아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Problem and Solution
A noticeable lack of students opting for science subjects at universities is observed in various countries. What are the reasons and what are the effects on society?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The essay addresses the given task prompt and discusses the reasons behind the lack of students opting for science subjects at universities, as well as the effects on society. However, there could be more depth and development in the arguments presented.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay is mostly well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. There is a logical flow of ideas within paragraphs. However, there could be better use of linking words and phrases to enhance coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource: 6
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate and there is evidence of some range. However, there are instances of incorrect word choices or awkward phrasing. More variety in vocabulary would improve the score.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammar structures, with varied sentence structures used. There are some errors in grammar, such as incorrect verb tenses and subject-verb agreement issues. More attention to accurate grammar usage would be beneficial.
Overall: 6
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of competence in each of the criteria. With improvements in depth of analysis, use of linking words, vocabulary choice, and grammar accuracy, the score could be higher.
Task Response: 6
The essay addresses the given task prompt and discusses the reasons behind the lack of students opting for science subjects at universities, as well as the effects on society. However, there could be more depth and development in the arguments presented.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay is mostly well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. There is a logical flow of ideas within paragraphs. However, there could be better use of linking words and phrases to enhance coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource: 6
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate and there is evidence of some range. However, there are instances of incorrect word choices or awkward phrasing. More variety in vocabulary would improve the score.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammar structures, with varied sentence structures used. There are some errors in grammar, such as incorrect verb tenses and subject-verb agreement issues. More attention to accurate grammar usage would be beneficial.
Overall: 6
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of competence in each of the criteria. With improvements in depth of analysis, use of linking words, vocabulary choice, and grammar accuracy, the score could be higher.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
A noticeable lack of students opting for science subjects at universities is observed in various countries. What are the reasons and what are the effects on society?
Introduction:
In many countries, there is a noticeable decline in the number of students choosing science subjects at universities. This essay will examine the reasons behind this trend and its potential effects on society.
Main Paragraph 1:
One reason for the lack of interest in science subjects is the perceived lack of practical applications in university curricula. For instance, a survey conducted by Seoul National University's new technology center in Korea revealed that students in pure science courses expressed low satisfaction with the content delivered by universities. More than 50% of respondents highlighted the need for more relevant and specific subjects that reflect real-world scenarios, such as "the impact of urbanization on modern habitats." This suggests that students feel disconnected from the practical aspects of science, diminishing their interest in pursuing these subjects.
Additionally, the absence of clearly defined and attractive career paths in science contributes to the decline in enrollment. Students may perceive that studying science will not provide the necessary skills for future professional success. Consequently, they may opt for more general management courses that align with the demands of prospective employers in various industries.
Main Paragraph 2:
The decline in students opting for science subjects has significant implications for technological advancements, directly impacting the quality of people's daily lives. Without the inspiration and drive of scientists and technicians, major innovations such as automobiles, airplanes, and trains, which greatly enhance transport efficiency, would not have been possible. Furthermore, diminishing interest in diverse research fields, including biology and chemistry, poses a potential threat by narrowing the range of academic disciplines and reducing focus on technical knowledge.
Conclusion:
In conclusion, the decreasing number of students selecting science curriculum at universities not only hinders important technological breakthroughs but also limits educational diversity. To address this issue, it is crucial to establish stronger ties with manufacturing companies to generate more interest in practical applications of science. Moreover, universities should emphasize clear career routes for aspiring science professionals to showcase the potential benefits and opportunities available in this field.
[Word Count: 274]
Good expressions:
1. A noticeable decline
- 한창 저하
2. Perceived lack of practical applications
- 실질적인 응용의 부재라고 인식되는
3. University curricula
- 대학 교육과정
4. Pure science courses
- 순수과학 과목들
5. Reflect real-world scenarios
- 현실 세계 상황을 반영하다
6. Disconnected from the practical aspects
- 실용적인 면과의 접속이 끊어져 있다
7. Enroll in science subjects
- 과학 과목에 등록하다
8. Prospective employers
- 잠재적인 채용 기업
9. Technological advancements
- 기술적 발전
10. Enhance transport efficiency
- 교통 효율을 향상시키다
11. Diminishing interest
- 흥미 감소
12. Diverse research fields
- 다양한 연구 분야
13. Limit educational diversity
- 교육 다양성을 제한하다
14. Showcase the potential benefits and opportunities
- 잠재적인 이점과 기회를 보여주다
In many countries, there is a noticeable decline in the number of students choosing science subjects at universities. This essay will examine the reasons behind this trend and its potential effects on society.
Main Paragraph 1:
One reason for the lack of interest in science subjects is the perceived lack of practical applications in university curricula. For instance, a survey conducted by Seoul National University's new technology center in Korea revealed that students in pure science courses expressed low satisfaction with the content delivered by universities. More than 50% of respondents highlighted the need for more relevant and specific subjects that reflect real-world scenarios, such as "the impact of urbanization on modern habitats." This suggests that students feel disconnected from the practical aspects of science, diminishing their interest in pursuing these subjects.
