아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Problem and Solution
More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: [7]
The student's essay fulfils all parts of the task. Suggestions for a solution and explanation of the problem were clearly identified. However, the essay might be a tad more focused. The current essay does give a detailed idea, but there is some redundancy and lack of depth in certain parts of the task, failing to deliver a fully developed answer.
Coherence & Cohesion: [8]
The essay is logically organized and clearly laid out, with each idea being explained and developed in a suitable manner. The usage of cohesive devices such as addition, illustrative and concluding linking words is prevalent and skillfully used. There is a clear overall progression throughout the response.
Lexical Resource: [8]
The writer uses a range of vocabularies to express his/her idea. There is also a good control of collocation with rare errors. Some examples of rich vocabularies used include 'flourish their economy', 'reckless development' and 'disposable products'.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [7]
The essay generally shows good control of grammar and a good range of sentence structures were used, although there were some errors in grammar usage that distracted the reader. For example, “the increasing number of wild animals are endangered to be extinct” could be better phrased as “the increasing number of wild animals is endangered or at risk of becoming extinct”.
Overall: [7.5]
Overall, the essay is well-written and demonstrates a good understanding of the task with a clear structure, well-chosen vocabulary, and generally good grammar usage, although there are minor mistakes. The writer would benefit from focusing more on each aspect of the task and more careful grammar usage in future essays.
Task Response: [7]
The student's essay fulfils all parts of the task. Suggestions for a solution and explanation of the problem were clearly identified. However, the essay might be a tad more focused. The current essay does give a detailed idea, but there is some redundancy and lack of depth in certain parts of the task, failing to deliver a fully developed answer.
Coherence & Cohesion: [8]
The essay is logically organized and clearly laid out, with each idea being explained and developed in a suitable manner. The usage of cohesive devices such as addition, illustrative and concluding linking words is prevalent and skillfully used. There is a clear overall progression throughout the response.
Lexical Resource: [8]
The writer uses a range of vocabularies to express his/her idea. There is also a good control of collocation with rare errors. Some examples of rich vocabularies used include 'flourish their economy', 'reckless development' and 'disposable products'.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [7]
The essay generally shows good control of grammar and a good range of sentence structures were used, although there were some errors in grammar usage that distracted the reader. For example, “the increasing number of wild animals are endangered to be extinct” could be better phrased as “the increasing number of wild animals is endangered or at risk of becoming extinct”.
Overall: [7.5]
Overall, the essay is well-written and demonstrates a good understanding of the task with a clear structure, well-chosen vocabulary, and generally good grammar usage, although there are minor mistakes. The writer would benefit from focusing more on each aspect of the task and more careful grammar usage in future essays.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list.
What are the reasons for this?
What can be done to solve this problem?
Essay:
Introduction:
As time goes on, an alarming rise of wildlife species are identified as endangered or teetering on the edge of extinction. The reasons and potential solutions for this critical issue will be discussed in this essay.
Main paragraph 1:
A variety of reasons contribute to the decline in wild animal populations. A major factor is rapid industrialization and unchecked development activities in several countries aimed at bolstering their economies. The proliferation of these activities, such as vast deforestation, has created environmental pollution and altered climatic conditions. Consequently, this has resulted in the loss of natural habitats forcing wildlife to survive in less hospitable conditions, and in many instances leading to substantial declines in animal numbers. In addition to this, the overhunting and poaching of vulnerable species for their fur, horns, or meat has also exacerbated the issue.
Main paragraph 2:
To combat this grave issue, the international community needs to enforce stringent regulations for the protection of wildlife and their natural habitats. Governments need to regulate rampant development activities, particularly deforestation for agricultural and housing purposes. With advancements in technology, we can seek alternative and sustainable methods for farming and construction that do not encroach on natural habitats. In tandem, there should be strict legal controls on hunting, with particular emphasis on safeguarding endangered species. Meanwhile, individuals too have a role to play. They can contribute to this cause by reducing the use of disposable products and thereby mitigating their ecological footprint.
Conclusion:
In summary, there are numerous factors contributing to the endangerment of diverse wildlife species, and effective solutions should involve a combination of strong governmental policies and conscientious personal efforts.
