아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
As the demand for oil and gas continues to rise, there is a growing need to explore these energy sources in remote locations. Do you believe the benefits of exploiting these areas outweigh the drawbacks of causing environmental damage?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear argument stating that the benefits of exploring remote locations for oil and gas outweigh the drawbacks of causing environmental damage. However, the essay could have provided more balanced arguments and analyzed both sides of the issue more thoroughly. Some of the points made are not elaborated or supported with examples.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay is generally well-structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. There is an attempt to link ideas using transition words and phrases. However, there are some instances where the ideas are not fully developed or connected, leading to some confusion for the reader.
Lexical Resource: 5
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, although there are some errors in word choice and collocations. There is some repetition of vocabulary, and a lack of precise and varied language use. There are also a few instances of awkward phrasing that affect the overall clarity of the essay.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The essay shows some control of grammar with a variety of sentence structures used. There are minor errors in verb tense consistency and article usage. Punctuation is generally accurate, although there are a few mistakes that affect the clarity of the writing.
Overall: 6
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of writing with adequate response to the task. However, there are areas for improvement in terms of providing more balanced arguments, developing ideas more thoroughly, and improving vocabulary and grammar accuracy. The overall band score for this essay would be 6.
Task Response: 6
The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear argument stating that the benefits of exploring remote locations for oil and gas outweigh the drawbacks of causing environmental damage. However, the essay could have provided more balanced arguments and analyzed both sides of the issue more thoroughly. Some of the points made are not elaborated or supported with examples.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay is generally well-structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. There is an attempt to link ideas using transition words and phrases. However, there are some instances where the ideas are not fully developed or connected, leading to some confusion for the reader.
Lexical Resource: 5
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, although there are some errors in word choice and collocations. There is some repetition of vocabulary, and a lack of precise and varied language use. There are also a few instances of awkward phrasing that affect the overall clarity of the essay.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The essay shows some control of grammar with a variety of sentence structures used. There are minor errors in verb tense consistency and article usage. Punctuation is generally accurate, although there are a few mistakes that affect the clarity of the writing.
Overall: 6
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of writing with adequate response to the task. However, there are areas for improvement in terms of providing more balanced arguments, developing ideas more thoroughly, and improving vocabulary and grammar accuracy. The overall band score for this essay would be 6.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
As the demand for oil and gas continues to rise, there is a growing need to explore these energy sources in remote locations. Do you believe the benefits of exploiting these areas outweigh the drawbacks of causing environmental damage?
Essay:
As technology advances, the demand for energy in our society is increasing. To meet this growing demand, there is a push to explore remote areas in search of new oil and gas reserves. This essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of exploiting these areas in terms of environmental damage.
On the one hand, there are significant advantages to exploring new energy sources. For developed societies, finding new sources ensures a reliable and secure energy supply. While renewable energy options are available, they are often less stable compared to traditional fossil fuel sources. Additionally, local communities where these resources are found can benefit greatly from the energy business. Energy corporations often invest in infrastructure development such as roads and energy facilities, leading to the overall development of the area. Moreover, these businesses create employment opportunities, contributing to the growth of local economies.
On the other hand, the exploitation of these remote areas can cause severe environmental damage. Once the natural environment is destroyed, it is difficult to restore, creating a vicious cycle. For instance, in the process of setting up energy generating facilities, plants and trees that absorb CO2 are typically cleared. Additionally, fossil fuels are burned, emitting greenhouse gases and contributing to climate change.
Despite the environmental drawbacks, the benefits of exploring these remote locations cannot be ignored. The economic growth and the reliable supply of energy provided outweigh the negative impact on the environment. Implementing a complete ban on cars to combat air pollution, for example, would create chaos in the world. Therefore, it is necessary to strike a balance between the benefits of exploiting these areas and the need to minimize environmental damage.
In conclusion, the exploration of remote locations for oil and gas extraction has both advantages and disadvantages. While it offers reliable energy and economic growth, it also leads to environmental damage that is difficult to reverse. It is crucial for governments and energy companies to find a sustainable approach that minimizes the negative impact on the environment while meeting the energy demands of society.
[263 words]
Good expressions:
1. as technology develops - 기술이 발전함에 따라
2. keep abreast with - 뒤처지지 않기 위해
3. secure their infrastructure - 인프라를 보호하다
4. renewable energy could be considered - 재생 에너지는 고려될 수 있다
5. stable as traditional fossil fuel sources - 기존 화석 연료보다 안정적
6. energy business - 에너지 사업
7. invest capital into - 자본을 투자하다
8. energy generating facilities - 에너지 생산 시설
9. contribute to the growth of - ~의 성장에 기여하다
10. local area or even earth could face - 지역이나 심지어 지구가 직면할 수 있다
11. sacrifice the natural environment - 자연 환경을 희생하다
12. vicious circles - 악순환
13. be too huge to be neglected - 무시할 수 없을 정도로 크다
14. put the world in chaos - 세계를 혼돈에 빠뜨리다
15. strike a balance - 균형을 잡다
As technology advances, the demand for energy in our society is increasing. To meet this growing demand, there is a push to explore remote areas in search of new oil and gas reserves. This essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of exploiting these areas in terms of environmental damage.
