아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
Whether or not a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The essay does respond to the task, presenting arguments for and against the role of luck in achieving goals. However, there is some confusion in the author's viewpoint as it changes throughout the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
There is a general overall structure, but the writer struggles to connect the points clearly. The lack of clear transition between paragraphs hampers the flow of ideas. There is also repetition of certain words or phrases that could have been avoided.
Lexical Resource: 6
The lexical resource is quite good, the writer displays a fair range of vocabulary. However, clearer use of synonyms and more academic vocabulary could have improved the score.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
The range of grammar is limited and at times, a lack of grammatical control leads to inaccurate sentences. For example, "I do not agree that they must make an effort to get goals" contradicts with " I highly believe that individuals must make an effort to reach their goals."
Overall: 5.5
The essay has some strong points but struggles with coherence and grammatical precision. The writer needs to work on providing a clear viewpoint and connecting their ideas better. The introduction and conclusion could also be improved to more accurately summarize the writer's argument.
Task Response: 6
The essay does respond to the task, presenting arguments for and against the role of luck in achieving goals. However, there is some confusion in the author's viewpoint as it changes throughout the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
There is a general overall structure, but the writer struggles to connect the points clearly. The lack of clear transition between paragraphs hampers the flow of ideas. There is also repetition of certain words or phrases that could have been avoided.
Lexical Resource: 6
The lexical resource is quite good, the writer displays a fair range of vocabulary. However, clearer use of synonyms and more academic vocabulary could have improved the score.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
The range of grammar is limited and at times, a lack of grammatical control leads to inaccurate sentences. For example, "I do not agree that they must make an effort to get goals" contradicts with " I highly believe that individuals must make an effort to reach their goals."
Overall: 5.5
The essay has some strong points but struggles with coherence and grammatical precision. The writer needs to work on providing a clear viewpoint and connecting their ideas better. The introduction and conclusion could also be improved to more accurately summarize the writer's argument.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Whether or not a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
Some individuals attribute the attainment of life goals primarily to luck, while others fervently believe in the power of effort and hard work. Though I believe that luck occasionally plays a role in successful outcomes, I firmly insist that endeavor and diligence are crucial ends to achieving aims.
Granted, there are those who associate their achievements firmly with luck. This perception may provide a sense of comfort or alleviate pressure, especially in high-stress situations. For instance, upon receiving an outstanding exam grade, a student might attribute it to luck rather than their own effort. They believe that their success is largely due to random chance, relieving them of the strain of attributing it strictly to their efforts.
Contrarily, I believe that success is primarily a product of dedicated effort rather than luck. To lean on luck without the backing of hard work is like relying on a mirage in a desert. Numerous students, for instance, pin their hopes on luck during exams but neglect the importance of diligent studying. When they do poorly, they blame it on bad luck, overlooking the lack of effort they invested. Success, ultimately, is an outcome of continuous effort and perseverance.
In summary, while the concept of luck may provide some solace in high-stress situations, it should not deter us from the necessity of diligent effort and persistence in achieving our goals.
Word count: 238
Essay translated in Korean:
일부 개인들은 삶의 목표달성을 주로 운에 의존한다고 생각하며, 다른 일부는 노력과 근면의 힘을 열심히 믿습니다. 가끔 성공적인 결과에는 운이 역할을 하는 것을 인정하지만, 나는 노력과 부지런함이 목표를 달성하는 결정적인 수단이라고 확신합니다.
필요로 하는 사람들 중에는 자신의 성취를 운에 강하게 연결하는 사람들이 있습니다. 이러한 인식은 특히 고압 상황에서 위안을 주거나 압박을 줄일 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 뛰어난 시험 성적을 받은 학생은 그것을 운이라고 할 수 있는데, 그들이 성공한 것은 대부분 우연한 기회 때문이라고 믿고, 그들의 노력만으로 그것을 정밀하게 확정하는 스트레스를 덜어 줍니다.
반대로, 나는 성공은 주로 운이 아니라 헌신적인 노력의 제품이라고 믿습니다. 신력없는 운에 의지하는 것은 사막의 신기루에 의지하는 것과 같습니다. 많은 학생들, 예를 들어, 시험 중에 운을 바라지만 부지런한 공부의 중요성을 간과합니다. 그들이 못하면 그것을 나쁜 운 탓으로 돌리며, 그들이 투자한 노력 부족을 간과합니다. 성공은 궁극적으로 꾸준한 노력과 인내의 결과입니다.
요약하면, 운이라는 개념이 고압 상황에서 어느 정도 위안을 제공할 수는 있지만, 우리의 목표를 달성하기 위해 꾸준한 노력과 인내의 필요性으로 우리를 흔들어 놓아서는 안됩니다.
Good expressions:
1. attribute the attainment - 달성을 속성화하다
2. fervently believe - 열심히 믿다
3. alleviate pressure - 압력을 줄이다
4. continuous effort and perseverance - 지속적인 노력과 인내
5. concept of luck - 운에 대한 개념
6. provide some solace - 약간의 위안을 제공하다.
Some individuals attribute the attainment of life goals primarily to luck, while others fervently believe in the power of effort and hard work. Though I believe that luck occasionally plays a role in successful outcomes, I firmly insist that endeavor and diligence are crucial ends to achieving aims.
