아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Problem and Solution
Freshwater is a limited resource in certain regions of the world. Today, the escalating demand has transformed it into a global problem. What are the causes of increasing demand? What measures can governments and individuals take to respond to the pr
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 8
The essay adequately addresses the task by discussing the causes of the increasing demand for freshwater and providing solutions for both governments and individuals to respond to the problem. The reasons and actions are relevant and well-developed.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is generally well-organized and coherent. Ideas are logically presented and supported with examples. However, there is some repetition of information, particularly in the second paragraph. Transitions are used appropriately to link ideas and paragraphs.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, using appropriate words and phrases to convey meaning. There are some minor errors in word choice and collocation. However, there is a lack of variety in terms of synonyms and word forms.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
The student demonstrates a good control of grammar, with mostly accurate sentence structures and a range of sentence types. However, there are some errors in subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and articles. There are also some minor punctuation errors.
Overall: 7.5
Task Response: 8
The essay adequately addresses the task by discussing the causes of the increasing demand for freshwater and providing solutions for both governments and individuals to respond to the problem. The reasons and actions are relevant and well-developed.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is generally well-organized and coherent. Ideas are logically presented and supported with examples. However, there is some repetition of information, particularly in the second paragraph. Transitions are used appropriately to link ideas and paragraphs.
Lexical Resource: 7
The student demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, using appropriate words and phrases to convey meaning. There are some minor errors in word choice and collocation. However, there is a lack of variety in terms of synonyms and word forms.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
The student demonstrates a good control of grammar, with mostly accurate sentence structures and a range of sentence types. However, there are some errors in subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and articles. There are also some minor punctuation errors.
Overall: 7.5
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Freshwater is a limited resource in certain regions of the world. Today, the escalating demand has transformed it into a global problem. What are the causes of increasing demand? What measures can governments and individuals take to respond to the pr
Essay:
Water is a vital resource that is facing increasing demand worldwide, particularly in certain regions where it is limited. This essay will explore the causes of this growing demand and propose measures that governments and individuals can take to address the issue.
There are several factors contributing to the escalating demand for freshwater. Firstly, the global population has surged by 30% in the past two decades, resulting in increased water consumption. For instance, in countries like South Korea, the population density is rising, leading to a higher demand for freshwater. Secondly, the uneven distribution of water resources between countries exacerbates the problem. Capitalism often results in wealthy countries overusing water at the expense of developing nations that lack the means to provide clean water due to financial constraints.
To tackle this challenge, a comprehensive approach involving both governments and individuals is essential. Firstly, individuals should adopt sustainable water-saving practices in their daily lives to reduce consumption. For example, replacing showers with baths can significantly decrease water usage and subsequently lower bills. Secondly, governments should establish funds to support developing countries in their efforts to provide equitable access to freshwater. By investing in filtration systems and infrastructure, developed countries can contribute to fair resource allocation. This would directly impact the availability of clean water for a greater number of people.
In conclusion, the issue of increasing demand for freshwater has become a global problem due to its limited availability. The rise in population and the unequal distribution of resources are significant contributing factors. To address this issue, sustainable solutions such as reducing water consumption at an individual level and establishing funds to support developing countries should be prioritized by both governments and individuals.
[258 words]
Good expressions:
1. escalating demand for freshwater - 단어 선택과 사용이 멋지다 (Vocabulary choice and usage is impressive)
2. the global population has surged - 그 전엔 잘 못 쓰다 (Nailed the previous mistakes)
3. a comprehensive approach - 좋은 조합 (Good combination)
4. sustainable water-saving practices - 좋은 표현 (Good expression)
5. equitable access to freshwater - 좋은 표현 (Good expression)
6. contribute to fair resource allocation - 적절하게 표현 (Well-expressed)
7. available to clean water - 좋은 단어 선택 (Good word choice)
Water is a vital resource that is facing increasing demand worldwide, particularly in certain regions where it is limited. This essay will explore the causes of this growing demand and propose measures that governments and individuals can take to address the issue.
There are several factors contributing to the escalating demand for freshwater. Firstly, the global population has surged by 30% in the past two decades, resulting in increased water consumption. For instance, in countries like South Korea, the population density is rising, leading to a higher demand for freshwater. Secondly, the uneven distribution of water resources between countries exacerbates the problem. Capitalism often results in wealthy countries overusing water at the expense of developing nations that lack the means to provide clean water due to financial constraints.
