AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Problem and Solution
Is it important to spend enough time with parents?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: [8]
The essay addresses the topic effectively and fully develops arguments with examples, case studies, and possible solutions.
Coherence & Cohesion: [8]
The essay is logically organized with clear progression of ideas. Cohesive devices are used appropriately throughout, allowing for easy readability.
Lexical Resource: [7]
The essay shows a wide range of vocabulary and flexibility in word choice, although there are some instances of more basic words being used.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [7]
The essay shows a good mix of complex and simple sentences, but there are minor errors, such as "the isse" instead of "the issue" and "imporving" instead of "improving".
Overall: [7.5]
The essay is well-written, focusing on the task, providing well-reasoned arguments and presenting it in a coherent manner. However, there are a few grammatical errors and instances where the wording could be improved. With minor refinements, this student could achieve a higher band rating.
Task Response: [8]
The essay addresses the topic effectively and fully develops arguments with examples, case studies, and possible solutions.
Coherence & Cohesion: [8]
The essay is logically organized with clear progression of ideas. Cohesive devices are used appropriately throughout, allowing for easy readability.
Lexical Resource: [7]
The essay shows a wide range of vocabulary and flexibility in word choice, although there are some instances of more basic words being used.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [7]
The essay shows a good mix of complex and simple sentences, but there are minor errors, such as "the isse" instead of "the issue" and "imporving" instead of "improving".
Overall: [7.5]
The essay is well-written, focusing on the task, providing well-reasoned arguments and presenting it in a coherent manner. However, there are a few grammatical errors and instances where the wording could be improved. With minor refinements, this student could achieve a higher band rating.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Is it important to spend enough time with parents?
Essay:
It's indeed true that nowadays, children tend to spend less time with their parents due to their increasing commitments at work. Despite the challenges it presents, it can be addressed by enhancing resources and facilities for working parents.
Children spending long periods away from their parents can have detrimental effects on their mental growth and development. This is primarily due to having fewer conversations and less human interaction, an essential aspect of a child's emotional development. Research has illustrated that children who are frequently left at home without parental interaction may show signs of inappropriate social behaviour by their early school years. They might turn excessively shy or might become excessively rebellious, even under the care of babysitters.
Conversely, a potential remedy for this issue could be the establishment or enhancement of facilities and after-school programs aimed at supporting working parents. These places could offer organized environments for children to interact with peers, complete homework and engage in various extracurricular activities. Such arrangements may foster better social skills among children. For instance, in countries like Korea, it's not uncommon for working parents to enrol their children in after-school programs that focus on group activities, thereby enhancing their children's social interaction and development.
In conclusion, while the increasing working hours can compromise the quality time parents spend with their children, this issue can be mitigated by availing better childcare facilities.
Word count: 262
Essay translated in Korean:
확실히 요즘에는 아이들이 부모님과 보내는 시간이 감소하는 경향이 있습니다. 이는 부모님들의 업무에 대한 증가된 헌신 때문입니다. 이 변화가 가져올 수 있는 도전과제에도 불구하고, 워킹 부모를 위한 자원과 시설을 강화함으로써 이 문제를 해결할 수 있습니다.
아이들이 부모님을 오랜 시간 동안 만나지 못하는 것은 정서적 성장과 발달에 해로울 수 있습니다. 이는 아이들이 사람과의 상호작용, 즉 아이들의 정서적 발달에 필수적인 부분이 줄어들기 때문입니다. 연구결과, 부모님과의 상호작용 없이 자주 혼자 집에 남겨진 아이들은 초등학교 초기에 부적절한 사회적 행동을 보일 수 있다고 합니다. 아이들은 심지어 베이비시터의 보호 속에서도 과도하게 수줍어지거나 반항적이 될 수 있습니다.
반면에 이 문제에 대한 해결책 중 하나는 워킹 부모들을 지원하기 위한 시설과 방과 후 프로그램을 설립하거나 개선하는 것입니다. 이들 장소는 아이들이 동료들과 상호작용하고 과제를 완수하고 다양한 방과 후 활동에 참여할 수 있는 조직적인 환경을 제공할 수 있습니다. 이러한 배치는 아이들 사이에 더 나은 사회적 기술을 조성하는 데 도움이 될 수 있습니다. 예를 들어 한국과 같은 나라에서는 워킹 부모들이 아이들을 단체 활동 중심의 방과 후 프로그램에 등록하는 것이 흔치 않습니다. 이렇게 하면 아이들의 사회적 상호작용과 발달을 촉진할 수 있습니다.
결론적으로 말하자면, 늘어나는 업무시간으로 부모님들과 아이들이 함께 보내는 품질 있는 시간이 줄어들 수 있지만, 이 문제는 더 나은 양육 시설을 이용함으로써 완화될 수 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. Detrimental effects - 해로운 효과
2. Foster better social skills - 더 나은 사회적 기술을 육성하다
3. Quality time - 품질 있는 시간
4. Mitigated - 완화되다
5. Essential aspect - 필수적인 측면
6. Availing better childcare facilities - 더 나은 양육 시설을 이용하다.
It's indeed true that nowadays, children tend to spend less time with their parents due to their increasing commitments at work. Despite the challenges it presents, it can be addressed by enhancing resources and facilities for working parents.
