아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Etc
the chart shows information relating to UK music sales from 1990 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: [7]
The essay provides a general overview and identifies a few key trends. However, it could provide a more comprehensive coverage of the main features in the chart.
Coherence & Cohesion: [7]
Information is logically organised and clear. However, the connections between some of the ideas are not always obvious, and the writer could make better use of linking words and phrases.
Lexical Resource: [8]
The student demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with words like 'commenced', 'steeply', and 'identical'. However, there is room for more sophisticated or technical language.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [7]
The essay shows a good range of grammatical constructions, with a few minor errors such as incorrect pluralisation ('CDs was' should be 'CDs were') and incorrect usage of the word 'means'.
Overall: [7.25]
The student demonstrates a solid grasp of the task but could further improve in terms of task response, coherence and cohesion, and grammatical accuracy.
Task Response: [7]
The essay provides a general overview and identifies a few key trends. However, it could provide a more comprehensive coverage of the main features in the chart.
Coherence & Cohesion: [7]
Information is logically organised and clear. However, the connections between some of the ideas are not always obvious, and the writer could make better use of linking words and phrases.
Lexical Resource: [8]
The student demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with words like 'commenced', 'steeply', and 'identical'. However, there is room for more sophisticated or technical language.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [7]
The essay shows a good range of grammatical constructions, with a few minor errors such as incorrect pluralisation ('CDs was' should be 'CDs were') and incorrect usage of the word 'means'.
Overall: [7.25]
The student demonstrates a solid grasp of the task but could further improve in terms of task response, coherence and cohesion, and grammatical accuracy.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
the chart shows information relating to UK music sales from 1990 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Essay:
The given chart provides an in-depth illustration outlining the upswings and downswings of music sales in the United Kingdom over a period of three decades from 1990 to 2020.
The data clearly indicates notable variations in the consumer preference for different music formats over time. Initially, in 1990, CDs were a popular choice for music consumption. However, despite experiencing a slow and steady rise in sales until the mid-2000s, the subsequent years saw a reversal in fortune for CDs sales, with a consistent downward trend observed, making this format one of the least sold by 2020.
In stark contrast to the dwindling sales of CDs was the rapid surge in the popularity of Digital or Downloaded music. From a non-existent presence in the market in 1990, digital music sales saw a steady rise since 2005, skyrocketing to the level of 2000 million pounds sterling by the year 2020, thereby marking it as the music format of choice for contemporary consumers.
Ironically, Vinyl and Cassette sales, despite maintaining a nearly stationary trend line between 0 and 100 million pounds, display contrasting trajectories. Vinyl sales experienced a revival in the latter part of the given period, showing an upward movement to just beyond the 100 mark, while cassette sales, on the other hand, trended downward, signifying a falling demand for this format in the music industry.
In conclusion, the overall sales trends of music formats in the UK have evolved significantly over the study period, with digital/downloaded music emerging as the clear winner in recent times.
Word count: 263
Essay translated in Korean:
주어진 차트는 1990년부터 2020년까지의 3년 동안 영국의 음악 판매량의 상승과 하락을 자세히 보여줍니다.
데이터를 잘 보면 시간이 지남에 따라 다양한 음악 형식에 대한 소비자 선호도가 눈에 띄게 변하는 것을 확실히 알 수 있습니다. 초기에는 1990년에 CD가 음악 소비에 대한 인기 선택이었습니다. 하지만 2000년대 중반까지는 느리지만 지속적으로 판매량이 증가하더라도, 이후 몇 년 동안은 CD 판매량이 지속적으로 하락하여 2020년에는 가장 판매량이 적은 형식 중 하나가 되었습니다.
CD 판매량이 줄어드는 것과 대조적으로 디지털 혹은 다운로드 음악의 인기성은 급격히 증가했습니다. 1990년에 시장에서 존재감이 전혀 없던 디지털 음악 판매량은 2005년부터 꾸준히 증가하였고, 2020년까지는 약 2,000백만 파운드에 달하였으므로 주요 소비자들에게 선택되는 음악 형식이 되었습니다.
Good expressions:
1. In-depth illustration - 자세한 설명
2. Dwindling sales - 줄어드는 판매량
3. Reversal in fortune - 운명의 역전
4. Non-existent presence - 존재하지 않는 존재
5. Trajectories - 진행 방향
6. Emerged as the clear winner - 명확한 승자로 등장하다.
The given chart provides an in-depth illustration outlining the upswings and downswings of music sales in the United Kingdom over a period of three decades from 1990 to 2020.
