AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Discussion
Many people believe that every individual is responsible for his/her own healthy lifestyle. Others believe that governments should take care of it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 8
The student answered the task effectively by discussing both views and giving their own opinion. The student offered a clear introduction to the topic, discussed arguments for both perspectives, and ended with their personal stance, providing supporting examples and reasons.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is logically structured with clear cohesion between sentences and ideas. The use of linking phrases and words like 'firstly,' 'on the other hand,' and 'all things considered' help guide the reader through the essay. However, some sentences could have been structured more smoothly to improve readability.
Lexical Resource: 7.5
A range of vocabulary is used, including more complex terms and phrases like 'under-privileged citizens,' 'tangible proof,' and 'contagious ailments.' However, there are occasional missteps, such as the awkward use of 'hordes' and 'impoverished.'
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
The essay displays a good level of grammatical accuracy and complexity. There are occasional errors ('conducted more wisely'), but they don't significantly impede meaning. There's a good use of a variety of sentence structures.
Overall: 7.5
The essay effectively responds to the task, is well-structured, and presents a good variety of language and sentence structures despite occasional grammatical and vocabulary errors.
Task Response: 8
The student answered the task effectively by discussing both views and giving their own opinion. The student offered a clear introduction to the topic, discussed arguments for both perspectives, and ended with their personal stance, providing supporting examples and reasons.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is logically structured with clear cohesion between sentences and ideas. The use of linking phrases and words like 'firstly,' 'on the other hand,' and 'all things considered' help guide the reader through the essay. However, some sentences could have been structured more smoothly to improve readability.
Lexical Resource: 7.5
A range of vocabulary is used, including more complex terms and phrases like 'under-privileged citizens,' 'tangible proof,' and 'contagious ailments.' However, there are occasional missteps, such as the awkward use of 'hordes' and 'impoverished.'
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
The essay displays a good level of grammatical accuracy and complexity. There are occasional errors ('conducted more wisely'), but they don't significantly impede meaning. There's a good use of a variety of sentence structures.
Overall: 7.5
The essay effectively responds to the task, is well-structured, and presents a good variety of language and sentence structures despite occasional grammatical and vocabulary errors.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Many people believe that every individual is responsible for his/her own healthy lifestyle. Others believe that governments should take care of it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Essay:
It's a debate as old as time, whether individuals should take sole responsibility for their health, or if it is the government’s job to ensure a healthy society. This essay will explore both perspectives before expressing my personal view.
Proponents of the view that health is an individual's responsibility argue that maintaining a healthy lifestyle requires personal effort and discipline. For instance, the widespread availability of health information and subsidised fitness programs doesn't guarantee uptake by the public. Consumption of a balanced diet, engaging in regular physical activity, and adherence to preventive measures for diseases are largely individual choices. Therefore, these people assert, living healthily is more a question of one’s personal discipline and habits rather than governmental policy.
Conversely, there are people who argue for governmental responsibility for public health, especially for vulnerable citizens who may not have access to necessary healthcare services. They believe that governments could, for example, subsidise regular health check-ups and treatments for such individuals to prevent dire health consequences. Moreover, the government has the resources and influence to contain pandemics more effectively, as was seen during the Covid-19 crisis when the government's ability to manage a crisis was pivotal to the health of the nation.
On balance, while acknowledging the importance of individual efforts in maintaining health, I tend to favor the view that governments should be proactive in promoting public health. Public health is not just a single individual's concern, but a collective one that ultimately affects the societal well-being and productivity.
Word count: 259
Essay translated in Korean:
개인이 건강에 대한 책임을 져야하는지, 아니면 정부의 역할이 사회의 건강을 보장하는 것인지에 대한 논쟁은 오래되었습니다. 이 에세이에서는 두 가지 관점을 탐구한 후 내 개인적인 견해를 표현하겠습니다.
건강은 개인의 책임이라는 견해를 주장하는 사람들은 건강한 생활을 유지하는 것은 개인의 노력과 규율을 필요로 한다고 주장합니다. 예를 들어, 건강 정보와 피트니스 프로그램의 널리 확산은 공공의 이용을 보장하지 않습니다. 균형 잡힌 식사 섭취, 정기적인 신체 활동, 그리고 질병에 대한 예방 조치를 취하는 것은 대부분 개인적인 선택입니다. 따라서, 이 사람들은, 건강하게 살기는 정부 정책보다는 개인의 규율과 습관에 더 근거한 문제라고 주장합니다.