Word count: 263
Essay translated in Korean:
서론:
시간이 지남에 따라 경악스러운 수의 야생 생물 종이 멸종의 위험에 처하거나 멸종 직전으로 식별되고 있다. 이 중요한 문제의 원인과 해결책에 대해 이 글에서 논의한다.
주요 문단 1:
야생동물 개체 수 감소에는 다양한 원인이 있다. 주요 요인은 경제를 왕성하게 하기 위해 몇몇 국가들에서 빠른 산업화와 경계 없는 발전 활동이다. 이러한 활동들, 특히 대규모 삼림 벌채는 환경 오염을 일으키고 기후 조건을 변경하였다. 따라서 이로 인해 자연 서식지가 손실되어 야생동물들이 덜 hospital 공간에서 생존하게 되었고, 많은 경우 심각한 동물 수 감소를 초래시켰다. 더욱이 이런 문제는 무분별한 사냥과 취약 종의 모피, 뿔, 고기를 위한 밀렵으로 인해 더 악화되었다.
주요 문단 2:
이 심각한 문제와 싸우기 위해선 국제 사회가 야생생물과 그 향연서식지 보호를 위한 엄격한 규제를 시행해야한다. 정부는 농업과 주택용도로의 대규모 삼림 벌채와 같은 무분별한 발전 활동을 규제해야한다. 기술의 발전으로 우리는 자연 서식지 침범 없는 대안적이며 지속 가능한 농업과 건축 방법을 찾을 수 있다. 동시에 멸종 위기 종의 보호에 중점을 둔 엄격한 사냥 법제도 있어야한다. 한편, 개인들 또한 역할이 있다. 그들은 일회용 제품 사용을 감소시켜 생태적인 발자국을 완화함으로써 이 원인에 기여할 수 있다.
결론:
요약하면, 다양한 야생동물 종의 멸종 위기에 기여하는 많은 요인들이 있으며, 효과적인 해결책은 강력한 정부 정책과 양심적인 개인 노력의 조합을 포함해야한다.
Good expressions:
1. teetering on the edge of extinction - 멸종 직전에 처하다
2. unchecked development activities - 경계 없는 발전 활동
3. mitigate their ecological footprint - 생태적인 발자국을 완화하다
4. stringent regulations - 엄격한 규제
5. encroach on natural habitats - 자연 서식지 침범하다
6. conscientious personal efforts - 양심적인 개인 노력
Introduction:
As time goes on, an alarming rise of wildlife species are identified as endangered or teetering on the edge of extinction. The reasons and potential solutions for this critical issue will be discussed in this essay.
Main paragraph 1:
A variety of reasons contribute to the decline in wild animal populations. A major factor is rapid industrialization and unchecked development activities in several countries aimed at bolstering their economies. The proliferation of these activities, such as vast deforestation, has created environmental pollution and altered climatic conditions. Consequently, this has resulted in the loss of natural habitats forcing wildlife to survive in less hospitable conditions, and in many instances leading to substantial declines in animal numbers. In addition to this, the overhunting and poaching of vulnerable species for their fur, horns, or meat has also exacerbated the issue.
Main paragraph 2:
To combat this grave issue, the international community needs to enforce stringent regulations for the protection of wildlife and their natural habitats. Governments need to regulate rampant development activities, particularly deforestation for agricultural and housing purposes. With advancements in technology, we can seek alternative and sustainable methods for farming and construction that do not encroach on natural habitats. In tandem, there should be strict legal controls on hunting, with particular emphasis on safeguarding endangered species. Meanwhile, individuals too have a role to play. They can contribute to this cause by reducing the use of disposable products and thereby mitigating their ecological footprint.
Conclusion:
In summary, there are numerous factors contributing to the endangerment of diverse wildlife species, and effective solutions should involve a combination of strong governmental policies and conscientious personal efforts.
Word count: 263
Essay translated in Korean:
서론:
시간이 지남에 따라 경악스러운 수의 야생 생물 종이 멸종의 위험에 처하거나 멸종 직전으로 식별되고 있다. 이 중요한 문제의 원인과 해결책에 대해 이 글에서 논의한다.
