AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Opinion
Gender equality has not been achieved in our society. Women still do not have the same rights and opportunities as men. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7.5
The essay provides a clear response to the task, presenting arguments from both sides. The candidate's position is clear throughout, and shows evident progression in thought. However, the counter-argument could benefit from being developed a little more.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The writing is coherent and the use of cohesive devices and ‘signpost’ words contribute to a clear flow between ideas and sentences. However, some paragraphs could have been organized better to make the argument clearer. The conclusion is effectively linked to the candidate's views.
Lexical Resource: 7.5
The candidate utilizes an impressive range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. There's also good use of specific examples, although there could be a minor repetition of phrases.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 8
Wide-ranging and accurate use of complex structures and sentence types, with few minor grammatical errors.
Overall: 7.5
The essay generally meets the requirements for a good IELT essay. The candidate clearly discusses both sides, puts an opinion, and reaches a conclusion. Some improvements could be made to make the arguments clearer and more developed. The grammar and vocabulary show a high level of proficiency, with only a few minor errors.
Task Response: 7.5
The essay provides a clear response to the task, presenting arguments from both sides. The candidate's position is clear throughout, and shows evident progression in thought. However, the counter-argument could benefit from being developed a little more.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The writing is coherent and the use of cohesive devices and ‘signpost’ words contribute to a clear flow between ideas and sentences. However, some paragraphs could have been organized better to make the argument clearer. The conclusion is effectively linked to the candidate's views.
Lexical Resource: 7.5
The candidate utilizes an impressive range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. There's also good use of specific examples, although there could be a minor repetition of phrases.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 8
Wide-ranging and accurate use of complex structures and sentence types, with few minor grammatical errors.
Overall: 7.5
The essay generally meets the requirements for a good IELT essay. The candidate clearly discusses both sides, puts an opinion, and reaches a conclusion. Some improvements could be made to make the arguments clearer and more developed. The grammar and vocabulary show a high level of proficiency, with only a few minor errors.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Gender equality has not been achieved in our society. Women still do not have the same
rights and opportunities as men.
To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
There is a societal perception that men and women are afforded the same rights and opportunities, yet others argue that this level of equality is yet to be achieved. I concur with the view that we are still on a journey towards eradicating gender imbalance.
In light of recent strides made in gender equity, more women now occupy traditionally male-dominated spaces. Take for instance the military; there has been a phenomenal increase in the number of women serving in roles previously considered as the purview of men. In addition, the corporate landscape is now dotted with companies boasting a female majority workforce, attesting to the belief that there is a semblance of gender balance.
Nonetheless, I argue that this picture of equality is skewed. Embedded societal prejudices prevent women from progressing as swiftly as their male counterparts in career trajectories. While it is true that organizations are employing more women, it is also factual that very few ascend to executive positions. The political arena equally mirrors this discrepancy as female representation remains disproportionately low. It is important that opportunity is not limited by physical attributes, but is available regardless of gender.
To encapsulate, women are still facing discrimination in many areas of life, necessitating the urgent promotion of equal opportunities that counteract embedded biases.
Word count: 218
Essay translated in Korean:
사회에서는 남성과 여성이 동일한 권리와 기회를 부여받고 있다는 인식이 있지만, 이러한 평등 수준이 아직 달성되지 않았다고 주장하는 사람들도 있습니다. 나는 성 차별을 제거하는 여정에 있음을 동의합니다.
최근에 이룬 성 평등의 발전을 고려해 보면, 더 많은 여성들이 전통적으로 남성이 지배한 공간을 점유하고 있습니다. 예를 들어 군대; 남성이 차지하는 역할을 여성이 차지하는 것이 놀랍게도 증가하고 있다는 것입니다. 또한, 대다수의 여성이 일하는 기업들이 회사 경관에 흩어져 있어, 성별 균형이라는 희망이 있다는 것을 증명합니다.
그러나 나는 이 같은 평등의 상태는 왜곡되었다고 주장합니다. 내재된 사회적 편견은 여성이 사회 경력을 빠르게 전진시키는 데 방해가 됩니다. 조직이 더 많은 여성들을 고용하고 있다는 것은 사실이지만, 거의 없는 여성들이 경영진 포지션에 오르는 것이 사실입니다. 정치 영역도 이 차이를 그대로 보여주고 있습니다. 물리적 특성에 의해 기회가 제한되어서는 안되며, 성별에 상관없이 기회가 제공되어야 합니다.
결론적으로, 여성들은 여전히 생활의 많은 분야에서 차별을 받고 있으며, 내재된 편견을 반대하는 동등한 기회를 즉각적으로 촉진하는 것이 필요합니다.
Good expressions:
1. societal perception - 사회적 인식
2. eradicating gender imbalance - 성 차별 제거
3. traditionally male-dominated spaces - 전통적으로 남성이 지배한 공간
4. embedded societal prejudices - 내재된 사회적 편견
5. disproportionately low - 불균형하게 낮다
6. counteract embedded biases - 내재된 편견을 반대하다
There is a societal perception that men and women are afforded the same rights and opportunities, yet others argue that this level of equality is yet to be achieved. I concur with the view that we are still on a journey towards eradicating gender imbalance.
