아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 9
The essay correctly and thoroughly discusses the topic. Arguments for both sides are balanced, with multiple supporting evidence provided. The author also gives a clear opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8.5
The essay has logical sequencing of points, and clear transitionals ('On the other hand', 'For example', 'In conclusion'). However, there exist some long sentences which could have been simplified to enhance readability.
Lexical Resource: 9
The student exhibits an excellent range of vocabulary, with high-level words such as 'monotonous', 'detrimental', 'holistic' etc. used accurately.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 8
The essay shows a wide range of sentence structures and appropriate use of tenses. However, there are a few minor grammatical errors ('a powerful mean', 'use brains').
Overall: 8.6
Task Response: 9
The essay correctly and thoroughly discusses the topic. Arguments for both sides are balanced, with multiple supporting evidence provided. The author also gives a clear opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion: 8.5
The essay has logical sequencing of points, and clear transitionals ('On the other hand', 'For example', 'In conclusion'). However, there exist some long sentences which could have been simplified to enhance readability.
Lexical Resource: 9
The student exhibits an excellent range of vocabulary, with high-level words such as 'monotonous', 'detrimental', 'holistic' etc. used accurately.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 8
The essay shows a wide range of sentence structures and appropriate use of tenses. However, there are a few minor grammatical errors ('a powerful mean', 'use brains').
Overall: 8.6
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people believe that children can learn effectively by watching TV and they should be encouraged to watch TV both at home and at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
The role of television as an educational tool is an ongoing debate, with some arguing that it enhances learning for children both in the house and school. I find myself inclined towards a mediated stance, acknowledging the benefits of TV for children's learning, but also acutely aware of its potential drawbacks.
Undeniably, television serves as a visually engaging platform, offering a myriad of educational programs that augment conventional academic methods. With the vibrancy of colors and dynamic audio effects, children tend to more readily absorb and internalize the knowledge conveyed. For instance, witness the appeal and efficacy of culinary programs, with children enthusiastically mimicking the culinary demonstrations, a task that might prove tedious through mere textual descriptions.
However, alongside these advantages lie significant concerns. Prolonged exposure to television screens may dull the cognitive abilities of children, fostering a passive learning environment where there is no active cognitive engagement. This form of learning might impair children's holistic development. A child engrossed in watching videos for a significant stretch of time, for instance, might notice a slump in his or her literacy skills, considering there is no active communication or cognitive investment involved during the viewing process.
In conclusion, while TV programs can be employed as a supplementary educational tool if well moderated, the potential harm stemming from overuse cannot be overlooked.
Word count: 251
Essay translated in Korean:
텔레비전이 교육 도구로서의 역할은 계속되는 논란이며, 어떤 사람들은 그것이 가정과 학교에서 어린이들의 학습을 강화한다고 주장합니다. 저는 TV가 어린이들의 학습에 혜택을 줄 수 있지만, 잠재적인 단점에도 민감하게 인지하므로 중재된 입장을 기울이게 됩니다.
부인할 수 없이 텔레비전은 생동감 있는 플랫폼으로, 교육 프로그램의 다양성은 기존의 학문적 방법을 보완합니다. 아이들은 색깔의 활기와 다이나믹한 오디오 효과 등으로 쉽게 지식을 흡수하고 내면화하게 됩니다. 예를 들어 파이를 만드는 방법을 보여주는 요리 프로그램을 통해 어린이들은 하품을 주는 텍스트 설명보다 더욱 열의를 가지게 됩니다.
그러나, 이러한 이점들과 함께 유의할 사항들이 있습니다. 텔레비전 화면에 장시간 노출되면 어린이들의 인지 능력이 둔화될 수 있고, 문제를 주도적으로 해결하는 능력이 없는 수동적인 학습 환경을 만들 수 있습니다. 이런 학습 형태는 어린이들의 전체적인 발달을 저해할 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 비디오 시청 시간이 늘어나면, 아이들의 글쓰기 능력이 떨어질 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, TV 프로그램은 잘 관리되면 보충 교육 도구로 사용될 수 있지만, 과용으로 인한 잠재적인 피해는 간과할 수 없습니다.
Good expressions:
1. The role as an educational tool - 교육 도구로서의 역할
2. Augment conventional academic methods - 기존의 학문적 방법을 보완하다
3. Foster a passive learning environment - 수동적인 학습 환경을 조성하다
4. Impair children's holistic development - 어린이들의 전체적인 발달을 저해하다
5. Supplementary educational tool - 보충 교육 도구
The role of television as an educational tool is an ongoing debate, with some arguing that it enhances learning for children both in the house and school. I find myself inclined towards a mediated stance, acknowledging the benefits of TV for children's learning, but also acutely aware of its potential drawbacks.
