아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Discussion
Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The essay addresses the task effectively with clear overall arguments with specific points provided. The student gave suffice reasoning for disagreeing with the notion that investment in arts is wasting money, as well as acknowledging the argument's perspective.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The writing maintains a logical flow with cohesive links between ideas. Introductory phrases and transitional words were utilized to make for smooth transitions between thoughts and concepts. The points and examples were clearly supported and linked.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student displayed an impressive range of vocabulary, effectively using more complex words to express key points.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6.5
There is a good use of a variety of sentence structures and complex constructions, but there are minor errors. The usage of phrases like “much research” is incorrect and it should be "much of their research". Also, it has minor punctuation errors and some awkward expressions.
Overall: 7
The essay is strong in responding to the task, showcasing a good variety of vocabulary and adequate sentence construction, despite some minor grammatical issues and awkward expressions.
Task Response: 7
The essay addresses the task effectively with clear overall arguments with specific points provided. The student gave suffice reasoning for disagreeing with the notion that investment in arts is wasting money, as well as acknowledging the argument's perspective.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The writing maintains a logical flow with cohesive links between ideas. Introductory phrases and transitional words were utilized to make for smooth transitions between thoughts and concepts. The points and examples were clearly supported and linked.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student displayed an impressive range of vocabulary, effectively using more complex words to express key points.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6.5
There is a good use of a variety of sentence structures and complex constructions, but there are minor errors. The usage of phrases like “much research” is incorrect and it should be "much of their research". Also, it has minor punctuation errors and some awkward expressions.
Overall: 7
The essay is strong in responding to the task, showcasing a good variety of vocabulary and adequate sentence construction, despite some minor grammatical issues and awkward expressions.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
In this modern era, there is a rising debate over whether it's justifiable for governments to allocate a significant portion of their budget to arts, with some individuals arguing for a shift of this financial support to other sectors. In this essay, I will counter this argument, underlining the crucial role that art and culture play within society.
It's undeniable that arts hold substantial benefits that extend beyond aesthetics. One of the principal advantages is bolstering the tourism industry. When governments provide ample support to arts culture, be it through building art galleries or hosting cultural events, there's a resultant influx of foreign tourists. The revenue generated from tourism can potentially spur significant economic growth. Moreover, a unique cultural identity can be cultivated through an investment in the arts. This is typified in South Korea, where traditions in landscape portrait and architectural artistry embedded in housing designs, have distinctively shaped the country's cultural identity, all thanks to significant investment in such arts.
However, it is also valid to note that there are numerous sectors that are equally deserving of government support, science being a prime example. With increasing financial support, the development and advancement of scientific technologies can be expedited, thereby driving economic progress.
To sum up, while acknowledging the need for financial support in various sectors, I firmly believe that investing in the arts is not a waste of funds, but a worthwhile venture that stimulates economic growth and strengthens cultural identity.
Word count: 258
Essay translated in Korean:
이 현대시대에, 정부가 예술에 상당한 부분의 예산을 할애하는 것이 정당화되는 지에 대한 논쟁이 늘어나고 있습니다. 이 글에서는 예술과 문화가 사회 내에서 맡는 중요한 역할을 강조하며, 이 주장에 반론을 제시할 것입니다.
예술이 미학 이상의 상당한 이점을 가지고 있는 것은 부인할 수 없다. 주요한 장점 중 하나는 관광 산업을 강화하는 것이다. 정부가 예술 문화에 충분한 지원을 제공하면, 예술 갤러리 건설이나 문화 행사 주최 등, 외국인 관광객이 유입됩니다. 관광 수입은 경제 성장을 크게 촉진할 수 있습니다. 더욱이, 예술에 투자함으로써 독특한 문화 정체성을 형성할 수 있습니다. 이는 남한에서 확연히 나타나는데, 풍경 초상화와 주택 디자인에 배어 있는 건축 예술이 국가의 문화 정체성을 강화시키고 있습니다.
그러나, 과학과 같은 여러 분야에서 정부의 지원이 필요하다는 것을 인정하는 것도 중요하다. 금융 지원이 늘어남에 따라 과학 기술의 개발과 진보가 가속화 될 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, 다양한 분야에 재정 지원의 필요성을 인정하면서도, 예술에 투자하는 것은 자금 낭비가 아니라 경제 성장을 자극하고 문화 정체성을 강화하는 가치 있는 사업이라고 확신합니다.
Good expressions:
1. bolstering the tourism industry - 관광산업을 강화하는
2. resultant influx - 결과적으로 유입됩니다.
3. distinctively shaped - 독특하게 형성되었습니다.
4. a worthwhile venture - 가치 있는 사업
5. financial support - 재정 지원
In this modern era, there is a rising debate over whether it's justifiable for governments to allocate a significant portion of their budget to arts, with some individuals arguing for a shift of this financial support to other sectors. In this essay, I will counter this argument, underlining the crucial role that art and culture play within society.
