AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Two parts
Young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities such as hiking and climbing in nature. Why is this? And how can we encourage them to go out?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 7
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing why young people prefer staying at home during holidays and weekends instead of doing outdoor activities. It also suggests solutions to encourage them to go out. The writer presents clear reasons and arguments to support their points.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The ideas are logically developed and the essay flows smoothly. There is good use of paragraphing and linking words to connect ideas. However, some sentences could be more cohesive by using clearer referencing words.
Lexical Resource: 6
The writer demonstrates a good range of vocabulary throughout the essay. There are appropriate use of words and phrases related to the topic. However, there could be more variety in vocabulary and more precise word choices. Additionally, some phrases could be more idiomatic.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The writer shows a good control of grammar, with mostly accurate and varied sentence structures. There are minor errors in verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. Some sentences could be rewritten for better clarity and accuracy.
Overall: 6.5
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and provides well-supported arguments. The writer effectively addresses the prompt and presents relevant ideas. With some improvement in vocabulary and grammar, the essay could reach a higher band score.
Task Response: 7
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing why young people prefer staying at home during holidays and weekends instead of doing outdoor activities. It also suggests solutions to encourage them to go out. The writer presents clear reasons and arguments to support their points.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The ideas are logically developed and the essay flows smoothly. There is good use of paragraphing and linking words to connect ideas. However, some sentences could be more cohesive by using clearer referencing words.
Lexical Resource: 6
The writer demonstrates a good range of vocabulary throughout the essay. There are appropriate use of words and phrases related to the topic. However, there could be more variety in vocabulary and more precise word choices. Additionally, some phrases could be more idiomatic.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 6
The writer shows a good control of grammar, with mostly accurate and varied sentence structures. There are minor errors in verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. Some sentences could be rewritten for better clarity and accuracy.
Overall: 6.5
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and provides well-supported arguments. The writer effectively addresses the prompt and presents relevant ideas. With some improvement in vocabulary and grammar, the essay could reach a higher band score.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities such as hiking and climbing in nature. Why is this? And how can we encourage them to go out?
Essay:
Nowadays, many young people choose to spend their holidays and weekends indoors rather than engaging in outdoor activities such as hiking and climbing in nature. This trend has resulted in a lack of social connections and physical exercise among young individuals. To address this issue, it is important to explore the reasons behind this behavior and propose effective strategies to encourage youngsters to venture outside.
One of the main reasons why young people prefer to stay at home during holidays is the abundance of entertainment options available at their fingertips. Electronic devices like Nintendo Switch and iPads provide access to unlimited games, movies, and social media, keeping them occupied within the confines of their homes. Additionally, the rise of individualism within society has led to a preference for independence, contributing to the isolation of young people from their families and friends. However, this sedentary lifestyle has detrimental effects on their health and social life, including a lack of physical exercise and compromised social relationships.
To tackle these challenges, several measures can be taken to motivate young individuals to step outside and engage in outdoor activities. Firstly, the government should implement sports programs specifically designed for the youth. By participating in these programs, young people can interact with their peers and establish meaningful social bonds while simultaneously combating health issues such as obesity through regular exercise. Secondly, the quality of existing recreational facilities such as parks, tennis courts, and gyms should be improved. This enhancement will not only attract more individuals to spend time outdoors but also provide them with diverse opportunities for physical activities. By promoting and popularizing these facilities, a larger number of young people can easily access them and actively participate in outdoor pursuits.
In conclusion, it is evident that there is a growing inclination among young people to spend their holidays and weekends indoors, which negatively impacts their physical and social well-being. To encourage them to venture outside, it is recommended to establish sports programs and enhance the quality of recreational facilities. By implementing these strategies, young individuals can foster social connections and lead healthier lifestyles.
[261 words]
Good expressions:
1. trend has resulted in - 이러한 경향은
2. lack of social connections - 사회적인 연결의 부재
3. propose effective strategies - 효과적인 전략을 제안하다
4. abundance of entertainment options - 다양한 엔터테인먼트 옵션의 풍부성
5. keep them occupied - 그들을 바빠지게 하다
6. rise of individualism - 개인주의의 상승
7. detrimental effects - 해로운 영향
8. tackle these challenges - 이러한 어려움들에 대처하다
9. motivate young individuals - 젊은 사람들에게 동기부여하다
10. step outside - 밖으로 나가다
11. establish meaningful social bonds - 의미 있는 사회적 유대관계를 형성하다
12. combat health issues - 건강 문제에 대응하다
13. enhance the quality - 품질을 향상시키다
14. diverse opportunities - 다양한 기회
15. actively participate - 적극적으로 참여하다
16. foster social connections - 사회적인 연결을 촉진하다
Nowadays, many young people choose to spend their holidays and weekends indoors rather than engaging in outdoor activities such as hiking and climbing in nature. This trend has resulted in a lack of social connections and physical exercise among young individuals. To address this issue, it is important to explore the reasons behind this behavior and propose effective strategies to encourage youngsters to venture outside.
