아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Discussion
The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: [6]
The essay addresses the topic, presents and supports a clear position, but the arguments and examples lack details and depth. The task is to what extent the writer agrees or disagrees which was done, but the points could still be better developed especially in the negative implications of science.
Coherence & Cohesion: [7]
The ideas are logically organised and there is good use of linking phrases. Ideas in the essay are logically sequenced and arguments flow in a coherent manner. However, some transitions could be smoother.
Lexical Resource: [6]
The writer uses a variety of vocabulary, and mostly with accuracy. Some words and phrases could be replaced for better precision, like 'developing lives' and 'science is using,' which are slightly awkward.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [6]
There is a range of structures used, but there are occasional errors such as missing articles and awkward sentences. Some sentences are smoothly constructed, but there are also sentences where the meaning is slightly obscure due to awkward grammar or word choice.
Overall: [6.25]
The essay meets the requirements of the task and is mostly well-organised and coherent. Vocabulary and grammar are generally fine, but with room for improvement. Some arguments need further development and exemplary evidence to better validate the points raised.
Task Response: [6]
The essay addresses the topic, presents and supports a clear position, but the arguments and examples lack details and depth. The task is to what extent the writer agrees or disagrees which was done, but the points could still be better developed especially in the negative implications of science.
Coherence & Cohesion: [7]
The ideas are logically organised and there is good use of linking phrases. Ideas in the essay are logically sequenced and arguments flow in a coherent manner. However, some transitions could be smoother.
Lexical Resource: [6]
The writer uses a variety of vocabulary, and mostly with accuracy. Some words and phrases could be replaced for better precision, like 'developing lives' and 'science is using,' which are slightly awkward.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [6]
There is a range of structures used, but there are occasional errors such as missing articles and awkward sentences. Some sentences are smoothly constructed, but there are also sentences where the meaning is slightly obscure due to awkward grammar or word choice.
Overall: [6.25]
The essay meets the requirements of the task and is mostly well-organised and coherent. Vocabulary and grammar are generally fine, but with room for improvement. Some arguments need further development and exemplary evidence to better validate the points raised.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Essay:
There is often a contention that the foremost aim of science should be to enhance the quality of human life. I strongly concur with this perspective given the invaluable role science plays in facilitating routine activities and advancing medical treatments.
The potential pitfalls of increasingly relying on scientific advancements cannot be dismissed. A glaring example is the proliferation of automation and robotics that leads to job losses, particularly in customer service sectors. Many restaurants now employ ordering machines, resulting in a sharp decline in service personnel. Moreover, the insatiable pursuit of scientific development may have an adverse impact on the environment. With the escalating number of factories and laboratories, the balance of our natural surroundings can be detrimentally altered.
However, the benefits of employing science to improve human lives far outweigh the downsides. In the medical realm, numerous fatal diseases that were once incurable, such as certain types of cancer, now have promising treatments thanks to scientific breakthroughs. Additionally, everyday life has been revolutionized by technology. The advent of smartphones and computers has massively enhanced convenience, speed, and efficiency, from acquiring real-time information to instant communication.
In essence, while acknowledging the potential negatives brought by scientific progress, I still robustly advocate that the ultimate goal of science should be its application towards enriching human lives.
Word count: 240
Essay translated in Korean:
과학의 최우선 목표는 인간의 생활 질을 향상시키는 것이어야 한다는 주장이 종종 있습니다. 나는 과학이 일상 활동을 용이하게 하고 의료 치료를 발전시키는 중요한 역할을 하고 있기 때문에 이 시각에 대해 강력하게 동의합니다.
과학적 발전에 점점 의존하는 것의 잠재적인 함정을 무시할 수 없습니다. 눈에 띄는 예는 고객 서비스 부문에서 특히 일자리를 잃게 하는 자동화와 로봇 기술의 확산입니다. 이제 많은 식당에서 주문 기계를 사용하며, 이로 인해 서비스 인력이 현저하게 감소했습니다. 또한, 과학적 발전에 대한 끝없는 추구는 환경에 부정적인 영향을 미칠 수 있습니다. 공장과 실험실의 수가 급증함에 따라 우리의 자연 환경의 균형이 해치질 수 있습니다.
그러나, 과학을 사용하여 인간의 삶을 개선하는 이점은 단점을 이길 정도로 큽니다. 의료 분야에서는, 한때 치료불가능했던 많은 치명적인 질병들, 특히 일부 암 종류는 고맙게도 과학적 돌파구 덕분에 효과적인 치료법을 갖게 되었습니다. 또한, 일상 생활은 기술에 의해 혁명화되었습니다. 스마트폰과 컴퓨터의 출현으로 인해 편의성, 속도, 효율성이 크게 향상되었습니다.
결국, 과학적 진보가 가져올 수 있는 잠재적인 부정적인 점을 인정하면서도, 저는 여전히 과학의 궁극적인 목표는 인간의 삶을 풍요롭게 하는 것으로의 적용이어야 한다고 강력하게 주장합니다.
Good expressions:
1. The foremost aim of science - 과학의 최우선 목표
2. Invaluable role - 대단히 중요한 역할
3. Potential pitfalls - 잠재적인 함정
4. Glaring example - 눈에 띄는 예
5. Adverse impact - 부정적인 영향
6. Scientific breakthroughs - 과학적 돌파구
7. In essence - 결국, 본질적으로
8. Robustly advocate - 강력하게 주장하다.
There is often a contention that the foremost aim of science should be to enhance the quality of human life. I strongly concur with this perspective given the invaluable role science plays in facilitating routine activities and advancing medical treatments.
