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모범답안 5-8월호 출시
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  • Opinion

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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    Evaluation

    Task Response: 9
    The essay perfectly addresses the task at hand. It discusses how science aims to enhance the quality of human life with specific examples in healthcare, technology, and environment. The argument is balanced, well-developed, and fully supported with relevant examples.

    Coherence & Cohesion: 9
    The essay's progression is logical and clear, with each paragraph targeting a particular point. Effective use of cohesive devices and markers is evident in the essay. The introduction and conclusion align perfectly, ensuring a coherent overall structure.

    Lexical Resource: 8
    The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary effectively. It demonstrates good control of words and phrases related to science, healthcare, technology, and environmental conservation. However, there's room for improvement in sophisticated usage of high-level vocabulary.

    Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 8
    A comprehensive range of complex structures is used, and most sentences are free of errors. However, some sentences could be constructed more effectively.

    Overall: 8.5
    Overall this is an excellent response to the task with convincing arguments, logical structure and good vocabulary use. The essay did fall a bit behind in grammatical construct and vocabulary usage, which leaves room for improvement.
    스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
    The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
    Essay:
    Indeed, the ultimate objective of science should be to significantly elevate the standards of human life, covering a broader spectrum of facets such as health, technology, and environmental sustainability. By focusing on these areas, science can more effectively respond to urgent societal issues and create a positive global influence.

    Primarily, the major breakthroughs in medical science have dramatically altered healthcare, and accordingly, the human lifespan. Innovations like vaccines, antibiotics, and cutting-edge imaging technologies have been instrumental in combatting various diseases and substantially elevating overall health. Simultaneously, the resilience of scientific research, particularly in areas like regenerative medicine and gene therapy, promises to enhance healthcare and cure hitherto incurable conditions.

    Moreover, the realm of science extends beyond healthcare and significantly contributes to technological progress, simplifying our daily routines and boosting efficiency. For instance, scientific innovations like smartphones and sustainable energy solutions have transformed the ways we communicate, function, and exist. Additionally, by relentlessly exploring the unknown, science equips individuals and communities to excel in an ever-complicated world.

    In conclusion, the highest priority of science ought to be to ameliorate people's lives, targeting key areas such as healthcare, technology, and environmental health. By capitalizing on scientific research and discovery, we can navigate societal challenges and chart a progressive path for humanity.

    Word count: 260

    Essay translated in Korean:

    확실히, 과학의 궁극적인 목표는 건강, 기술, 환경 지속 가능성 등이 포함된 생활의 수준을 크게 높이는 것이어야 합니다. 이런 영역에 초점을 맞추면 과학은 절실한 사회 문제에 더 효과적으로 대응하고 긍정적인 글로벌 영향을 만들 수 있습니다.

    첫째로, 의료 과학의 주요 혁신은 체계적으로 건강관리를 변화시키고 그에 따라 인간의 수명을 연장시켰습니다. 인체 공학 기술, 백신, 항생제 등의 혁신은 다양한 질병과 싸우는 데 중추적인 역할을 하고, 전반적인 건강을 크게 향상시키는데 기여하고 있습니다.

    또한 과학의 영역은 건강관리를 넘어서 기술의 진보에 크게 기여하고, 일상의 복잡성을 줄이고 효율성을 높이는 일에 대한 대처방안을 제공합니다. 예를 들어, 스마트폰이나 지속 가능한 에너지 해결책과 같은 과학적인 혁신은 우리의 의사소통, 기능, 존재하는 방식을 변화시켜 왔습니다.

    결론적으로, 과학의 최우선 목표는 건강관리, 기술, 환경 건강과 같은 핵심 영역을 목표로하여 사람들의 삶을 향상시키는 것이어야 합니다. 과학 연구와 발견을 활용함으로써 우리는 사회적인 도전 과제를 해결하고 인류의 진보적인 방향을 제시할 수 있습니다.

    Good expressions:
    1. elevate the standards of human life - 인간의 생활 수준을 끌어올리다
    2. cutting-edge imaging technologies - 최첨단 영상 기술
    3. ameliorate people's lives - 사람들의 삶을 개선하다
    4. navigate societal challenges - 사회적 도전을 타개하다
    5. chart a progressive path for humanity - 인류에게 진보적인 방향을 제시하다.
    제출한 라이팅
    The primary objective of science should undeniably be to enhance the quality of human life. This pursuit encompasses various facets, ranging from advancements in healthcare and technology to environmental sustainability. By prioritizing the betterment of society, science can directly address pressing challenges and positively impact individuals on a global scale.
    Firstly, scientific research has led to groundbreaking medical discoveries, revolutionizing healthcare and extending human lifespan. Through innovations such as vaccines, antibiotics, and medical imaging technologies, science has played a pivotal role in combating diseases and improving overall well-being. Moreover, ongoing research in fields like regenerative medicine and gene therapy holds the promise of further enhancing healthcare outcomes and addressing previously incurable conditions.
    Furthermore, science facilitates technological advancements that streamline everyday activities and enhance productivity. From smartphones to renewable energy solutions, technological innovations driven by scientific inquiry have transformed the way we communicate, work and live. By continually pushing the boundaries of knowledge, science empowers individuals and societies to thrive in an increasingly interconnected world.
    Additionally, science plays a crucial role in addressing environmental challenges, such as climate change and pollution. Through interdisciplinary collaboration and evidence-based policymaking, scientific research informs sustainable practices and mitigates adverse impacts of human activities on the planet. By promoting environmental stewardship and resource conservation, science contributes to ensuring a habitable planet for future generations.
    In conclusion, the paramount aim of science should be to improve people’s lives by advancing healthcare, technology, and environmental sustainability. By harnessing the power of scientific inquiry and innovation, we can address societal challenges and create a brighter future for humanity.

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