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모범답안 5-8월호 출시
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  • Opinion

The majority of news being reported is bad news such as wars, famines, accidents and crime. Why do you think that is? Do you think the news should be a balance of both good and bad news?

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    Evaluation

    Task Response: 7
    The essay adequately addresses the prompts and provides a clear argument on the reasons behind the majority of news being bad news. The student provides examples and explains their reasoning. However, the essay could have provided a more balanced perspective by discussing the potential benefits of including good news in the media.

    Coherence & Cohesion: 7
    The essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are presented logically and coherently. However, the essay could have better utilized linking words and phrases to improve the overall flow and cohesion.

    Lexical Resource: 6
    The student demonstrates a fairly good range of vocabulary and uses it appropriately to express their ideas. However, there are instances of repetition and some word choices that could be improved. The essay could also benefit from more sophisticated and varied sentence structures.

    Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
    There are some minor grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect word forms. Sentence structures are mostly accurate, though there is room for improvement. Some complex sentences could have been used to showcase a higher level of grammar.

    Overall: 6.5
    Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. With some improvements in vocabulary usage, grammar accuracy, and coherence, the essay could achieve a higher band score.
    스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
    The majority of news being reported is bad news such as wars, famines, accidents and crime. Why do you think that is? Do you think the news should be a balance of both good and bad news?
    In today's society, a large portion of the news being reported revolves around negative aspects such as wars, famines, accidents, and crime. While some argue that news should strive for a balance of both positive and negative news, others contend that it is crucial to highlight the negative aspects of society. This essay will examine this current phenomenon and provide my personal perspective on the matter.

    On one hand, it is undeniable that there is a multitude of accidents and incidents occurring worldwide. Despite the rarity of broadcasters highlighting positive news like donations and charity activities, people are inherently drawn to negative news. News writers deliberately include negative articles to capture the public's attention and gain rewards, fame, and financial gains.

    On the other hand, there are compelling reasons why the majority of reporters emphasize detrimental issues. Firstly, they have a responsibility to uncover unjust accidents and bring them to the attention of the public and the government. Moreover, highlighting destructive news brings awareness to societal issues and prompts people to take action. This may explain why news outlets focus less on the brighter side of society. While some individuals may prefer to consume content from uplifting channels or read optimistic articles, there is simply not enough time to cover both sides of the news.

    In conclusion, although some proponents advocate for a balanced representation of news, I strongly believe that news should increasingly shed light on the negative aspects of society in order to protect the overall well-being of the community. Awareness of the weaknesses in our society allows individuals to reflect on areas that need improvement and confront societal challenges.

    [261 words]

    Good expressions:
    1. negatively impact society: 사회에 부정적인 영향을 미치다.
    2. capture the public's attention: 대중의 관심을 끌다.
    3. gain rewards, fame, and financial gains: 보상, 명성, 재정적 이득을 얻다.
    4. bring awareness to societal issues: 사회 문제에 대한 인식을 높이다.
    5. prompt people to take action: 사람들에게 행동을 촉구하다.
    6. shed light on: ~을 밝히다.
    7. protect the overall well-being of the community: 지역의 전반적인 안녕을 보호하다.
    제출한 라이팅
    In this society, most news being reported contain negative factors such as wars, famines, accident and crime. While some people argue that news should broadcast both good things and bad things, others insist that it is inevitable announcing negative side of this society. This essay will discuss current phenomenon and provide personal opinion on the matter.

    To start with, there are a lot of accidents and incidents happening all over the world. Although an announcer rarely announce something positive news such as donation and charity activity, people always focus on negative pages. To attract more attention, news writers try to record bad articles to stimulate general public. By doing so, they can gain more reward, fame and money.

    In contrast, there are persuasive reasons the majority of reporters highlight on the detrimental issues. First of all, they have the responsibility to search unjust accidents and disclose to public and the government. Then, the reports expect that the issue and problem from any destructive news can evoke people's awareness. I believe this is the reason why news can not show bright side of the society. Even though some individuals prefer to watch generous channels or read optimistic articles, there is not enough time to embrace both sides of news.

    In conclusion, while some proponents agree that a balance is needed to news, I strongly advocate that news should shed light on the pessimistic side more and more to protect civil. By knowing the weakness of our society, people can have time to consider the improvement points and face our matters.

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