반대로, 공론화 필요성을 주장하는 사람들, 특히 필요한 의료 서비스에 접근하지 못하는 취약 시민들을 위해 정부의 공공의 건강에 대한 책임을 주장합니다. 그들은 정부가 예를 들어, 이러한 개인들을 위한 정기적인 건강 검진 및 치료를 보조함으로써 심각한 건강결과를 예방 할 수 있다고 믿습니다. 더욱이, 정부는 리소스와 영향력을 가지고 있어, 코비드-19 위기 동안에 본 것처럼 전염병을 더 효과적으로 제어 할 수 있습니다. 기관의 위기 관리 능력이 나라의 건강에 결정적인 것이었습니다.
저울을 달아보면, 건강을 유지하는 개인의 노력의 중요성을 인정하면서도, 저는 정부가 공공의 건강을 적극적으로 촉진해야 한다는 견해를 더 선호하는 경향이 있습니다. 공공의 건강은 단지 한 개인의 문제가 아니라, 결국 사회적인 복지와 생산성에 영향을 미치는 집단적인 문제입니다.
Good Expressions:
1. Proponents of the view [view의 찬성자들]
2. widespread availability [널리 이용 가능성]
3. adhere to [~을 지키다]
4. vulnerable citizens [취약한 시민들]
5. contain pandemics [전염병을 제어하다]
6. pivotal to the health [건강에 결정적인]
7. proactive in promoting [~을 촉진하는데 적극적인]
8. societal well-being and productivity [사회적 복지와 생산성]
It's a debate as old as time, whether individuals should take sole responsibility for their health, or if it is the government’s job to ensure a healthy society. This essay will explore both perspectives before expressing my personal view.
Proponents of the view that health is an individual's responsibility argue that maintaining a healthy lifestyle requires personal effort and discipline. For instance, the widespread availability of health information and subsidised fitness programs doesn't guarantee uptake by the public. Consumption of a balanced diet, engaging in regular physical activity, and adherence to preventive measures for diseases are largely individual choices. Therefore, these people assert, living healthily is more a question of one’s personal discipline and habits rather than governmental policy.
Conversely, there are people who argue for governmental responsibility for public health, especially for vulnerable citizens who may not have access to necessary healthcare services. They believe that governments could, for example, subsidise regular health check-ups and treatments for such individuals to prevent dire health consequences. Moreover, the government has the resources and influence to contain pandemics more effectively, as was seen during the Covid-19 crisis when the government's ability to manage a crisis was pivotal to the health of the nation.
On balance, while acknowledging the importance of individual efforts in maintaining health, I tend to favor the view that governments should be proactive in promoting public health. Public health is not just a single individual's concern, but a collective one that ultimately affects the societal well-being and productivity.
Word count: 259
Essay translated in Korean:
개인이 건강에 대한 책임을 져야하는지, 아니면 정부의 역할이 사회의 건강을 보장하는 것인지에 대한 논쟁은 오래되었습니다. 이 에세이에서는 두 가지 관점을 탐구한 후 내 개인적인 견해를 표현하겠습니다.
건강은 개인의 책임이라는 견해를 주장하는 사람들은 건강한 생활을 유지하는 것은 개인의 노력과 규율을 필요로 한다고 주장합니다. 예를 들어, 건강 정보와 피트니스 프로그램의 널리 확산은 공공의 이용을 보장하지 않습니다. 균형 잡힌 식사 섭취, 정기적인 신체 활동, 그리고 질병에 대한 예방 조치를 취하는 것은 대부분 개인적인 선택입니다. 따라서, 이 사람들은, 건강하게 살기는 정부 정책보다는 개인의 규율과 습관에 더 근거한 문제라고 주장합니다.
