아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Problem and Solution
How can the income generated by tourism benefit the poor? And how can we ensure that tourism does not destroy traditional culture and ways of life?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The student accurately answers both parts of the question; they detail the current challenges tourism brings to traditional culture and the poor as well as provide recommendations for each problem outlined. However, the points could be argued more fully and in-depth.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is well-structured and the paragraphs link fairly smoothly one to another. The point about the vicious circle of poverty could have used further explanation and linking with the rest of the paragraph. The conclusion is somewhat abrupt and could better summarize the main points. Overall, the arguments are clear and easy to follow.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student used a variety of vocabulary, show an awareness of style and collocation, with only a few inappropriate word choices. A better usage of phrases could make the argument more sophisticated.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The essay is written in clear, error-free sentences for the most part although in some places, like the use of 'and It' and 'i was a traveler,' the student has not followed the rules of punctuation and capitalization. Additionally, the essay exhibits a fair range of sentence structure.
Overall: 6.5
The essay, overall, satisfies the requirements of the task well with a clear structure and well-justified suggestions. A few grammatical errors and the need for clearer argumentation make the essay fall short of a higher score.
Task Response: 6
The student accurately answers both parts of the question; they detail the current challenges tourism brings to traditional culture and the poor as well as provide recommendations for each problem outlined. However, the points could be argued more fully and in-depth.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is well-structured and the paragraphs link fairly smoothly one to another. The point about the vicious circle of poverty could have used further explanation and linking with the rest of the paragraph. The conclusion is somewhat abrupt and could better summarize the main points. Overall, the arguments are clear and easy to follow.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student used a variety of vocabulary, show an awareness of style and collocation, with only a few inappropriate word choices. A better usage of phrases could make the argument more sophisticated.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The essay is written in clear, error-free sentences for the most part although in some places, like the use of 'and It' and 'i was a traveler,' the student has not followed the rules of punctuation and capitalization. Additionally, the essay exhibits a fair range of sentence structure.
Overall: 6.5
The essay, overall, satisfies the requirements of the task well with a clear structure and well-justified suggestions. A few grammatical errors and the need for clearer argumentation make the essay fall short of a higher score.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
How can the income generated by tourism benefit the poor? And how can we ensure that tourism does not destroy traditional culture and ways of life?
- [English]
- [Korean]
Essay:
Tourism introduces an overarching benefit to host countries, not just in strengthening their global image, but also in boosting their income through foreign visitors. However, there are adverse effects such as cultural disruption and potential increases in poverty that need to be addressed.
Firstly, tourism can benefit local economies when managed properly. However, it often transpires that the income generated flows predominantly to larger businesses and franchises. This, therefore, exacerbates the wealth disparity between the affluent and the less fortunate, pushing the lower classes into a poverty cycle. For example, during my visit to Vietnam, the stark contrast between the bustling franchises and the struggling local markets highlighted this issue. In addition, tourism often poses a threat to cultural preservation, specifically with the language and traditions that are essential to national identity.
Governments and individuals can address these issues through targeted solutions. Governments can set forth legislation to protect traditional cultures, such as enforcing dress codes at religious or historical sites. One example is Japan, where the government set up restricted areas to protect the Geisha community from intrusive tourists. This proved highly successful in preserving cultural traditions.
On the individual level, local businesses can contribute to alleviating poverty by improving the quality of their services to attract tourists. This can include maintaining food hygiene and creating innovative local dishes to serve to visitors, thereby increasing their profits and overall economic status.
In conclusion, while tourism can bring about economic improvement, it’s crucial to address its negative effects on local communities and culture.
Word count: 256
Essay translated in Korean:
관광은 주국에게 세계적인 이미지를 강화하는 것뿐만 아니라 외국 방문객을 통해 수익을 늘리는 등 폭넓은 이점을 제공한다. 그러나 문화 파괴와 빈곤증가와 같은 부정적인 영향이 존재하여 이를 해결해야한다.
먼저, 관심분들이 적절히 관리되면
Good expressions:
1. introduces an overarching benefit = 폭넓은 이점을 제공한다
2. cultural disruption = 문화 파괴
3. wealth disparity = 재산 격차
4. preserving cultural traditions = 문화 전통 보존
5. intrusive tourists = 공격적인 관광객
6. overall economic status = 전반적인 경제 상태
7. it’s crucial to address = 해결해야한다는 것이 중요하다
- [Korean]
Essay:
Tourism introduces an overarching benefit to host countries, not just in strengthening their global image, but also in boosting their income through foreign visitors. However, there are adverse effects such as cultural disruption and potential increases in poverty that need to be addressed.