The potential pitfalls of increasingly relying on scientific advancements cannot be dismissed. A glaring example is the proliferation of automation and robotics that leads to job losses, particularly in customer service sectors. Many restaurants now employ ordering machines, resulting in a sharp decline in service personnel. Moreover, the insatiable pursuit of scientific development may have an adverse impact on the environment. With the escalating number of factories and laboratories, the balance of our natural surroundings can be detrimentally altered.
However, the benefits of employing science to improve human lives far outweigh the downsides. In the medical realm, numerous fatal diseases that were once incurable, such as certain types of cancer, now have promising treatments thanks to scientific breakthroughs. Additionally, everyday life has been revolutionized by technology. The advent of smartphones and computers has massively enhanced convenience, speed, and efficiency, from acquiring real-time information to instant communication.
In essence, while acknowledging the potential negatives brought by scientific progress, I still robustly advocate that the ultimate goal of science should be its application towards enriching human lives.
Word count: 240
Essay translated in Korean:
과학의 최우선 목표는 인간의 생활 질을 향상시키는 것이어야 한다는 주장이 종종 있습니다. 나는 과학이 일상 활동을 용이하게 하고 의료 치료를 발전시키는 중요한 역할을 하고 있기 때문에 이 시각에 대해 강력하게 동의합니다.
과학적 발전에 점점 의존하는 것의 잠재적인 함정을 무시할 수 없습니다. 눈에 띄는 예는 고객 서비스 부문에서 특히 일자리를 잃게 하는 자동화와 로봇 기술의 확산입니다. 이제 많은 식당에서 주문 기계를 사용하며, 이로 인해 서비스 인력이 현저하게 감소했습니다. 또한, 과학적 발전에 대한 끝없는 추구는 환경에 부정적인 영향을 미칠 수 있습니다. 공장과 실험실의 수가 급증함에 따라 우리의 자연 환경의 균형이 해치질 수 있습니다.
그러나, 과학을 사용하여 인간의 삶을 개선하는 이점은 단점을 이길 정도로 큽니다. 의료 분야에서는, 한때 치료불가능했던 많은 치명적인 질병들, 특히 일부 암 종류는 고맙게도 과학적 돌파구 덕분에 효과적인 치료법을 갖게 되었습니다. 또한, 일상 생활은 기술에 의해 혁명화되었습니다. 스마트폰과 컴퓨터의 출현으로 인해 편의성, 속도, 효율성이 크게 향상되었습니다.
결국, 과학적 진보가 가져올 수 있는 잠재적인 부정적인 점을 인정하면서도, 저는 여전히 과학의 궁극적인 목표는 인간의 삶을 풍요롭게 하는 것으로의 적용이어야 한다고 강력하게 주장합니다.
Good expressions:
1. The foremost aim of science - 과학의 최우선 목표
2. Invaluable role - 대단히 중요한 역할
3. Potential pitfalls - 잠재적인 함정
4. Glaring example - 눈에 띄는 예
5. Adverse impact - 부정적인 영향
6. Scientific breakthroughs - 과학적 돌파구
7. In essence - 결국, 본질적으로
8. Robustly advocate - 강력하게 주장하다.
제출한 라이팅
It is sometimes suggested that science needs to be used for people’s comfortable and developing lives. I extremely agree with this notion, as there are various benefits when science is used for people’s daylife.
If parts of science develop, several drawbacks can be found in people’s lives. First disadvantage is that the robots or technological development can overtake people’s employment market. Recently, the majority of restaurants are using the order machines, due to the fact that the number of people who work in service have decreased. And another drawback is that the development of science which improves people’s lives is able to contaminate the natural environment. Compared to the past, people have more factories and labs than forests.
However, there are more important benefits that science is using to aim for people’s lives. To begin with, people can care for various diseases that could not in the past. In the case of cancer, it was defeating disease when science was not developed as it is now, but there are a bunch of remedies for treating cancer nowadays. And another advantage is that people can get more convenient and efficient lives. Without a doubt, we can do various things by using a smartphone and a computer such as getting more latest information, and sending messages faster.
In conclusion, while it is true that a few negative effects can be gained when the aim of science is for people’s lives, I would assert that science should be used for people’s developing lives.
If parts of science develop, several drawbacks can be found in people’s lives. First disadvantage is that the robots or technological development can overtake people’s employment market. Recently, the majority of restaurants are using the order machines, due to the fact that the number of people who work in service have decreased. And another drawback is that the development of science which improves people’s lives is able to contaminate the natural environment. Compared to the past, people have more factories and labs than forests.
However, there are more important benefits that science is using to aim for people’s lives. To begin with, people can care for various diseases that could not in the past. In the case of cancer, it was defeating disease when science was not developed as it is now, but there are a bunch of remedies for treating cancer nowadays. And another advantage is that people can get more convenient and efficient lives. Without a doubt, we can do various things by using a smartphone and a computer such as getting more latest information, and sending messages faster.
In conclusion, while it is true that a few negative effects can be gained when the aim of science is for people’s lives, I would assert that science should be used for people’s developing lives.
공유
목록으로 돌아가기 😎