It's undeniable that arts hold substantial benefits that extend beyond aesthetics. One of the principal advantages is bolstering the tourism industry. When governments provide ample support to arts culture, be it through building art galleries or hosting cultural events, there's a resultant influx of foreign tourists. The revenue generated from tourism can potentially spur significant economic growth. Moreover, a unique cultural identity can be cultivated through an investment in the arts. This is typified in South Korea, where traditions in landscape portrait and architectural artistry embedded in housing designs, have distinctively shaped the country's cultural identity, all thanks to significant investment in such arts.
However, it is also valid to note that there are numerous sectors that are equally deserving of government support, science being a prime example. With increasing financial support, the development and advancement of scientific technologies can be expedited, thereby driving economic progress.
To sum up, while acknowledging the need for financial support in various sectors, I firmly believe that investing in the arts is not a waste of funds, but a worthwhile venture that stimulates economic growth and strengthens cultural identity.
Word count: 258
Essay translated in Korean:
이 현대시대에, 정부가 예술에 상당한 부분의 예산을 할애하는 것이 정당화되는 지에 대한 논쟁이 늘어나고 있습니다. 이 글에서는 예술과 문화가 사회 내에서 맡는 중요한 역할을 강조하며, 이 주장에 반론을 제시할 것입니다.
예술이 미학 이상의 상당한 이점을 가지고 있는 것은 부인할 수 없다. 주요한 장점 중 하나는 관광 산업을 강화하는 것이다. 정부가 예술 문화에 충분한 지원을 제공하면, 예술 갤러리 건설이나 문화 행사 주최 등, 외국인 관광객이 유입됩니다. 관광 수입은 경제 성장을 크게 촉진할 수 있습니다. 더욱이, 예술에 투자함으로써 독특한 문화 정체성을 형성할 수 있습니다. 이는 남한에서 확연히 나타나는데, 풍경 초상화와 주택 디자인에 배어 있는 건축 예술이 국가의 문화 정체성을 강화시키고 있습니다.
그러나, 과학과 같은 여러 분야에서 정부의 지원이 필요하다는 것을 인정하는 것도 중요하다. 금융 지원이 늘어남에 따라 과학 기술의 개발과 진보가 가속화 될 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, 다양한 분야에 재정 지원의 필요성을 인정하면서도, 예술에 투자하는 것은 자금 낭비가 아니라 경제 성장을 자극하고 문화 정체성을 강화하는 가치 있는 사업이라고 확신합니다.
Good expressions:
1. bolstering the tourism industry - 관광산업을 강화하는
2. resultant influx - 결과적으로 유입됩니다.
3. distinctively shaped - 독특하게 형성되었습니다.
4. a worthwhile venture - 가치 있는 사업
5. financial support - 재정 지원
제출한 라이팅
Nowadays, due to rising awareness of academic background, some individuals insist that the government should take the lead in spending their budget allocations in other sectors, rather than the arts. I strongly disagree with this point of view and in this essay, I will elucidate my opinion with examples.
There are several benefits of putting more resources into the arts. I believe that the main merit is that the government can activate tourism industry. What I mean by this is that if society invest in the arts like constructing art galleries or many artistic events, foreign tourists would come to those countries to enjoy their holidays. As a result, the more money they spend, the greater economic growth the society accomplish. Furthermore, some countries can establish their cultural identity. Take Korea for example. From the past, our ancestors have made efforts to develop our own arts like landscape portrait or even they apply the arts in building houses. Until now, these heritages have played a pivotal role in our cultural values.
Despite these benefits, some people also assert that the government should redirect their budget allocation, rather than using them in the arts. This is because there are numerous fields required the government’s supports. For example, many scientists are giving up their much research due to the lack of subsidy. If the society put more resources in science fields, rather than the arts. In that case, it can lead the advancement of scientific technologies, which in turn enable the countries to accomplish their economic growth.
In conclusion, although it is unavoidable that there are still a whole range of fields that need subsidy, such as science fields, I strongly argue that investing money in the arts is not a wasting of money, particularly in terms of promoting a tourism industry and establishing cultural values.
There are several benefits of putting more resources into the arts. I believe that the main merit is that the government can activate tourism industry. What I mean by this is that if society invest in the arts like constructing art galleries or many artistic events, foreign tourists would come to those countries to enjoy their holidays. As a result, the more money they spend, the greater economic growth the society accomplish. Furthermore, some countries can establish their cultural identity. Take Korea for example. From the past, our ancestors have made efforts to develop our own arts like landscape portrait or even they apply the arts in building houses. Until now, these heritages have played a pivotal role in our cultural values.
Despite these benefits, some people also assert that the government should redirect their budget allocation, rather than using them in the arts. This is because there are numerous fields required the government’s supports. For example, many scientists are giving up their much research due to the lack of subsidy. If the society put more resources in science fields, rather than the arts. In that case, it can lead the advancement of scientific technologies, which in turn enable the countries to accomplish their economic growth.
In conclusion, although it is unavoidable that there are still a whole range of fields that need subsidy, such as science fields, I strongly argue that investing money in the arts is not a wasting of money, particularly in terms of promoting a tourism industry and establishing cultural values.
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