아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Discussion
Some think college is best for career preparation, while others prefer gaining work experience early. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The student answers all parts of the task. The main ideas are clear and the writer takes a clear position in the last paragraph, however, this position could be clarified further in the introduction. Also, the supporting details in the second paragraph could be further developed.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6.5
The essay is logically organised and coherence is maintained throughout, though some sentences are rather long they are still clear. There is a wide range of cohesive devices used correctly. However, there are some inappropriate and incorrect use of conjunctions.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student uses a good range of vocabulary and there is some apt use of collocation (future career preparation). There are occasional errors in word choice and spelling ('salaris') but they do not impede communication.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6.5
There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the student uses a range of structures. However, there are several grammatical errors present. Most notably, the use of 'but' in the first sentence where it's not needed and issues with agreement ('skills helps').
Overall: 6.75
Task Response: 7
The student answers all parts of the task. The main ideas are clear and the writer takes a clear position in the last paragraph, however, this position could be clarified further in the introduction. Also, the supporting details in the second paragraph could be further developed.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6.5
The essay is logically organised and coherence is maintained throughout, though some sentences are rather long they are still clear. There is a wide range of cohesive devices used correctly. However, there are some inappropriate and incorrect use of conjunctions.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student uses a good range of vocabulary and there is some apt use of collocation (future career preparation). There are occasional errors in word choice and spelling ('salaris') but they do not impede communication.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6.5
There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the student uses a range of structures. However, there are several grammatical errors present. Most notably, the use of 'but' in the first sentence where it's not needed and issues with agreement ('skills helps').
Overall: 6.75
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some think college is best for career preparation, while others prefer gaining work experience early.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Essay:
The debate over whether tertiary education or firsthand work experience equips one better for the labor market continues to rage. Some argue that early introduction into the workforce offers numerous advantages, while others maintain that a university education provides a solid foundation for future career success. I am inclined towards the latter view.
Proponents of the 'work-first' approach assert that early-onset employment enables individuals to secure a stream of income years ahead of their university-educated peers. This early financial independence educates them on income management, savings, and preps them for future financial commitments. Also, gaining work experience early escalates their chances of career advancement as it fosters industry-specific skills.
However, a university education offers considerable benefits. Universities offer exposure to a wide range of subjects which sows the seeds for a comprehensive understanding of several areas and enlightens students on potential career paths. Further, diverse university activities promote development of essential skills including creativity, critical thinking, and problem-solving. This academic experience, I believe, serves as a critical stepping stone to career preparation.
In conclusion, while both paradigms have their merits, I believe a university education provides a firm foundation for a successful career.
Word count: 204
Essay translated in Korean:
노동 시장에 더 잘 대비하게 하는 것은 고등 교육인지 현장에서의 일경험인지에 대한 논쟁은 계속되고 있다. 일부는 직접적인 일 경험을 조기에 얻는 것이 많은 이점을 제공하고, 다른 일부는 대학 교육이 미래 직업 성공을 위한 튼튼한 기반을 제공한다고 주장한다. 저는 후자의 견해에 더 치우쳐 있다.
'먼저 일하라'라는 접근법을 주장하는 사람들은 일찍 일을 시작하는 것이 대학 교육을 받은 동료들보다 수년 동안 고정된 소득을 확보하게 해준다고 강조한다. 이런 조기의 경제적 독립은 수입 관리, 저축, 미래의 재정 약속에 대비하는 방법을 가르쳐준다. 또한, 조기에 일 경험을 쌓는 것은 업계별 스킬을 키우는데 도움이 되어 경력 발전의 기회를 높여준다.
그러나 대학 교육도 상당한 이점을 제공한다. 대학은 여러 주제에 대한 폭넓은 노출을 제공하여 다양한 분야에 대한 포괄적인 이해를 심어주고 학생들에게 잠재적인 직업 경로에 대한 통찰력을 제공한다. 또한, 다양한 대학 활동은 창의성, 비판적 사고, 문제 해결 능력 등의 중요한 스킬을 개발하는데 도움이 된다. 이런 학문적 경험은 직업 준비에 중요한 발판이 된다고 생각한다.
결론적으로, 두 가지 패러다임 모두 그들의 장점이 있지만, 대학 교육이 성공적인 직업을 위한 견고한 기반을 제공한다고 생각한다.
Good expressions:
1. comprehensive understanding - 포괄적인 이해
2. early-onset employment - 조기의 고용
3. firsthand work experience - 직접적인 일 경험
4. solid foundation for future career success - 미래 직업 성공을 위한 튼튼한 기반
5. early financial independence - 조기의 경제적 독립.
The debate over whether tertiary education or firsthand work experience equips one better for the labor market continues to rage. Some argue that early introduction into the workforce offers numerous advantages, while others maintain that a university education provides a solid foundation for future career success. I am inclined towards the latter view.
