AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Discussion
people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvantage
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The student responds to the task effectively, presenting a clear argument that acknowledges both sides of the issue. However, they could improve by providing more concrete examples and further developing the exploration of the advantages.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8
The essay shows good usage of linking phrases and a clear progression of ideas, demonstrating a good understanding of how to structure an essay. The points are well organized and connected, making the argument easy to follow.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student uses a range of appropriate vocabulary and shows some ability to use less common words and phrases. However, the misuse of some words (e.g. "knowledges", "judged", "advices") slightly confuses the message.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
While there is an overall good use and range of complex sentences, there are some grammatical errors (for example, incorrect verb form "advices", incorrect use of "does" instead of "do" in the last sentence) that hinder the clarity of the argument.
Overall: 7.25
The student shows competence in addressing the task and organizing the argument, but would benefit from expanding on the examples given, and practicing proper use of vocabulary and grammar. Note that IELTS scores are generally rounded down, meaning this test would likely result in an overall band score of 7.
Task Response: 7
The student responds to the task effectively, presenting a clear argument that acknowledges both sides of the issue. However, they could improve by providing more concrete examples and further developing the exploration of the advantages.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8
The essay shows good usage of linking phrases and a clear progression of ideas, demonstrating a good understanding of how to structure an essay. The points are well organized and connected, making the argument easy to follow.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student uses a range of appropriate vocabulary and shows some ability to use less common words and phrases. However, the misuse of some words (e.g. "knowledges", "judged", "advices") slightly confuses the message.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
While there is an overall good use and range of complex sentences, there are some grammatical errors (for example, incorrect verb form "advices", incorrect use of "does" instead of "do" in the last sentence) that hinder the clarity of the argument.
Overall: 7.25
The student shows competence in addressing the task and organizing the argument, but would benefit from expanding on the examples given, and practicing proper use of vocabulary and grammar. Note that IELTS scores are generally rounded down, meaning this test would likely result in an overall band score of 7.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvantage
Essay:
With a growing number of elderly people across the globe, societies are witnessing notable changes. There are differing opinions on whether the rise in ageing populations primarily brings problems or benefits, and this essay will analyse both viewpoints.
On one hand, the wisdom and experience that the elderly possess is an invaluable asset. These individuals have a lifetime of experience, making them capable mentors and advisors for younger generations. For instance, my own upbringing was significantly influenced by the wisdom imparted by my grandmother, particularly in resolving interpersonal conflicts. Her broad perspective and mature approach often helped me navigate through tricky situations and make well informed decisions.
However, it's crucial to also acknowledge the strain an ageing population can put on a society’s resources. As the elderly population rises, the cost of healthcare and welfare systems increases dramatically, often leading to higher taxes for the younger population. According to a report, South Korea’s birth rate plummeted to a concerning 0.6 last year, and experts predict a sharp rise in the ageing population within the next decade. With this demographic shift, the youth is anticipated to shoulder a heavier tax burden to sustain the pension system.
In conclusion, although there are clear advantages connected to a growing elderly populace, the downside is equally significant. In my view, the challenges posed by an ageing population seem to outweigh the benefits, due to its economic implications.
Word count: 252
Essay translated in Korean:
세계적으로 노인 인구가 증가함에 따라 사회는 두드러진 변화를 목격하고 있습니다. 고령화 인구가 주로 문제를 가져다주는 것인지, 또는 이익을 가져다주는 것인지에 대한 의견이 갈리며, 이 글에서는 양측의 견해를 분석합니다.
한편으로는 노인이 갖는 지혜와 경험은 무가치할 수 없는 자산으로 볼 수 있습니다. 이런 이들은 일생 동안의 경험을 쌓아온 사람들로써 젊은 세대에게 멘토 및 조언자로서의 역할을 수행할 수 있습니다. 예를 들면, 나의 성장 과정은 특히 사람 간의 충돌을 해결하는 데에서 할머니의 지혜로 인해 상당한 영향을 받았습니다. 그녀의 포괄적인 관점과 성숙한 접근 방식은 종종 나에게 까다로운 상황을 헤쳐나가고 정보에 토대한 결정을 내리는 데 도움이 되었습니다.