Firstly, tourism can benefit local economies when managed properly. However, it often transpires that the income generated flows predominantly to larger businesses and franchises. This, therefore, exacerbates the wealth disparity between the affluent and the less fortunate, pushing the lower classes into a poverty cycle. For example, during my visit to Vietnam, the stark contrast between the bustling franchises and the struggling local markets highlighted this issue. In addition, tourism often poses a threat to cultural preservation, specifically with the language and traditions that are essential to national identity.
Governments and individuals can address these issues through targeted solutions. Governments can set forth legislation to protect traditional cultures, such as enforcing dress codes at religious or historical sites. One example is Japan, where the government set up restricted areas to protect the Geisha community from intrusive tourists. This proved highly successful in preserving cultural traditions.
On the individual level, local businesses can contribute to alleviating poverty by improving the quality of their services to attract tourists. This can include maintaining food hygiene and creating innovative local dishes to serve to visitors, thereby increasing their profits and overall economic status.
In conclusion, while tourism can bring about economic improvement, it’s crucial to address its negative effects on local communities and culture.
Word count: 256
Essay translated in Korean:
관광은 주국에게 세계적인 이미지를 강화하는 것뿐만 아니라 외국 방문객을 통해 수익을 늘리는 등 폭넓은 이점을 제공한다. 그러나 문화 파괴와 빈곤증가와 같은 부정적인 영향이 존재하여 이를 해결해야한다.
먼저, 관심분들이 적절히 관리되면
Good expressions:
1. introduces an overarching benefit = 폭넓은 이점을 제공한다
2. cultural disruption = 문화 파괴
3. wealth disparity = 재산 격차
4. preserving cultural traditions = 문화 전통 보존
5. intrusive tourists = 공격적인 관광객
6. overall economic status = 전반적인 경제 상태
7. it’s crucial to address = 해결해야한다는 것이 중요하다
제출한 라이팅
The travel industry has numerous advantages to host countries like establishing a special image and drawing income from people from other countries. While it is clear that being a popular country to foreigners bring a lot of advantages there were some disadvantages like destroying traditional cultures and leading to a vicious circle of poverty.
First of all, even though lots of tourists visit the tour site, money flows to big franchise restaurants and museums. It means small business owners couldn’t earn a lot relative to big business owners. and It has the possibility of creating a vicious circle about a huge disparity between the rich and the poor. Not only this but also degeneration of traditional culture and language have become serious problems. Indeed, I experienced these. When i was a traveller in vietnam 2 years ago, my friends followed suggested travel routine on the social media and that was a big franchise restaurant. I saw a tremendous customer gap between traditional market and suggested places on the internet.
First, to overcome demolishing traditional cultures, the government should organize some resolutions.
For example, to prevent eroding traditional culture, they need to establish some rules like wearing subdued apparel when travelers want to visit conventional places such as temples, churches or historical places. Take Japan for example, there was a severe problem of tourists infringe keisha’s normal life as They stalked keisha’s footprints. So the government made some restricted areas to conserve traditional human assets from dangers. This solution was so effective to protect conventional things.
In addition, to stop the regenerating poverty in tourist cities, besides the government, individuals have to struggle to attract some visitors. They need to care about food hygiene and develop some new cuisines.
First of all, even though lots of tourists visit the tour site, money flows to big franchise restaurants and museums. It means small business owners couldn’t earn a lot relative to big business owners. and It has the possibility of creating a vicious circle about a huge disparity between the rich and the poor. Not only this but also degeneration of traditional culture and language have become serious problems. Indeed, I experienced these. When i was a traveller in vietnam 2 years ago, my friends followed suggested travel routine on the social media and that was a big franchise restaurant. I saw a tremendous customer gap between traditional market and suggested places on the internet.
First, to overcome demolishing traditional cultures, the government should organize some resolutions.
For example, to prevent eroding traditional culture, they need to establish some rules like wearing subdued apparel when travelers want to visit conventional places such as temples, churches or historical places. Take Japan for example, there was a severe problem of tourists infringe keisha’s normal life as They stalked keisha’s footprints. So the government made some restricted areas to conserve traditional human assets from dangers. This solution was so effective to protect conventional things.
In addition, to stop the regenerating poverty in tourist cities, besides the government, individuals have to struggle to attract some visitors. They need to care about food hygiene and develop some new cuisines.
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