AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Problem and Solution
Drug abuse is an increasing problem in modern times. Discuss some reasons behind this and suggest ways it can be hindered.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6.0
The student tackles the issue directly and provides solutions to the problem. They give examples to support their argument. However, the reasons for drug abuse remain largely abstract and generalised.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5.0
The arguments are not consistent in the essay. In some of the paragraphs, relevant but slightly off-topic ideas were discussed, from drug abuse to drug distribution. Transitions could have been used to improve the smoothness of thought.
Lexical Resource: 5.5
There was a range of vocabulary used to explain the issue, but repetition of some terms and phrases leads to a sense of redundancy. The student could have varied these expressions for heightened impact.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5.5
The essay suffers from an overuse of long sentences which occasionally lose clarity. There were also some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing issues. Greater attention needs to be given to the correct use of punctuation.
Overall: 5.5
Despite some shortcomings in coherence and grammatical accuracy, the student has demonstrated a clear understanding of the topic and has made a credible attempt to provide solutions from a practical perspective. However, there is plenty of room for improvement.
Task Response: 6.0
The student tackles the issue directly and provides solutions to the problem. They give examples to support their argument. However, the reasons for drug abuse remain largely abstract and generalised.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5.0
The arguments are not consistent in the essay. In some of the paragraphs, relevant but slightly off-topic ideas were discussed, from drug abuse to drug distribution. Transitions could have been used to improve the smoothness of thought.
Lexical Resource: 5.5
There was a range of vocabulary used to explain the issue, but repetition of some terms and phrases leads to a sense of redundancy. The student could have varied these expressions for heightened impact.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5.5
The essay suffers from an overuse of long sentences which occasionally lose clarity. There were also some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing issues. Greater attention needs to be given to the correct use of punctuation.
Overall: 5.5
Despite some shortcomings in coherence and grammatical accuracy, the student has demonstrated a clear understanding of the topic and has made a credible attempt to provide solutions from a practical perspective. However, there is plenty of room for improvement.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Drug abuse is an increasing problem in modern times.
Discuss some reasons behind this and suggest ways it can be hindered.
Essay:
The pervasive issue of drug misuse appears to be escalating, with an increasing number of individuals illicitly procuring prescription medication and excessively consuming them. This escalating problem, while severe in its implications, can be mitigated with intensified governmental regulations on drugs.
The primary reason for the surge in misuse stems from the improper distribution of prescription medication, which is prevalent across various countries. Essential drugs that should be carefully allocated under the discretion of medical professionals are being illicitly circulated, due largely to the oversight of regulatory authorities. These negligent entities have failed to sufficiently govern the distribution of medicines, thus contributing to an environment where individuals heedlessly partake in drug abuse. Attention is compellingly drawn to the increasing numbers of those using drugs for self-therapeutic reasons, a problem exacerbated by the lack of proper monitoring of individuals’ medication consumption.
It is crucial to remedy this grave situation, with the most impending solution being the call for a governmental-imposed regulation and policing of drug dispersion. It is particularly necessary for regulatory authorities to meticulously inspect the proper distribution and use of drugs according to their prescribed medical purposes. They hold the responsibility of curtailing excessive and illicit drug consumption by cracking down not only on unauthorized sellers but also on irresponsible pharmaceutical distributors.
Taking the case of China, it is quite enlightening that strict governmental regulation on drug abuse and consistent monitoring of prescription medication usage has effectively led to a visible reduction in illegal drug consumption. Thus, emulating such decisive actions would definitely curtail the growth of this problem.
Word count: 259
Essay translated in Korean:
일부 사람들이 처방전이 필요한 약물을 불법으로 구입하고 과도하게 사용하는 현상이 확산되는 가운데, 이러한 문제는 갈수록 심각해지고 있습니다. 이 문제는 심각할지라도 강화된 정부의 약물 규제를 통해 완화될 수 있습니다.
