아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
Some people believe that purchasing imported agricultural products has a positive effect. Others think consuming domestic products is better. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The student has understood the task, presenting relevant arguments to justify their position, but the clarity of viewpoints could be improved. They also presented a balanced discussion, integrating some examples to illustrate their points. However, the introduction does not properly paraphrase the question and their personal opinion could be stated more clearly.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphing and an overall progression of ideas. However, there are several instances where connectors and cohesive devices are misused or missing, which occasionally impairs the flow of the argument. The conclusion does not clearly summarize the key points.
Lexical Resource: 7
The use of vocabulary is generally varied and appropriate. However, there are a few instances of inappropriate or incorrect word choice (freshment, reliabliliby). The student attempts to use less common vocabulary, which is sometimes successful.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
The student uses a range of grammatical structures but there are a reasonable number of errors, including word order, incorrect verb forms (prefering), capitalization, and punctuation. These errors have an impact on the readability and comprehension of the essay.
Overall: 6
The student has generally addressed the task and showed a reasonable command of language. However, to improve the score, the clarity of argument and grammatical accuracy need to be improved. Working on the correct use of cohesive devices will also enhance the essay's coherence and cohesion.
Task Response: 6
The student has understood the task, presenting relevant arguments to justify their position, but the clarity of viewpoints could be improved. They also presented a balanced discussion, integrating some examples to illustrate their points. However, the introduction does not properly paraphrase the question and their personal opinion could be stated more clearly.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphing and an overall progression of ideas. However, there are several instances where connectors and cohesive devices are misused or missing, which occasionally impairs the flow of the argument. The conclusion does not clearly summarize the key points.
Lexical Resource: 7
The use of vocabulary is generally varied and appropriate. However, there are a few instances of inappropriate or incorrect word choice (freshment, reliabliliby). The student attempts to use less common vocabulary, which is sometimes successful.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
The student uses a range of grammatical structures but there are a reasonable number of errors, including word order, incorrect verb forms (prefering), capitalization, and punctuation. These errors have an impact on the readability and comprehension of the essay.
Overall: 6
The student has generally addressed the task and showed a reasonable command of language. However, to improve the score, the clarity of argument and grammatical accuracy need to be improved. Working on the correct use of cohesive devices will also enhance the essay's coherence and cohesion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people believe that purchasing imported agricultural products has a positive effect.
Others think consuming domestic products is better.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Essay:
There is a growing debate whether the consumption of imported agricultural products is more beneficial compared to locally sourced produce. Some individuals argue that domestically grown products offer reliability and freshness, while others believe in the perks of importing different products due to the beneficial market competition.
Domestic agricultural goods may hold an edge over their imported counterparts due to their perceived freshness and reliability. When consumers purchase domestically-sourced foods, they often obtain fresher products because of reduced transportation time. This preference for locally grown foods not only leads to better consumer satisfaction but also enables governments to gain higher tax revenues from the local agricultural sector. For instance, in South Korea, consumers generally prefer locally grown fruits and vegetables due to the trust they have in local farming methods and practices.
On the other hand, the importation of agricultural goods can stimulate market competition, potentially leading to more affordable prices and improved quality. When domestic and imported products compete, the competition usually results in manufacturers ensuring a higher quality of their products and lower prices to entice customers. In South Korea, for instance, the government policy in the 2000s to import beef had the desired effect of reducing overall beef prices and improving local beef quality.
In conclusion, while local produce appeals due to its freshness and reliability, the importation of agricultural goods promotes healthy market competition leading to better prices and quality.
Word count: 259 words
Essay translated in Korean:
수입농산물의 소비가 국내에서 생산된 제품에 비해 더 이점이 있는지에 대한 논쟁이 증가하고 있습니다. 일부는 국내 농산물이 신선함과 신뢰성을 제공한다고 주장하며, 다른 일부는 서로 다른 제품의 수입이 시장 경쟁에 이로움을 주기 때문이라고 믿습니다.
