AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Opinion
Some people Say that drug companies have a responsibility to spend money on researching medicines that will help people In poorer countries, others say the main responsibility of drug companies is to make money, discuss both and give yours
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The essay addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument - whether drug companies should spend money on researching medicines for poorer countries or focus on making money. The writer presents their own perspective on the issue and proposes another solution as well. However, some of the arguments lack clarity and could be further developed.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are presented logically but the essay lacks paragraphing, which affects the overall coherence. Additionally, there is some repetition and some sentences could be better linked to improve cohesion.
Lexical Resource: 6
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with the use of advanced words and phrases such as "exponentially advanced" and "stimulated." However, there are instances of incorrect word choices and awkward phrasing that affect the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The essay shows a reasonable range of grammar structures and sentence types, including complex sentences. However, there are some grammatical errors, such as missing articles and incorrect verb forms, that could be improved upon. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing apostrophes, are present.
Overall: 6.5
The essay shows a good understanding of the task and presents a balanced view. However, there is room for improvement in terms of coherence, vocabulary, and grammar to achieve a higher band score. The overall band score for this essay would be 6.5.
Task Response: 7
The essay addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument - whether drug companies should spend money on researching medicines for poorer countries or focus on making money. The writer presents their own perspective on the issue and proposes another solution as well. However, some of the arguments lack clarity and could be further developed.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are presented logically but the essay lacks paragraphing, which affects the overall coherence. Additionally, there is some repetition and some sentences could be better linked to improve cohesion.
Lexical Resource: 6
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with the use of advanced words and phrases such as "exponentially advanced" and "stimulated." However, there are instances of incorrect word choices and awkward phrasing that affect the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The essay shows a reasonable range of grammar structures and sentence types, including complex sentences. However, there are some grammatical errors, such as missing articles and incorrect verb forms, that could be improved upon. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing apostrophes, are present.
Overall: 6.5
The essay shows a good understanding of the task and presents a balanced view. However, there is room for improvement in terms of coherence, vocabulary, and grammar to achieve a higher band score. The overall band score for this essay would be 6.5.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people Say that drug companies have a responsibility to spend money on researching medicines that will help people In poorer countries, others say the main responsibility of drug companies is to make money, discuss both and give yours
Essay:
Drug companies play a crucial role in the development of medicines that can save lives and improve healthcare worldwide. However, there is a debate about whether drug companies should prioritize spending money on researching medicines for poorer countries or focus on maximizing profits. In my opinion, while drug companies have a responsibility to make money, they should also allocate a portion of their budget towards researching medicines for poorer countries.
On one hand, drug companies are profit-driven entities and their primary responsibility is to generate revenue for their shareholders. Research and development of new medicines can be a costly endeavor, with expenses reaching billions of dollars. If drug companies solely focused on investing their budget into researching medicines for poorer countries, they may struggle to cover the expenses and generate profits. This could potentially hinder their ability to develop innovative medications and hinder medical advancements in the long run.
However, it is important to consider the significant health disparities between developed and undeveloped countries. Many people in poorer nations lack access to basic and common medicines, leading to unnecessary deaths and suffering. While drug companies cannot solely shoulder the responsibility to provide healthcare to everyone, they can and should play a role in addressing this issue. By allocating a portion of their budget towards researching medicines for poorer countries, drug companies can make a positive impact on global health and contribute to reducing inequality in healthcare.
In conclusion, drug companies have a responsibility to balance their role as profit-driven organizations with their potential to improve healthcare worldwide. While maximizing profits is important for their sustainability, drug companies should also prioritize spending a portion of their budget on researching medicines for poorer countries. This will not only benefit those in need but also enhance the overall reputation and ethical standing of the pharmaceutical industry.
[259 words]
Good expressions:
1. exponentially advanced (지수적으로 발전함)
2. fulfill every demands (모든 요구를 충족시킴)
3. considerable numbers of deaths (상당한 수의 사망)
4. inequality between developed and undeveloped countries (발전된 나라와 개발도상국 사이의 불평등)
5. unavoidable problem (피할 수 없는 문제)
6. stimulated (자극받음)
7. non-profit organization (비영리 단체)
8. budget for developed countries (발전된 나라를 위한 예산)
9. denying company's right to benefit (기업의 이익을 부정)
10. new perspective (새로운 관점)
11. threatening disease (위협적인 질병)
12. unknown pathogen (미지의 병원체)
13. fulfilling the wishes of people (사람들의 희망을 충족시키는 것)
14. basic and common medicine (기본적이고 보편적인 약)
15. lack of basic and common medicine (기본적인 약품의 부족)
16. efficiency (효율성)
17. economics (경제)
18. delivering Unused medicine (미 사용 약품 전달)
19. save many lives in poorer countries (개발도상국에서 많은 생명을 구할 수 있음)
20. maximizing profits (최대한의 이윤을 얻음)
21. generate revenue for shareholders (주주들에게 수익을 창출함)
22. cover the expenses (비용을 지불하다)
23. hinder medical advancements (의학 발전을 저해하다)
24. health disparities (건강 격차)
25. unnecessary deaths and suffering (불필요한 사망과 고통)
26. provide healthcare to everyone (모두에게 의료 서비스를 제공)
27. positive impact on global health (세계적인 건강에 긍정적인 영향을 미침)
28. reducing inequality in healthcare (의료 격차 감소)
29. reputation and ethical standing (평판과 윤리적 지위)
Drug companies play a crucial role in the development of medicines that can save lives and improve healthcare worldwide. However, there is a debate about whether drug companies should prioritize spending money on researching medicines for poorer countries or focus on maximizing profits. In my opinion, while drug companies have a responsibility to make money, they should also allocate a portion of their budget towards researching medicines for poorer countries.