중독문제가 증가하는 주된 원인은 각국에서 약물 배포의 부적절함에 기인합니다. 의료 전문가의 재량에 따라 신중히 배포되어야 할 필수 약물이 불법적으로 유통되고 있습니다. 이러한 문제는 규제 당국의 소홀함으로 인해 발생하였으며, 이 같은 환경이 나타난 결과로, 사람들이 의료 전문가의 의견을 무시하고 약물 남용에 빠지게 되었습니다. 특히, 자기 치료를 위해 약물을 사용하는 사람들의 수가 증가하고 있으며, 이 문제는 개인의 약물 복용을 적절히 관리하지 못하는 경우에 더욱 악화됩니다.
이 심각한 상황을 해결하는 것이 필요하며, 가장 중요한 해결책은 정부에서 약물 분배 및 사용에 대한 규제와 감독을 강화하는 것입니다. 규제 당국은 처방된 의료 목적에 따른 약물의 적절한 분배와 사용을 면밀히 조사해야 합니다. 그들은 불법 판매자뿐만 아니라 무책임한 약물 유통자들에 대한 단속을 강화함으로써 과도한 약물 복용과 불법적인 약물 사용을 줄이는 책임을 집니다.
중국의 사례를 살펴보면, 중독 문제에 대한 엄격한 정부 규제와 처방전 약물 사용에 대한 일관된 모니터링이 불법 약물 사용 감소에 효과적이었습니다. 따라서 이와 같은 결정적인 조치를 본따라야 이 문제의 성장을 관리할 수 있을 것입니다.
Good expressions:
1. negligent entities - 소홀한 조직
2. heedlessly partake in drug abuse - 경솔하게 약물 남용에 빠지다
3. impending solution - 임박한 해결책
4. meticulously inspect - 면밀히 조사하다
5. curtail excessive and illicit drug consumption - 과도하고 불법적인 약물 복용을 줄이다
6. decisive actions - 결정적인 조치
The pervasive issue of drug misuse appears to be escalating, with an increasing number of individuals illicitly procuring prescription medication and excessively consuming them. This escalating problem, while severe in its implications, can be mitigated with intensified governmental regulations on drugs.
The primary reason for the surge in misuse stems from the improper distribution of prescription medication, which is prevalent across various countries. Essential drugs that should be carefully allocated under the discretion of medical professionals are being illicitly circulated, due largely to the oversight of regulatory authorities. These negligent entities have failed to sufficiently govern the distribution of medicines, thus contributing to an environment where individuals heedlessly partake in drug abuse. Attention is compellingly drawn to the increasing numbers of those using drugs for self-therapeutic reasons, a problem exacerbated by the lack of proper monitoring of individuals’ medication consumption.
It is crucial to remedy this grave situation, with the most impending solution being the call for a governmental-imposed regulation and policing of drug dispersion. It is particularly necessary for regulatory authorities to meticulously inspect the proper distribution and use of drugs according to their prescribed medical purposes. They hold the responsibility of curtailing excessive and illicit drug consumption by cracking down not only on unauthorized sellers but also on irresponsible pharmaceutical distributors.
Taking the case of China, it is quite enlightening that strict governmental regulation on drug abuse and consistent monitoring of prescription medication usage has effectively led to a visible reduction in illegal drug consumption. Thus, emulating such decisive actions would definitely curtail the growth of this problem.
Word count: 259
Essay translated in Korean:
일부 사람들이 처방전이 필요한 약물을 불법으로 구입하고 과도하게 사용하는 현상이 확산되는 가운데, 이러한 문제는 갈수록 심각해지고 있습니다. 이 문제는 심각할지라도 강화된 정부의 약물 규제를 통해 완화될 수 있습니다.
