아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
In many countries today, both men and women need to work full time. Therefore, some people think men and women should share household task equally (e.g. cleaning and looking after children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The student answered the task and gave their opinion clearly. They also provided relevant support for their views such as providing an instance of the situation in South Korea. However, their introduction suggested that they agree with differing gender roles in household chores, but further in the essay they argued for equality. This creates confusion. Moreover, the task has not been fully developed, as there are no strong arguments supporting the disagreement.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
There are clear paragraphs and the use of linking words. However, ideas and arguments are not properly developed. For instance, the South Korea example did not conclude adequately. They also need to work on the usage of cohesive devices and logical sequencing of sentences.
Lexical Resource: 6
The candidate makes use of a decent range of vocabulary, with a variety of words such as 'prevailing', 'implement', 'alleviate', etc. But, some word usage is not exact and there is a need to expand vocabulary and experiment with synonyms or phrases.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
There is a fair use of complex sentences and the student has control over grammatical structures. But there are minor mistakes and certain awkward phrases like "young couples who make money over 8 hours at offices" and "society’s future will gradually improve."
Overall: 6
The student generally addressed the task, using a decent range of grammar and vocabulary. However, to get a higher score, they need to provide clearer and more developed arguments, improve the logical flow of ideas, and refine language use.
Task Response: 6
The student answered the task and gave their opinion clearly. They also provided relevant support for their views such as providing an instance of the situation in South Korea. However, their introduction suggested that they agree with differing gender roles in household chores, but further in the essay they argued for equality. This creates confusion. Moreover, the task has not been fully developed, as there are no strong arguments supporting the disagreement.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
There are clear paragraphs and the use of linking words. However, ideas and arguments are not properly developed. For instance, the South Korea example did not conclude adequately. They also need to work on the usage of cohesive devices and logical sequencing of sentences.
Lexical Resource: 6
The candidate makes use of a decent range of vocabulary, with a variety of words such as 'prevailing', 'implement', 'alleviate', etc. But, some word usage is not exact and there is a need to expand vocabulary and experiment with synonyms or phrases.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
There is a fair use of complex sentences and the student has control over grammatical structures. But there are minor mistakes and certain awkward phrases like "young couples who make money over 8 hours at offices" and "society’s future will gradually improve."
Overall: 6
The student generally addressed the task, using a decent range of grammar and vocabulary. However, to get a higher score, they need to provide clearer and more developed arguments, improve the logical flow of ideas, and refine language use.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
In many countries today, both men and women need to work full time. Therefore, some people think men and women should share household task equally (e.g. cleaning and looking after children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
As it is currently a topic of interest as to whether men and women should divide domestic duties equally, there is a feeling by some that gender roles should dictate who does what. However, in my opinion, as men and women both contribute equally to the workforce, household chores should be shared equitably as well.
To start, when both partners are employed full-time, it follows that they should split home responsibilities evenly. Given that both are committing a significant portion of their day to work, neither is left with ample time for domestic duties. For example, in places like South Korea, where there is a trend of dual-earner households, couples frequently divide chores between them due to their limited available time after office hours.
That being said, the onus also falls on the government to help diminish this perceived gender imbalance in household tasks. Sensitizing the public to gender equity, especially targeting males, can encourage a fairer divide of household chores. For instance, public campaigns aimed at achieving gender equality can help normalize the sight of men sharing in these tasks and alleviate the bias against women. This approach could inspire men to participate more willingly in domestic duties.
In conclusion, in order to progress as a society, we need to abolish archaic gender roles in favor of equality in all aspects, including domestic chores. Effective policy-making can greatly aid in achieving this goal.
Word count: 260
Essay translated in Korean:
현재 남성과 여성이 가사를 동등하게 나누어야 하는지 여부는 관심사이다. 일부 사람들은 성별 역할이 어떤 직무를 수행해야 하는지 결정해야한다고 느낍니다. 그러나 저는 남성과 여성 모두 노동력에 동등하게 기여하므로 가사를 공평하게 나눠야한다고 생각합니다.
먼저, 두 파트너 모두가 전임직이라면 그들은 가사를 공평하게 나눠야한다. 둘 다 하루의 상당 부분을 일하는데 사용하고 있으므로 가사를 위한 충분한 시간이 남아있지 않습니다. 예를 들어, 남한 같은 곳에서는 이중 소득 가정의 트렌드가 있으며, 복 잡한 사무실 시간 후의 제한된 시간 때문에 커플들은 종종 그들 사이에 가사를 나눕니다.
그렇지만 이 perceived 성별 불균형을 줄이기 위해 정부에도 책임이 있습니다. 특히 남성을 대상으로 성 평등에 대한 인식을 높이는 것은 가사를 더 공평하게 나눌 수 있도록 장려할 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 성 평등을 달성하기 위한 공공 캠페인은 남성들이 이러한 작업을 공유하는 것을 정상화하고 여성에 대한 편견을 줄일 수 있습니다. 이 접근법은 남성들이 가사에 더 기꺼이 참여하도록 장려할 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, 사회로서 발전하기 위해 우리는 모든 면에서 성 평등을 주장하는 고서투한 성 역할을 폐지해야합니다. 효과적인 정책 결정은 이 목표를 달성하는데 크게 도움이 될 수 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. "Archival gender roles" - 고서투한 성 역할
2. "Dual-earner households" - 이중 소득 가정
3. "Onus falls on" - ~에 책임이 있다.