Children spending long periods away from their parents can have detrimental effects on their mental growth and development. This is primarily due to having fewer conversations and less human interaction, an essential aspect of a child's emotional development. Research has illustrated that children who are frequently left at home without parental interaction may show signs of inappropriate social behaviour by their early school years. They might turn excessively shy or might become excessively rebellious, even under the care of babysitters.
Conversely, a potential remedy for this issue could be the establishment or enhancement of facilities and after-school programs aimed at supporting working parents. These places could offer organized environments for children to interact with peers, complete homework and engage in various extracurricular activities. Such arrangements may foster better social skills among children. For instance, in countries like Korea, it's not uncommon for working parents to enrol their children in after-school programs that focus on group activities, thereby enhancing their children's social interaction and development.
In conclusion, while the increasing working hours can compromise the quality time parents spend with their children, this issue can be mitigated by availing better childcare facilities.
Word count: 262
Essay translated in Korean:
확실히 요즘에는 아이들이 부모님과 보내는 시간이 감소하는 경향이 있습니다. 이는 부모님들의 업무에 대한 증가된 헌신 때문입니다. 이 변화가 가져올 수 있는 도전과제에도 불구하고, 워킹 부모를 위한 자원과 시설을 강화함으로써 이 문제를 해결할 수 있습니다.
아이들이 부모님을 오랜 시간 동안 만나지 못하는 것은 정서적 성장과 발달에 해로울 수 있습니다. 이는 아이들이 사람과의 상호작용, 즉 아이들의 정서적 발달에 필수적인 부분이 줄어들기 때문입니다. 연구결과, 부모님과의 상호작용 없이 자주 혼자 집에 남겨진 아이들은 초등학교 초기에 부적절한 사회적 행동을 보일 수 있다고 합니다. 아이들은 심지어 베이비시터의 보호 속에서도 과도하게 수줍어지거나 반항적이 될 수 있습니다.
반면에 이 문제에 대한 해결책 중 하나는 워킹 부모들을 지원하기 위한 시설과 방과 후 프로그램을 설립하거나 개선하는 것입니다. 이들 장소는 아이들이 동료들과 상호작용하고 과제를 완수하고 다양한 방과 후 활동에 참여할 수 있는 조직적인 환경을 제공할 수 있습니다. 이러한 배치는 아이들 사이에 더 나은 사회적 기술을 조성하는 데 도움이 될 수 있습니다. 예를 들어 한국과 같은 나라에서는 워킹 부모들이 아이들을 단체 활동 중심의 방과 후 프로그램에 등록하는 것이 흔치 않습니다. 이렇게 하면 아이들의 사회적 상호작용과 발달을 촉진할 수 있습니다.
결론적으로 말하자면, 늘어나는 업무시간으로 부모님들과 아이들이 함께 보내는 품질 있는 시간이 줄어들 수 있지만, 이 문제는 더 나은 양육 시설을 이용함으로써 완화될 수 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. Detrimental effects - 해로운 효과
2. Foster better social skills - 더 나은 사회적 기술을 육성하다
3. Quality time - 품질 있는 시간
4. Mitigated - 완화되다
5. Essential aspect - 필수적인 측면
6. Availing better childcare facilities - 더 나은 양육 시설을 이용하다.
제출한 라이팅
It is true that many children spend an increasing amount of time away from their parents since it is common for both mothers and fathers to have full-time jobs. While this is a serious problem, it can be solved by imporving the resources available to working parents.
The main issue with children being separated from their parents for much of the time is that this can affect them mentally in a negative way. For starters, kids will have a limited number of people to communicate with in their daily lives. Interaction is an important part of healthy development, so emotional progress can be adversely impacted when children are left without supervision. In fact, a study found that children who stay home without their parents are likely to exhibit negative social development by the time they reach the sixth grade. Even if they have a babysitter looking after them, they can develop extreme shyness, or conversely, they can act out.
However, there are solutions to this problem. One of the ways to keep children happy and safe is to assist their working parents by establishing more facilities and after-school programs. Creating more supervised environments can give children a chance to do their homework, play games, and participate in a range of extracurricular activities with peers until their parents are able to pick them up. In effect, these facilities can help children to develop social skills. This is illustrated by the example of Korea where many working parents send their children to after-school clubs, classes, and programs. There, they can take part in activities with their friends that enhance their ability to interact with others while boosting their development. To sum up, it is clear that being away from their parents is unfavorable for children's emotional development. Nevertheless, the isse can be resolved by offering more childcare options to working parents.
The main issue with children being separated from their parents for much of the time is that this can affect them mentally in a negative way. For starters, kids will have a limited number of people to communicate with in their daily lives. Interaction is an important part of healthy development, so emotional progress can be adversely impacted when children are left without supervision. In fact, a study found that children who stay home without their parents are likely to exhibit negative social development by the time they reach the sixth grade. Even if they have a babysitter looking after them, they can develop extreme shyness, or conversely, they can act out.
However, there are solutions to this problem. One of the ways to keep children happy and safe is to assist their working parents by establishing more facilities and after-school programs. Creating more supervised environments can give children a chance to do their homework, play games, and participate in a range of extracurricular activities with peers until their parents are able to pick them up. In effect, these facilities can help children to develop social skills. This is illustrated by the example of Korea where many working parents send their children to after-school clubs, classes, and programs. There, they can take part in activities with their friends that enhance their ability to interact with others while boosting their development. To sum up, it is clear that being away from their parents is unfavorable for children's emotional development. Nevertheless, the isse can be resolved by offering more childcare options to working parents.
공유
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