아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The essay adequately addresses the prompt by stating both sides of the argument and providing examples to support the points made. However, the essay could have provided a deeper analysis of the extent to which salary is the most important consideration when choosing a job.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay is generally well-organized and easy to follow. However, there are some instances where the transition between paragraphs and ideas could be smoother. Additionally, the conclusion could have been strengthened by summarizing the main points made in the essay.
Lexical Resource: 6
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement. Some words and phrases could have been used more accurately or appropriately, and there is some repetition of vocabulary. However, the essay does effectively convey the intended meaning.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
The essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors throughout. There is a variety of sentence structures used, and the essay effectively communicates the intended message.
Overall: 6.5
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and effectively presents arguments on both sides. However, there is room for improvement in terms of coherence, vocabulary usage, and realizing the full potential of the arguments presented. With some minor adjustments and further development of ideas, this essay could attain a higher band score.
Task Response: 7
The essay adequately addresses the prompt by stating both sides of the argument and providing examples to support the points made. However, the essay could have provided a deeper analysis of the extent to which salary is the most important consideration when choosing a job.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay is generally well-organized and easy to follow. However, there are some instances where the transition between paragraphs and ideas could be smoother. Additionally, the conclusion could have been strengthened by summarizing the main points made in the essay.
Lexical Resource: 6
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement. Some words and phrases could have been used more accurately or appropriately, and there is some repetition of vocabulary. However, the essay does effectively convey the intended meaning.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 7
The essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors throughout. There is a variety of sentence structures used, and the essay effectively communicates the intended message.
Overall: 6.5
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and effectively presents arguments on both sides. However, there is room for improvement in terms of coherence, vocabulary usage, and realizing the full potential of the arguments presented. With some minor adjustments and further development of ideas, this essay could attain a higher band score.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Essay:
When considering a job, there is a prevailing belief that the salary should be the most significant factor to take into account. While I partially agree with this argument, I strongly believe that other aspects should also be considered in the decision-making process.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that money plays a crucial role in our daily lives. In order to sustain our livelihoods, many individuals have invested a significant amount of time and effort into acquiring various skills and knowledge. After all, securing a well-paying job not only ensures a stable income, but also enables us to afford the necessities of life and plan for our future. As a result, salary is undeniably one of the most important considerations when choosing a career path.
On the other hand, life should not solely revolve around financial gain. As we spend a significant portion of our time in the workplace, it is essential that we find fulfillment and satisfaction in our jobs. The emotional rewards derived from completing challenging projects or receiving recognition from clients can contribute to our overall job satisfaction. Consequently, some individuals may choose to leave high-paying positions and pursue their true passions in other industries. Without considering personal interests and aspirations, one may not find true happiness and fulfillment in their chosen career.
In conclusion, while salary is important, it should not be the sole determining factor when selecting a job. Other intangible factors, such as feelings of reward and fulfillment, should also be taken into consideration. Ultimately, a well-rounded decision that considers both financial stability and personal contentment is likely to lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying career.
[258 words]
Good expressions:
1. prevailing belief - 지배적인 신념
2. decision-making process - 결정 과정
3. invested a significant amount of time and effort - 상당한 시간과 노력을 투자했다
4. secure a well-paying job - 안정적이고 높은 수입을 보장받다
5. afford the necessities of life - 생활의 필수품을 감당하다
6. plan for our future - 우리의 미래를 계획하다
7. revolve around - ~을 중심으로 돌다
8. find fulfillment and satisfaction - 충족감과 만족감을 얻다
9. derived from - ~에서 유래한
10. overall job satisfaction - 전반적인 직업 만족도
11. pursue their true passions - 자신의 진정한 열정을 추구하다
12. without considering - ~을 고려하지 않고
13. personal interests and aspirations - 개인적인 관심사와 포부
14. true happiness and fulfillment - 진정한 행복과 이루어짐
15. well-rounded decision - 균형잡힌 결정
When considering a job, there is a prevailing belief that the salary should be the most significant factor to take into account. While I partially agree with this argument, I strongly believe that other aspects should also be considered in the decision-making process.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that money plays a crucial role in our daily lives. In order to sustain our livelihoods, many individuals have invested a significant amount of time and effort into acquiring various skills and knowledge. After all, securing a well-paying job not only ensures a stable income, but also enables us to afford the necessities of life and plan for our future. As a result, salary is undeniably one of the most important considerations when choosing a career path.
