AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Problem and Solution
Many young people today know more about international pop and movie stars than about famous people in the history in their country. Why is this? What can be done to increase young people’s interest
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The essay clearly addresses the questions given and provides an analysis of the reasons why young people know more about international pop and movie stars than famous people in their country. The solution suggested is also relevant to the topic. However, the essay could have provided more specific examples or evidence to support its arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6.5
The essay is generally well-organized and coherent. The ideas are presented in a logical manner, and there is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The use of transitional phrases helps to connect the ideas. However, there are some instances of repetitive language, and the essay could have benefited from more varied sentence structures.
Lexical Resource: 6
The vocabulary used in the essay is adequate, with some attempts at using academic or formal language. However, there are instances of word choice errors and some phrases that could have been better expressed. Additionally, the essay could have used more specific and precise vocabulary to enhance the arguments.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6.5
The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some subordinate clauses. There are occasional grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and word order. The essay also shows some confusion with verb tenses and singular/plural forms.
Overall: 6.5
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and attempts to address the questions effectively. However, improvements can be made in terms of providing more specific examples and using more varied vocabulary and sentence structures. With further development and refinement, the essay has the potential to achieve a higher band score. The overall band score for this essay is 6.5.
Task Response: 6
The essay clearly addresses the questions given and provides an analysis of the reasons why young people know more about international pop and movie stars than famous people in their country. The solution suggested is also relevant to the topic. However, the essay could have provided more specific examples or evidence to support its arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6.5
The essay is generally well-organized and coherent. The ideas are presented in a logical manner, and there is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The use of transitional phrases helps to connect the ideas. However, there are some instances of repetitive language, and the essay could have benefited from more varied sentence structures.
Lexical Resource: 6
The vocabulary used in the essay is adequate, with some attempts at using academic or formal language. However, there are instances of word choice errors and some phrases that could have been better expressed. Additionally, the essay could have used more specific and precise vocabulary to enhance the arguments.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6.5
The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some subordinate clauses. There are occasional grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and word order. The essay also shows some confusion with verb tenses and singular/plural forms.
Overall: 6.5
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and attempts to address the questions effectively. However, improvements can be made in terms of providing more specific examples and using more varied vocabulary and sentence structures. With further development and refinement, the essay has the potential to achieve a higher band score. The overall band score for this essay is 6.5.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Many young people today know more about international pop and movie stars than about famous people in the history in their country.
Why is this? What can be done to increase young people’s interest
Model Essay:
In today's world, many young people are more knowledgeable about international pop and movie stars than the famous historical figures of their own country. This essay will explore the reasons behind this phenomenon and propose possible solutions to increase young people's interest in their own history.
One of the key factors contributing to this trend is the accessibility and popularity of media platforms that showcase international pop and movie stars. These platforms often prioritize uploading popular music and movies to attract more users and generate profits. Consequently, historical documentaries are often overlooked as they are deemed boring. As a result, young people miss out on opportunities to learn about significant figures from their own country's history.
To address this issue, it is crucial to create historical content that incorporates storytelling techniques to grab the attention of young audiences. This content should be made widely available on popular platforms such as YouTube and Netflix, which are frequently used by young people. A certain degree of marketing might be necessary to promote these historical contents. By attracting history enthusiasts initially, more individuals would be drawn to these materials, leading to the production of more engaging historical content. This would create a virtuous cycle, introducing historically important figures to the younger generation.
The lack of awareness about historical figures among young people primarily stems from the limited exposure to information about them. Therefore, it is essential to produce compelling content that captivates the interest of young audiences and ensure its widespread sharing on platforms. This would enhance accessibility to a large number of people.
In my opinion, this era demands a strategic approach to guide people toward meaningful directions, particularly in terms of increasing their interest in their own history.
[259 words]
Good expressions:
1. expand and prosper: 확장하고 번영하다
2. cultural industries: 문화 산업
3. inclined to: ~하는 경향이 있다
4. profitability: 수익성
5. tackle: 대처하다
6. phenomenon: 현상
7. underlying factor: 근본적인 요소
8. accessibility: 접근성
9. extent of interest: 관심의 정도
10. figures in history: 역사적 인물
11. documentary: 다큐멘터리
12. regarded as: ~으로 여겨진다
13. cope with: 대처하다
14. story telling technique: 이야기 전달 기법
15. purpose of: ~의 목적으로
16. attract attention: 주목을 끌다
17. marketing: 마케팅
18. associated with: ~와 관련이 있는
19. interest factors: 흥미 요인
20. accessibility: 접근성
21. secure: 보장하다
22. virtuous cycle: 선순환
23. awareness: 인식
24. deficit: 부족
25. opportunity: 기회
26. confront: 직면하다
27. invoke: 불러일으키다
28. broaden: 확대하다
29. strategic approach: 전략적 접근
30. pursue: 추구하다
31. meaningful directions: 의미 있는 방향
In today's world, many young people are more knowledgeable about international pop and movie stars than the famous historical figures of their own country. This essay will explore the reasons behind this phenomenon and propose possible solutions to increase young people's interest in their own history.
