AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Problem and Solution
Many people aspire to a balance between work and other parts of their lives, but few achieve it. What are the problems in trying to achieve this and how can these problems be overcome?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The essay addresses the task by discussing the problems in achieving work-life balance and proposing solutions. However, the argument could have been developed further by providing more specific examples and evidence to support the points made.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are mostly well-organized, but there could be more logical connections between sentences and paragraphs. Transition words and phrases are used, but more variety and accuracy would improve cohesion.
Lexical Resource: 7
A wide range of vocabulary is used, including some advanced words and phrases such as "mesmerising goals," "new standards," and "interwoven into personal space." The vocabulary choice generally suits the topic, but there are a few instances where word choice could be improved for clarity and precision.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The student demonstrates an adequate range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and conditionals. However, there are some errors in sentence structure and verb tense consistency. Preposition and article usage could also be improved.
Overall: 6.5
The essay shows a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas. With further development of the arguments and improvement in coherence, accuracy, and variety of language, the essay could reach a higher band score.
Task Response: 7
The essay addresses the task by discussing the problems in achieving work-life balance and proposing solutions. However, the argument could have been developed further by providing more specific examples and evidence to support the points made.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are mostly well-organized, but there could be more logical connections between sentences and paragraphs. Transition words and phrases are used, but more variety and accuracy would improve cohesion.
Lexical Resource: 7
A wide range of vocabulary is used, including some advanced words and phrases such as "mesmerising goals," "new standards," and "interwoven into personal space." The vocabulary choice generally suits the topic, but there are a few instances where word choice could be improved for clarity and precision.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The student demonstrates an adequate range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and conditionals. However, there are some errors in sentence structure and verb tense consistency. Preposition and article usage could also be improved.
Overall: 6.5
The essay shows a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas. With further development of the arguments and improvement in coherence, accuracy, and variety of language, the essay could reach a higher band score.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Many people aspire to a balance between work and other parts of their lives, but few achieve it. What are the problems in trying to achieve this and how can these problems be overcome?
In contemporary society, the aspiration for achieving work-life balance has become increasingly appealing. However, a growing number of individuals are finding it challenging to strike a harmonious equilibrium between their personal lives and professional obligations. This essay will argue that in the modern era, attaining a balance between work and other aspects of life is indeed problematic, but it is not impossible. To overcome these challenges, it is necessary to establish new standards and actively manage the time individuals spend away from work.
The pervasive presence of digital devices in today's world has significantly contributed to the blurring of boundaries between work and personal life. Smartphones, tablets, and laptops have become ubiquitous, acting as intermediaries between our personal time and work responsibilities. For instance, we often waste valuable working hours engaging in non-work related activities such as chatting with friends and family. Furthermore, even during vacations, we are unable to disconnect from work, constantly checking emails and answering phone calls. The rapid advancements in technology have intertwined work and personal life so closely, rendering them virtually inseparable.
While it is difficult to completely eliminate the use of digital devices without hindering daily life, it is crucial to recognize the importance of time spent away from work for maintaining mental well-being. Therefore, individuals must make a conscious effort to manage the time they allocate for non-work activities.
To overcome the challenges in achieving work-life balance, it is imperative to establish new standards and guidelines. Employers should encourage and support employees in setting clear boundaries between work and personal life. This can be done by implementing policies that restrict after-hours work communication and ensuring that employees are not penalized for prioritizing their personal lives. Additionally, individuals themselves should develop effective time-management strategies, such as setting aside dedicated periods for non-work activities and avoiding the temptation to constantly check work-related emails and messages.
In conclusion, while it may be challenging to achieve a balance between work and other parts of life in the modern era, it is not an unattainable goal. By acknowledging the impact of digital devices on work-life balance and implementing new standards and guidelines, individuals and employers can take the necessary steps to overcome these challenges. It is crucial to recognize the significance of personal time for mental well-being and actively manage the time spent away from work.
