AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Opinion
The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices is harmful to individuals and to the society they live in. To what extent do you agree and disagree?
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices is harmful to individuals and to the society they live in. To what extent do you agree and disagree?
Essay:
The proliferation of handheld games is indisputably transforming the entertainment landscape. However, opinions diverge when discussing the ramifications of this phenomenon on individuals and society at large. Contrary to the popular belief that these digital diversions are wholly detrimental, I posit that they hold both significant benefits and drawbacks.
On the detrimental side, a concern regularly associated with handheld entertainment is the incentive for excessive usage. The addictive nature of these games can divert attention from essential facets of life - work, studies, and interpersonal relationships. More seriously, the preoccupations with exciting virtual worlds might contribute to the escalating isolation and sedentary lifestyle trends - precursors to various mental and physical health issues.
On the opposing side, it is undeniable that portable games can offer substantial benefits. Primarily, they provide a convenient form of relaxation and distraction, with studies demonstrating that they can potentially reduce stress and anxiety levels. Moreover, many games foster strategic thinking and creativity, thereby aiding individual cognitive development.
On the societal level, they can act as social tools, connecting people across vast geographical distances. Precisely, multiplayer games can foster camaraderie and teamwork, highlighting that digital entertainment is not inherently isolating.
In conclusion, while the negative consequences of excessive engagement with handheld video games cannot be ignored, it would be obtuse to overlook their potential upsides. To ensure their optimal usage, we must encourage a balanced approach, underlining the importance of moderating gaming time and prioritising real-world social interactions.
Word count: 266
Essay translated in Korean:
휴대용 게임의 확산이 엔터테인먼트 현상을 변화시키고 있다는 것은 부인할 수 없다. 그러나 이 현상이 개인과 사회에 미치는 영향에 대해서는 의견이 분분하다. 이러한 디지털 즐거움이 완전히 해로운 것으로 인식되는 것과는 반대로, 저는 그것들이 중요한 이점과 단점을 모두 가지고 있다고 주장하고 싶다.
Good expressions:
1. Proliferation of handheld games - 휴대용 게임의 확산
2. Ramifications of this phenomenon - 이 현상의 파장
3. Essential facets of life - 생활의 기본적인 측면들
4. Escalating isolation and sedentary lifestyle trends - 고조되는 고립과 앉아서 보내는 생활 스타일 트렌드
5. Foster strategic thinking and creativity - 전략적 사고와 창의성을 길러내다
6. Act as social tools - 사회적 도구로서 작동하다
7. Foster camaraderie and teamwork - 우정과 팀워크를 육성하다
8. Importance of moderating gaming time - 게임 시간을 적절하게 조절하는 것의 중요성
The proliferation of handheld games is indisputably transforming the entertainment landscape. However, opinions diverge when discussing the ramifications of this phenomenon on individuals and society at large. Contrary to the popular belief that these digital diversions are wholly detrimental, I posit that they hold both significant benefits and drawbacks.
On the detrimental side, a concern regularly associated with handheld entertainment is the incentive for excessive usage. The addictive nature of these games can divert attention from essential facets of life - work, studies, and interpersonal relationships. More seriously, the preoccupations with exciting virtual worlds might contribute to the escalating isolation and sedentary lifestyle trends - precursors to various mental and physical health issues.
On the opposing side, it is undeniable that portable games can offer substantial benefits. Primarily, they provide a convenient form of relaxation and distraction, with studies demonstrating that they can potentially reduce stress and anxiety levels. Moreover, many games foster strategic thinking and creativity, thereby aiding individual cognitive development.
On the societal level, they can act as social tools, connecting people across vast geographical distances. Precisely, multiplayer games can foster camaraderie and teamwork, highlighting that digital entertainment is not inherently isolating.
In conclusion, while the negative consequences of excessive engagement with handheld video games cannot be ignored, it would be obtuse to overlook their potential upsides. To ensure their optimal usage, we must encourage a balanced approach, underlining the importance of moderating gaming time and prioritising real-world social interactions.
Word count: 266
Essay translated in Korean:
휴대용 게임의 확산이 엔터테인먼트 현상을 변화시키고 있다는 것은 부인할 수 없다. 그러나 이 현상이 개인과 사회에 미치는 영향에 대해서는 의견이 분분하다. 이러한 디지털 즐거움이 완전히 해로운 것으로 인식되는 것과는 반대로, 저는 그것들이 중요한 이점과 단점을 모두 가지고 있다고 주장하고 싶다.
Good expressions:
1. Proliferation of handheld games - 휴대용 게임의 확산
2. Ramifications of this phenomenon - 이 현상의 파장
3. Essential facets of life - 생활의 기본적인 측면들
4. Escalating isolation and sedentary lifestyle trends - 고조되는 고립과 앉아서 보내는 생활 스타일 트렌드
5. Foster strategic thinking and creativity - 전략적 사고와 창의성을 길러내다
6. Act as social tools - 사회적 도구로서 작동하다
7. Foster camaraderie and teamwork - 우정과 팀워크를 육성하다
8. Importance of moderating gaming time - 게임 시간을 적절하게 조절하는 것의 중요성
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