AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Problem and Solution
In modern times, people are under more stress than ever. This has a negative impact on their well-being. State some of the causes and suggest possible solutions.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 8
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and discusses both the causes of stress in modern society and possible solutions. The main points are clearly stated and supported with relevant examples.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is generally well-structured and coherent. There is a clear introduction and conclusion, and the body paragraphs are logically organized. However, there could be stronger transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall cohesion.
Lexical Resource: 7
The vocabulary used in the essay is generally appropriate and there are some good word choices. However, there is room for improvement in terms of using more varied and precise vocabulary. Some collocations and idiomatic expressions could be incorporated as well.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate use of grammar. However, there are a few instances of grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb tenses.
Overall: 7.5
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides relevant examples to support the main points. The ideas are presented in a clear and logical manner. With improvements in vocabulary and grammar, the essay has the potential to score higher.
Task Response: 8
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and discusses both the causes of stress in modern society and possible solutions. The main points are clearly stated and supported with relevant examples.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is generally well-structured and coherent. There is a clear introduction and conclusion, and the body paragraphs are logically organized. However, there could be stronger transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall cohesion.
Lexical Resource: 7
The vocabulary used in the essay is generally appropriate and there are some good word choices. However, there is room for improvement in terms of using more varied and precise vocabulary. Some collocations and idiomatic expressions could be incorporated as well.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate use of grammar. However, there are a few instances of grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect verb tenses.
Overall: 7.5
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides relevant examples to support the main points. The ideas are presented in a clear and logical manner. With improvements in vocabulary and grammar, the essay has the potential to score higher.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
In modern times, people are under more stress than ever. This has a negative impact on their well-being.
State some of the causes and suggest possible solutions.
In today's modern society, an increasing number of individuals are experiencing high levels of stress, which has a detrimental effect on their overall well-being and health. This concerning trend can be attributed to various factors, including the rapid development of society. However, there are several viable solutions that can help mitigate the negative impact of stress. This essay will explore the underlying causes of stress and propose possible remedies.
One significant cause of stress is the pervasive influence of social media, which prompts individuals to constantly compare themselves to others, undermining their self-confidence. The prevalence of online celebrities who are known for their material possessions and attractive appearance intensifies this phenomenon. As a result, people become more stressed as they spend more time idolizing these figures. Thus, it is evident that the development of the internet contributes to this elevated stress.
Furthermore, individuals are faced with intense competition throughout their lives. From a young age, they must strive for academic excellence, which is followed by a relentless battle to secure employment opportunities. Regrettably, this cycle does not end, as there are numerous significant milestones in life that necessitate competition. Consequently, people find themselves under immense stress due to the constant pressure to outperform their peers.
Nonetheless, several straightforward strategies can be employed to address this issue. First and foremost, individuals should consider disconnecting from smartphones and internet-connected devices to avoid comparing themselves with others. Instead, they should focus on their own lives and engage in activities that bring them joy. Research has shown that engaging in hobbies or spending quality time with loved ones can decrease the release of stress hormones in the brain, ultimately leading to a more relaxed state. Thus, individuals should prioritize activities that provide comfort and relaxation, rather than spending excessive time online.
In conclusion, the prevalence of stress in today's society is more pronounced compared to previous years. Fortunately, stress can be alleviated through simple and accessible means, such as engaging in relaxation activities. While there may be additional causes of stress apart from social media and competition, it is crucial to identify and address the root causes that have lasting negative effects on individuals' health and overall well-being.
[267 words]
Good expressions:
1. detrimental effect on - 악영향을 미치다
2. rapid development of society - 사회의 급속한 발전
3. viable solutions - 실현 가능한 해결책
4. underlying causes - 근본적인 원인
5. intense competition - 치열한 경쟁
6. relentless battle - 가차 없는 싸움
7. alleviate stress - 스트레스를 완화시키다
8. accessible means - 접근 가능한 방법
9. lasting negative effects - 지속적인 부정적인 영향
One significant cause of stress is the pervasive influence of social media, which prompts individuals to constantly compare themselves to others, undermining their self-confidence. The prevalence of online celebrities who are known for their material possessions and attractive appearance intensifies this phenomenon. As a result, people become more stressed as they spend more time idolizing these figures. Thus, it is evident that the development of the internet contributes to this elevated stress.
