아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
art should be a compulsory class for high school studnets. to what extent do you agree or disagree
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: [7]
The essay provides a clear opinion and offers reasons to support it in line with the task. However, it could do with a little more development around the issue and support each benefit with specific examples.
Coherence & Cohesion: [6]
While the essay broadly follows a logical order, the introduction to each paragraph and the essay as a whole lacks a bit of coherence. Some sentences are a bit confusing because they switch attention too quickly, making it difficult to follow the narrative line.
Lexical Resource: [7]
The writer uses a range of vocabulary with a slight preference to common words. However, the use of vocabulary could be improved for more impact.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [6]
The range of grammatical constructions used is adequate, but there are a number of minor errors throughout the essay, including incorrect word order, missing words and incorrect tense usage.
Overall: [6.5]
The essay satisfies the requirements of the task but needs improvement in coherence and grammar. The overall score is a reflection of these weaknesses. The student demonstrates a good understanding of the task but needs to work on organizing the ideas better and providing clear explanation in a more grammatically correct manner.
Task Response: [7]
The essay provides a clear opinion and offers reasons to support it in line with the task. However, it could do with a little more development around the issue and support each benefit with specific examples.
Coherence & Cohesion: [6]
While the essay broadly follows a logical order, the introduction to each paragraph and the essay as a whole lacks a bit of coherence. Some sentences are a bit confusing because they switch attention too quickly, making it difficult to follow the narrative line.
Lexical Resource: [7]
The writer uses a range of vocabulary with a slight preference to common words. However, the use of vocabulary could be improved for more impact.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [6]
The range of grammatical constructions used is adequate, but there are a number of minor errors throughout the essay, including incorrect word order, missing words and incorrect tense usage.
Overall: [6.5]
The essay satisfies the requirements of the task but needs improvement in coherence and grammar. The overall score is a reflection of these weaknesses. The student demonstrates a good understanding of the task but needs to work on organizing the ideas better and providing clear explanation in a more grammatically correct manner.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
art should be a compulsory class for high school studnets. to what extent do you agree or disagree
Essay:
The question of whether art should be a mandatory subject for high school students is often debated. I am of the view that making art classes compulsory is indeed of significant importance, particularly in South Korea.
Art programs provide an array of benefits for students across the academic spectrum. Not just confined to fostering artistic skills, art education can enhance numerous areas including mathematical capabilities, musical talent and more. A study conducted at Harvard University validates this perspective, articulating that learning art improves cognition and aids in the acquisition of other subjects. Moreover, scientific research supports the notion that art can serve as a factor in stress reduction, a crucial boon for students in today's fast-paced, high-pressure educational environment.
The incorporation of art courses is especially vital for high school students, who are at a pivotal stage, honing a diverse range of skills. The knowledge gained from art classes can guide their learning trajectory and life choices. The words of famed Korean politician Kim Min Ho, an art enthusiast himself, echo this sentiment. He credits his innovative ideas to his exposure to art and fervently encourages his son in this pursuit. His is not an isolated case, but rather an illustration of how the skills acquired from art education can have profound applications beyond the sphere of art itself.
In summary, the importance of making art classes mandatory for high school students is paramount. The benefits extend beyond the purview of art, enhancing a multitude of skills essential for myriad career paths. Hence, the call for compulsory art education is not just pertinent, but also compelling.
Word count: 261
Essay translated in Korean:
고등학교 학생들에게 예술이 의무 과목이어야 하는지에 대한 논의는 자주 논의된다. 나는 예술 수업이 의무화되는 것이 특히 대한민국에서 매우 중요하다는 견해를 가지고 있다.
예술 프로그램은 학문적 분야의 학생들에게 다양한 혜택을 제공한다. 예술적 기술을 키우는 것만이 아니라, 예술 교육은 수학 능력, 음악 재능 등 다양한 영역을 향상시킬 수 있다. 하버드 대학에서 수행된 연구는 이러한 견해를 확인하며, 예술을 배우는 것이 인지력을 향상시키고 다른 과목의 습득을 돕는다고 말한다. 또한, 과학적 연구에 따르면, 예술은 학생들의 스트레스 감소 요인으로 적용될 수 있으며, 이는 금일의 빠른 페이스와 고압력의 교육 환경에서 핵심적인 혜택이다.
고등학교 학생들, 다양한 기술을 조밀하게 정리하는 중요한 단계에 있는 학생들에게 예술 과정의 편입이 특히 중요하다. 예술 수업에서 얻은 지식은 그들의 학습 경로와 삶의 선택을 안내할 수 있다.
Good expressions:
1. The question of whether - 어떤 것이...인지에 대한 묻는 문제
2. Not just confined to - ~에만 제한되지 않다
3. Aids in the acquisition - 습득에 도움을 주다
4. Is paramount - 극히 중요하다
5. Beyond the purview - 시야를 넘어서
6. Fast-paced, high-pressure - 빠른 페이스와 고압력
7. The call for - ~에 대한 요청
8. Not just pertinent, but also compelling - 단순히 적절한 것이 아니라 매우 강력하다.
The question of whether art should be a mandatory subject for high school students is often debated. I am of the view that making art classes compulsory is indeed of significant importance, particularly in South Korea.
