AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Problem and Solution
In many developing countries, there is a problem with declining quality of air and water from both industry and construction. What measures could be taken to prevent this?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The essay does address the question, providing reasons for the situation and suggesting some solutions. However, the argument would have been more convincing if more specific measures for preventing environmental degradation in developing countries had been given. Without concrete suggestions, the essay barely meets the requirements.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
The essay is logically organized and the writer uses appropriate transitions (e.g., "Moreover," "Therefore"). However, the writer does not always connect ideas effectively, leading to some confusion. For instance, the writer does not clearly explain how societal development and environmental concern are related, which makes the argument hard to follow.
Lexical Resource: 6
The range of vocabulary used in this essay is adequate but not extensive. There are some repetitions (e.g. "issue," "environment"). Additionally, some words/phrases are slightly misused ("there are merged a problem," "If the problem is known to society by campaign," etc.), which may hinder communication.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
The overall grammatical accuracy of the essay is fair but many sentences are awkwardly constructed or contain minor grammatical errors. For example, "Since both industry and construction, there are merged a problem" is a confusing sentence, with unclear meaning and mismatched verb agreement.
Overall: 5.5
The essay shows a fundamental understanding of the task and exhibits reasonable competency in writing skills. However, clarity and accuracy of the writing, as well as depth of answer, could be improved. Remember to plan your essay effectively, providing clear and logical arguments, and be sure to proofread to avoid minor grammatical errors. Overall, the essay needs improvement in both grammar and vocabulary, as well as in the depth and clarity of its argument.
Task Response: 6
The essay does address the question, providing reasons for the situation and suggesting some solutions. However, the argument would have been more convincing if more specific measures for preventing environmental degradation in developing countries had been given. Without concrete suggestions, the essay barely meets the requirements.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
The essay is logically organized and the writer uses appropriate transitions (e.g., "Moreover," "Therefore"). However, the writer does not always connect ideas effectively, leading to some confusion. For instance, the writer does not clearly explain how societal development and environmental concern are related, which makes the argument hard to follow.
Lexical Resource: 6
The range of vocabulary used in this essay is adequate but not extensive. There are some repetitions (e.g. "issue," "environment"). Additionally, some words/phrases are slightly misused ("there are merged a problem," "If the problem is known to society by campaign," etc.), which may hinder communication.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
The overall grammatical accuracy of the essay is fair but many sentences are awkwardly constructed or contain minor grammatical errors. For example, "Since both industry and construction, there are merged a problem" is a confusing sentence, with unclear meaning and mismatched verb agreement.
Overall: 5.5
The essay shows a fundamental understanding of the task and exhibits reasonable competency in writing skills. However, clarity and accuracy of the writing, as well as depth of answer, could be improved. Remember to plan your essay effectively, providing clear and logical arguments, and be sure to proofread to avoid minor grammatical errors. Overall, the essay needs improvement in both grammar and vocabulary, as well as in the depth and clarity of its argument.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
In many developing countries, there is a problem with declining quality of air and water from both industry and construction. What measures could be taken to prevent this?
Essay:
In many developing nations, industrial and construction activities have led to the degradation of air and water quality. This declining environmental health is a real concern that needs urgent resolution.
Intense industrialization, without a comparable dedication to environmental preservation, is the chief culprit in this problem. In the pursuit of technological development, concern for the environment often takes a backseat. Many manufacturing processes churn out waste, both liquid and solid, in large quantities. Dealing with this waste thoughtfully impacts the bottom line, so many corporations pursue reckless disposal methods that contribute significantly to pollution. These combined factors create an ongoing cycle of environmental deterioration that is hard to reverse because of the extensive damage that has already occurred.
A two-pronged approach is vital to combat this environmental crisis in these rapidly developing countries. The first step is to increase public awareness of the hazards of pollution. By organizing campaigns about the implications of environmental pollution, a sense of collective responsibility can be developed. This heightened awareness can drive people to be considerate about waste disposal at an individual level. The second step involves governmental action. Lenient regulations and weak punishments raise the risk of corporations disregarding environmental standards. Governments must impose stricter regulations and severe penalties to make industries comply.
In conclusion, curbing the decline of air and water quality in developing regions is a complex task that requires collective societal effort. However, with awareness and stringent regulations, immediate improvements can be achieved.