To tackle this challenge, a comprehensive approach involving both governments and individuals is essential. Firstly, individuals should adopt sustainable water-saving practices in their daily lives to reduce consumption. For example, replacing showers with baths can significantly decrease water usage and subsequently lower bills. Secondly, governments should establish funds to support developing countries in their efforts to provide equitable access to freshwater. By investing in filtration systems and infrastructure, developed countries can contribute to fair resource allocation. This would directly impact the availability of clean water for a greater number of people.
In conclusion, the issue of increasing demand for freshwater has become a global problem due to its limited availability. The rise in population and the unequal distribution of resources are significant contributing factors. To address this issue, sustainable solutions such as reducing water consumption at an individual level and establishing funds to support developing countries should be prioritized by both governments and individuals.
[258 words]
Good expressions:
1. escalating demand for freshwater - 단어 선택과 사용이 멋지다 (Vocabulary choice and usage is impressive)
2. the global population has surged - 그 전엔 잘 못 쓰다 (Nailed the previous mistakes)
3. a comprehensive approach - 좋은 조합 (Good combination)
4. sustainable water-saving practices - 좋은 표현 (Good expression)
5. equitable access to freshwater - 좋은 표현 (Good expression)
6. contribute to fair resource allocation - 적절하게 표현 (Well-expressed)
7. available to clean water - 좋은 단어 선택 (Good word choice)
제출한 라이팅
One of the global problems nowadays is the increasing demand for freshwater while it is a limited resource in some places of the world. This essay will find out the causes of the increasing demand and the effective actions that governments and individuals could take to solve this problem.
To begin with, there are some reasons behind the escalating demand of freshwater. Firstly, there are more people who require to use freshwater nowadays because the population of the world has increased 30 percents compared with 20 years ago. For example, in South Korea, the usage of freshwater is increasing every year as well as the population density. Secondly, the freshwater is not being allocated fairly between countries due to the capitalism. For example, while South Korea which is one of the wealthy countries, is overusing freshwater unconsciously while some developing countries are not able to provide freshwater to people since they cannot afford the filtration system.
To solve this problem, I believe that we should concentrate on accommodating the sustainable actions that individuals and governments can start. Firstly, we should try to save water in daily basis because decreasing the usage of water should be a long term habit of individuals. For example, I stared to take a bath instead of taking a shower recently, which has reduced my water bill. Secondly, governments should gather a fund for developing countries thereby helping the fair allocation of freshwater. For example, if governments of the developed countries establish the filtration equipments in Africa, the more people could drink freshwater.
In conclusion, the escalating demand for freshwater has arisen as a global problem since it is not an unlimited resource. I personally believe that the increasing population and the misallocation of resource caused this issue. To address this problem, individuals and governments should take sustainable solutions such as reducing water usage at home and raising a fund to help some countries where experiencing the shortage of freshwater.
To begin with, there are some reasons behind the escalating demand of freshwater. Firstly, there are more people who require to use freshwater nowadays because the population of the world has increased 30 percents compared with 20 years ago. For example, in South Korea, the usage of freshwater is increasing every year as well as the population density. Secondly, the freshwater is not being allocated fairly between countries due to the capitalism. For example, while South Korea which is one of the wealthy countries, is overusing freshwater unconsciously while some developing countries are not able to provide freshwater to people since they cannot afford the filtration system.
To solve this problem, I believe that we should concentrate on accommodating the sustainable actions that individuals and governments can start. Firstly, we should try to save water in daily basis because decreasing the usage of water should be a long term habit of individuals. For example, I stared to take a bath instead of taking a shower recently, which has reduced my water bill. Secondly, governments should gather a fund for developing countries thereby helping the fair allocation of freshwater. For example, if governments of the developed countries establish the filtration equipments in Africa, the more people could drink freshwater.
In conclusion, the escalating demand for freshwater has arisen as a global problem since it is not an unlimited resource. I personally believe that the increasing population and the misallocation of resource caused this issue. To address this problem, individuals and governments should take sustainable solutions such as reducing water usage at home and raising a fund to help some countries where experiencing the shortage of freshwater.
공유
목록으로 돌아가기 😎