중독문제가 증가하는 주된 원인은 각국에서 약물 배포의 부적절함에 기인합니다. 의료 전문가의 재량에 따라 신중히 배포되어야 할 필수 약물이 불법적으로 유통되고 있습니다. 이러한 문제는 규제 당국의 소홀함으로 인해 발생하였으며, 이 같은 환경이 나타난 결과로, 사람들이 의료 전문가의 의견을 무시하고 약물 남용에 빠지게 되었습니다. 특히, 자기 치료를 위해 약물을 사용하는 사람들의 수가 증가하고 있으며, 이 문제는 개인의 약물 복용을 적절히 관리하지 못하는 경우에 더욱 악화됩니다.
이 심각한 상황을 해결하는 것이 필요하며, 가장 중요한 해결책은 정부에서 약물 분배 및 사용에 대한 규제와 감독을 강화하는 것입니다. 규제 당국은 처방된 의료 목적에 따른 약물의 적절한 분배와 사용을 면밀히 조사해야 합니다. 그들은 불법 판매자뿐만 아니라 무책임한 약물 유통자들에 대한 단속을 강화함으로써 과도한 약물 복용과 불법적인 약물 사용을 줄이는 책임을 집니다.
중국의 사례를 살펴보면, 중독 문제에 대한 엄격한 정부 규제와 처방전 약물 사용에 대한 일관된 모니터링이 불법 약물 사용 감소에 효과적이었습니다. 따라서 이와 같은 결정적인 조치를 본따라야 이 문제의 성장을 관리할 수 있을 것입니다.
Good expressions:
1. negligent entities - 소홀한 조직
2. heedlessly partake in drug abuse - 경솔하게 약물 남용에 빠지다
3. impending solution - 임박한 해결책
4. meticulously inspect - 면밀히 조사하다
5. curtail excessive and illicit drug consumption - 과도하고 불법적인 약물 복용을 줄이다
6. decisive actions - 결정적인 조치
제출한 라이팅
it is true that a growing number of people are illegally purchasing drugs that needs doctor's prescription and using them overly.
While this is a serious problem, it can be resolved with the governmental strict regulation on drugs.
The main cause of making people or patients indulge in drug abuse is that the distribution of drugs necessary to take through doctor's decison with medical some advice are illegally spread across the countries.
Authorities that oversee the drug system have neglected policies on regulating distributed drugs to the public.
The negligent attitude towards abusing drugs has made people use drugs not observing doctor's judgement.
Governments are required to make stricter regulations on drug abuse to cut back on the problem.
For example, the number of people who used to make them feel better has remarkably increased because governments have not performed overseeing those who have pills they received from hospitals based on their mood.
However, it can be solved by taking further action for the problems about the drug abuse.
I strongly support that it is madatory for governmental officals to oversee whether the drugs prescribed by medical diagnosis are distributed correctly or not.
They should prevent people using the drugs excessively from getting the pills through illegal sellers as well as pharmacies.
Let's take an example of China. Chinese government not only enact the regulation on addicted drugs, but they also oversee those who abuse their medicines following the guideline of medical prescription and buying some pills from overseas, which actually led to chinese less using illegal drugs.
While this is a serious problem, it can be resolved with the governmental strict regulation on drugs.
The main cause of making people or patients indulge in drug abuse is that the distribution of drugs necessary to take through doctor's decison with medical some advice are illegally spread across the countries.
Authorities that oversee the drug system have neglected policies on regulating distributed drugs to the public.
The negligent attitude towards abusing drugs has made people use drugs not observing doctor's judgement.
Governments are required to make stricter regulations on drug abuse to cut back on the problem.
For example, the number of people who used to make them feel better has remarkably increased because governments have not performed overseeing those who have pills they received from hospitals based on their mood.
However, it can be solved by taking further action for the problems about the drug abuse.
I strongly support that it is madatory for governmental officals to oversee whether the drugs prescribed by medical diagnosis are distributed correctly or not.
They should prevent people using the drugs excessively from getting the pills through illegal sellers as well as pharmacies.
Let's take an example of China. Chinese government not only enact the regulation on addicted drugs, but they also oversee those who abuse their medicines following the guideline of medical prescription and buying some pills from overseas, which actually led to chinese less using illegal drugs.
공유
back to list 😎