반대로, 공론화 필요성을 주장하는 사람들, 특히 필요한 의료 서비스에 접근하지 못하는 취약 시민들을 위해 정부의 공공의 건강에 대한 책임을 주장합니다. 그들은 정부가 예를 들어, 이러한 개인들을 위한 정기적인 건강 검진 및 치료를 보조함으로써 심각한 건강결과를 예방 할 수 있다고 믿습니다. 더욱이, 정부는 리소스와 영향력을 가지고 있어, 코비드-19 위기 동안에 본 것처럼 전염병을 더 효과적으로 제어 할 수 있습니다. 기관의 위기 관리 능력이 나라의 건강에 결정적인 것이었습니다.
저울을 달아보면, 건강을 유지하는 개인의 노력의 중요성을 인정하면서도, 저는 정부가 공공의 건강을 적극적으로 촉진해야 한다는 견해를 더 선호하는 경향이 있습니다. 공공의 건강은 단지 한 개인의 문제가 아니라, 결국 사회적인 복지와 생산성에 영향을 미치는 집단적인 문제입니다.
Good Expressions:
1. Proponents of the view [view의 찬성자들]
2. widespread availability [널리 이용 가능성]
3. adhere to [~을 지키다]
4. vulnerable citizens [취약한 시민들]
5. contain pandemics [전염병을 제어하다]
6. pivotal to the health [건강에 결정적인]
7. proactive in promoting [~을 촉진하는데 적극적인]
8. societal well-being and productivity [사회적 복지와 생산성]
제출한 라이팅
Nowadays, some citizens insist that the main responsibility for healthy life style is on individuals, whilst others assert that government should take the lead in enhancing public health status. In this essay, I will examine the both views and then elucidate my opinions.
It is common believed that/ there is a common belief that/ it is widely accepted that
Firstly, there are some arguments that each person should manage health privately. Some people believe that the main reason for this is that without individuals’ efforts, they cannot maintain a healthy lifestyle. For example, even though some countries promote public health by launching healthcare-related advertisements or providing subsidy, some citizens tend not to be engaged in physical activities or do not intake various vegetables, which can improve their health and this can cause the governmental support meaningless. Furthermore, there is no tangible proof that the government should help/assist people to maintain a healthy lifestyle. All the choices are up to citizens, not the government. Therefore, people should endeavor to keep healthy without any governmental support.
On the other hand, there is a common belief that there are hordes of under-privileged citizens who cannot afford regular check-ups. Therefore, their illnesses are often overlooked, which in turn cause them to death. In this circumstance, if the government provides supports for them through national healthcare system, the public can be healthier. Not only that, the government can deter citizens from pandemics. What I mean by this is that if the government take care of the health of the public, there will be few cases to infect by contagious ailments. Take Korea for example. Owing to inadequate handling of crisis, numerous people suffered from Covid-19. At that time, if the government conducted more wisely, they could prevent the worst scenario.
All things considered, although some people hold the view that they have to make efforts to be healthy, I strongly insist that the government should take action to promote public health to care for the impoverished and to prevent infectious diseases.
It is common believed that/ there is a common belief that/ it is widely accepted that
Firstly, there are some arguments that each person should manage health privately. Some people believe that the main reason for this is that without individuals’ efforts, they cannot maintain a healthy lifestyle. For example, even though some countries promote public health by launching healthcare-related advertisements or providing subsidy, some citizens tend not to be engaged in physical activities or do not intake various vegetables, which can improve their health and this can cause the governmental support meaningless. Furthermore, there is no tangible proof that the government should help/assist people to maintain a healthy lifestyle. All the choices are up to citizens, not the government. Therefore, people should endeavor to keep healthy without any governmental support.
On the other hand, there is a common belief that there are hordes of under-privileged citizens who cannot afford regular check-ups. Therefore, their illnesses are often overlooked, which in turn cause them to death. In this circumstance, if the government provides supports for them through national healthcare system, the public can be healthier. Not only that, the government can deter citizens from pandemics. What I mean by this is that if the government take care of the health of the public, there will be few cases to infect by contagious ailments. Take Korea for example. Owing to inadequate handling of crisis, numerous people suffered from Covid-19. At that time, if the government conducted more wisely, they could prevent the worst scenario.
All things considered, although some people hold the view that they have to make efforts to be healthy, I strongly insist that the government should take action to promote public health to care for the impoverished and to prevent infectious diseases.
공유
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