아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
In many countries today, both men and women need to work full time. Therefore, some people think men and women should share household task equally (e.g. cleaning and looking after children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 5
The response is generally relevant to the task, but the argument isn't fully developed. The writer partially agrees with the statement but fails to provide focused arguments to support his view. Also, in the second paragraph, their main point of view becomes confusing as they state both men and women should share household tasks, which seems to contradict their initial viewpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphs and transitions. However, it lacks the more subtle lexical cohesion seen in higher band essays. Some ideas are still not fully connected, and arguments are not consistently made throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource: 6
The writer demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary and uses some less common lexical items. However, some imprecise word usage and collocations (e.g. "implementing effective campaigns" instead of "launching effective campaigns", "innovation method" instead of "innovative method") can be observed.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The writer shows a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, however, grammatical errors are present ("Concerning some people, that gener’s household tasks should be different." ). There is frequent misuse of articles, and sentences sometimes lack clarity due to incorrect grammar and syntax.
Overall: 6
The essay generally addresses the task but lacks some clarity and thorough development. There remains room for improvement in terms of ideas' development, coherence, and accuracy in grammar and vocabulary.
Task Response: 5
The response is generally relevant to the task, but the argument isn't fully developed. The writer partially agrees with the statement but fails to provide focused arguments to support his view. Also, in the second paragraph, their main point of view becomes confusing as they state both men and women should share household tasks, which seems to contradict their initial viewpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphs and transitions. However, it lacks the more subtle lexical cohesion seen in higher band essays. Some ideas are still not fully connected, and arguments are not consistently made throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource: 6
The writer demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary and uses some less common lexical items. However, some imprecise word usage and collocations (e.g. "implementing effective campaigns" instead of "launching effective campaigns", "innovation method" instead of "innovative method") can be observed.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The writer shows a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, however, grammatical errors are present ("Concerning some people, that gener’s household tasks should be different." ). There is frequent misuse of articles, and sentences sometimes lack clarity due to incorrect grammar and syntax.
Overall: 6
The essay generally addresses the task but lacks some clarity and thorough development. There remains room for improvement in terms of ideas' development, coherence, and accuracy in grammar and vocabulary.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
In many countries today, both men and women need to work full time. Therefore, some people think men and women should share household task equally (e.g. cleaning and looking after children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
The topic of equal division of domestic duties amongst men and women has been a polemical issue in various societies. As both genders increasingly participate in full-time jobs, it is suggested that household tasks should be evenly shared. Overall, I personally incline towards this perspective.
To start, the notion of equal sharing of household chores is critical since both men and women contribute to their family's livelihood, irrespective of gender. An excellent case in point is South Korea, where many young couples are employed in full-time roles, routinely clocking over eight hours in their offices. Such couples inevitably find themselves sharing household duties on account of their constrained at-home time schedule.
However, I believe that it is crucial not just to promote this behaviour pattern but also to implement government-led programs specifically targeting gender prejudices. By encouraging positive and equal views on gender, the burden of home tasks on women would be lessened considerably. For instance, public awareness campaigns aimed at fostering gender-equitable attitudes most certainly would challenge men to consider their share in domestic duties.
In conclusion, addressing this pressing societal issue of unequal division of home chores is key. Government and societal efforts that focus on altering deeply ingrained gender biases are likely to pave the way towards a more balanced future.
Word count: 261
Essay translated in Korean:
남성과 여성 사이의 국내 의무의 평등한 분배에 대한 주제는 여러 사회에서 논란의 여지가 있었습니다. 두 성별이 점점 더 풀타임 직업에 참여하게 됨에 따라, 가정의 업무는 고르게 나눠져야 한다는 제안이 있습니다. 전체적으로, 저는 개인적으로 이 관점에 기울어 있습니다.
첫 번째로, 남녀 상관없이 가족의 생계에 기여하기 때문에 가정 업무를 평등하게 나눌 필요가 있다는 개념은 중요합니다. 남한이 훌륭한 사례입니다. 많은 젊은 부부들이 풀타임 직업에 종사하며, 회사에서 하루에 8시간 이상 소요됩니다. 이런 커플들은 가정에서의 시간이 제한적이므로 가정의 직무를 공유할 수밖에 없습니다.
그러나 난 이러한 행동 패턴을 촉진하는 것뿐만 아니라 정부 주도의 성 편견에 대한 특정 프로그램을 구현하는 것이 중요하다고 믿습니다. 성에 대한 긍정적이고 평등한 견해를 촉진함으로써, 여성들에게 집안일의 부담이 상당히 줄어들 것입니다. 예를 들어, 성 평등 태도를 촉진하는 공익 캠페인에는 남성들에게 집안일에 대한 기여를 고려하도록 도전하는 것이 분명히 있을 것입니다.
결론적으로, 가정의 업무에 대한 불균형한 분배라는 사회적 문제를 해결하는 것은 중요합니다. 깊이 뿌리박힌 성 편견을 변화시키는데 초점을 맞춘 정부와 사회의 노력이 더욱 균형 잡힌 미래를 내다볼 수 있을 것입니다.