Word count: 260
Essay translated in Korean:
많은 개발 국가들에서는 산업과 건설 활동으로 인해 공기와 물의 품질이 저하되고 있습니다. 이러한 환경 건강의 하락은 심각한 우려거리로 긴급한 해결이 필요합니다.
강렬한 산업화는 환경 보존에 대한 비교적 헌신 없이 이 문제의 주범입니다. 기술 개발을 추구하면서 환경에 대한 우려는 종종 뒷전이 됩니다. 많은 제조 과정에서는 대량의 폐기물, 액체와 고체를 생산합니다. 이런 폐기물을 신중하게 다루는 것은 최종 이익에 영향을 미치므로 많은 기업들이 오염을 크게 기여하는 무분별한 처리 방법을 취하고 있습니다. 이러한 요인들이 결합되어 이미 발생한 방대한 피해로 인해 역전하기 힘든 환경의 저하라는 지속적인 루프를 만듭니다.
이러한 환경 위기를 막기 위해선 두 가지 방법이 필요합니다. 첫번째 단계는 환경 오염의 위험에 대한 대중의 인식을 높이는 것입니다. 환경오염의 영향에 대한 캠페인을 조직함으로써 커뮤니티 책임감을 발전시킬 수 있습니다. 이러한 인식 제고는 개인 수준에서 폐기물 처리에 신중해지도록 사람들을 이끌 수 있습니다. 두 번째 단계는 정부의 조치를 포함합니다. 관대한 규제와 약한 처벌은 기업이 환경 표준을 무시하게 하는 위험요인을 높입니다. 정부는 엄격한 규제와 엄격한 처벌을 부과하여 기업들이 준수하도록 해야합니다.
결론적으로, 발전 중인 지역에서 공기와 물의 품질 하락을 막는 것은 사회 전체의 공동 노력이 필요한 복잡한 작업입니다. 그러나 인식과 엄격한 규제를 통해 즉각적인 개선을 이룰 수 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. degradation of air and water quality - 공기와 물의 품질 저하
2. comparable dedication to environmental preservation - 환경 보존에 대한 비교적 헌신
3. collective societal effort - 사회 전체의 공동 노력
4. reckless disposal methods - 무분별한 처리 방법
5. heightened awareness - 인식 제고
6. severe penalties - 엄격한 처벌
7. lenient regulations - 관대한 규제
8. ongoing cycle of environmental deterioration - 환경의 저하라는 지속적인 루프
9. environmental standards - 환경 표준.
In many developing nations, industrial and construction activities have led to the degradation of air and water quality. This declining environmental health is a real concern that needs urgent resolution.
Intense industrialization, without a comparable dedication to environmental preservation, is the chief culprit in this problem. In the pursuit of technological development, concern for the environment often takes a backseat. Many manufacturing processes churn out waste, both liquid and solid, in large quantities. Dealing with this waste thoughtfully impacts the bottom line, so many corporations pursue reckless disposal methods that contribute significantly to pollution. These combined factors create an ongoing cycle of environmental deterioration that is hard to reverse because of the extensive damage that has already occurred.
A two-pronged approach is vital to combat this environmental crisis in these rapidly developing countries. The first step is to increase public awareness of the hazards of pollution. By organizing campaigns about the implications of environmental pollution, a sense of collective responsibility can be developed. This heightened awareness can drive people to be considerate about waste disposal at an individual level. The second step involves governmental action. Lenient regulations and weak punishments raise the risk of corporations disregarding environmental standards. Governments must impose stricter regulations and severe penalties to make industries comply.
In conclusion, curbing the decline of air and water quality in developing regions is a complex task that requires collective societal effort. However, with awareness and stringent regulations, immediate improvements can be achieved.
Word count: 260
Essay translated in Korean:
많은 개발 국가들에서는 산업과 건설 활동으로 인해 공기와 물의 품질이 저하되고 있습니다. 이러한 환경 건강의 하락은 심각한 우려거리로 긴급한 해결이 필요합니다.
