AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Discussion
Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: [5]
The essay addresses the task with a clear position all through the response, yet it overlooks the extent to which advantages outweigh disadvantages as the question proposes. The writer provides a balanced though skewed view in favor of the merits of an ageing population. Still, more explicit comparison could be made to fully address the task.
Coherence & Cohesion: [5]
The text attempts to use cohesive devices, with information and ideas arranged in a logical order, but it often results in awkward and confusing sentences. Paragraphing is adequately used.
Lexical Resource: [6]
There is a range of vocabulary, with some less common words used appropriately. However, at times, the word choice is odd and leads to misunderstanding. A more precise choice of vocabulary would enhance the clarity of the argument.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [5]
The writer demonstrates a mix of complex and simple sentence structures. However, the incorrect usage of articles, prepositions, and awkward sentence structures often lead to misunderstanding. There are errors in subject-verb agreement and inappropriate use of tenses.
Overall: [5.25]
The essay somewhat addresses the task, displays a decent range of vocabulary and a mix of sentence structures, but issues with coherence, cohesion, grammar and misused vocabulary pulls the score down. With better organization and clearer grammar, the score could improve.
Task Response: [5]
The essay addresses the task with a clear position all through the response, yet it overlooks the extent to which advantages outweigh disadvantages as the question proposes. The writer provides a balanced though skewed view in favor of the merits of an ageing population. Still, more explicit comparison could be made to fully address the task.
Coherence & Cohesion: [5]
The text attempts to use cohesive devices, with information and ideas arranged in a logical order, but it often results in awkward and confusing sentences. Paragraphing is adequately used.
Lexical Resource: [6]
There is a range of vocabulary, with some less common words used appropriately. However, at times, the word choice is odd and leads to misunderstanding. A more precise choice of vocabulary would enhance the clarity of the argument.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [5]
The writer demonstrates a mix of complex and simple sentence structures. However, the incorrect usage of articles, prepositions, and awkward sentence structures often lead to misunderstanding. There are errors in subject-verb agreement and inappropriate use of tenses.
Overall: [5.25]
The essay somewhat addresses the task, displays a decent range of vocabulary and a mix of sentence structures, but issues with coherence, cohesion, grammar and misused vocabulary pulls the score down. With better organization and clearer grammar, the score could improve.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.
To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Essay:
With increasing life expectancy, the proportion of elderly people in our communities is growing. While some argue this trend presents challenges for governments, others assert it has numerous societal benefits. Despite some potential difficulties, I believe the advantages of an older population far exceed the disadvantages.
Primarily, an ageing populace can present economic issues due to healthcare costs and a smaller working base to support them. As people age, they often need increased care, which means spending more on social services. Additionally, as demographic shifts mean fewer working-age individuals, the potential economic output of society could decrease, causing fiscal stress on governments.
However, the value of the elderly in society is immeasurable. The older generation has lived through significant historical events and societal transformations, providing a wealth of knowledge and wisdom for younger generations. For instance, many older Koreans played crucial roles in fighting for their country’s liberation, contributing an invaluable legacy. Moreover, many modern technological advances resulted from their intellect and hard work. Their ideas and creations continue to inform and influence society.
In conclusion, an ageing population may present economic strains, but the benefits of their invaluable experience, wisdom, and contributions to society clear outweigh these issues.
Word count: 211
Essay translated in Korean:
생명의 지속 가능한 기간이 증가함에 따라 우리 사회에서 노인 인구의 비율이 높아지고 있습니다. 일부는 이런 추세가 정부에게 도전을 제시한다고 주장하는 반면, 다른 일부는 이것이 여러 사회적 이점을 가지고 있다고 주장합니다. 몇 가지 잠재적 어려움에도 불구하고 노령 인구의 장점이 단점을 훨씬 능가한다고 미루어 보아 생각합니다.
첫째로, 노령 차별은 건강보험 비용 증가와 그들을 지원할 노동 기반의 축소로 인해 경제적 문제를 제기할 수 있습니다. 사람들이 나이를 더 들면 종종 증가한 보조금이 필요하게 되어 사회복지 지출이 늘어납니다. 또한 더 적은 노동가능 연령의 인구로 인구 구조가 변하면 사회적 경제 출력이 줄어들 수 있어 정부의 재정적 스트레스를 야기할 수 있습니다.
그러나, 노인들이 사회에서 하는 역할은 헤아릴 수 없습니다. 노인 세대는 중요한 역사적 사건과 사회적 변화를 경험해왔으며, 이를 통해 젊은 세대에게 많은 지식과 지혜를 제공합니다. 예를 들어, 한국의 많은 노인들은 저항에 중요한 역할을 해 나라를 품다는데 크게 기여하였습니다. 또한, 과학기술적 발전의 많은 부분이 그들의 지식과 노고의 결과입니다. 그들의 아이디어와 창조물은 계속해서 사회에 영향을 미치고 에너지를 불어 넣습니다.
결론적으로, 노령 인구는 경제적 긴장을 야기할 수 있지만, 그들의 소중한 경험, 지혜, 그리고 사회에 대한 기여는 이러한 문제들을 명확히 압도합니다.
Good expressions:
1. Primarily, an ageing populace – 무엇보다도, 노령 차별
2. Immeasurable value – 헤아릴 수 없는 가치
3. Fought for their country's liberation - 그들의 나라 해방을 위해 싸웠다
4. Continue to inform and influence - 계속해서 영향을 미치고 정보를 제공하다
5. Economic strains - 경제적 긴장.
With increasing life expectancy, the proportion of elderly people in our communities is growing. While some argue this trend presents challenges for governments, others assert it has numerous societal benefits. Despite some potential difficulties, I believe the advantages of an older population far exceed the disadvantages.