[Word count: 275]
Good expressions:
1. aspire to (지향하다)
2. striking a harmonious equilibrium (조화로운 균형을 이루다)
3. blurring of boundaries (경계의 흐림)
4. wasteful (낭비하는)
5. disconnect from (끊다)
6. intertwined (뒤섞이다)
7. rendering (만들다)
8. conscious effort (의식적인 노력)
9. allocate (할당하다)
10. guidelines (지침)
11. penalized (벌을 받다)
12. prioritize (우선순위를 두다)
13. effective time-management strategies (효과적인 시간 관리 전략)
14. implement (실현시키다)
15. unattainable goal (달성 불가능한 목표)
The pervasive presence of digital devices in today's world has significantly contributed to the blurring of boundaries between work and personal life. Smartphones, tablets, and laptops have become ubiquitous, acting as intermediaries between our personal time and work responsibilities. For instance, we often waste valuable working hours engaging in non-work related activities such as chatting with friends and family. Furthermore, even during vacations, we are unable to disconnect from work, constantly checking emails and answering phone calls. The rapid advancements in technology have intertwined work and personal life so closely, rendering them virtually inseparable.
While it is difficult to completely eliminate the use of digital devices without hindering daily life, it is crucial to recognize the importance of time spent away from work for maintaining mental well-being. Therefore, individuals must make a conscious effort to manage the time they allocate for non-work activities.
To overcome the challenges in achieving work-life balance, it is imperative to establish new standards and guidelines. Employers should encourage and support employees in setting clear boundaries between work and personal life. This can be done by implementing policies that restrict after-hours work communication and ensuring that employees are not penalized for prioritizing their personal lives. Additionally, individuals themselves should develop effective time-management strategies, such as setting aside dedicated periods for non-work activities and avoiding the temptation to constantly check work-related emails and messages.
In conclusion, while it may be challenging to achieve a balance between work and other parts of life in the modern era, it is not an unattainable goal. By acknowledging the impact of digital devices on work-life balance and implementing new standards and guidelines, individuals and employers can take the necessary steps to overcome these challenges. It is crucial to recognize the significance of personal time for mental well-being and actively manage the time spent away from work.
[Word count: 275]
Good expressions:
1. aspire to (지향하다)
2. striking a harmonious equilibrium (조화로운 균형을 이루다)
3. blurring of boundaries (경계의 흐림)
4. wasteful (낭비하는)
5. disconnect from (끊다)
6. intertwined (뒤섞이다)
7. rendering (만들다)
8. conscious effort (의식적인 노력)
9. allocate (할당하다)
10. guidelines (지침)
11. penalized (벌을 받다)
12. prioritize (우선순위를 두다)
13. effective time-management strategies (효과적인 시간 관리 전략)
14. implement (실현시키다)
15. unattainable goal (달성 불가능한 목표)
제출한 라이팅
In recent years, the value of personal time has become one of the most mesmerising goals. However, increasing number of people are struggling to find the balance between life and work. This essay will strongly argue that pursuing the life and work balance in modern era is impossible and therefore, new standards for isolated-from-work time should be raised.
The current society is full of digital devices. Phones, i-Pads, and laptops are everywhere and those electronic devices are the linkage in between our personal time and jobs. For example, we waste time contacting our friends and families via chat during working hours. But not only that, we even spend our time on vacation answering calls and emails from the office. The development of technology has interconnected the work and life so closely that they have become inseparable.
We have to accept the new lifestyle of work interwoven into personal space since denying the use of digital devices would make everyday life almost impossible to carry on. However, time away from work is essential for mental health. Therefore, individuals should put effort into managing time parted from contact from work.
The current society is full of digital devices. Phones, i-Pads, and laptops are everywhere and those electronic devices are the linkage in between our personal time and jobs. For example, we waste time contacting our friends and families via chat during working hours. But not only that, we even spend our time on vacation answering calls and emails from the office. The development of technology has interconnected the work and life so closely that they have become inseparable.
We have to accept the new lifestyle of work interwoven into personal space since denying the use of digital devices would make everyday life almost impossible to carry on. However, time away from work is essential for mental health. Therefore, individuals should put effort into managing time parted from contact from work.
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