강렬한 산업화는 환경 보존에 대한 비교적 헌신 없이 이 문제의 주범입니다. 기술 개발을 추구하면서 환경에 대한 우려는 종종 뒷전이 됩니다. 많은 제조 과정에서는 대량의 폐기물, 액체와 고체를 생산합니다. 이런 폐기물을 신중하게 다루는 것은 최종 이익에 영향을 미치므로 많은 기업들이 오염을 크게 기여하는 무분별한 처리 방법을 취하고 있습니다. 이러한 요인들이 결합되어 이미 발생한 방대한 피해로 인해 역전하기 힘든 환경의 저하라는 지속적인 루프를 만듭니다.
이러한 환경 위기를 막기 위해선 두 가지 방법이 필요합니다. 첫번째 단계는 환경 오염의 위험에 대한 대중의 인식을 높이는 것입니다. 환경오염의 영향에 대한 캠페인을 조직함으로써 커뮤니티 책임감을 발전시킬 수 있습니다. 이러한 인식 제고는 개인 수준에서 폐기물 처리에 신중해지도록 사람들을 이끌 수 있습니다. 두 번째 단계는 정부의 조치를 포함합니다. 관대한 규제와 약한 처벌은 기업이 환경 표준을 무시하게 하는 위험요인을 높입니다. 정부는 엄격한 규제와 엄격한 처벌을 부과하여 기업들이 준수하도록 해야합니다.
결론적으로, 발전 중인 지역에서 공기와 물의 품질 하락을 막는 것은 사회 전체의 공동 노력이 필요한 복잡한 작업입니다. 그러나 인식과 엄격한 규제를 통해 즉각적인 개선을 이룰 수 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. degradation of air and water quality - 공기와 물의 품질 저하
2. comparable dedication to environmental preservation - 환경 보존에 대한 비교적 헌신
3. collective societal effort - 사회 전체의 공동 노력
4. reckless disposal methods - 무분별한 처리 방법
5. heightened awareness - 인식 제고
6. severe penalties - 엄격한 처벌
7. lenient regulations - 관대한 규제
8. ongoing cycle of environmental deterioration - 환경의 저하라는 지속적인 루프
9. environmental standards - 환경 표준.
제출한 라이팅
Since both industry and construction, there are merged a problem that diminished quality of air and water from various developing areas. There are several reasons to occur this phenomenon, but there are also some solutions to tackle this issue.
To begin with, as technology advanced, companies invented various products for convenience, as a result, societal environment changed a lot. Society started to consider development of their technology, while they did not think about environmental concern. Following this, as generations changed, it is hard to recover like before due to already have damage too much. Additionally, a lot of companies ignored this problem. Producing debris such as liquid and rubbishes from factories suffered from process of disposal. Thus, many companies threw it out thoughtlessly. For these reasons, air and water pollutions are becoming severe.
There are some solutions to address this problem. Firstly, informing the problem about environmental pollution by campaign. One of the reasons that occurring this issue is lack of society recognition about environmental problem. If the problem is known to society by campaign, individuals would consider it before disposal rubbishes. Moreover, governments enhance the policy more strictly. The other reason of occurring this issue is a weakness punishment. If governments enhance the policy about environmental pollution, society behavior would change to keep the rules. Therefore, to tackle this issue, entire society should be changed, not only a person.
In conclusion, although various natural environment suffer from developed countries, I believe that if society make efforts for recovering environment together, quality of air and water would be better as soon as possible.
To begin with, as technology advanced, companies invented various products for convenience, as a result, societal environment changed a lot. Society started to consider development of their technology, while they did not think about environmental concern. Following this, as generations changed, it is hard to recover like before due to already have damage too much. Additionally, a lot of companies ignored this problem. Producing debris such as liquid and rubbishes from factories suffered from process of disposal. Thus, many companies threw it out thoughtlessly. For these reasons, air and water pollutions are becoming severe.
There are some solutions to address this problem. Firstly, informing the problem about environmental pollution by campaign. One of the reasons that occurring this issue is lack of society recognition about environmental problem. If the problem is known to society by campaign, individuals would consider it before disposal rubbishes. Moreover, governments enhance the policy more strictly. The other reason of occurring this issue is a weakness punishment. If governments enhance the policy about environmental pollution, society behavior would change to keep the rules. Therefore, to tackle this issue, entire society should be changed, not only a person.
In conclusion, although various natural environment suffer from developed countries, I believe that if society make efforts for recovering environment together, quality of air and water would be better as soon as possible.
공유
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