국내 농산물은 신선하고 신뢰할 수 있는 것으로 인식되어 수입 제품에 비해 우위를 점할 수 있습니다. 소비자들이 국내에서 생산된 식품을 구매하면 운송 시간이 줄어듦으로써 더 신선한 제품을 얻을 수 있습니다. 이러한 국내 농산물 선호는 고객 만족도를 향상시키는 것뿐 아니라 정부가 국내 농업 부문에서 더 높은 세금 수입을 얻을 수 있게 합니다. 예를 들어, 한국에서는 소비자들이 일반적으로 국내에서 재배된 과일과 채소를 선호하는데, 이는 그들이 국내 농업방법과 관행에 대한 신뢰 때문입니다.
반면에, 농산물의 수입은 시장 경쟁을 자극하여 더 저렴한 가격과 향상된 품질을 이끌어 낼 수 있습니다. 국내 및 수입 제품간의 경쟁이 있을 때, 경쟁은 제조업자들이 그들의 제품의 품질을 향상시키고 고객을 끌어들이기 위해 가격을 낮추는 결과를 산출합니다. 예를 들어, 2000년대에 한국 정부의 소고기 수입 정책처럼, 그것은 소고기 가격을 거의 줄이고 국내 소고기 품질을 개선하는 효과가 있었습니다.
결론적으로, 국내 농산물은 신선하며 신뢰성이 있어 매력적이지만, 농산물 수입은 건강한 시장 경쟁을 촉진하여 더 나은 가격과 품질을 이끕니다.
Good expressions:
1. hold an edge over - ~에 비해 우위를 점하다
2. reduced transportation time - 운송 시간이 줄어듦
3. stimulate market competition - 시장 경쟁을 자극하다
4. higher consumer satisfaction - 더 높은 소비자 만족도
5. more affordable prices - 더욱 저렴한 가격.
There is a growing debate whether the consumption of imported agricultural products is more beneficial compared to locally sourced produce. Some individuals argue that domestically grown products offer reliability and freshness, while others believe in the perks of importing different products due to the beneficial market competition.
Domestic agricultural goods may hold an edge over their imported counterparts due to their perceived freshness and reliability. When consumers purchase domestically-sourced foods, they often obtain fresher products because of reduced transportation time. This preference for locally grown foods not only leads to better consumer satisfaction but also enables governments to gain higher tax revenues from the local agricultural sector. For instance, in South Korea, consumers generally prefer locally grown fruits and vegetables due to the trust they have in local farming methods and practices.
On the other hand, the importation of agricultural goods can stimulate market competition, potentially leading to more affordable prices and improved quality. When domestic and imported products compete, the competition usually results in manufacturers ensuring a higher quality of their products and lower prices to entice customers. In South Korea, for instance, the government policy in the 2000s to import beef had the desired effect of reducing overall beef prices and improving local beef quality.
In conclusion, while local produce appeals due to its freshness and reliability, the importation of agricultural goods promotes healthy market competition leading to better prices and quality.
Word count: 259 words
Essay translated in Korean:
수입농산물의 소비가 국내에서 생산된 제품에 비해 더 이점이 있는지에 대한 논쟁이 증가하고 있습니다. 일부는 국내 농산물이 신선함과 신뢰성을 제공한다고 주장하며, 다른 일부는 서로 다른 제품의 수입이 시장 경쟁에 이로움을 주기 때문이라고 믿습니다.
국내 농산물은 신선하고 신뢰할 수 있는 것으로 인식되어 수입 제품에 비해 우위를 점할 수 있습니다. 소비자들이 국내에서 생산된 식품을 구매하면 운송 시간이 줄어듦으로써 더 신선한 제품을 얻을 수 있습니다. 이러한 국내 농산물 선호는 고객 만족도를 향상시키는 것뿐 아니라 정부가 국내 농업 부문에서 더 높은 세금 수입을 얻을 수 있게 합니다. 예를 들어, 한국에서는 소비자들이 일반적으로 국내에서 재배된 과일과 채소를 선호하는데, 이는 그들이 국내 농업방법과 관행에 대한 신뢰 때문입니다.