그러나 고령화 인구가 사회자원에 가하는 부담을 인정하는 것도 중요하다. 노인 인구가 증가하면서 건강보험 및 복지 제도의 비용이 크게 증가하며, 이로 인해 나이 든 사람들에게 높은 세금 부담을 지게 자주 됩니다. 보고서에 따르면, 남한의 출생률은 지난해에 심각한 수준인 0.6에 떨어졌고, 전문가들은 다음 10년 안에 고령 인구가 급격히 늘어날 것으로 예측하고 있다. 이러한 인구 이동으로 인해 청년들은 연금 제도를 유지하기 위해 무거운 세금 부담을 짊어져야 할 것으로 예상된다.
결론적으로, 고령 인구의 증가와 관련된 명확한 이점이 있지만, 단점도 마찬가지로 중요합니다. 제 생각으로는, 그의 경제적 함의를 두고 보면, 고령화 인구가 가져다주는 도전이 장점을 뛰어넘는 것으로 보입니다.
Good expressions:
1. wisdom and experience that the elderly possess – 노인이 가진 지혜와 경험
2. navigate through tricky situations – 까다로운 상황을 헤쳐나가다
3. strain on a society’s resources – 사회 리소스에 대한 부담
4. demographic shift – 인구의 이동
5. shoulder a heavier tax burden – 무거운 세금 부담을 짊어져야 하는
6. economic implications - 경제적 함의
With a growing number of elderly people across the globe, societies are witnessing notable changes. There are differing opinions on whether the rise in ageing populations primarily brings problems or benefits, and this essay will analyse both viewpoints.
On one hand, the wisdom and experience that the elderly possess is an invaluable asset. These individuals have a lifetime of experience, making them capable mentors and advisors for younger generations. For instance, my own upbringing was significantly influenced by the wisdom imparted by my grandmother, particularly in resolving interpersonal conflicts. Her broad perspective and mature approach often helped me navigate through tricky situations and make well informed decisions.
However, it's crucial to also acknowledge the strain an ageing population can put on a society’s resources. As the elderly population rises, the cost of healthcare and welfare systems increases dramatically, often leading to higher taxes for the younger population. According to a report, South Korea’s birth rate plummeted to a concerning 0.6 last year, and experts predict a sharp rise in the ageing population within the next decade. With this demographic shift, the youth is anticipated to shoulder a heavier tax burden to sustain the pension system.
In conclusion, although there are clear advantages connected to a growing elderly populace, the downside is equally significant. In my view, the challenges posed by an ageing population seem to outweigh the benefits, due to its economic implications.
Word count: 252
Essay translated in Korean:
세계적으로 노인 인구가 증가함에 따라 사회는 두드러진 변화를 목격하고 있습니다. 고령화 인구가 주로 문제를 가져다주는 것인지, 또는 이익을 가져다주는 것인지에 대한 의견이 갈리며, 이 글에서는 양측의 견해를 분석합니다.
한편으로는 노인이 갖는 지혜와 경험은 무가치할 수 없는 자산으로 볼 수 있습니다. 이런 이들은 일생 동안의 경험을 쌓아온 사람들로써 젊은 세대에게 멘토 및 조언자로서의 역할을 수행할 수 있습니다. 예를 들면, 나의 성장 과정은 특히 사람 간의 충돌을 해결하는 데에서 할머니의 지혜로 인해 상당한 영향을 받았습니다. 그녀의 포괄적인 관점과 성숙한 접근 방식은 종종 나에게 까다로운 상황을 헤쳐나가고 정보에 토대한 결정을 내리는 데 도움이 되었습니다.