Primarily, an ageing populace can present economic issues due to healthcare costs and a smaller working base to support them. As people age, they often need increased care, which means spending more on social services. Additionally, as demographic shifts mean fewer working-age individuals, the potential economic output of society could decrease, causing fiscal stress on governments.
However, the value of the elderly in society is immeasurable. The older generation has lived through significant historical events and societal transformations, providing a wealth of knowledge and wisdom for younger generations. For instance, many older Koreans played crucial roles in fighting for their country’s liberation, contributing an invaluable legacy. Moreover, many modern technological advances resulted from their intellect and hard work. Their ideas and creations continue to inform and influence society.
In conclusion, an ageing population may present economic strains, but the benefits of their invaluable experience, wisdom, and contributions to society clear outweigh these issues.
Word count: 211
Essay translated in Korean:
생명의 지속 가능한 기간이 증가함에 따라 우리 사회에서 노인 인구의 비율이 높아지고 있습니다. 일부는 이런 추세가 정부에게 도전을 제시한다고 주장하는 반면, 다른 일부는 이것이 여러 사회적 이점을 가지고 있다고 주장합니다. 몇 가지 잠재적 어려움에도 불구하고 노령 인구의 장점이 단점을 훨씬 능가한다고 미루어 보아 생각합니다.
첫째로, 노령 차별은 건강보험 비용 증가와 그들을 지원할 노동 기반의 축소로 인해 경제적 문제를 제기할 수 있습니다. 사람들이 나이를 더 들면 종종 증가한 보조금이 필요하게 되어 사회복지 지출이 늘어납니다. 또한 더 적은 노동가능 연령의 인구로 인구 구조가 변하면 사회적 경제 출력이 줄어들 수 있어 정부의 재정적 스트레스를 야기할 수 있습니다.
그러나, 노인들이 사회에서 하는 역할은 헤아릴 수 없습니다. 노인 세대는 중요한 역사적 사건과 사회적 변화를 경험해왔으며, 이를 통해 젊은 세대에게 많은 지식과 지혜를 제공합니다. 예를 들어, 한국의 많은 노인들은 저항에 중요한 역할을 해 나라를 품다는데 크게 기여하였습니다. 또한, 과학기술적 발전의 많은 부분이 그들의 지식과 노고의 결과입니다. 그들의 아이디어와 창조물은 계속해서 사회에 영향을 미치고 에너지를 불어 넣습니다.
결론적으로, 노령 인구는 경제적 긴장을 야기할 수 있지만, 그들의 소중한 경험, 지혜, 그리고 사회에 대한 기여는 이러한 문제들을 명확히 압도합니다.
Good expressions:
1. Primarily, an ageing populace – 무엇보다도, 노령 차별
2. Immeasurable value – 헤아릴 수 없는 가치
3. Fought for their country's liberation - 그들의 나라 해방을 위해 싸웠다
4. Continue to inform and influence - 계속해서 영향을 미치고 정보를 제공하다
5. Economic strains - 경제적 긴장.
제출한 라이팅
People’s life spans are going to increase than before. Some people believe that occurring the reason of problems from elderly people, while others contend that society gets more benefits from old people. Both views have benefits and drawbacks, but I believe that the issue of numerous elderly people alive has more the merits than the demerits.
On the one hand, the facts that ageing population creates limited labor in society. These days, increasing a lot of people who must receive caring, while numerous working people are going to decline. It means that limited people who can care about elderly people. As a result, both young and old people suffer from stress. Additionally, governments should support to elderly people and spend numerous finances for old people, resulting in lack of funds in major policies such as education, sports, technology, and business. For this reasons, ageing population has negative effects on society.
On the other hand, it cannot be accepted to ignore their endeavors. I believe that current society made by elderly people. Thus, young people can learn various knowledges from their experience, without it, society should start from the white paper. For instance, back in the days, Japan invaded to Korea for a long time, while ancestors never gave up their country with sacrifice. Thanks to their protest, Korea has developed like the present. For another instance, current technology was created by elderly people. As their skills that never overweigh to them, even if who are the smartest in the world. Since current society exists through old people’ experiences, governments should make a society that living better to elderly people.
In conclusion, although there are limitations of labor from elderly people, but I think that current society have a lot of developments from their experiences and skills. Thus, elderly people can bring more merits than demerits
On the one hand, the facts that ageing population creates limited labor in society. These days, increasing a lot of people who must receive caring, while numerous working people are going to decline. It means that limited people who can care about elderly people. As a result, both young and old people suffer from stress. Additionally, governments should support to elderly people and spend numerous finances for old people, resulting in lack of funds in major policies such as education, sports, technology, and business. For this reasons, ageing population has negative effects on society.
On the other hand, it cannot be accepted to ignore their endeavors. I believe that current society made by elderly people. Thus, young people can learn various knowledges from their experience, without it, society should start from the white paper. For instance, back in the days, Japan invaded to Korea for a long time, while ancestors never gave up their country with sacrifice. Thanks to their protest, Korea has developed like the present. For another instance, current technology was created by elderly people. As their skills that never overweigh to them, even if who are the smartest in the world. Since current society exists through old people’ experiences, governments should make a society that living better to elderly people.
In conclusion, although there are limitations of labor from elderly people, but I think that current society have a lot of developments from their experiences and skills. Thus, elderly people can bring more merits than demerits
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