AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Problem and Solution
In many developing countries, there is a problem with declining quality of air and water from both industry and construction. What measures could be taken to prevent this?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The student addresses the question, provides clear reasons for the problem, and proposes two practical solutions, although in a general sense. The scope of the student's ideas is not fully extended and there isn't a strong conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay maintains a logical sequence and manages to state points in a clear and organized manner with the use of linking words. However, some arguments could be more detailed and there is some redundancy.
Lexical Resource: 6
The student's vocabulary is varied, but in some instances, the words are used inappropriately or awkwardly, such as "societal environment", "informing the problem" or "rubbishes". There are not many instances of academic and topic-specific vocabulary.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
While there is a wide range of grammatical structures, there are several errors. The student demonstrates issues with article and preposition usage, subject-verb agreement, and collocations. Their use of punctuation is generally good, but some sentences are unnecessarily lengthy, which makes their meaning unclear.
Overall: 6.5
The essay has potential but could greatly improve with stronger point elaboration, more specific vocabulary, and improved grammar accuracy. This would push their score closer to an 8.
Task Response: 7
The student addresses the question, provides clear reasons for the problem, and proposes two practical solutions, although in a general sense. The scope of the student's ideas is not fully extended and there isn't a strong conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay maintains a logical sequence and manages to state points in a clear and organized manner with the use of linking words. However, some arguments could be more detailed and there is some redundancy.
Lexical Resource: 6
The student's vocabulary is varied, but in some instances, the words are used inappropriately or awkwardly, such as "societal environment", "informing the problem" or "rubbishes". There are not many instances of academic and topic-specific vocabulary.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
While there is a wide range of grammatical structures, there are several errors. The student demonstrates issues with article and preposition usage, subject-verb agreement, and collocations. Their use of punctuation is generally good, but some sentences are unnecessarily lengthy, which makes their meaning unclear.
Overall: 6.5
The essay has potential but could greatly improve with stronger point elaboration, more specific vocabulary, and improved grammar accuracy. This would push their score closer to an 8.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
In many developing countries, there is a problem with declining quality of air and water from both industry and construction. What measures could be taken to prevent this?
Essay:
Developing nations are witnessing a significant threat to their air and water quality, resulting primarily from increased industrial and construction activities. There are multiple reasons behind this issue that requires prompt intervention as well as countermeasures.
In the wake of technological progression, industries have been inventing products that, while advocating convenience, are causing tremendous harm to the environment. Unfortunately, the merit of such technological advances has often overshadowed the dire repercussions they entail on air and water quality. Moreover, many corporations are turning a blind eye to the subsequent environmental damage, resulting in haphazard disposal of waste and industry-generated debris, thereby exacerbating the level of pollution.
However, this alarming situation isn't beyond redemption. First and foremost, the societal awareness of this predicament remains alarmingly low, thus advocating for increased public awareness campaigns could be a judicious step. By consistently spotlighting the issue through such campaigns, individuals may be prompted to become more mindful about waste management. Additionally, governmental policies concerning environmental conservation need to be stringent, and laxity in this context forms a part of the problem. Therefore, tightening up these laws would incite citizens to adhere to eco-friendly practices.
In a nutshell, the degradation of natural resources in developing countries calls for collective action from all quarters of society. If everyone participates conscientiously in this effort, the quality of air and water can be dramatically improved.
Word count: 260
Essay translated in Korean:
개발 도상국들은 증가하는 산업과 건설 활동으로 인해 대기 및 수질에 대한 중요한 위협을 목격하고 있다. 이 문제의 원인은 여러가지이며, 즉각적인 개입과 대책이 요구된다.
기술 발전의 흐름 속에서 산업들은 편의성을 주장하는 제품을 발명하면서 환경에 상당한 해를 끼치고 있다. 불행하게도, 이러한 기술적 진보의 장점이 때때로 대기와 물 품질에 미치는 참담한 영향을 가리게 한다. 더구나 많은 기업들이 이후의 환경 피해를 무시하고 있어, 폐기물 및 산업으로 발생하는 파편의 무계획적인 처리로 오염 수준이 악화되고 있다.
그러나 이런 심각한 상황도 고칠 수 없는 것은 아니다. 우선, 사회적인 인식이 놀랍게도 저조하기 때문에 공인을 늘리는 캠페인을 늘리는 것이 현명할 것이다. 이러한 캠페인을 통해 문제를 계속적으로 강조하면, 개인들은 폐기물 관리에 대해 더욱 주의를 기울일 수 있을 것이다. 게다가 환경 보존에 대한 정부 정책은 엄격해져야 하며, 이러한 문맥에서의 느슨함은 문제의 일부를 형성한다. 따라서 이러한 법률을 강화하면 시민들이 친환경적인 관행을 준수하는 데 독려될 것이다.
결국, 개발 도상국들의 자연 자원의 황폐화는 사회의 모든 부분에서의 집단행동을 요구한다. 모두가 이 노력에 성실히 참여한다면, 대기 및 수질의 품질은 크게 개선될 수 있다.
Good expressions:
1. "In the wake of technological progression" - 기술적 발전이 이뤄진 후
2. "turning a blind eye" - 눈감아 주다
3. "isn't beyond redemption" - 구제 불능은 아니다
4. "advocating for increased public awareness" - 공중 의식 증가를 주장하기
5. "calls for collective action from all quarters of society" - 사회의 모든 면에서 집단행동을 요구하다
Developing nations are witnessing a significant threat to their air and water quality, resulting primarily from increased industrial and construction activities. There are multiple reasons behind this issue that requires prompt intervention as well as countermeasures.
