AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Problem and Solution
Many young people today know more about international pop and movie stars than about famous people in the history in their country. Why is this? What can be done to increase young people’s interest ?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The student presents a clear position that is relevant to the task prompt. The causes and solutions are discussed in a balanced manner. However, further development of ideas would have been beneficial to the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The structure is logical and the progression of ideas is clear. Paragraphing is used appropriately. A variety of cohesive devices and linking words are used. However, the essay would be more coherent if the conclusion aligned more closely with the rest of the text.
Lexical Resource: 8
A wide range of vocabulary is used accurately and appropriately. There are no errors in spelling. The vocabulary is sophisticated and well-used.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
A wide range of sentence structures is used correctly. Punctuation errors could have been avoided. Although there are a few minor errors, they do not detract from the overall understandability of the essay.
Overall: 7.25
This band score represents a good user of English with occasional inaccuracies, inappropriate usages and misunderstandings. They can handle complex and detailed argumentation well.
Task Response: 7
The student presents a clear position that is relevant to the task prompt. The causes and solutions are discussed in a balanced manner. However, further development of ideas would have been beneficial to the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The structure is logical and the progression of ideas is clear. Paragraphing is used appropriately. A variety of cohesive devices and linking words are used. However, the essay would be more coherent if the conclusion aligned more closely with the rest of the text.
Lexical Resource: 8
A wide range of vocabulary is used accurately and appropriately. There are no errors in spelling. The vocabulary is sophisticated and well-used.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
A wide range of sentence structures is used correctly. Punctuation errors could have been avoided. Although there are a few minor errors, they do not detract from the overall understandability of the essay.
Overall: 7.25
This band score represents a good user of English with occasional inaccuracies, inappropriate usages and misunderstandings. They can handle complex and detailed argumentation well.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Many young people today know more about international pop and movie stars than about famous people in the history in their country.
Why is this?
What can be done to increase young people’s interest ?
Essay:
In the modern era, it appears that the youth is more captivated by international celebrities than historical figures in their own country. The ensuing paragraphs will shed light on the reasons behind this trend and recommend some strategies to rectify the situation.
Undeniably, with advancements in technology, the young generation has instantaneous access to global news, especially news related to pop culture and celebrities. Often, these international stars become role-models for young people who keenly follow celebrity gossip instead of historical news. Part of this could be attributed to history often being perceived as tedious and unrelated to present life. For instance, the importance of historical figures such as King Sejong, who conceived Hangeul, the Korean alphabet, receives comparatively less enthusiasm than if he were a pop icon.
To counter this apathy towards historical interests, it is suggested that the school authorities introduce more interactive ways of learning. Utilizing technology-related resources such as instructional animated videos published on YouTube or other platforms could be beneficial. In addition, engaging students to share their views on historical events on social media platforms could spur further interest. It is because the understanding of the impact of online content could encourage young people to research their posts more thoroughly.
In conclusion, integrating technology into the study of history and making the curriculum more appealing to the young generation could possibly balance this trend.
Word count: 254
Essay translated in Korean:
현대 시대에는, 청소년들이 자국의 역사적 인물들보다 국제적인 연예인에 더 매료되는 것으로 보인다. 아래의 문장들은 이러한 추세의 원인과 파악하는데 대한 전략을 암시할 것이다.
부인할 수 없이, 기술의 발전으로 인해 젊은 세대는 특히 문화 연예인에 관한 뉴스에 대한 전세계 뉴스에 즉시 접근할 수 있다. 더욱이, 이러한 국제적인 스타들은 일반적으로 청소년들에게 롤 모델이 되며, 그들은 역사적인 뉴스 대신 셀러브리티의 가십을 열심히 따른다. 이는 부분적으로 역사가 종종 지루한 것으로 보이고 현재의 삶과 관련이 없다고 인식되는 것에 기인 할 수 있다. 예를 들어, 한글을 창조한 역사적인 인물인 세종 대왕의 중요성은 그가 팝 아이콘일 경우에 비해 상대적으로 큰 열의를 받지 못한다.
역사에 대한 이런 무관심을 극복하기 위해, 학교 당국자는 학습의 보다 상호 작용적인 방법을 소개하는 것을 제안한다. 유튜브나 다른 플랫폼에 게시된 애니메이션 비디오 등과 같은 기술 관련 자원을 활용하는 것이 유익할 수 있다. 또한, 학생들에게 소셜 미디어 플랫폼에서 역사적인 사건에 대한 견해를 공유하도록 하는 것은 더 많은 관심을 불러일으킬 수 있다. 온라인 컨텐츠의 영향력을 이해하려는 청소년들이 자신의 게시글에 대해 더 깊게 연구하려는 경향이 있기 때문이다.
결론적으로, 기술을 역사 공부에 통합하고 교과과정을 젊은 세대에게 더 매력적으로 만들면 이러한 경향을 균형 잡을 수 있다.
Good expressions:
1. shed light on - ~에 대해 밝혀내다
2. instantaneous access - 즉시 접근
3. spur further interest - 더 많은 관심을 불러일으키다
4. integrating technology into the study - 공부에 기술을 통합하다
5. balance this trend - 이러한 경향을 균형잡다
In the modern era, it appears that the youth is more captivated by international celebrities than historical figures in their own country. The ensuing paragraphs will shed light on the reasons behind this trend and recommend some strategies to rectify the situation.