반면에, 농산물의 수입은 시장 경쟁을 자극하여 더 저렴한 가격과 향상된 품질을 이끌어 낼 수 있습니다. 국내 및 수입 제품간의 경쟁이 있을 때, 경쟁은 제조업자들이 그들의 제품의 품질을 향상시키고 고객을 끌어들이기 위해 가격을 낮추는 결과를 산출합니다. 예를 들어, 2000년대에 한국 정부의 소고기 수입 정책처럼, 그것은 소고기 가격을 거의 줄이고 국내 소고기 품질을 개선하는 효과가 있었습니다.
결론적으로, 국내 농산물은 신선하며 신뢰성이 있어 매력적이지만, 농산물 수입은 건강한 시장 경쟁을 촉진하여 더 나은 가격과 품질을 이끕니다.
Good expressions:
1. hold an edge over - ~에 비해 우위를 점하다
2. reduced transportation time - 운송 시간이 줄어듦
3. stimulate market competition - 시장 경쟁을 자극하다
4. higher consumer satisfaction - 더 높은 소비자 만족도
5. more affordable prices - 더욱 저렴한 가격.
제출한 라이팅
It is a common belief that consuming agricultural products produced by domestic production is better due to reliabliliby and freshment.
However, there is a more persuasive argument that purchasing produce made by importers has more benefits when consumers go shopping for diverse products because both imports and domestic items compete with each other to occupy the share of a country's market more.
On the one hand, buying domestic produce has some advantages, the biggest one is purchasers can get more reliable and fresh agricultural products in grocery stores, which leads consumers to prefering domestic one than that of imported from overseas.
It also has another good effect on governments by government officials imposing more taxes on workers in agriculture.
it can make governments earn more tax revenues each year.
For example, In South Korea, the majority of koreans like to buy vegetables and fruits grown by korean producers more than imported ones considering better freshment and higher reliability of korean farmers.
Nevertheless, i strongly support the idea that importing produce from other countries are more beneficial to consumers in terms of competition with the two kind of products on a market.
Consumers can buy agricultural products more economically and affordably through domestic and imported goods competing with each other, which promotes lower prices of them and guarantees higher quality of vegetables and fruits.
Let's take an example of beef export in South Korea, the korean government implemented the policy that imports a great deal amount of beef In the 2000s, causing the total beef prices to be decreased and the quality of beef produced by koreans to be better.
To sum up, it is apparent that consumers prefer to have agricultural products because they provide fresher and more reliable ones to them, it is undeniable that imported products bring about good changes by competing with domestic ones.
However, there is a more persuasive argument that purchasing produce made by importers has more benefits when consumers go shopping for diverse products because both imports and domestic items compete with each other to occupy the share of a country's market more.
On the one hand, buying domestic produce has some advantages, the biggest one is purchasers can get more reliable and fresh agricultural products in grocery stores, which leads consumers to prefering domestic one than that of imported from overseas.
It also has another good effect on governments by government officials imposing more taxes on workers in agriculture.
it can make governments earn more tax revenues each year.
For example, In South Korea, the majority of koreans like to buy vegetables and fruits grown by korean producers more than imported ones considering better freshment and higher reliability of korean farmers.
Nevertheless, i strongly support the idea that importing produce from other countries are more beneficial to consumers in terms of competition with the two kind of products on a market.
Consumers can buy agricultural products more economically and affordably through domestic and imported goods competing with each other, which promotes lower prices of them and guarantees higher quality of vegetables and fruits.
Let's take an example of beef export in South Korea, the korean government implemented the policy that imports a great deal amount of beef In the 2000s, causing the total beef prices to be decreased and the quality of beef produced by koreans to be better.
To sum up, it is apparent that consumers prefer to have agricultural products because they provide fresher and more reliable ones to them, it is undeniable that imported products bring about good changes by competing with domestic ones.
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