AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Opinion
The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your ownknowledge or experience.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: [7]
The essay clearly addresses the question and takes a clear stance on the statement. The writer provides relevant examples and arguments to support their opinion throughout the essay. However, there could be more depth in the analysis and more variety in the supporting ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion: [6]
The essay is generally well organized and the ideas are logically presented. However, some of the paragraphs could have better topic sentence and concluding sentence to improve coherence. Additionally, there could be more use of linking words and phrases to improve the flow and cohesion of the essay.
Lexical Resource: [6]
The writer demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses some academic language appropriately. However, there are some instances of word choice errors and repetition. The writer could also use more variety in sentence structures to enhance the lexical resource.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [5]
The majority of the essay is grammatically correct. However, there are some errors in sentence structure, such as missing articles and incorrect verb tense usage. Additionally, there are a few instances of word order errors and subject-verb agreement errors. More complex sentence structures and varied use of grammar would improve the overall score in this criterion.
Overall: [6]
The overall band score for this essay would be 6. The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and provides relevant arguments and examples. However, there are areas that could be improved in terms of coherence, lexical resource, and grammatical range and accuracy.
Task Response: [7]
The essay clearly addresses the question and takes a clear stance on the statement. The writer provides relevant examples and arguments to support their opinion throughout the essay. However, there could be more depth in the analysis and more variety in the supporting ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion: [6]
The essay is generally well organized and the ideas are logically presented. However, some of the paragraphs could have better topic sentence and concluding sentence to improve coherence. Additionally, there could be more use of linking words and phrases to improve the flow and cohesion of the essay.
Lexical Resource: [6]
The writer demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses some academic language appropriately. However, there are some instances of word choice errors and repetition. The writer could also use more variety in sentence structures to enhance the lexical resource.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: [5]
The majority of the essay is grammatically correct. However, there are some errors in sentence structure, such as missing articles and incorrect verb tense usage. Additionally, there are a few instances of word order errors and subject-verb agreement errors. More complex sentence structures and varied use of grammar would improve the overall score in this criterion.
Overall: [6]
The overall band score for this essay would be 6. The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and provides relevant arguments and examples. However, there are areas that could be improved in terms of coherence, lexical resource, and grammatical range and accuracy.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your ownknowledge or experience.
Essay:
Introduction:
It is often argued that the primary goal of science should be to enhance the lives of individuals. I wholeheartedly agree with this viewpoint due to the significant impact science has had on human survival and the improvement of living conditions. In this essay, I will explore the reasons behind this perspective with relevant examples.
[54 words]
Main Paragraph 1:
Historically, humans have relied on scientific knowledge to overcome the challenges posed by nature. Without proper understanding, individuals would have struggled to endure the harsh conditions of the natural world. For instance, in the past, the lack of awareness regarding toxic foods, extreme climate changes, and aggressive animals resulted in numerous deaths. Even today, without continuous efforts in the fields of nature, animal preservation, and environmental protection, many lives are still lost. To illustrate, Europe witnessed the deaths of millions due to unknown diseases in the past when the origins and treatments were unknown. However, with advancements in science, the number of deaths caused by the same diseases has significantly decreased due to improved capabilities in prediction and treatment.
[128 words]
Main Paragraph 2:
Furthermore, there are several compelling reasons why prioritizing the well-being of individuals should be the primary aim of science. Firstly, human lives are of utmost importance in the world, as every individual is born with equal significance as the highest beings on earth. Without human existence, no other creature can thrive. Secondly, the pursuit of scientific advancements solely for monetary gain can potentially harm individuals, as progress made without considering human well-being can have negative consequences on safety. Lastly, scientific developments aimed at improving people's lives can also contribute to environmental conservation. When individuals live in safe and clean environments, their overall health is enhanced, leading to a positive impact on the planet as well.
[150 words]
Conclusion:
To conclude, I wholeheartedly agree that science should primarily focus on enhancing the safety and comfort of individuals. The historical impact of scientific knowledge on human survival and the improvement of living conditions, coupled with the significance of human lives and the potential for positive environmental outcomes, further support this standpoint.
[55 words]
Word count: 387
Good expressions:
1. It is often argued that... - 자주 주장되는 바는...
2. I wholeheartedly agree with... - 저는 단호하게 동의합니다.
3. Due to the significant impact... - 중대한 영향으로 인해...
4. To explore the reasons behind... - 이유를 탐구하기 위해...
5. Historically, humans have relied on... - 역사적으로, 인간은 의지했습니다.
6. Without proper understanding... - 적절한 이해 없이는...
7. For instance... - 예를 들어...
8. In the past... resulted in numerous deaths. - 과거에는... 다수의 사망으로 이어졌습니다.
9. Even today... many lives are still lost. - 오늘날에도... 많은 생명이 손실됩니다.
10. To illustrate... - 예를 들면...
11. With advancements in science... - 과학의 발전으로...
12. Furthermore, there are several compelling reasons... - 더욱이... 다수의 설득력 있는 이유들이 있습니다.
13. Firstly... - 첫째로...
14. Secondly... - 둘째로...
15. Lastly... - 마지막으로...
16. When individuals live in... - 개인들이...에 사는 경우에는
17. To conclude... - 결론적으로...
Introduction:
It is often argued that the primary goal of science should be to enhance the lives of individuals. I wholeheartedly agree with this viewpoint due to the significant impact science has had on human survival and the improvement of living conditions. In this essay, I will explore the reasons behind this perspective with relevant examples.
