AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Discussion
Some people think they have the right to use as much freshwater as they want, but others think that the government should control the use of freshwater as it is a limited resource. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The essay successfully answers the question, providing a clear conclusion that shows his or her personal perspective. Furthermore, the essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay flows well with logically organized paragraphs, although transitions between paragraphs or ideas can read a bit abruptly.
Lexical Resource: 7
The essay shows a wide range of vocabulary, but also has some incorrect word usage e.g., 'glassier' instead of 'glacier', 'majority' instead of 'most', etc.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
While the essay encompasses a range of grammatical structures, they are improperly used at times. For instance, there are run-on sentences that are grammatically incorrect. In addition, some of the wording is a tad awkward or unorthodox, which can hinder understanding.
Overall: 7
The essay generally does a solid job addressing the given task, with well-structured arguments and a clear opinion. There are some areas for improvement in terms of grammar and word usage. With a little more precision in language and grammatical structure, this essay could achieve a higher band score.
Task Response: 7
The essay successfully answers the question, providing a clear conclusion that shows his or her personal perspective. Furthermore, the essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay flows well with logically organized paragraphs, although transitions between paragraphs or ideas can read a bit abruptly.
Lexical Resource: 7
The essay shows a wide range of vocabulary, but also has some incorrect word usage e.g., 'glassier' instead of 'glacier', 'majority' instead of 'most', etc.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
While the essay encompasses a range of grammatical structures, they are improperly used at times. For instance, there are run-on sentences that are grammatically incorrect. In addition, some of the wording is a tad awkward or unorthodox, which can hinder understanding.
Overall: 7
The essay generally does a solid job addressing the given task, with well-structured arguments and a clear opinion. There are some areas for improvement in terms of grammar and word usage. With a little more precision in language and grammatical structure, this essay could achieve a higher band score.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people think they have the right to use as much freshwater as they want, but others think that the government should control the use of freshwater as it is a limited resource. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Essay:
The escalating tension regarding freshwater scarcity is a global concern. There is a stark divide between those who believe in the unrestricted use of freshwater, asserting it as a basic human right, and those who advocate for governmental intervention, petitioning for usage control due to the fragile nature of this limited resource. Personally, I fervently assert that government's involvement is crucial to avert serious ecological and societal dilemmas.
There are individuals who posit the right to unrestrained access to freshwater, based on the democratic principles of personal freedom and choice. Additionally, they emphasize the potential of recycling technology, which, if adequately funded, could transform used water into a safe and usable resource. This technology has proved successful in many developed countries, enhancing citizens' life quality without resorting to excessive consumption.
Conversely, I strongly advocate for robust government policies regulating water usage to ensure its availability for future generations. The prevailing excess use of water in many regions has led to alarming shortages, which could have detrimental health and environmental consequences if unaddressed. For instance, escalated water prices could make it unaffordable for many, leading to health issues such as dehydration. Moreover, water deprivation could disrupt the ecosystems of aquatic species. Therefore, I propose that governments implement stringent water management policies, even though they may meet resistance, to maintain ecological balance and avert a possible water crisis.
In conclusion, as we confront the reality of depleting freshwater resources, it is imperative that governments worldwide enforce stringent controls on water usage.
Word count: 263
Essay translated in Korean:
상승되는 신선한 물 부족에 대한 긴장감은 전 세계적인 문제입니다. 기본적인 인권으로 무제한의 신선한 물 사용을 주장하는 사람들과 이런 한정된 자원의 취약한 성질로인해 사용량을 통제 할 것을 촉구하는 사람들 사이에 뚜렷한 나눔이 있습니다. 개인적으로, 정부의 개입이 심각한 생태학적 및 사회적 딜레마를 피하는데 중요하다고 확고하게 주장합니다.
다음으로 이러한 노골적인 저수지의 부족은 불량한 건강과 환경적 결과를 초래할 수 있으므로 직면 해야합니다. 예를 들어, 물 가격의 상승은 많은 사람들에게 부담을 주어 탈수증과 같은 건강 문제를 초래할 수 있습니다.
따라서 정부는 생태 균형을 유지하고 가능한 물 위기를 피하기 위해 엄격한 물 관리 정책을 시행해야한다고 제안합니다. 결국 신선한 물 자원이 감소하는 현실에 직면함에 따라, 전 세계의 정부는 물 사용에 대한 엄격한 통제를 집행해야합니다.
Good expressions:
1. 'Escalating tension regarding' - '상승하는 ~에 대한 긴장감'
2. 'Unrestrained access to' - '제한 없는 액세스 권리'
3. 'Robust government policies' - '강력한 정부 정책'
4. 'Alarming shortages' - '경고적인 부족'
5. 'Depleting freshwater resources' - '점차 감소하는 담수 자원'
The escalating tension regarding freshwater scarcity is a global concern. There is a stark divide between those who believe in the unrestricted use of freshwater, asserting it as a basic human right, and those who advocate for governmental intervention, petitioning for usage control due to the fragile nature of this limited resource. Personally, I fervently assert that government's involvement is crucial to avert serious ecological and societal dilemmas.
There are individuals who posit the right to unrestrained access to freshwater, based on the democratic principles of personal freedom and choice. Additionally, they emphasize the potential of recycling technology, which, if adequately funded, could transform used water into a safe and usable resource. This technology has proved successful in many developed countries, enhancing citizens' life quality without resorting to excessive consumption.