Undeniably, with advancements in technology, the young generation has instantaneous access to global news, especially news related to pop culture and celebrities. Often, these international stars become role-models for young people who keenly follow celebrity gossip instead of historical news. Part of this could be attributed to history often being perceived as tedious and unrelated to present life. For instance, the importance of historical figures such as King Sejong, who conceived Hangeul, the Korean alphabet, receives comparatively less enthusiasm than if he were a pop icon.
To counter this apathy towards historical interests, it is suggested that the school authorities introduce more interactive ways of learning. Utilizing technology-related resources such as instructional animated videos published on YouTube or other platforms could be beneficial. In addition, engaging students to share their views on historical events on social media platforms could spur further interest. It is because the understanding of the impact of online content could encourage young people to research their posts more thoroughly.
In conclusion, integrating technology into the study of history and making the curriculum more appealing to the young generation could possibly balance this trend.
Word count: 254
Essay translated in Korean:
현대 시대에는, 청소년들이 자국의 역사적 인물들보다 국제적인 연예인에 더 매료되는 것으로 보인다. 아래의 문장들은 이러한 추세의 원인과 파악하는데 대한 전략을 암시할 것이다.
부인할 수 없이, 기술의 발전으로 인해 젊은 세대는 특히 문화 연예인에 관한 뉴스에 대한 전세계 뉴스에 즉시 접근할 수 있다. 더욱이, 이러한 국제적인 스타들은 일반적으로 청소년들에게 롤 모델이 되며, 그들은 역사적인 뉴스 대신 셀러브리티의 가십을 열심히 따른다. 이는 부분적으로 역사가 종종 지루한 것으로 보이고 현재의 삶과 관련이 없다고 인식되는 것에 기인 할 수 있다. 예를 들어, 한글을 창조한 역사적인 인물인 세종 대왕의 중요성은 그가 팝 아이콘일 경우에 비해 상대적으로 큰 열의를 받지 못한다.
역사에 대한 이런 무관심을 극복하기 위해, 학교 당국자는 학습의 보다 상호 작용적인 방법을 소개하는 것을 제안한다. 유튜브나 다른 플랫폼에 게시된 애니메이션 비디오 등과 같은 기술 관련 자원을 활용하는 것이 유익할 수 있다. 또한, 학생들에게 소셜 미디어 플랫폼에서 역사적인 사건에 대한 견해를 공유하도록 하는 것은 더 많은 관심을 불러일으킬 수 있다. 온라인 컨텐츠의 영향력을 이해하려는 청소년들이 자신의 게시글에 대해 더 깊게 연구하려는 경향이 있기 때문이다.
결론적으로, 기술을 역사 공부에 통합하고 교과과정을 젊은 세대에게 더 매력적으로 만들면 이러한 경향을 균형 잡을 수 있다.
Good expressions:
1. shed light on - ~에 대해 밝혀내다
2. instantaneous access - 즉시 접근
3. spur further interest - 더 많은 관심을 불러일으키다
4. integrating technology into the study - 공부에 기술을 통합하다
5. balance this trend - 이러한 경향을 균형잡다
제출한 라이팅
In our contemporary society young people seem to be more interested in international celebrities than historical figures in their country. The young generation is always sensitive about hot issues of celebrities while lacks knowledge of renowned people in history. This essay will investigate the cause of this phenomena and provide solutions to address this issue.
Due to the development of technology, people are able to know
worldwide events that are stimulating in real-time. Especially the younger generation crave for news related to their role- models who are often pop or movie stars. Therefore they are interested in the gossip of celebrities rather than historical figures because they do not directly impact our daily lives. Teenagers usually perceive history classes boring and irrelevant from real life. However, we must remember famous people in history and their achievements to feel grateful for the world we live in. For example, knowing about King Sejong who created the Korean character Hangeul is important because we would have borrowed Chinese characters untill today if he didn’t make Hangeul.
In order to increase young people’s interest, school officials should provide more technology-related activities in school. For example, introducing historical figures through animated videos in youtube could attract students’ attention. Also, giving assignments to share opinions about historical events in their social media will make young people study more about what they are posting because they know the impact of social network services.
In conclusion, I am inclined to believe that making the school curriculum more attractive to youngsters would solve the status quo.
Due to the development of technology, people are able to know
worldwide events that are stimulating in real-time. Especially the younger generation crave for news related to their role- models who are often pop or movie stars. Therefore they are interested in the gossip of celebrities rather than historical figures because they do not directly impact our daily lives. Teenagers usually perceive history classes boring and irrelevant from real life. However, we must remember famous people in history and their achievements to feel grateful for the world we live in. For example, knowing about King Sejong who created the Korean character Hangeul is important because we would have borrowed Chinese characters untill today if he didn’t make Hangeul.
In order to increase young people’s interest, school officials should provide more technology-related activities in school. For example, introducing historical figures through animated videos in youtube could attract students’ attention. Also, giving assignments to share opinions about historical events in their social media will make young people study more about what they are posting because they know the impact of social network services.
In conclusion, I am inclined to believe that making the school curriculum more attractive to youngsters would solve the status quo.
공유
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