[54 words]
Main Paragraph 1:
Historically, humans have relied on scientific knowledge to overcome the challenges posed by nature. Without proper understanding, individuals would have struggled to endure the harsh conditions of the natural world. For instance, in the past, the lack of awareness regarding toxic foods, extreme climate changes, and aggressive animals resulted in numerous deaths. Even today, without continuous efforts in the fields of nature, animal preservation, and environmental protection, many lives are still lost. To illustrate, Europe witnessed the deaths of millions due to unknown diseases in the past when the origins and treatments were unknown. However, with advancements in science, the number of deaths caused by the same diseases has significantly decreased due to improved capabilities in prediction and treatment.
[128 words]
Main Paragraph 2:
Furthermore, there are several compelling reasons why prioritizing the well-being of individuals should be the primary aim of science. Firstly, human lives are of utmost importance in the world, as every individual is born with equal significance as the highest beings on earth. Without human existence, no other creature can thrive. Secondly, the pursuit of scientific advancements solely for monetary gain can potentially harm individuals, as progress made without considering human well-being can have negative consequences on safety. Lastly, scientific developments aimed at improving people's lives can also contribute to environmental conservation. When individuals live in safe and clean environments, their overall health is enhanced, leading to a positive impact on the planet as well.
[150 words]
Conclusion:
To conclude, I wholeheartedly agree that science should primarily focus on enhancing the safety and comfort of individuals. The historical impact of scientific knowledge on human survival and the improvement of living conditions, coupled with the significance of human lives and the potential for positive environmental outcomes, further support this standpoint.
[55 words]
Word count: 387
Good expressions:
1. It is often argued that... - 자주 주장되는 바는...
2. I wholeheartedly agree with... - 저는 단호하게 동의합니다.
3. Due to the significant impact... - 중대한 영향으로 인해...
4. To explore the reasons behind... - 이유를 탐구하기 위해...
5. Historically, humans have relied on... - 역사적으로, 인간은 의지했습니다.
6. Without proper understanding... - 적절한 이해 없이는...
7. For instance... - 예를 들어...
8. In the past... resulted in numerous deaths. - 과거에는... 다수의 사망으로 이어졌습니다.
9. Even today... many lives are still lost. - 오늘날에도... 많은 생명이 손실됩니다.
10. To illustrate... - 예를 들면...
11. With advancements in science... - 과학의 발전으로...
12. Furthermore, there are several compelling reasons... - 더욱이... 다수의 설득력 있는 이유들이 있습니다.
13. Firstly... - 첫째로...
14. Secondly... - 둘째로...
15. Lastly... - 마지막으로...
16. When individuals live in... - 개인들이...에 사는 경우에는
17. To conclude... - 결론적으로...
제출한 라이팅
Some people suggest that science must concentrate on human's lives as top priority. I agree with this suggestion completely.
In the past, people studied and researched nature for their lives because without appropriate knowledge, humans could not endure harsh nature. When humans did not know dangerous things from nature such as toxic foods, harsh climate changes, and aggressive animals, many people died. If people did not make efforts about nature, animals, and the earth, still a lot of people are dying nowadays. For example, in the past in Europe, millions of people died with unknown disease, because then they did not know about where the disease came from and how treat it. However, nowadays, just a few people die with the same disease because of development of skills on predicting and treating it.
What's more, there are several reasons why people's lives must be the main purpose of science. Firstly, people' lives are top priority in the world because all people are born equally as the highest being on the earth. For example, without people's existence, there will be no creature that can be alive on the earth. Secondly, science for earning a lot of money can be harmful because development without concerns about humans would exert a negative influence on people's safety. Lastly, science for people' lives can help conserve the environment because people can live more healthy in a safe and clean environment.
In conclusion, I strongly agree with the suggestion that science must develop for human's safe and comfortable lives.
In the past, people studied and researched nature for their lives because without appropriate knowledge, humans could not endure harsh nature. When humans did not know dangerous things from nature such as toxic foods, harsh climate changes, and aggressive animals, many people died. If people did not make efforts about nature, animals, and the earth, still a lot of people are dying nowadays. For example, in the past in Europe, millions of people died with unknown disease, because then they did not know about where the disease came from and how treat it. However, nowadays, just a few people die with the same disease because of development of skills on predicting and treating it.
What's more, there are several reasons why people's lives must be the main purpose of science. Firstly, people' lives are top priority in the world because all people are born equally as the highest being on the earth. For example, without people's existence, there will be no creature that can be alive on the earth. Secondly, science for earning a lot of money can be harmful because development without concerns about humans would exert a negative influence on people's safety. Lastly, science for people' lives can help conserve the environment because people can live more healthy in a safe and clean environment.
In conclusion, I strongly agree with the suggestion that science must develop for human's safe and comfortable lives.
공유
quay lại danh sách 😎