Conversely, I strongly advocate for robust government policies regulating water usage to ensure its availability for future generations. The prevailing excess use of water in many regions has led to alarming shortages, which could have detrimental health and environmental consequences if unaddressed. For instance, escalated water prices could make it unaffordable for many, leading to health issues such as dehydration. Moreover, water deprivation could disrupt the ecosystems of aquatic species. Therefore, I propose that governments implement stringent water management policies, even though they may meet resistance, to maintain ecological balance and avert a possible water crisis.
In conclusion, as we confront the reality of depleting freshwater resources, it is imperative that governments worldwide enforce stringent controls on water usage.
Word count: 263
Essay translated in Korean:
상승되는 신선한 물 부족에 대한 긴장감은 전 세계적인 문제입니다. 기본적인 인권으로 무제한의 신선한 물 사용을 주장하는 사람들과 이런 한정된 자원의 취약한 성질로인해 사용량을 통제 할 것을 촉구하는 사람들 사이에 뚜렷한 나눔이 있습니다. 개인적으로, 정부의 개입이 심각한 생태학적 및 사회적 딜레마를 피하는데 중요하다고 확고하게 주장합니다.
다음으로 이러한 노골적인 저수지의 부족은 불량한 건강과 환경적 결과를 초래할 수 있으므로 직면 해야합니다. 예를 들어, 물 가격의 상승은 많은 사람들에게 부담을 주어 탈수증과 같은 건강 문제를 초래할 수 있습니다.
따라서 정부는 생태 균형을 유지하고 가능한 물 위기를 피하기 위해 엄격한 물 관리 정책을 시행해야한다고 제안합니다. 결국 신선한 물 자원이 감소하는 현실에 직면함에 따라, 전 세계의 정부는 물 사용에 대한 엄격한 통제를 집행해야합니다.
Good expressions:
1. 'Escalating tension regarding' - '상승하는 ~에 대한 긴장감'
2. 'Unrestrained access to' - '제한 없는 액세스 권리'
3. 'Robust government policies' - '강력한 정부 정책'
4. 'Alarming shortages' - '경고적인 부족'
5. 'Depleting freshwater resources' - '점차 감소하는 담수 자원'
제출한 라이팅
A increasing level of water shortage has drawn public attention. Some people argue that individuals have rights to use freshwater as much as possible , while the critics claim the government should manage for the sustainable environment. I believe the national institutes should limit the water usage per person to prevent the severe environmental and social issues.
On the one hand, depriving the opportunities of citizens to consume the materials can be seem as infringement of human rights. Since the contemporary society is proceeding democracy society, which individuals have their own rights to make a decision , the advocates argue that range of water consumption should be also determined from individuals, not the governments. Moreover, they claim that water is a not limited resource as it can be recycled due to technological developments. For example, the majority of developed countries allocated a significant funds to recycle the water. From this system, they succeed on inventing machines that can consistently clear the used water, contributing to well-being and satisfaction among the nations, without their sacrifice.
On the other hand, personally, I think that the stricter policies of water usage should be enacted for the sustainable environment. It is undeniable that a majority of countries are struggling from the water shortage due to their immoderate usage. If this circumstance persists, water, which is necessary material for human being will be considerably challenging to drink, resulting health issues like dehydration, particularly to the poverties who are financially unaffordable for ascended water price . Moreover, a lack of sufficient water will contribute to environmental issues, from depriving habitats upon animals who live in aqua areas. To give an instance, a substantial number of wildlife in South-pole are being an endangered animal, since the human take a considerable amount of water which maintain the glassier temperature. If governments do not impose stricter constraints among the nations, these kinds of animals will extinct at the future.
In conclusion, I believe that the governments should limit excessive water usage among the citizens to make sustainable society, even if the policies may occur individual’s grievance at the same time. Therefore, I suggest the national assembly to legislate the water usage to those who excessively overuse it, as penalty taxation schemes.
On the one hand, depriving the opportunities of citizens to consume the materials can be seem as infringement of human rights. Since the contemporary society is proceeding democracy society, which individuals have their own rights to make a decision , the advocates argue that range of water consumption should be also determined from individuals, not the governments. Moreover, they claim that water is a not limited resource as it can be recycled due to technological developments. For example, the majority of developed countries allocated a significant funds to recycle the water. From this system, they succeed on inventing machines that can consistently clear the used water, contributing to well-being and satisfaction among the nations, without their sacrifice.
On the other hand, personally, I think that the stricter policies of water usage should be enacted for the sustainable environment. It is undeniable that a majority of countries are struggling from the water shortage due to their immoderate usage. If this circumstance persists, water, which is necessary material for human being will be considerably challenging to drink, resulting health issues like dehydration, particularly to the poverties who are financially unaffordable for ascended water price . Moreover, a lack of sufficient water will contribute to environmental issues, from depriving habitats upon animals who live in aqua areas. To give an instance, a substantial number of wildlife in South-pole are being an endangered animal, since the human take a considerable amount of water which maintain the glassier temperature. If governments do not impose stricter constraints among the nations, these kinds of animals will extinct at the future.
In conclusion, I believe that the governments should limit excessive water usage among the citizens to make sustainable society, even if the policies may occur individual’s grievance at the same time. Therefore, I suggest the national assembly to legislate the water usage to those who excessively overuse it, as penalty taxation schemes.
공유
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