In the wake of technological progression, industries have been inventing products that, while advocating convenience, are causing tremendous harm to the environment. Unfortunately, the merit of such technological advances has often overshadowed the dire repercussions they entail on air and water quality. Moreover, many corporations are turning a blind eye to the subsequent environmental damage, resulting in haphazard disposal of waste and industry-generated debris, thereby exacerbating the level of pollution.
However, this alarming situation isn't beyond redemption. First and foremost, the societal awareness of this predicament remains alarmingly low, thus advocating for increased public awareness campaigns could be a judicious step. By consistently spotlighting the issue through such campaigns, individuals may be prompted to become more mindful about waste management. Additionally, governmental policies concerning environmental conservation need to be stringent, and laxity in this context forms a part of the problem. Therefore, tightening up these laws would incite citizens to adhere to eco-friendly practices.
In a nutshell, the degradation of natural resources in developing countries calls for collective action from all quarters of society. If everyone participates conscientiously in this effort, the quality of air and water can be dramatically improved.
Word count: 260
Essay translated in Korean:
개발 도상국들은 증가하는 산업과 건설 활동으로 인해 대기 및 수질에 대한 중요한 위협을 목격하고 있다. 이 문제의 원인은 여러가지이며, 즉각적인 개입과 대책이 요구된다.
기술 발전의 흐름 속에서 산업들은 편의성을 주장하는 제품을 발명하면서 환경에 상당한 해를 끼치고 있다. 불행하게도, 이러한 기술적 진보의 장점이 때때로 대기와 물 품질에 미치는 참담한 영향을 가리게 한다. 더구나 많은 기업들이 이후의 환경 피해를 무시하고 있어, 폐기물 및 산업으로 발생하는 파편의 무계획적인 처리로 오염 수준이 악화되고 있다.
그러나 이런 심각한 상황도 고칠 수 없는 것은 아니다. 우선, 사회적인 인식이 놀랍게도 저조하기 때문에 공인을 늘리는 캠페인을 늘리는 것이 현명할 것이다. 이러한 캠페인을 통해 문제를 계속적으로 강조하면, 개인들은 폐기물 관리에 대해 더욱 주의를 기울일 수 있을 것이다. 게다가 환경 보존에 대한 정부 정책은 엄격해져야 하며, 이러한 문맥에서의 느슨함은 문제의 일부를 형성한다. 따라서 이러한 법률을 강화하면 시민들이 친환경적인 관행을 준수하는 데 독려될 것이다.
결국, 개발 도상국들의 자연 자원의 황폐화는 사회의 모든 부분에서의 집단행동을 요구한다. 모두가 이 노력에 성실히 참여한다면, 대기 및 수질의 품질은 크게 개선될 수 있다.
Good expressions:
1. "In the wake of technological progression" - 기술적 발전이 이뤄진 후
2. "turning a blind eye" - 눈감아 주다
3. "isn't beyond redemption" - 구제 불능은 아니다
4. "advocating for increased public awareness" - 공중 의식 증가를 주장하기
5. "calls for collective action from all quarters of society" - 사회의 모든 면에서 집단행동을 요구하다
제출한 라이팅
Both industry and construction contribute to a problem of diminishing air and water quality in various developing areas. There are several reasons for this phenomenon, but there are also some solutions to tackle this issue.
To begin with, as technology advanced, companies have invented various products for convenience, as a result, societal environment changed a lot. Society started prioritizing technological development without considering environmental concerns. Consequently, with passing generation, it becomes increasingly difficult to recover from the damage already done.
Additionally, a lot of companies have ignored this problem, leading to production of debris such as liquid and rubbishes from factories, which is disposed thoughtlessly. For these reasons, air and water pollution have become increasingly severe.
There are some solutions to address this problem. Firstly, informing the problem about environmental pollution through campaigns can be effective. One of the reasons that occurring this issue is a lack of societal recognition regarding environmental problem. If the problem is highlighted to society by campaigns, individuals may consider it before disposing of rubbish. Moreover, governments should enhance policies more strictly. Weakness of policies is another reason for this issue. Strengthening environmental pollution policies would encourage societal behavior to keep the regulations.
Therefore, to tackle this issue, entire society should undergo a change, not just individuals.
In conclusion, although various natural environments suffer due to the actions of developed countries, I believe that if society makes efforts to recover the environment together, the quality of air and water will be better as soon as possible.
To begin with, as technology advanced, companies have invented various products for convenience, as a result, societal environment changed a lot. Society started prioritizing technological development without considering environmental concerns. Consequently, with passing generation, it becomes increasingly difficult to recover from the damage already done.
Additionally, a lot of companies have ignored this problem, leading to production of debris such as liquid and rubbishes from factories, which is disposed thoughtlessly. For these reasons, air and water pollution have become increasingly severe.
There are some solutions to address this problem. Firstly, informing the problem about environmental pollution through campaigns can be effective. One of the reasons that occurring this issue is a lack of societal recognition regarding environmental problem. If the problem is highlighted to society by campaigns, individuals may consider it before disposing of rubbish. Moreover, governments should enhance policies more strictly. Weakness of policies is another reason for this issue. Strengthening environmental pollution policies would encourage societal behavior to keep the regulations.
Therefore, to tackle this issue, entire society should undergo a change, not just individuals.
In conclusion, although various natural environments suffer due to the actions of developed countries, I believe that if society makes efforts to recover the environment together, the quality of air and water will be better as soon as possible.
공유
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