On one hand, drug companies are profit-driven entities and their primary responsibility is to generate revenue for their shareholders. Research and development of new medicines can be a costly endeavor, with expenses reaching billions of dollars. If drug companies solely focused on investing their budget into researching medicines for poorer countries, they may struggle to cover the expenses and generate profits. This could potentially hinder their ability to develop innovative medications and hinder medical advancements in the long run.
However, it is important to consider the significant health disparities between developed and undeveloped countries. Many people in poorer nations lack access to basic and common medicines, leading to unnecessary deaths and suffering. While drug companies cannot solely shoulder the responsibility to provide healthcare to everyone, they can and should play a role in addressing this issue. By allocating a portion of their budget towards researching medicines for poorer countries, drug companies can make a positive impact on global health and contribute to reducing inequality in healthcare.
In conclusion, drug companies have a responsibility to balance their role as profit-driven organizations with their potential to improve healthcare worldwide. While maximizing profits is important for their sustainability, drug companies should also prioritize spending a portion of their budget on researching medicines for poorer countries. This will not only benefit those in need but also enhance the overall reputation and ethical standing of the pharmaceutical industry.
[259 words]
Good expressions:
1. exponentially advanced (지수적으로 발전함)
2. fulfill every demands (모든 요구를 충족시킴)
3. considerable numbers of deaths (상당한 수의 사망)
4. inequality between developed and undeveloped countries (발전된 나라와 개발도상국 사이의 불평등)
5. unavoidable problem (피할 수 없는 문제)
6. stimulated (자극받음)
7. non-profit organization (비영리 단체)
8. budget for developed countries (발전된 나라를 위한 예산)
9. denying company's right to benefit (기업의 이익을 부정)
10. new perspective (새로운 관점)
11. threatening disease (위협적인 질병)
12. unknown pathogen (미지의 병원체)
13. fulfilling the wishes of people (사람들의 희망을 충족시키는 것)
14. basic and common medicine (기본적이고 보편적인 약)
15. lack of basic and common medicine (기본적인 약품의 부족)
16. efficiency (효율성)
17. economics (경제)
18. delivering Unused medicine (미 사용 약품 전달)
19. save many lives in poorer countries (개발도상국에서 많은 생명을 구할 수 있음)
20. maximizing profits (최대한의 이윤을 얻음)
21. generate revenue for shareholders (주주들에게 수익을 창출함)
22. cover the expenses (비용을 지불하다)
23. hinder medical advancements (의학 발전을 저해하다)
24. health disparities (건강 격차)
25. unnecessary deaths and suffering (불필요한 사망과 고통)
26. provide healthcare to everyone (모두에게 의료 서비스를 제공)
27. positive impact on global health (세계적인 건강에 긍정적인 영향을 미침)
28. reducing inequality in healthcare (의료 격차 감소)
29. reputation and ethical standing (평판과 윤리적 지위)
제출한 라이팅
As technology and science exponentially advanced, the pressure they receive gets only heavier. With the advanced technology drug companies are managed to fulfill every demands of developed the countries while ignoring the considerable numbers of deaths in un-developed countries. So it's not surprising people start to claim to put responsibility Spending money on pharmacy in poorer countries to drug companies. since inequality between developed and undeveloped countries about medical industry arose as inevitable problem. Human instinct not to neglect others have been stimulated. Nevertheless, basically, drug companies are not non-profit organization. There is no duty to use their budget for developed countries. And researching medicine may cost a billion dollars. Which deny company's right to leave benefit.
But about this situation, I would like to take new perspective rather than choose one of them. As the main reason of numerous death in undeveloped countries is not the threatening disease or unknown pathogen that has never been in human history. Instead, it is mostly because of lack of basic and common medicine like antibiotics, so the drug companies don't have to spend their extra budget to satisfy wish of people. there are tones of unused appeal wasted and they must be discarded. And they may be enough to save many life in poorer countries. It turns out the problem and conflict between drug companies and people are about efficiency more than economics in conclusion, It seems reasonable to people claim that drug companies should spend money on other countries based on their humanity. But the main purpose for a company is leaving benefits. To avoid conflict, There is another option which is delivering Unused medicine such as antibiotics, which are vital to human Life, especially in un-developed countries.
But about this situation, I would like to take new perspective rather than choose one of them. As the main reason of numerous death in undeveloped countries is not the threatening disease or unknown pathogen that has never been in human history. Instead, it is mostly because of lack of basic and common medicine like antibiotics, so the drug companies don't have to spend their extra budget to satisfy wish of people. there are tones of unused appeal wasted and they must be discarded. And they may be enough to save many life in poorer countries. It turns out the problem and conflict between drug companies and people are about efficiency more than economics in conclusion, It seems reasonable to people claim that drug companies should spend money on other countries based on their humanity. But the main purpose for a company is leaving benefits. To avoid conflict, There is another option which is delivering Unused medicine such as antibiotics, which are vital to human Life, especially in un-developed countries.
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