One of the main reasons why young people prefer to stay at home during holidays is the abundance of entertainment options available at their fingertips. Electronic devices like Nintendo Switch and iPads provide access to unlimited games, movies, and social media, keeping them occupied within the confines of their homes. Additionally, the rise of individualism within society has led to a preference for independence, contributing to the isolation of young people from their families and friends. However, this sedentary lifestyle has detrimental effects on their health and social life, including a lack of physical exercise and compromised social relationships.
To tackle these challenges, several measures can be taken to motivate young individuals to step outside and engage in outdoor activities. Firstly, the government should implement sports programs specifically designed for the youth. By participating in these programs, young people can interact with their peers and establish meaningful social bonds while simultaneously combating health issues such as obesity through regular exercise. Secondly, the quality of existing recreational facilities such as parks, tennis courts, and gyms should be improved. This enhancement will not only attract more individuals to spend time outdoors but also provide them with diverse opportunities for physical activities. By promoting and popularizing these facilities, a larger number of young people can easily access them and actively participate in outdoor pursuits.
In conclusion, it is evident that there is a growing inclination among young people to spend their holidays and weekends indoors, which negatively impacts their physical and social well-being. To encourage them to venture outside, it is recommended to establish sports programs and enhance the quality of recreational facilities. By implementing these strategies, young individuals can foster social connections and lead healthier lifestyles.
[261 words]
Good expressions:
1. trend has resulted in - 이러한 경향은
2. lack of social connections - 사회적인 연결의 부재
3. propose effective strategies - 효과적인 전략을 제안하다
4. abundance of entertainment options - 다양한 엔터테인먼트 옵션의 풍부성
5. keep them occupied - 그들을 바빠지게 하다
6. rise of individualism - 개인주의의 상승
7. detrimental effects - 해로운 영향
8. tackle these challenges - 이러한 어려움들에 대처하다
9. motivate young individuals - 젊은 사람들에게 동기부여하다
10. step outside - 밖으로 나가다
11. establish meaningful social bonds - 의미 있는 사회적 유대관계를 형성하다
12. combat health issues - 건강 문제에 대응하다
13. enhance the quality - 품질을 향상시키다
14. diverse opportunities - 다양한 기회
15. actively participate - 적극적으로 참여하다
16. foster social connections - 사회적인 연결을 촉진하다
제출한 라이팅
Nowadays, numerous youngsters prefer staying at home during holiday seasons rather than going out and doing some activities like hiking and climbing in nature. This situation leads young people to lack relationships and exercise. Therefore, to solve this problem, people need to consider why it happens and what they can suggest.
The prime reason why young people tend to stay at home during holidays rather than going outside is that there are numerous entertainment contents which they can enjoy at their home. Clearly, a lot of electronic devices, such as Nintendo switch and iPad, allow young people to access limitless entertainment contents, which are games, movies and social media. In addition, individualism among young people’s society contributes to youngster’s behavior and activity preferences. These kinds of social aspects make young people to be isolated from their social relationships , such as families and friends, and be more independent. However, these factors have negative effects on young people’s both health and social life, for instance lack of social relationships and obesity by lack of exercise.
To combat these problems, people need to figure out solutions to make young people go outside and get along with people. Firstly, the government executes several sports programmes for young people. Through joining these sports programmes, youngsters have opportunities to build social relationships with other people and prevent illness like obesity by exercising regularly. In addition, the improve quality of various exercise facilities like parks, tennis courts and gyms, is great way to encourage them to go out and be more active. Generally, high quality facilities and various sports activities are easily accessed by plenty of people due to popularity and promotion.
In conclusion, nowadays young people tend to stay indoors rather than going outdoors and enjoying activities. To encourage them to go out, I suggest providing sports programmes and improving the quality of sports facilities.
The prime reason why young people tend to stay at home during holidays rather than going outside is that there are numerous entertainment contents which they can enjoy at their home. Clearly, a lot of electronic devices, such as Nintendo switch and iPad, allow young people to access limitless entertainment contents, which are games, movies and social media. In addition, individualism among young people’s society contributes to youngster’s behavior and activity preferences. These kinds of social aspects make young people to be isolated from their social relationships , such as families and friends, and be more independent. However, these factors have negative effects on young people’s both health and social life, for instance lack of social relationships and obesity by lack of exercise.
To combat these problems, people need to figure out solutions to make young people go outside and get along with people. Firstly, the government executes several sports programmes for young people. Through joining these sports programmes, youngsters have opportunities to build social relationships with other people and prevent illness like obesity by exercising regularly. In addition, the improve quality of various exercise facilities like parks, tennis courts and gyms, is great way to encourage them to go out and be more active. Generally, high quality facilities and various sports activities are easily accessed by plenty of people due to popularity and promotion.
In conclusion, nowadays young people tend to stay indoors rather than going outdoors and enjoying activities. To encourage them to go out, I suggest providing sports programmes and improving the quality of sports facilities.
공유
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