Good expressions:
1. Polemical issue - 논란의 여지가 있는 문제
2. Incline towards - ~에 기울이다
3. An excellent case in point - 좋은 사례
4. Government-led programs - 정부 주도 프로그램
5. Deeply ingrained - 깊이 뿌리박힌
6. Pave the way towards - ~로 길을 내다보다
The topic of equal division of domestic duties amongst men and women has been a polemical issue in various societies. As both genders increasingly participate in full-time jobs, it is suggested that household tasks should be evenly shared. Overall, I personally incline towards this perspective.
To start, the notion of equal sharing of household chores is critical since both men and women contribute to their family's livelihood, irrespective of gender. An excellent case in point is South Korea, where many young couples are employed in full-time roles, routinely clocking over eight hours in their offices. Such couples inevitably find themselves sharing household duties on account of their constrained at-home time schedule.
However, I believe that it is crucial not just to promote this behaviour pattern but also to implement government-led programs specifically targeting gender prejudices. By encouraging positive and equal views on gender, the burden of home tasks on women would be lessened considerably. For instance, public awareness campaigns aimed at fostering gender-equitable attitudes most certainly would challenge men to consider their share in domestic duties.
In conclusion, addressing this pressing societal issue of unequal division of home chores is key. Government and societal efforts that focus on altering deeply ingrained gender biases are likely to pave the way towards a more balanced future.
Word count: 261
Essay translated in Korean:
남성과 여성 사이의 국내 의무의 평등한 분배에 대한 주제는 여러 사회에서 논란의 여지가 있었습니다. 두 성별이 점점 더 풀타임 직업에 참여하게 됨에 따라, 가정의 업무는 고르게 나눠져야 한다는 제안이 있습니다. 전체적으로, 저는 개인적으로 이 관점에 기울어 있습니다.
첫 번째로, 남녀 상관없이 가족의 생계에 기여하기 때문에 가정 업무를 평등하게 나눌 필요가 있다는 개념은 중요합니다. 남한이 훌륭한 사례입니다. 많은 젊은 부부들이 풀타임 직업에 종사하며, 회사에서 하루에 8시간 이상 소요됩니다. 이런 커플들은 가정에서의 시간이 제한적이므로 가정의 직무를 공유할 수밖에 없습니다.
그러나 난 이러한 행동 패턴을 촉진하는 것뿐만 아니라 정부 주도의 성 편견에 대한 특정 프로그램을 구현하는 것이 중요하다고 믿습니다. 성에 대한 긍정적이고 평등한 견해를 촉진함으로써, 여성들에게 집안일의 부담이 상당히 줄어들 것입니다. 예를 들어, 성 평등 태도를 촉진하는 공익 캠페인에는 남성들에게 집안일에 대한 기여를 고려하도록 도전하는 것이 분명히 있을 것입니다.
결론적으로, 가정의 업무에 대한 불균형한 분배라는 사회적 문제를 해결하는 것은 중요합니다. 깊이 뿌리박힌 성 편견을 변화시키는데 초점을 맞춘 정부와 사회의 노력이 더욱 균형 잡힌 미래를 내다볼 수 있을 것입니다.
Good expressions:
1. Polemical issue - 논란의 여지가 있는 문제
2. Incline towards - ~에 기울이다
3. An excellent case in point - 좋은 사례
4. Government-led programs - 정부 주도 프로그램
5. Deeply ingrained - 깊이 뿌리박힌
6. Pave the way towards - ~로 길을 내다보다
제출한 라이팅
It is generally acknowledged whether men and women should share household tasks equally or not is a source of social issues. Concerning some people, that gener’s household tasks should be different. I agree with this view as I believe there are also other viable solutions to redress this problem.
To begin with, both men and women should share equal household tasks. This is because they work full time for their family regardless of the sex. In South Korea, for instance, young couples who make money over 8 hours at offices. Furthermore, they have no choice but to do household chores together due to the fact that they do not have enough time to stay at home.
However, to alleviate the prevalent causes of equal household tasks, the government should promote awareness among the public about gender issues. To be specific, encouraging males to positively think about gender can help to prevent women from spending more time on household tasks. For example, various public campaigns that aim at the same status of sex could effectively show men that it is essential to obtain equal household tasks. As a result of this innovation method, males will begin to consider equal household tasks. This demonstrates that implementing effective campaigns can solve the widespread problem of not equal household tasks.
In conclusion, society should immediately deal with the issue of not equal household tasks by creating effective policies that implement solutions that are centered on factors. Actively handling the issue of equal household tasks in this way will ensure that society’s future will gradually improve.
To begin with, both men and women should share equal household tasks. This is because they work full time for their family regardless of the sex. In South Korea, for instance, young couples who make money over 8 hours at offices. Furthermore, they have no choice but to do household chores together due to the fact that they do not have enough time to stay at home.
However, to alleviate the prevalent causes of equal household tasks, the government should promote awareness among the public about gender issues. To be specific, encouraging males to positively think about gender can help to prevent women from spending more time on household tasks. For example, various public campaigns that aim at the same status of sex could effectively show men that it is essential to obtain equal household tasks. As a result of this innovation method, males will begin to consider equal household tasks. This demonstrates that implementing effective campaigns can solve the widespread problem of not equal household tasks.
In conclusion, society should immediately deal with the issue of not equal household tasks by creating effective policies that implement solutions that are centered on factors. Actively handling the issue of equal household tasks in this way will ensure that society’s future will gradually improve.
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