Undeniably, television serves as a visually engaging platform, offering a myriad of educational programs that augment conventional academic methods. With the vibrancy of colors and dynamic audio effects, children tend to more readily absorb and internalize the knowledge conveyed. For instance, witness the appeal and efficacy of culinary programs, with children enthusiastically mimicking the culinary demonstrations, a task that might prove tedious through mere textual descriptions.
However, alongside these advantages lie significant concerns. Prolonged exposure to television screens may dull the cognitive abilities of children, fostering a passive learning environment where there is no active cognitive engagement. This form of learning might impair children's holistic development. A child engrossed in watching videos for a significant stretch of time, for instance, might notice a slump in his or her literacy skills, considering there is no active communication or cognitive investment involved during the viewing process.
In conclusion, while TV programs can be employed as a supplementary educational tool if well moderated, the potential harm stemming from overuse cannot be overlooked.
Word count: 251
Essay translated in Korean:
텔레비전이 교육 도구로서의 역할은 계속되는 논란이며, 어떤 사람들은 그것이 가정과 학교에서 어린이들의 학습을 강화한다고 주장합니다. 저는 TV가 어린이들의 학습에 혜택을 줄 수 있지만, 잠재적인 단점에도 민감하게 인지하므로 중재된 입장을 기울이게 됩니다.
부인할 수 없이 텔레비전은 생동감 있는 플랫폼으로, 교육 프로그램의 다양성은 기존의 학문적 방법을 보완합니다. 아이들은 색깔의 활기와 다이나믹한 오디오 효과 등으로 쉽게 지식을 흡수하고 내면화하게 됩니다. 예를 들어 파이를 만드는 방법을 보여주는 요리 프로그램을 통해 어린이들은 하품을 주는 텍스트 설명보다 더욱 열의를 가지게 됩니다.
그러나, 이러한 이점들과 함께 유의할 사항들이 있습니다. 텔레비전 화면에 장시간 노출되면 어린이들의 인지 능력이 둔화될 수 있고, 문제를 주도적으로 해결하는 능력이 없는 수동적인 학습 환경을 만들 수 있습니다. 이런 학습 형태는 어린이들의 전체적인 발달을 저해할 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 비디오 시청 시간이 늘어나면, 아이들의 글쓰기 능력이 떨어질 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, TV 프로그램은 잘 관리되면 보충 교육 도구로 사용될 수 있지만, 과용으로 인한 잠재적인 피해는 간과할 수 없습니다.
Good expressions:
1. The role as an educational tool - 교육 도구로서의 역할
2. Augment conventional academic methods - 기존의 학문적 방법을 보완하다
3. Foster a passive learning environment - 수동적인 학습 환경을 조성하다
4. Impair children's holistic development - 어린이들의 전체적인 발달을 저해하다
5. Supplementary educational tool - 보충 교육 도구
제출한 라이팅
Learning through television program is one of the effective methods for the young, and advocates for it state that watching TV should be encouraged at home and school. I partly agree with the above statement since children do gain more knowledge through programs, but this method should not be promoted as a highly useful way in education.
I agree that watching television is a powerful mean of delivering knowledge because the programs are in video format with colourful images and lively sounds, and they are more effective than books or audiotapes. In other words, the knowledge transmitting through audio-visual illustrations is retained longer in the minds of children. For example, cooking programs will become less monotonous since children can follow the actions they saw on the videos.
On the other hand, even though learning through TV can bring benefits, adults should strictly monitor this activity. The explanation is that looking at the screens for long hours will make children’ minds dull. Children passively receive information as they do not have to use brains to solve any problems actively. As a result, it would be detrimental to the holistic development of the young. For instance, if children watch videos for long-term, their literacy performance can be reduced due to the fact that they do not talk with other people or write any letters when they are busy looking at the screens.
In conclusion, learning by TV can be a useful teaching approach in case the adults know how to use it to promote learning experiences. However, overusing it could lead to imbalanced development for children.
I agree that watching television is a powerful mean of delivering knowledge because the programs are in video format with colourful images and lively sounds, and they are more effective than books or audiotapes. In other words, the knowledge transmitting through audio-visual illustrations is retained longer in the minds of children. For example, cooking programs will become less monotonous since children can follow the actions they saw on the videos.
On the other hand, even though learning through TV can bring benefits, adults should strictly monitor this activity. The explanation is that looking at the screens for long hours will make children’ minds dull. Children passively receive information as they do not have to use brains to solve any problems actively. As a result, it would be detrimental to the holistic development of the young. For instance, if children watch videos for long-term, their literacy performance can be reduced due to the fact that they do not talk with other people or write any letters when they are busy looking at the screens.
In conclusion, learning by TV can be a useful teaching approach in case the adults know how to use it to promote learning experiences. However, overusing it could lead to imbalanced development for children.
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