On the other hand, life should not solely revolve around financial gain. As we spend a significant portion of our time in the workplace, it is essential that we find fulfillment and satisfaction in our jobs. The emotional rewards derived from completing challenging projects or receiving recognition from clients can contribute to our overall job satisfaction. Consequently, some individuals may choose to leave high-paying positions and pursue their true passions in other industries. Without considering personal interests and aspirations, one may not find true happiness and fulfillment in their chosen career.
In conclusion, while salary is important, it should not be the sole determining factor when selecting a job. Other intangible factors, such as feelings of reward and fulfillment, should also be taken into consideration. Ultimately, a well-rounded decision that considers both financial stability and personal contentment is likely to lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying career.
[258 words]
Good expressions:
1. prevailing belief - 지배적인 신념
2. decision-making process - 결정 과정
3. invested a significant amount of time and effort - 상당한 시간과 노력을 투자했다
4. secure a well-paying job - 안정적이고 높은 수입을 보장받다
5. afford the necessities of life - 생활의 필수품을 감당하다
6. plan for our future - 우리의 미래를 계획하다
7. revolve around - ~을 중심으로 돌다
8. find fulfillment and satisfaction - 충족감과 만족감을 얻다
9. derived from - ~에서 유래한
10. overall job satisfaction - 전반적인 직업 만족도
11. pursue their true passions - 자신의 진정한 열정을 추구하다
12. without considering - ~을 고려하지 않고
13. personal interests and aspirations - 개인적인 관심사와 포부
14. true happiness and fulfillment - 진정한 행복과 이루어짐
15. well-rounded decision - 균형잡힌 결정
제출한 라이팅
Some people say the salary plays the most significant role when they seek their jobs. I partially agree with the argument, but I believe the salary should not be the only thing we consider when we choose a job.
On the one hand, obviously, we need money when we make a living. Many people have learnt a variety of skills and studied hard in their teens in order to have great jobs. Getting those jobs might not be easy but enable them to afford to make a living. We spend most of our days at work to get a salary so that we can buy what we want and invest the money for our futures. Therefore, salary is one of the most important things when we choose our career.
On the other hand, people do not live only for money. Most workers spend most of their time at the workplace, which might be stressful for them. We sometimes feel rewarded when you finish your project or get praise from the clients. These feelings can be a crucial role when people choose their career. For example, Some people quit their high-salary jobs and move to other industries to pursue what they really want. Without passions and dreams of what they really want, they would not make that choice.
In conclusion, I believe people should consider other than salary when we choose our jobs. Intangible assets such as rewarded feelings from jobs might be a great criteria.
On the one hand, obviously, we need money when we make a living. Many people have learnt a variety of skills and studied hard in their teens in order to have great jobs. Getting those jobs might not be easy but enable them to afford to make a living. We spend most of our days at work to get a salary so that we can buy what we want and invest the money for our futures. Therefore, salary is one of the most important things when we choose our career.
On the other hand, people do not live only for money. Most workers spend most of their time at the workplace, which might be stressful for them. We sometimes feel rewarded when you finish your project or get praise from the clients. These feelings can be a crucial role when people choose their career. For example, Some people quit their high-salary jobs and move to other industries to pursue what they really want. Without passions and dreams of what they really want, they would not make that choice.
In conclusion, I believe people should consider other than salary when we choose our jobs. Intangible assets such as rewarded feelings from jobs might be a great criteria.
추천인 1
-
geena
공유
목록으로 돌아가기 😎