In light of recent strides made in gender equity, more women now occupy traditionally male-dominated spaces. Take for instance the military; there has been a phenomenal increase in the number of women serving in roles previously considered as the purview of men. In addition, the corporate landscape is now dotted with companies boasting a female majority workforce, attesting to the belief that there is a semblance of gender balance.
Nonetheless, I argue that this picture of equality is skewed. Embedded societal prejudices prevent women from progressing as swiftly as their male counterparts in career trajectories. While it is true that organizations are employing more women, it is also factual that very few ascend to executive positions. The political arena equally mirrors this discrepancy as female representation remains disproportionately low. It is important that opportunity is not limited by physical attributes, but is available regardless of gender.
To encapsulate, women are still facing discrimination in many areas of life, necessitating the urgent promotion of equal opportunities that counteract embedded biases.
Word count: 218
Essay translated in Korean:
사회에서는 남성과 여성이 동일한 권리와 기회를 부여받고 있다는 인식이 있지만, 이러한 평등 수준이 아직 달성되지 않았다고 주장하는 사람들도 있습니다. 나는 성 차별을 제거하는 여정에 있음을 동의합니다.
최근에 이룬 성 평등의 발전을 고려해 보면, 더 많은 여성들이 전통적으로 남성이 지배한 공간을 점유하고 있습니다. 예를 들어 군대; 남성이 차지하는 역할을 여성이 차지하는 것이 놀랍게도 증가하고 있다는 것입니다. 또한, 대다수의 여성이 일하는 기업들이 회사 경관에 흩어져 있어, 성별 균형이라는 희망이 있다는 것을 증명합니다.
그러나 나는 이 같은 평등의 상태는 왜곡되었다고 주장합니다. 내재된 사회적 편견은 여성이 사회 경력을 빠르게 전진시키는 데 방해가 됩니다. 조직이 더 많은 여성들을 고용하고 있다는 것은 사실이지만, 거의 없는 여성들이 경영진 포지션에 오르는 것이 사실입니다. 정치 영역도 이 차이를 그대로 보여주고 있습니다. 물리적 특성에 의해 기회가 제한되어서는 안되며, 성별에 상관없이 기회가 제공되어야 합니다.
결론적으로, 여성들은 여전히 생활의 많은 분야에서 차별을 받고 있으며, 내재된 편견을 반대하는 동등한 기회를 즉각적으로 촉진하는 것이 필요합니다.
Good expressions:
1. societal perception - 사회적 인식
2. eradicating gender imbalance - 성 차별 제거
3. traditionally male-dominated spaces - 전통적으로 남성이 지배한 공간
4. embedded societal prejudices - 내재된 사회적 편견
5. disproportionately low - 불균형하게 낮다
6. counteract embedded biases - 내재된 편견을 반대하다
제출한 라이팅
It is generally believed that women still do not have the same rights and opportunities as men, but some people argue that women have the same equality in our society. I agree with the former statement.
Some people believe that women have the same opportunities as men in our current society. One of the reasons is that many women are playing a significant part in various fields that were the typical roles for men in the past. For example, people never thought that a woman was able to be a soldier in Korea around for decades ago because working as a soldier requires a lot of physical force, but nowadays, there are a number of female soldiers. Moreover, it is not difficult to see many companies which have more female employees than male ones. It means that our society has given the same opportunities to women.
However, I do not agree with this opinion. I believe that many people still have some prejudice that women cannot work better than men even though they are working as well as men in various workplaces.
For instance, there are lots of companies which have many female employees, but there are few corporations which have lots of female executives. And the number of male politicians is also much more, compared to that of woman-politicians. Even though they are physically different, opportunities must be offered to both men and women.
In conclusion, it seems (to me) that women still do not have the same rights as men, so we need to be give an equal opportunity to people from all walks of life without any prejudice or stereotype.
Some people believe that women have the same opportunities as men in our current society. One of the reasons is that many women are playing a significant part in various fields that were the typical roles for men in the past. For example, people never thought that a woman was able to be a soldier in Korea around for decades ago because working as a soldier requires a lot of physical force, but nowadays, there are a number of female soldiers. Moreover, it is not difficult to see many companies which have more female employees than male ones. It means that our society has given the same opportunities to women.
However, I do not agree with this opinion. I believe that many people still have some prejudice that women cannot work better than men even though they are working as well as men in various workplaces.
For instance, there are lots of companies which have many female employees, but there are few corporations which have lots of female executives. And the number of male politicians is also much more, compared to that of woman-politicians. Even though they are physically different, opportunities must be offered to both men and women.
In conclusion, it seems (to me) that women still do not have the same rights as men, so we need to be give an equal opportunity to people from all walks of life without any prejudice or stereotype.
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