One of the key factors contributing to this trend is the accessibility and popularity of media platforms that showcase international pop and movie stars. These platforms often prioritize uploading popular music and movies to attract more users and generate profits. Consequently, historical documentaries are often overlooked as they are deemed boring. As a result, young people miss out on opportunities to learn about significant figures from their own country's history.
To address this issue, it is crucial to create historical content that incorporates storytelling techniques to grab the attention of young audiences. This content should be made widely available on popular platforms such as YouTube and Netflix, which are frequently used by young people. A certain degree of marketing might be necessary to promote these historical contents. By attracting history enthusiasts initially, more individuals would be drawn to these materials, leading to the production of more engaging historical content. This would create a virtuous cycle, introducing historically important figures to the younger generation.
The lack of awareness about historical figures among young people primarily stems from the limited exposure to information about them. Therefore, it is essential to produce compelling content that captivates the interest of young audiences and ensure its widespread sharing on platforms. This would enhance accessibility to a large number of people.
In my opinion, this era demands a strategic approach to guide people toward meaningful directions, particularly in terms of increasing their interest in their own history.
[259 words]
Good expressions:
1. expand and prosper: 확장하고 번영하다
2. cultural industries: 문화 산업
3. inclined to: ~하는 경향이 있다
4. profitability: 수익성
5. tackle: 대처하다
6. phenomenon: 현상
7. underlying factor: 근본적인 요소
8. accessibility: 접근성
9. extent of interest: 관심의 정도
10. figures in history: 역사적 인물
11. documentary: 다큐멘터리
12. regarded as: ~으로 여겨진다
13. cope with: 대처하다
14. story telling technique: 이야기 전달 기법
15. purpose of: ~의 목적으로
16. attract attention: 주목을 끌다
17. marketing: 마케팅
18. associated with: ~와 관련이 있는
19. interest factors: 흥미 요인
20. accessibility: 접근성
21. secure: 보장하다
22. virtuous cycle: 선순환
23. awareness: 인식
24. deficit: 부족
25. opportunity: 기회
26. confront: 직면하다
27. invoke: 불러일으키다
28. broaden: 확대하다
29. strategic approach: 전략적 접근
30. pursue: 추구하다
31. meaningful directions: 의미 있는 방향
제출한 라이팅
As culture industries expand and prosper, it is common to watch movie or listen to pop music from abroad. Many young generations recently tend to have more interest in pop star or movie star featured on blockbuster movie than figures in history in their country. This essay will find what causes this phenomenon and solution to tackle it.
The key underlying factor on this phenomenon are thought to be related to accessibility and extent of interest certain content could give. The young generations have quite good access to media platforms featuring pop star and movie star. And these platforms are usually inclined to choose upload pop or movies over history documentary generally regarded as bored to attract more platform users in order to increase the profitability. The more this trend goes on, the higher probability the young generation lose their opportunity to learn historical person at.
To cope with this problem, historical content to which story telling technique is added should be made in the purpose of attracting the young generation’s attention. And these contents have to be put on universal platforms many young generations uses such as Youtube or Netflix. In this process, some level of marketing could be required. The former one is associated with interest factors, and the latter one accessibility. Once mania who enjoy watching historical content on platform are secured, it is likely that more people would be attracted and more content be produced, which lead to virtuous cycle in letting historically important people known to young generations.
The main reason for decrease in awareness of historical people among the young generations are caused by deficit in opportunity to confront information of them. Therefore, it is important to make good contents invoking interesting and have those content shared on platform to broaden accessibility to large proportion of people.
In my opinion, it is era that require strategic approach to pursue to lead people toward meaningful directions.
The key underlying factor on this phenomenon are thought to be related to accessibility and extent of interest certain content could give. The young generations have quite good access to media platforms featuring pop star and movie star. And these platforms are usually inclined to choose upload pop or movies over history documentary generally regarded as bored to attract more platform users in order to increase the profitability. The more this trend goes on, the higher probability the young generation lose their opportunity to learn historical person at.
To cope with this problem, historical content to which story telling technique is added should be made in the purpose of attracting the young generation’s attention. And these contents have to be put on universal platforms many young generations uses such as Youtube or Netflix. In this process, some level of marketing could be required. The former one is associated with interest factors, and the latter one accessibility. Once mania who enjoy watching historical content on platform are secured, it is likely that more people would be attracted and more content be produced, which lead to virtuous cycle in letting historically important people known to young generations.
The main reason for decrease in awareness of historical people among the young generations are caused by deficit in opportunity to confront information of them. Therefore, it is important to make good contents invoking interesting and have those content shared on platform to broaden accessibility to large proportion of people.
In my opinion, it is era that require strategic approach to pursue to lead people toward meaningful directions.
공유
返回列表 😎
