a broader understanding of the world and a refinement of their personal viewpoints.
In conclusion, both familial and societal factors play significant roles in the development of a child, but I believe that the latter has a more substantial impact on holistic growth. This is not to downplay the value of family, but to emphasize the importance of diverse social exposure to learn life's many lessons.
Word count: 266
Essay translated in Korean:
저는 가족 환경이 아이의 발달에 중요한 역할을 하는 반면 외부 요인이 더 큰 영향을 미친다는 주장에 동의합니다. 의심 할 여지없이 가족은 아이들의 첫 번째 초소형사회로, 행동, 매너, 그리고 종종 평생동안 가지고 있는 생활 방식에 대한 기본사항들을 갖추게 만듭니다. 고려인들의 오래된 격언에는 "세 살 때의 습관이 여든 살까지 계속된다"라고 말하면서 초기 어린 시절의 양육이 미치는 영향을 강조하고 있습니다.
그러나 어린이가 편안한 가족의 고치에서 벗어나면 사회라는 새로운 경험, 문화, 다양한 입장이 넘쳐나는 대형사회를 처음 경험하게 됩니다. 아이들이 동료들과 상호 작용하면서 사회적 기술을 발달시키고 관계를 관리하며 변동 사항을 처리하는 법을 배웁니다. 각 상호작용은 가끔은 고통스럽고, 가끔은 통찰력 있게, 하지만 항상 세상에 대한 더 넓은 이해와 개인적인 견해의 정제에 기여하는 교훈이 됩니다.
결론적으로, 가족적 요인과 사회적 요인 모두 아이의 발달에 중요한 역할을 합니다. 하지만 저는 후자가 전반적인 성장에 더 큰 영향을 미친다고 믿습니다. 이것은 가족의 가치를 간과하는 것이 아니라, 삶의 많은 교훈을 배우기 위해 다양한 사회적 노출의 중요성을 강조하는 것입니다.
Good expressions:
1. instilling the fundamentals of behaviour (행동의 기본원칙을 심어주다)
2. a macrocosm teeming with new experiences (새로운 경험으로 가득 찬 대형사회)
3. refinement of their personal viewpoint (개인적인 견해의 정제)
4. diverse social exposure to learn life's many lessons (다양한 사회적 노출로 삶의 많은 교훈을 배우다)
I agree with the assertion that while the family environment plays a significant role in a child's development, external factors exert a greater influence. Undoubtedly, the family is their first microcosm, instilling the fundamentals of behaviour, manners, and approach to life that are often carried forward throughout their lives. An old Korean phrase rightly remarks that habits formed at the tender age of three persist till one is eighty, emphasizing the influence of early childhood upbringing.
However, when a child steps out of his comfortable family cocoon, he is introduced to society, a macrocosm teeming with new experiences, cultures, and differing perspectives, that further shape his personality. Interacting with peers, the child develops social skills, learns to manage relationships and handle volatile situations. Each interaction serves as a lesson, sometimes painful, sometimes insightful, but always contributing to a broader understanding of the world and a refinement of their personal viewpoints.
In conclusion, both familial and societal factors play significant roles in the development of a child, but I believe that the latter has a more substantial impact on holistic growth. This is not to downplay the value of family, but to emphasize the importance of diverse social exposure to learn life's many lessons.
Word count: 266
Essay translated in Korean:
저는 가족 환경이 아이의 발달에 중요한 역할을 하는 반면 외부 요인이 더 큰 영향을 미친다는 주장에 동의합니다. 의심 할 여지없이 가족은 아이들의 첫 번째 초소형사회로, 행동, 매너, 그리고 종종 평생동안 가지고 있는 생활 방식에 대한 기본사항들을 갖추게 만듭니다. 고려인들의 오래된 격언에는 "세 살 때의 습관이 여든 살까지 계속된다"라고 말하면서 초기 어린 시절의 양육이 미치는 영향을 강조하고 있습니다.
그러나 어린이가 편안한 가족의 고치에서 벗어나면 사회라는 새로운 경험, 문화, 다양한 입장이 넘쳐나는 대형사회를 처음 경험하게 됩니다. 아이들이 동료들과 상호 작용하면서 사회적 기술을 발달시키고 관계를 관리하며 변동 사항을 처리하는 법을 배웁니다. 각 상호작용은 가끔은 고통스럽고, 가끔은 통찰력 있게, 하지만 항상 세상에 대한 더 넓은 이해와 개인적인 견해의 정제에 기여하는 교훈이 됩니다.
결론적으로, 가족적 요인과 사회적 요인 모두 아이의 발달에 중요한 역할을 합니다. 하지만 저는 후자가 전반적인 성장에 더 큰 영향을 미친다고 믿습니다. 이것은 가족의 가치를 간과하는 것이 아니라, 삶의 많은 교훈을 배우기 위해 다양한 사회적 노출의 중요성을 강조하는 것입니다.
Good expressions:
1. instilling the fundamentals of behaviour (행동의 기본원칙을 심어주다)
2. a macrocosm teeming with new experiences (새로운 경험으로 가득 찬 대형사회)
3. refinement of their personal viewpoint (개인적인 견해의 정제)
4. diverse social exposure to learn life's many lessons (다양한 사회적 노출로 삶의 많은 교훈을 배우다)
제출한 라이팅
Initially, I would say I agree with the topic. The family's influence is one of the biggest factor for children's development. I can not say it is the only one, but I think family is the first ideal of society for kids. They learn all of foundation for living as a human, and it's very important, some of the behaviour which they've been affected by their family often retain their whole life. So there is a phrase in Korea 'a habit you have at 3 years old will go with you until you are 80.' And some people don not know vital things for living since they become adult, because there were no one let them know everything when they were younger. According to effect by family is initial education. But when they are ready to be around people, the childrens learn a lot of things which they have not listened, seen, and known in their previous life. Developing social skill is not easy to everyone, and some people struggle with that. It depends on personality, though there are something complicated to explain between people. That's why playing and making friends are bigger than being with family. Unpredictable situation happens between human, and they are even still kids, all of them are still get to know about themselves. So how many individuals stagger between conflict and harmony. All human improve their personality throught all of interplay, some of them might get hurt, the other might be cultivated their insight, and another may ispire something special their life. In conclusion, if we want to support our kids to grow up well, then the outside of home is very improtant them, and keep comfort them to explore the outside to learn lots of things day by day.
공유
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