On the one hand, there are significant advantages to exploring new energy sources. For developed societies, finding new sources ensures a reliable and secure energy supply. While renewable energy options are available, they are often less stable compared to traditional fossil fuel sources. Additionally, local communities where these resources are found can benefit greatly from the energy business. Energy corporations often invest in infrastructure development such as roads and energy facilities, leading to the overall development of the area. Moreover, these businesses create employment opportunities, contributing to the growth of local economies.
On the other hand, the exploitation of these remote areas can cause severe environmental damage. Once the natural environment is destroyed, it is difficult to restore, creating a vicious cycle. For instance, in the process of setting up energy generating facilities, plants and trees that absorb CO2 are typically cleared. Additionally, fossil fuels are burned, emitting greenhouse gases and contributing to climate change.
Despite the environmental drawbacks, the benefits of exploring these remote locations cannot be ignored. The economic growth and the reliable supply of energy provided outweigh the negative impact on the environment. Implementing a complete ban on cars to combat air pollution, for example, would create chaos in the world. Therefore, it is necessary to strike a balance between the benefits of exploiting these areas and the need to minimize environmental damage.
In conclusion, the exploration of remote locations for oil and gas extraction has both advantages and disadvantages. While it offers reliable energy and economic growth, it also leads to environmental damage that is difficult to reverse. It is crucial for governments and energy companies to find a sustainable approach that minimizes the negative impact on the environment while meeting the energy demands of society.
[263 words]
Good expressions:
1. as technology develops - 기술이 발전함에 따라
2. keep abreast with - 뒤처지지 않기 위해
3. secure their infrastructure - 인프라를 보호하다
4. renewable energy could be considered - 재생 에너지는 고려될 수 있다
5. stable as traditional fossil fuel sources - 기존 화석 연료보다 안정적
6. energy business - 에너지 사업
7. invest capital into - 자본을 투자하다
8. energy generating facilities - 에너지 생산 시설
9. contribute to the growth of - ~의 성장에 기여하다
10. local area or even earth could face - 지역이나 심지어 지구가 직면할 수 있다
11. sacrifice the natural environment - 자연 환경을 희생하다
12. vicious circles - 악순환
13. be too huge to be neglected - 무시할 수 없을 정도로 크다
14. put the world in chaos - 세계를 혼돈에 빠뜨리다
15. strike a balance - 균형을 잡다
제출한 라이팅
As technology develops, more energy is required to run our society compared to past. Keeping abreast with this trend, there are moves trying to discover new area that contain resources available. This essay will review benefits and drawbacks this access have in aspect of environment followed by a conclusion.
There are many advantages in exploring new energy sources for both energy users and local area. With regard to developed society finding new sources, they could secure their infrastructure running without error. Although renewable energy could be considered, it is not as stable as traditional fossil fuel sources due to uncertainty it has. In addition, local communities having energy resources is likely to benefit from energy business introduced. For example, in many cases energy corporations invest capital into install infrastructure including road and energy facilities required to produce energy, which lead to development of local area. Also, this kind of business tend to create new job for locals, contributing to growth of local economies.
On the other hand, local area or even earth could face environment problem because in process of development, natural environment is likely to be sacrificed. On top of that environment destroyed once hardly can be restored, leading to vicious circles. Assuming circumstances in which some corporate develop energy generating facilities. First, plants and tree which absorb Co2 are cut off. And fossil fuel are used from energy generating plants to be burned to emit green gas.
Despite of environment drawbacks caused by expansion to new location for energy, there are benefits which is too huge to be neglected, including growth of economies, and securing safety in supplying consistent energy required. What if government ban on using car, in purpose of protecting air pollution? It would put world in chaos. The same context is applied to this topic.
There are many advantages in exploring new energy sources for both energy users and local area. With regard to developed society finding new sources, they could secure their infrastructure running without error. Although renewable energy could be considered, it is not as stable as traditional fossil fuel sources due to uncertainty it has. In addition, local communities having energy resources is likely to benefit from energy business introduced. For example, in many cases energy corporations invest capital into install infrastructure including road and energy facilities required to produce energy, which lead to development of local area. Also, this kind of business tend to create new job for locals, contributing to growth of local economies.
On the other hand, local area or even earth could face environment problem because in process of development, natural environment is likely to be sacrificed. On top of that environment destroyed once hardly can be restored, leading to vicious circles. Assuming circumstances in which some corporate develop energy generating facilities. First, plants and tree which absorb Co2 are cut off. And fossil fuel are used from energy generating plants to be burned to emit green gas.
Despite of environment drawbacks caused by expansion to new location for energy, there are benefits which is too huge to be neglected, including growth of economies, and securing safety in supplying consistent energy required. What if government ban on using car, in purpose of protecting air pollution? It would put world in chaos. The same context is applied to this topic.
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