아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Discussion
Some people think paying taxes is a big enough contribution to their society, while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than only paying taxes.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The essay provides a focused and reasoned argument for both points of view. The writer could have elaborated a bit more on their personal opinion, as the task requires, still, the point is clear and understandable.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8
The essay is well-organized. Good use of linking words and cohesive devices. Ideas and argument flow logically and it is easy to follow the progression of thoughts.
Lexical Resource: 7
The language used is mostly formal and academic. There are places where the vocabulary could have been more precise and varied though.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as end sentences starting with a lowercase letter, and the incorrect ages used in Korea's example. But overall, the structure and tenses have been used accurately.
Overall: 7.25
The essay generally meets the criteria for a good argument. With better use of language, more focus on the task, and minimal grammatical errors, the essay could have scored higher.
Task Response: 7
The essay provides a focused and reasoned argument for both points of view. The writer could have elaborated a bit more on their personal opinion, as the task requires, still, the point is clear and understandable.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8
The essay is well-organized. Good use of linking words and cohesive devices. Ideas and argument flow logically and it is easy to follow the progression of thoughts.
Lexical Resource: 7
The language used is mostly formal and academic. There are places where the vocabulary could have been more precise and varied though.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as end sentences starting with a lowercase letter, and the incorrect ages used in Korea's example. But overall, the structure and tenses have been used accurately.
Overall: 7.25
The essay generally meets the criteria for a good argument. With better use of language, more focus on the task, and minimal grammatical errors, the essay could have scored higher.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people think paying taxes is a big enough contribution to their society, while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than only paying taxes.
Essay:
Nowadays, it's argued whether people's primary social obligation is solely paying taxes, or if they should embrace additional responsibilities. In this essay, I will weigh both perspectives before revealing my stance.
Proponents of tax as the main societal contribution believe that taxes have historically propelled societal development. The crux of this argument is that, through taxes, citizens indirectly lead societal improvements as governments utilize these funds for public infrastructures such as hospitals and schools. Additionally, since the tax burden varies based on socio-economic status, those with higher incomes contribute more, necessitating no further obligation. For example, in some nations, individuals can end up paying up to 60% of their salaries in taxes, hence, additional duties might be considered burdensome or unfair.
Conversely, many believe that more responsibilities lie beyond tax payment. They argue that societal problems often extend beyond what tax money can address. In Korea, for instance, males above the age of 18 owe mandatory military service to the nation, which directly contributes to national security. Furthermore, fostering education for one's offspring til middle school age is existential for building a competitive future workforce, thus, reinforcing societal growth. In this light, extra duties seem indispensable.
In conclusion, despite differing views, I lean towards the viewpoint that tax payment alone suffices as a societal contribution.
Word count: 228
Essay translated in Korean:
요즘에는 사람들이 세금을 납부하는 것만으로 사회 책임을 다하고 있는지, 아니면 더 많은 책임을 지워야 하는지에 대해 논란이 있습니다. 이 글에서는 두 견해를 고려한 후에 제 입장을 밝힐 것입니다.
세금이 주요 사회 기여라고 생각하는 사람들은 세금이 역사적으로 사회 발전을 이끌었다고 믿습니다. 이 주장의 핵심은 시민들이 세금을 통해 간접적으로 사회 개선을 이끈다는 것입니다. 부과세 부담의 정도는 사회-경제적 지위에 따라 다르기 때문에, 높은 소득을 가진 사람들이 더 많이 기여하므로 기타 의무가 필요하지 않습니다. 예를 들면, 몇몇 국가에서는 개인이 자신의 급여의 60%까지 세금을 내야 하며, 이 경우 추가 의무는 불편하거나 불공평하다고 판단될 수 있습니다.
반대로, 많은 사람들은 세금 납부 외에 더 많은 책임이 있다고 생각합니다. 세금 돈만으로는 사회 문제를 해결할 수 없다는 것이 그들의 주장입니다. 예를 들어, 한국에서는 18세 이상의 남성들이 국가에 대한 의무적인 군 복무를 해야 하며, 이는 국가 안보에 직접 기여합니다. 또한, 자녀들에게 중학교 시절까지 교육을 제공하는 것은 미래의 경쟁력 있는 노동력을 육성하는 것이며, 사회 성장을 강화합니다. 이러한 가벼기 때문에, 피해야 하는 의무들은 불가피한 것처럼 보입니다.
결론적으로, 의견이 엇갈리는 상황에서도, 저는 세금 지불만으로 사회에 기여하는 것이 충분하다는 관점에 더 가깝게 느껴집니다.
Good expressions:
1. "Proponents of tax as the main societal contribution" - 세금을 주요 사회 기여라고 주장하는 사람들
2. "Conversely, many believe" - 반대로, 많은 사람들이 생각합니다
3. "In conclusion, despite differing views" - 결론적으로, 의견이 엇갈리는 상황에서도.
Nowadays, it's argued whether people's primary social obligation is solely paying taxes, or if they should embrace additional responsibilities. In this essay, I will weigh both perspectives before revealing my stance.
Proponents of tax as the main societal contribution believe that taxes have historically propelled societal development. The crux of this argument is that, through taxes, citizens indirectly lead societal improvements as governments utilize these funds for public infrastructures such as hospitals and schools. Additionally, since the tax burden varies based on socio-economic status, those with higher incomes contribute more, necessitating no further obligation. For example, in some nations, individuals can end up paying up to 60% of their salaries in taxes, hence, additional duties might be considered burdensome or unfair.