The data clearly indicates notable variations in the consumer preference for different music formats over time. Initially, in 1990, CDs were a popular choice for music consumption. However, despite experiencing a slow and steady rise in sales until the mid-2000s, the subsequent years saw a reversal in fortune for CDs sales, with a consistent downward trend observed, making this format one of the least sold by 2020.
In stark contrast to the dwindling sales of CDs was the rapid surge in the popularity of Digital or Downloaded music. From a non-existent presence in the market in 1990, digital music sales saw a steady rise since 2005, skyrocketing to the level of 2000 million pounds sterling by the year 2020, thereby marking it as the music format of choice for contemporary consumers.
Ironically, Vinyl and Cassette sales, despite maintaining a nearly stationary trend line between 0 and 100 million pounds, display contrasting trajectories. Vinyl sales experienced a revival in the latter part of the given period, showing an upward movement to just beyond the 100 mark, while cassette sales, on the other hand, trended downward, signifying a falling demand for this format in the music industry.
In conclusion, the overall sales trends of music formats in the UK have evolved significantly over the study period, with digital/downloaded music emerging as the clear winner in recent times.
Word count: 263
Essay translated in Korean:
주어진 차트는 1990년부터 2020년까지의 3년 동안 영국의 음악 판매량의 상승과 하락을 자세히 보여줍니다.
데이터를 잘 보면 시간이 지남에 따라 다양한 음악 형식에 대한 소비자 선호도가 눈에 띄게 변하는 것을 확실히 알 수 있습니다. 초기에는 1990년에 CD가 음악 소비에 대한 인기 선택이었습니다. 하지만 2000년대 중반까지는 느리지만 지속적으로 판매량이 증가하더라도, 이후 몇 년 동안은 CD 판매량이 지속적으로 하락하여 2020년에는 가장 판매량이 적은 형식 중 하나가 되었습니다.
CD 판매량이 줄어드는 것과 대조적으로 디지털 혹은 다운로드 음악의 인기성은 급격히 증가했습니다. 1990년에 시장에서 존재감이 전혀 없던 디지털 음악 판매량은 2005년부터 꾸준히 증가하였고, 2020년까지는 약 2,000백만 파운드에 달하였으므로 주요 소비자들에게 선택되는 음악 형식이 되었습니다.
Good expressions:
1. In-depth illustration - 자세한 설명
2. Dwindling sales - 줄어드는 판매량
3. Reversal in fortune - 운명의 역전
4. Non-existent presence - 존재하지 않는 존재
5. Trajectories - 진행 방향
6. Emerged as the clear winner - 명확한 승자로 등장하다.
제출한 라이팅
This chart illustrates the trends of UK music sales from 1990 to 2020.
X-axis lists years at 10-year intervals, Y-axis shows million pounds sterling.
Overall, while digital/downloaded music experienced a rapid fluctuation, others trend moves marginally.
First of all, Digital/downloaded music commenced at mere 0% in 1990. However its popularity rose steeply since 2005 and reached a peak of 2000 in 2020. Again, it means Digital/ downloaded music have become the most preferred means for listeners.
Secondly, CDs was the second most popular means of listening to music initially. while its popularity increased gently until 2005, shows a downward trend from 2005 and reached the same level with Vinyl which is one of the lowest sold means.
Looking at the Cassettes and Vinyl, these traits are fairly identical. These two types show a plateau level ranging from 0 to 100 approximately. However, they show different trends.
while Vinyl experienced an upward trend and reached just over 100 at the end of given period, cassettes had a downward trend as a lowest popular item.
X-axis lists years at 10-year intervals, Y-axis shows million pounds sterling.
Overall, while digital/downloaded music experienced a rapid fluctuation, others trend moves marginally.
First of all, Digital/downloaded music commenced at mere 0% in 1990. However its popularity rose steeply since 2005 and reached a peak of 2000 in 2020. Again, it means Digital/ downloaded music have become the most preferred means for listeners.
Secondly, CDs was the second most popular means of listening to music initially. while its popularity increased gently until 2005, shows a downward trend from 2005 and reached the same level with Vinyl which is one of the lowest sold means.
Looking at the Cassettes and Vinyl, these traits are fairly identical. These two types show a plateau level ranging from 0 to 100 approximately. However, they show different trends.
while Vinyl experienced an upward trend and reached just over 100 at the end of given period, cassettes had a downward trend as a lowest popular item.
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