Art programs provide an array of benefits for students across the academic spectrum. Not just confined to fostering artistic skills, art education can enhance numerous areas including mathematical capabilities, musical talent and more. A study conducted at Harvard University validates this perspective, articulating that learning art improves cognition and aids in the acquisition of other subjects. Moreover, scientific research supports the notion that art can serve as a factor in stress reduction, a crucial boon for students in today's fast-paced, high-pressure educational environment.
The incorporation of art courses is especially vital for high school students, who are at a pivotal stage, honing a diverse range of skills. The knowledge gained from art classes can guide their learning trajectory and life choices. The words of famed Korean politician Kim Min Ho, an art enthusiast himself, echo this sentiment. He credits his innovative ideas to his exposure to art and fervently encourages his son in this pursuit. His is not an isolated case, but rather an illustration of how the skills acquired from art education can have profound applications beyond the sphere of art itself.
In summary, the importance of making art classes mandatory for high school students is paramount. The benefits extend beyond the purview of art, enhancing a multitude of skills essential for myriad career paths. Hence, the call for compulsory art education is not just pertinent, but also compelling.
Word count: 261
Essay translated in Korean:
고등학교 학생들에게 예술이 의무 과목이어야 하는지에 대한 논의는 자주 논의된다. 나는 예술 수업이 의무화되는 것이 특히 대한민국에서 매우 중요하다는 견해를 가지고 있다.
예술 프로그램은 학문적 분야의 학생들에게 다양한 혜택을 제공한다. 예술적 기술을 키우는 것만이 아니라, 예술 교육은 수학 능력, 음악 재능 등 다양한 영역을 향상시킬 수 있다. 하버드 대학에서 수행된 연구는 이러한 견해를 확인하며, 예술을 배우는 것이 인지력을 향상시키고 다른 과목의 습득을 돕는다고 말한다. 또한, 과학적 연구에 따르면, 예술은 학생들의 스트레스 감소 요인으로 적용될 수 있으며, 이는 금일의 빠른 페이스와 고압력의 교육 환경에서 핵심적인 혜택이다.
고등학교 학생들, 다양한 기술을 조밀하게 정리하는 중요한 단계에 있는 학생들에게 예술 과정의 편입이 특히 중요하다. 예술 수업에서 얻은 지식은 그들의 학습 경로와 삶의 선택을 안내할 수 있다.
Good expressions:
1. The question of whether - 어떤 것이...인지에 대한 묻는 문제
2. Not just confined to - ~에만 제한되지 않다
3. Aids in the acquisition - 습득에 도움을 주다
4. Is paramount - 극히 중요하다
5. Beyond the purview - 시야를 넘어서
6. Fast-paced, high-pressure - 빠른 페이스와 고압력
7. The call for - ~에 대한 요청
8. Not just pertinent, but also compelling - 단순히 적절한 것이 아니라 매우 강력하다.
제출한 라이팅
some people think that art classes compulsory is not necessary, but I believe that the art class policy is really important in Korea. Art class will give us many merits to our life. It would help to improve people's skills such as math skills, music skills, and some things. In brand university, students have to learn art, because university professors believe that art could increase their ability to learn something. Some scientists also that learning art helps decrease stress for students.
Art class is more important to high school students because they are students who are learning various things. They could get various jobs or would get various majors in university. In that time, art class knowledge could help their learning and life. For example, Kim, Min Ho who is a famous politician in Korea says that “I have been learning art, and it gives me chances to get new ideas”. He says that I’m sure that art is helpful in people’s lives, so “I recommend my son to learn the art and I’m sure that it gives us my son refresh and new ideas too. There are many cases like his experiences.
It is a well-known fact that art is helpful not only for artists but also for all students who have various majors. For this reason, it is undeniable that the art class duty policy is necessary for high school students.
In conclusion, the art class policy is important for all high school students, because it is helpful for most students especially those who are learning math, music, and art. So, art should be a compulsory class in high school.
Art class is more important to high school students because they are students who are learning various things. They could get various jobs or would get various majors in university. In that time, art class knowledge could help their learning and life. For example, Kim, Min Ho who is a famous politician in Korea says that “I have been learning art, and it gives me chances to get new ideas”. He says that I’m sure that art is helpful in people’s lives, so “I recommend my son to learn the art and I’m sure that it gives us my son refresh and new ideas too. There are many cases like his experiences.
It is a well-known fact that art is helpful not only for artists but also for all students who have various majors. For this reason, it is undeniable that the art class duty policy is necessary for high school students.
In conclusion, the art class policy is important for all high school students, because it is helpful for most students especially those who are learning math, music, and art. So, art should be a compulsory class in high school.
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