그러나 고령화 인구가 사회자원에 가하는 부담을 인정하는 것도 중요하다. 노인 인구가 증가하면서 건강보험 및 복지 제도의 비용이 크게 증가하며, 이로 인해 나이 든 사람들에게 높은 세금 부담을 지게 자주 됩니다. 보고서에 따르면, 남한의 출생률은 지난해에 심각한 수준인 0.6에 떨어졌고, 전문가들은 다음 10년 안에 고령 인구가 급격히 늘어날 것으로 예측하고 있다. 이러한 인구 이동으로 인해 청년들은 연금 제도를 유지하기 위해 무거운 세금 부담을 짊어져야 할 것으로 예상된다.
결론적으로, 고령 인구의 증가와 관련된 명확한 이점이 있지만, 단점도 마찬가지로 중요합니다. 제 생각으로는, 그의 경제적 함의를 두고 보면, 고령화 인구가 가져다주는 도전이 장점을 뛰어넘는 것으로 보입니다.
Good expressions:
1. wisdom and experience that the elderly possess – 노인이 가진 지혜와 경험
2. navigate through tricky situations – 까다로운 상황을 헤쳐나가다
3. strain on a society’s resources – 사회 리소스에 대한 부담
4. demographic shift – 인구의 이동
5. shoulder a heavier tax burden – 무거운 세금 부담을 짊어져야 하는
6. economic implications - 경제적 함의
제출한 라이팅
Over the last few decades, increasing ageing population has long been a subject in many countries. Some people contend that the phenomenon could have positive influences on various aspects of our societies, while others believe that this could lead to detrimental consequences. In this essay, I will address two diametrically opposed views, and reason out the conclusion.
First, there are an obvious benefit that is worth considering. The elderly have a wide range of experiences and knowledges in society. Hence, they can be consultants to the youngsters who are seeking for advices. To illustrate, based on my experience, my grandmother raised me and she always taught me how to make wide decisions. When I had a big dispute with my friend, she judged that was actually my fault, and gave me some advices how to solve this problem. I accepted it, consequently, it made a satisfying result.
In spite of the merit described above, this could lead to adverse negative repercussions. To start with, the outgoings of the government on senior citizens' welfare and caregiving costs a fortune from a socio-economic perspective. The more the number of them goes up, the more the young generations should pay more tax for them. For instance, in Korea, the birth rate dipped to 0.6 last year. According to this, many experts predict that ageing population will rise very sharply within 10 years. As a result, it will charge monumental taxes to the youngsters to raise a fund of yearly pension for them.
In conclusion, it can be observed that there are two contradicting viewpoints, which are both, to a certain degree, convincing. Although it can offer some merits, it seems to me that its risk far outweigh its potential benefits. Therefore, I consider the advantages of this trend does not outweigh the disadvantages.
First, there are an obvious benefit that is worth considering. The elderly have a wide range of experiences and knowledges in society. Hence, they can be consultants to the youngsters who are seeking for advices. To illustrate, based on my experience, my grandmother raised me and she always taught me how to make wide decisions. When I had a big dispute with my friend, she judged that was actually my fault, and gave me some advices how to solve this problem. I accepted it, consequently, it made a satisfying result.
In spite of the merit described above, this could lead to adverse negative repercussions. To start with, the outgoings of the government on senior citizens' welfare and caregiving costs a fortune from a socio-economic perspective. The more the number of them goes up, the more the young generations should pay more tax for them. For instance, in Korea, the birth rate dipped to 0.6 last year. According to this, many experts predict that ageing population will rise very sharply within 10 years. As a result, it will charge monumental taxes to the youngsters to raise a fund of yearly pension for them.
In conclusion, it can be observed that there are two contradicting viewpoints, which are both, to a certain degree, convincing. Although it can offer some merits, it seems to me that its risk far outweigh its potential benefits. Therefore, I consider the advantages of this trend does not outweigh the disadvantages.
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