Additionally, the absence of clearly defined and attractive career paths in science contributes to the decline in enrollment. Students may perceive that studying science will not provide the necessary skills for future professional success. Consequently, they may opt for more general management courses that align with the demands of prospective employers in various industries.
Main Paragraph 2:
The decline in students opting for science subjects has significant implications for technological advancements, directly impacting the quality of people's daily lives. Without the inspiration and drive of scientists and technicians, major innovations such as automobiles, airplanes, and trains, which greatly enhance transport efficiency, would not have been possible. Furthermore, diminishing interest in diverse research fields, including biology and chemistry, poses a potential threat by narrowing the range of academic disciplines and reducing focus on technical knowledge.
Conclusion:
In conclusion, the decreasing number of students selecting science curriculum at universities not only hinders important technological breakthroughs but also limits educational diversity. To address this issue, it is crucial to establish stronger ties with manufacturing companies to generate more interest in practical applications of science. Moreover, universities should emphasize clear career routes for aspiring science professionals to showcase the potential benefits and opportunities available in this field.
[Word Count: 274]
Good expressions:
1. A noticeable decline
- 한창 저하
2. Perceived lack of practical applications
- 실질적인 응용의 부재라고 인식되는
3. University curricula
- 대학 교육과정
4. Pure science courses
- 순수과학 과목들
5. Reflect real-world scenarios
- 현실 세계 상황을 반영하다
6. Disconnected from the practical aspects
- 실용적인 면과의 접속이 끊어져 있다
7. Enroll in science subjects
- 과학 과목에 등록하다
8. Prospective employers
- 잠재적인 채용 기업
9. Technological advancements
- 기술적 발전
10. Enhance transport efficiency
- 교통 효율을 향상시키다
11. Diminishing interest
- 흥미 감소
12. Diverse research fields
- 다양한 연구 분야
13. Limit educational diversity
- 교육 다양성을 제한하다
14. Showcase the potential benefits and opportunities
- 잠재적인 이점과 기회를 보여주다
제출한 라이팅
As our society becomes more bountiful, a substantial concern about a considerable lack of students pursuing science classes at college is an emerging issues. This essay will discuss about the reasons why this phenomenon is witnessed and the expected impact derived from it.
First of all, a plethora of undergraduate students blame on the absence of practical contents of science subjects at university. In a survey conducted by the new technology center of Seoul National University in Korea, those who participated the course of pure science answered low satisfaction level for the delivered material by universities, and more than 50% of respondents pointed out that the education institutions should the necessity of useful and specific subjects in reality, such as 'the alteration of modern habitat in urban area'.
Moreover, the lack of specific and attractive career paths is another reason. Namely, taking science subject would not be supportive for their future achievement at work, causing attending the classes of general management in which most of corporations want to hire potential talents.
This trend has a negative influence of technical developments, nourishing the quality of human's daily lives. For example, without interest and inspirations about technical fields from scientists and technicians, the enhancement, such as automobiles, airplanes, and trains which are helpful for us to save transport hours, would have not been possible.
Moreover, termination of diverse research areas, such as biology and chemistry, is a potential problem, deriving an adverse circle between the reducing diversity of academic area and avoiding technical fields.
In conclusion, lack of students opting for science curriculum at universities include the probability of negative impact on useful technical jumps and educational diversity. To solve these problems, it is imperative to prepare connections with manufacturing companies to draw more interest of utility, and to focus suggesting possible and clear career routes for future specialists in university.
First of all, a plethora of undergraduate students blame on the absence of practical contents of science subjects at university. In a survey conducted by the new technology center of Seoul National University in Korea, those who participated the course of pure science answered low satisfaction level for the delivered material by universities, and more than 50% of respondents pointed out that the education institutions should the necessity of useful and specific subjects in reality, such as 'the alteration of modern habitat in urban area'.
Moreover, the lack of specific and attractive career paths is another reason. Namely, taking science subject would not be supportive for their future achievement at work, causing attending the classes of general management in which most of corporations want to hire potential talents.
This trend has a negative influence of technical developments, nourishing the quality of human's daily lives. For example, without interest and inspirations about technical fields from scientists and technicians, the enhancement, such as automobiles, airplanes, and trains which are helpful for us to save transport hours, would have not been possible.
Moreover, termination of diverse research areas, such as biology and chemistry, is a potential problem, deriving an adverse circle between the reducing diversity of academic area and avoiding technical fields.
In conclusion, lack of students opting for science curriculum at universities include the probability of negative impact on useful technical jumps and educational diversity. To solve these problems, it is imperative to prepare connections with manufacturing companies to draw more interest of utility, and to focus suggesting possible and clear career routes for future specialists in university.
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