Furthermore, individuals are faced with intense competition throughout their lives. From a young age, they must strive for academic excellence, which is followed by a relentless battle to secure employment opportunities. Regrettably, this cycle does not end, as there are numerous significant milestones in life that necessitate competition. Consequently, people find themselves under immense stress due to the constant pressure to outperform their peers.
Nonetheless, several straightforward strategies can be employed to address this issue. First and foremost, individuals should consider disconnecting from smartphones and internet-connected devices to avoid comparing themselves with others. Instead, they should focus on their own lives and engage in activities that bring them joy. Research has shown that engaging in hobbies or spending quality time with loved ones can decrease the release of stress hormones in the brain, ultimately leading to a more relaxed state. Thus, individuals should prioritize activities that provide comfort and relaxation, rather than spending excessive time online.
In conclusion, the prevalence of stress in today's society is more pronounced compared to previous years. Fortunately, stress can be alleviated through simple and accessible means, such as engaging in relaxation activities. While there may be additional causes of stress apart from social media and competition, it is crucial to identify and address the root causes that have lasting negative effects on individuals' health and overall well-being.
[267 words]
Good expressions:
1. detrimental effect on - 악영향을 미치다
2. rapid development of society - 사회의 급속한 발전
3. viable solutions - 실현 가능한 해결책
4. underlying causes - 근본적인 원인
5. intense competition - 치열한 경쟁
6. relentless battle - 가차 없는 싸움
7. alleviate stress - 스트레스를 완화시키다
8. accessible means - 접근 가능한 방법
9. lasting negative effects - 지속적인 부정적인 영향
제출한 라이팅
In recent society, there are more people who are suffering from stress. It is a dangerous trend because it has a negative influence to their health and well-being. While the main reason for getting stressed nowadays is because of the development of the society, which seems like they have to live with it, there are some advisable resolutions to reduce stress. In this essay, both the root-cause and the solutions for this trend will be discussed.
First of all, living in a society with the highly developed social media service made the individuals to compare each other, hampering the level of self-confidence. For instance, there are many famous people in the online media who have gained popularity for their possessions such as wealth and attractive appearance. However, the more time spent admiring the celebrities, the more stressful people became. Therefore, it is evident that one of the sources that cause stress is the development of internet.
Moreover, individuals have to go through severe competition throughout the lifetime. For example, people compete as an effort to achieve higher academic performance at their school age. After that, they should go through a more challenging competition to grasp employment opportunity. Unfortunately, these two situations are not the end because there are more key milestones in life that could not be done without competition. Thus, people are under more stress because of the competition they have to go through.
Nevertheless, there are many simple ways to tackle this issue. First and foremost, detaching with smart phones or devices that connects to internet media could enable people to stop comparing with others and lead them to focus on their own lives. Furthermore, it is advisable for people to engage with hobbies or spend quality time with their friends and family. One prime example for this is the research about stress hormones released from brains which are observed to be decreased while individuals were feeling relaxed. Therefore, it is important for people to reduce stress by doing something they feel comfortable rather than spending time online.
In conclusion, there are more people who suffer from stress compared to the past. Fortunately, people could release stress rather easily through relaxing. While there are possibly more reasons other than social media and competition, it is important to identify and mitigate the root-cause that has negative influence to their health and well-being.
First of all, living in a society with the highly developed social media service made the individuals to compare each other, hampering the level of self-confidence. For instance, there are many famous people in the online media who have gained popularity for their possessions such as wealth and attractive appearance. However, the more time spent admiring the celebrities, the more stressful people became. Therefore, it is evident that one of the sources that cause stress is the development of internet.
Moreover, individuals have to go through severe competition throughout the lifetime. For example, people compete as an effort to achieve higher academic performance at their school age. After that, they should go through a more challenging competition to grasp employment opportunity. Unfortunately, these two situations are not the end because there are more key milestones in life that could not be done without competition. Thus, people are under more stress because of the competition they have to go through.
Nevertheless, there are many simple ways to tackle this issue. First and foremost, detaching with smart phones or devices that connects to internet media could enable people to stop comparing with others and lead them to focus on their own lives. Furthermore, it is advisable for people to engage with hobbies or spend quality time with their friends and family. One prime example for this is the research about stress hormones released from brains which are observed to be decreased while individuals were feeling relaxed. Therefore, it is important for people to reduce stress by doing something they feel comfortable rather than spending time online.
In conclusion, there are more people who suffer from stress compared to the past. Fortunately, people could release stress rather easily through relaxing. While there are possibly more reasons other than social media and competition, it is important to identify and mitigate the root-cause that has negative influence to their health and well-being.
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