주요 문단 1:
야생동물 개체 수 감소에는 다양한 원인이 있다. 주요 요인은 경제를 왕성하게 하기 위해 몇몇 국가들에서 빠른 산업화와 경계 없는 발전 활동이다. 이러한 활동들, 특히 대규모 삼림 벌채는 환경 오염을 일으키고 기후 조건을 변경하였다. 따라서 이로 인해 자연 서식지가 손실되어 야생동물들이 덜 hospital 공간에서 생존하게 되었고, 많은 경우 심각한 동물 수 감소를 초래시켰다. 더욱이 이런 문제는 무분별한 사냥과 취약 종의 모피, 뿔, 고기를 위한 밀렵으로 인해 더 악화되었다.
주요 문단 2:
이 심각한 문제와 싸우기 위해선 국제 사회가 야생생물과 그 향연서식지 보호를 위한 엄격한 규제를 시행해야한다. 정부는 농업과 주택용도로의 대규모 삼림 벌채와 같은 무분별한 발전 활동을 규제해야한다. 기술의 발전으로 우리는 자연 서식지 침범 없는 대안적이며 지속 가능한 농업과 건축 방법을 찾을 수 있다. 동시에 멸종 위기 종의 보호에 중점을 둔 엄격한 사냥 법제도 있어야한다. 한편, 개인들 또한 역할이 있다. 그들은 일회용 제품 사용을 감소시켜 생태적인 발자국을 완화함으로써 이 원인에 기여할 수 있다.
결론:
요약하면, 다양한 야생동물 종의 멸종 위기에 기여하는 많은 요인들이 있으며, 효과적인 해결책은 강력한 정부 정책과 양심적인 개인 노력의 조합을 포함해야한다.
Good expressions:
1. teetering on the edge of extinction - 멸종 직전에 처하다
2. unchecked development activities - 경계 없는 발전 활동
3. mitigate their ecological footprint - 생태적인 발자국을 완화하다
4. stringent regulations - 엄격한 규제
5. encroach on natural habitats - 자연 서식지 침범하다
6. conscientious personal efforts - 양심적인 개인 노력
제출한 라이팅
Nowadays, the increasing number of wild animals are endangered to be extinct. In this essay, we will look at the reasons for the extinction and find ways to solve these problems.
In recent decades, a lot of countries have sped up industrial development to flourish their economy. These excessive developments such as deforestation has caused environmental pollution and climate changes which lead to losing the wild animal’s habitats. Due to the development, most land in developed and developing countries are not hospitable to animals to live in anymore. It caused the decreasing number of wild life’s species dramatically. Additionally, overhunting in some countries is also accelerating the extinction of wild animals.
To solve this problem, governments all over the world have to strengthen regulation to protect wild animals as well as the natural environment. They should regulate reckless development like huge deforestation for farming and housing. With the advance of technology, we do not have to use more land for cultivating or construction. The governments also have to impose legal controls on overhunting wild animals, especially the endangered species. At the same time, individuals should try to reduce the consumption of disposable products which can help to protect the environment and wildlife in the end.
In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons for the extinction of wild animals and we have to take steps such as the government's strong regulations to tackle this phenomenon. Added to this, personal efforts to reduce waste to protect the wildlife has to be done.
In recent decades, a lot of countries have sped up industrial development to flourish their economy. These excessive developments such as deforestation has caused environmental pollution and climate changes which lead to losing the wild animal’s habitats. Due to the development, most land in developed and developing countries are not hospitable to animals to live in anymore. It caused the decreasing number of wild life’s species dramatically. Additionally, overhunting in some countries is also accelerating the extinction of wild animals.
To solve this problem, governments all over the world have to strengthen regulation to protect wild animals as well as the natural environment. They should regulate reckless development like huge deforestation for farming and housing. With the advance of technology, we do not have to use more land for cultivating or construction. The governments also have to impose legal controls on overhunting wild animals, especially the endangered species. At the same time, individuals should try to reduce the consumption of disposable products which can help to protect the environment and wildlife in the end.
In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons for the extinction of wild animals and we have to take steps such as the government's strong regulations to tackle this phenomenon. Added to this, personal efforts to reduce waste to protect the wildlife has to be done.
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