Conversely, many believe that more responsibilities lie beyond tax payment. They argue that societal problems often extend beyond what tax money can address. In Korea, for instance, males above the age of 18 owe mandatory military service to the nation, which directly contributes to national security. Furthermore, fostering education for one's offspring til middle school age is existential for building a competitive future workforce, thus, reinforcing societal growth. In this light, extra duties seem indispensable.
In conclusion, despite differing views, I lean towards the viewpoint that tax payment alone suffices as a societal contribution.
Word count: 228
Essay translated in Korean:
요즘에는 사람들이 세금을 납부하는 것만으로 사회 책임을 다하고 있는지, 아니면 더 많은 책임을 지워야 하는지에 대해 논란이 있습니다. 이 글에서는 두 견해를 고려한 후에 제 입장을 밝힐 것입니다.
세금이 주요 사회 기여라고 생각하는 사람들은 세금이 역사적으로 사회 발전을 이끌었다고 믿습니다. 이 주장의 핵심은 시민들이 세금을 통해 간접적으로 사회 개선을 이끈다는 것입니다. 부과세 부담의 정도는 사회-경제적 지위에 따라 다르기 때문에, 높은 소득을 가진 사람들이 더 많이 기여하므로 기타 의무가 필요하지 않습니다. 예를 들면, 몇몇 국가에서는 개인이 자신의 급여의 60%까지 세금을 내야 하며, 이 경우 추가 의무는 불편하거나 불공평하다고 판단될 수 있습니다.
반대로, 많은 사람들은 세금 납부 외에 더 많은 책임이 있다고 생각합니다. 세금 돈만으로는 사회 문제를 해결할 수 없다는 것이 그들의 주장입니다. 예를 들어, 한국에서는 18세 이상의 남성들이 국가에 대한 의무적인 군 복무를 해야 하며, 이는 국가 안보에 직접 기여합니다. 또한, 자녀들에게 중학교 시절까지 교육을 제공하는 것은 미래의 경쟁력 있는 노동력을 육성하는 것이며, 사회 성장을 강화합니다. 이러한 가벼기 때문에, 피해야 하는 의무들은 불가피한 것처럼 보입니다.
결론적으로, 의견이 엇갈리는 상황에서도, 저는 세금 지불만으로 사회에 기여하는 것이 충분하다는 관점에 더 가깝게 느껴집니다.
Good expressions:
1. "Proponents of tax as the main societal contribution" - 세금을 주요 사회 기여라고 주장하는 사람들
2. "Conversely, many believe" - 반대로, 많은 사람들이 생각합니다
3. "In conclusion, despite differing views" - 결론적으로, 의견이 엇갈리는 상황에서도.
제출한 라이팅
Nowadays, some people assert that people can contribute to the development of their society by only bearing taxes, whilst others insist that individuals should not be exempted from other obligations for their society. In this essay, I will examine both views and then elucidate my opinion with examples.
There are some arguments that paying taxes is a fundamental duty for people to lead a societal enhancement. The main reason for this is that the people already have led society growths until now. What I mean by this is that the government can refurbish outdated infrastructures like hospitals or schools using budgetary allocation from taxes. This can provide sufficient support for the society. Furthermore, because people pay different amounts of taxes according to their social and economic status, they do not need to be obligated to other duties. In many countries, for instance, the more money people earn, the more tax they tend to pay and even some of them pay 60% of their salaries as taxes. In this case, if the government forces the public to do more duties, they might disobey the government.
Despite these arguments, others believe that people have more obligation than only paying taxes. This is because, when it comes to human resources of the society, there can be numerous challenges that cannot be tackled by only using taxes. Take Korea for example. All of men above 18 ages should have a military service duty to deter public from other countries. As a result, people can relieve burdens of nations in terms of human resources. Not only that, people should be compelled to provide education their children for the future. Until the middle school period, they have to support the pupils’ education, and these adolescents can grow as more competitive members in our modern society. This can be a great alternative of contributing societal improvement.
All things considered, although some people hold the view that people should witness more liability, I personally believe that it is desirable to contribute society by only paying taxes.
There are some arguments that paying taxes is a fundamental duty for people to lead a societal enhancement. The main reason for this is that the people already have led society growths until now. What I mean by this is that the government can refurbish outdated infrastructures like hospitals or schools using budgetary allocation from taxes. This can provide sufficient support for the society. Furthermore, because people pay different amounts of taxes according to their social and economic status, they do not need to be obligated to other duties. In many countries, for instance, the more money people earn, the more tax they tend to pay and even some of them pay 60% of their salaries as taxes. In this case, if the government forces the public to do more duties, they might disobey the government.
Despite these arguments, others believe that people have more obligation than only paying taxes. This is because, when it comes to human resources of the society, there can be numerous challenges that cannot be tackled by only using taxes. Take Korea for example. All of men above 18 ages should have a military service duty to deter public from other countries. As a result, people can relieve burdens of nations in terms of human resources. Not only that, people should be compelled to provide education their children for the future. Until the middle school period, they have to support the pupils’ education, and these adolescents can grow as more competitive members in our modern society. This can be a great alternative of contributing societal improvement.
All things considered, although some people hold the view that people should witness more liability, I personally believe that it is desirable to contribute society by only paying taxes.
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