Granted, there are those who associate their achievements firmly with luck. This perception may provide a sense of comfort or alleviate pressure, especially in high-stress situations. For instance, upon receiving an outstanding exam grade, a student might attribute it to luck rather than their own effort. They believe that their success is largely due to random chance, relieving them of the strain of attributing it strictly to their efforts.
Contrarily, I believe that success is primarily a product of dedicated effort rather than luck. To lean on luck without the backing of hard work is like relying on a mirage in a desert. Numerous students, for instance, pin their hopes on luck during exams but neglect the importance of diligent studying. When they do poorly, they blame it on bad luck, overlooking the lack of effort they invested. Success, ultimately, is an outcome of continuous effort and perseverance.
In summary, while the concept of luck may provide some solace in high-stress situations, it should not deter us from the necessity of diligent effort and persistence in achieving our goals.
Word count: 238
Essay translated in Korean:
일부 개인들은 삶의 목표달성을 주로 운에 의존한다고 생각하며, 다른 일부는 노력과 근면의 힘을 열심히 믿습니다. 가끔 성공적인 결과에는 운이 역할을 하는 것을 인정하지만, 나는 노력과 부지런함이 목표를 달성하는 결정적인 수단이라고 확신합니다.
필요로 하는 사람들 중에는 자신의 성취를 운에 강하게 연결하는 사람들이 있습니다. 이러한 인식은 특히 고압 상황에서 위안을 주거나 압박을 줄일 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 뛰어난 시험 성적을 받은 학생은 그것을 운이라고 할 수 있는데, 그들이 성공한 것은 대부분 우연한 기회 때문이라고 믿고, 그들의 노력만으로 그것을 정밀하게 확정하는 스트레스를 덜어 줍니다.
반대로, 나는 성공은 주로 운이 아니라 헌신적인 노력의 제품이라고 믿습니다. 신력없는 운에 의지하는 것은 사막의 신기루에 의지하는 것과 같습니다. 많은 학생들, 예를 들어, 시험 중에 운을 바라지만 부지런한 공부의 중요성을 간과합니다. 그들이 못하면 그것을 나쁜 운 탓으로 돌리며, 그들이 투자한 노력 부족을 간과합니다. 성공은 궁극적으로 꾸준한 노력과 인내의 결과입니다.
요약하면, 운이라는 개념이 고압 상황에서 어느 정도 위안을 제공할 수는 있지만, 우리의 목표를 달성하기 위해 꾸준한 노력과 인내의 필요性으로 우리를 흔들어 놓아서는 안됩니다.
Good expressions:
1. attribute the attainment - 달성을 속성화하다
2. fervently believe - 열심히 믿다
3. alleviate pressure - 압력을 줄이다
4. continuous effort and perseverance - 지속적인 노력과 인내
5. concept of luck - 운에 대한 개념
6. provide some solace - 약간의 위안을 제공하다.
제출한 라이팅
It is clear that some people think that thanks to luck, we can achieve our aims. In my opinion, I agree that people can wish luck for getting achievements, I do not agree that they must make an effort to get goals.
On the one hand, many people are looking forward to having luck to achieve their goals. For starters, this mind helps unwind and relax from stress to hard times. So, many people rely on luck for studying or working to get goals. Additionally, fewer individuals say that thanks to luck, they can do that in difficult situations and they can have bravery to set other goals. Consequently, the mind, which is related to luck in life, can be motivated to work or study hard. This is why, for example, when students get good grades on exams, they say they can’t believe they achieved it, they just think that their aims are related to luck.
On the other hand, I highly believe that individuals must make an effort to reach their goals. Essentially speaking, if they want to have luck without hard work or study, they can’t do anything. For example, these days, many students read reviews written by successful people who do their best. But, they just focus on results, and they wish to have luck for their exams. Finally, they have bad results and say that they don’t have luck. Secondly, the effort makes potential to reach their aims, which help to improve achievements. All in all, people who put a lot of effort in their life can get good results, which is lucky.
In conclusion, although I agree that when individuals try to achieve their goals, they can wish luck, still I disagree that when people have their aims, they try to do their best to get targets.
On the one hand, many people are looking forward to having luck to achieve their goals. For starters, this mind helps unwind and relax from stress to hard times. So, many people rely on luck for studying or working to get goals. Additionally, fewer individuals say that thanks to luck, they can do that in difficult situations and they can have bravery to set other goals. Consequently, the mind, which is related to luck in life, can be motivated to work or study hard. This is why, for example, when students get good grades on exams, they say they can’t believe they achieved it, they just think that their aims are related to luck.
On the other hand, I highly believe that individuals must make an effort to reach their goals. Essentially speaking, if they want to have luck without hard work or study, they can’t do anything. For example, these days, many students read reviews written by successful people who do their best. But, they just focus on results, and they wish to have luck for their exams. Finally, they have bad results and say that they don’t have luck. Secondly, the effort makes potential to reach their aims, which help to improve achievements. All in all, people who put a lot of effort in their life can get good results, which is lucky.
In conclusion, although I agree that when individuals try to achieve their goals, they can wish luck, still I disagree that when people have their aims, they try to do their best to get targets.
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