Proponents of the 'work-first' approach assert that early-onset employment enables individuals to secure a stream of income years ahead of their university-educated peers. This early financial independence educates them on income management, savings, and preps them for future financial commitments. Also, gaining work experience early escalates their chances of career advancement as it fosters industry-specific skills.
However, a university education offers considerable benefits. Universities offer exposure to a wide range of subjects which sows the seeds for a comprehensive understanding of several areas and enlightens students on potential career paths. Further, diverse university activities promote development of essential skills including creativity, critical thinking, and problem-solving. This academic experience, I believe, serves as a critical stepping stone to career preparation.
In conclusion, while both paradigms have their merits, I believe a university education provides a firm foundation for a successful career.
Word count: 204
Essay translated in Korean:
노동 시장에 더 잘 대비하게 하는 것은 고등 교육인지 현장에서의 일경험인지에 대한 논쟁은 계속되고 있다. 일부는 직접적인 일 경험을 조기에 얻는 것이 많은 이점을 제공하고, 다른 일부는 대학 교육이 미래 직업 성공을 위한 튼튼한 기반을 제공한다고 주장한다. 저는 후자의 견해에 더 치우쳐 있다.
'먼저 일하라'라는 접근법을 주장하는 사람들은 일찍 일을 시작하는 것이 대학 교육을 받은 동료들보다 수년 동안 고정된 소득을 확보하게 해준다고 강조한다. 이런 조기의 경제적 독립은 수입 관리, 저축, 미래의 재정 약속에 대비하는 방법을 가르쳐준다. 또한, 조기에 일 경험을 쌓는 것은 업계별 스킬을 키우는데 도움이 되어 경력 발전의 기회를 높여준다.
그러나 대학 교육도 상당한 이점을 제공한다. 대학은 여러 주제에 대한 폭넓은 노출을 제공하여 다양한 분야에 대한 포괄적인 이해를 심어주고 학생들에게 잠재적인 직업 경로에 대한 통찰력을 제공한다. 또한, 다양한 대학 활동은 창의성, 비판적 사고, 문제 해결 능력 등의 중요한 스킬을 개발하는데 도움이 된다. 이런 학문적 경험은 직업 준비에 중요한 발판이 된다고 생각한다.
결론적으로, 두 가지 패러다임 모두 그들의 장점이 있지만, 대학 교육이 성공적인 직업을 위한 견고한 기반을 제공한다고 생각한다.
Good expressions:
1. comprehensive understanding - 포괄적인 이해
2. early-onset employment - 조기의 고용
3. firsthand work experience - 직접적인 일 경험
4. solid foundation for future career success - 미래 직업 성공을 위한 튼튼한 기반
5. early financial independence - 조기의 경제적 독립.
제출한 라이팅
In recent years, there have been a lot of controversies regarding whether students should go to university for future career or they should work instead. While some people argue that young people should work as soon as possible for gaining experience, but I believe that going university would be better for their future.
On the one hand, there are a lot of reasons why students should work first instead of going to university. Firstly, students who work immediately after graduating from high school are able to earn money approximately 3-4 years in advance. If young people start to make money early, they are able to have opportunity to learn how to manage their incomes and be ready for the future’s financial status, for example, by saving their salaris. In addition, people who have more experience would have more qualifications to get promotion. Finally, people are able to develop working skill through extent experience and be a specialist in a specific industry.
On the other hand, students are able to learn deep knowledge in specialised department and also develop personally in college. The college provides a variety of broad knowledge to the students, allowing them to develop a well-rounded understanding of many subjects. The students are able to have a broad perspective through these opportunities and get a chance to choose future career. Moreover, universities give opportunity to students of diverse activities which can foster essential skills such as critical thinking, problem-solving skills and creativity. These significantly important skills helps students for future career preparation.
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against that young people should get working experience first, but I believe that young people have to study at university for their future career path.
On the one hand, there are a lot of reasons why students should work first instead of going to university. Firstly, students who work immediately after graduating from high school are able to earn money approximately 3-4 years in advance. If young people start to make money early, they are able to have opportunity to learn how to manage their incomes and be ready for the future’s financial status, for example, by saving their salaris. In addition, people who have more experience would have more qualifications to get promotion. Finally, people are able to develop working skill through extent experience and be a specialist in a specific industry.
On the other hand, students are able to learn deep knowledge in specialised department and also develop personally in college. The college provides a variety of broad knowledge to the students, allowing them to develop a well-rounded understanding of many subjects. The students are able to have a broad perspective through these opportunities and get a chance to choose future career. Moreover, universities give opportunity to students of diverse activities which can foster essential skills such as critical thinking, problem-solving skills and creativity. These significantly important skills helps students for future career preparation.
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against that young people should get working experience first, but I believe that young people have to study at university for their future career path.
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