4. "Effective policy-making" - 효과적인 정책 결정.
5. "Perceived gender imbalance" - 인식된 성별 불균형.
As it is currently a topic of interest as to whether men and women should divide domestic duties equally, there is a feeling by some that gender roles should dictate who does what. However, in my opinion, as men and women both contribute equally to the workforce, household chores should be shared equitably as well.
To start, when both partners are employed full-time, it follows that they should split home responsibilities evenly. Given that both are committing a significant portion of their day to work, neither is left with ample time for domestic duties. For example, in places like South Korea, where there is a trend of dual-earner households, couples frequently divide chores between them due to their limited available time after office hours.
That being said, the onus also falls on the government to help diminish this perceived gender imbalance in household tasks. Sensitizing the public to gender equity, especially targeting males, can encourage a fairer divide of household chores. For instance, public campaigns aimed at achieving gender equality can help normalize the sight of men sharing in these tasks and alleviate the bias against women. This approach could inspire men to participate more willingly in domestic duties.
In conclusion, in order to progress as a society, we need to abolish archaic gender roles in favor of equality in all aspects, including domestic chores. Effective policy-making can greatly aid in achieving this goal.
Word count: 260
Essay translated in Korean:
현재 남성과 여성이 가사를 동등하게 나누어야 하는지 여부는 관심사이다. 일부 사람들은 성별 역할이 어떤 직무를 수행해야 하는지 결정해야한다고 느낍니다. 그러나 저는 남성과 여성 모두 노동력에 동등하게 기여하므로 가사를 공평하게 나눠야한다고 생각합니다.
먼저, 두 파트너 모두가 전임직이라면 그들은 가사를 공평하게 나눠야한다. 둘 다 하루의 상당 부분을 일하는데 사용하고 있으므로 가사를 위한 충분한 시간이 남아있지 않습니다. 예를 들어, 남한 같은 곳에서는 이중 소득 가정의 트렌드가 있으며, 복 잡한 사무실 시간 후의 제한된 시간 때문에 커플들은 종종 그들 사이에 가사를 나눕니다.
그렇지만 이 perceived 성별 불균형을 줄이기 위해 정부에도 책임이 있습니다. 특히 남성을 대상으로 성 평등에 대한 인식을 높이는 것은 가사를 더 공평하게 나눌 수 있도록 장려할 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, 성 평등을 달성하기 위한 공공 캠페인은 남성들이 이러한 작업을 공유하는 것을 정상화하고 여성에 대한 편견을 줄일 수 있습니다. 이 접근법은 남성들이 가사에 더 기꺼이 참여하도록 장려할 수 있습니다.
결론적으로, 사회로서 발전하기 위해 우리는 모든 면에서 성 평등을 주장하는 고서투한 성 역할을 폐지해야합니다. 효과적인 정책 결정은 이 목표를 달성하는데 크게 도움이 될 수 있습니다.
Good expressions:
1. "Archival gender roles" - 고서투한 성 역할
2. "Dual-earner households" - 이중 소득 가정
3. "Onus falls on" - ~에 책임이 있다.
4. "Effective policy-making" - 효과적인 정책 결정.
5. "Perceived gender imbalance" - 인식된 성별 불균형.
제출한 라이팅
It is generally acknowledged whether men and women should share household tasks equally or not is a source of social issues. Concerning some people, that gender’s household tasks should be different. I agree with this view as I believe there are also other viable solutions to address this problem.
To begin with, both men and women should share equal household tasks. This is because they work full-time for their family regardless of their sex. In South Korea, for instance, young couples who make money over 8 hours at offices. Furthermore, they have no choice but to do household chores together due to the fact that they do not have enough time to stay at home.
However, to alleviate the prevalent causes of unequal household tasks, the government should promote awareness among the public about gender issues. To be specific, encouraging males to think positively about gender can help to prevent women from spending more time on domestic tasks. For example, various public campaigns that aim at the same status of the sexes could effectively show men that it is essential to obtain equal household tasks. As a result of this innovative method, males will begin to consider equal domestic duties. This demonstrates that implementing effective campaigns can solve the widespread problem of unequal household tasks.
In conclusion, society should immediately deal with the issue of unequal household chores by creating effective policies that implement solutions that are centered on factors. Actively handling the issue of equal domestic chores in this way will ensure that society’s future will gradually improve.
To begin with, both men and women should share equal household tasks. This is because they work full-time for their family regardless of their sex. In South Korea, for instance, young couples who make money over 8 hours at offices. Furthermore, they have no choice but to do household chores together due to the fact that they do not have enough time to stay at home.
However, to alleviate the prevalent causes of unequal household tasks, the government should promote awareness among the public about gender issues. To be specific, encouraging males to think positively about gender can help to prevent women from spending more time on domestic tasks. For example, various public campaigns that aim at the same status of the sexes could effectively show men that it is essential to obtain equal household tasks. As a result of this innovative method, males will begin to consider equal domestic duties. This demonstrates that implementing effective campaigns can solve the widespread problem of unequal household tasks.
In conclusion, society should immediately deal with the issue of unequal household chores by creating effective policies that implement solutions that are centered on factors. Actively handling the issue of equal domestic chores in this way will ensure that society’s future will gradually improve.
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