AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Opinion
Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The essay partially addresses the given prompt. While it discusses the reasons why some children spend hours on smartphones, it does not clearly state whether this is a positive or negative development.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are some issues with paragraph organization and cohesion. Some ideas are not fully developed, and the transition between paragraphs could be smoother.
Lexical Resource: 5
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are some errors and awkward word choices. Additionally, there is some repetition of phrases and lack of precision in expressing ideas.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
The essay shows a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement, word order, and article usage.
Overall: 5.5
The overall band score for this essay is 5.5. The essay appropriately addresses some aspects of the prompt and demonstrates a basic level of English proficiency. However, there are weaknesses in coherence, vocabulary, and grammar that affect the overall clarity and accuracy of the essay.
Task Response: 6
The essay partially addresses the given prompt. While it discusses the reasons why some children spend hours on smartphones, it does not clearly state whether this is a positive or negative development.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are some issues with paragraph organization and cohesion. Some ideas are not fully developed, and the transition between paragraphs could be smoother.
Lexical Resource: 5
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are some errors and awkward word choices. Additionally, there is some repetition of phrases and lack of precision in expressing ideas.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
The essay shows a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement, word order, and article usage.
Overall: 5.5
The overall band score for this essay is 5.5. The essay appropriately addresses some aspects of the prompt and demonstrates a basic level of English proficiency. However, there are weaknesses in coherence, vocabulary, and grammar that affect the overall clarity and accuracy of the essay.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones.
Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Essay:
In today's technologically advanced world, it is not uncommon to see children spending hours every day on their smartphones. While some argue that this trend has its merits, I firmly believe that it is a negative development. This essay will explore the reasons behind this phenomenon and present arguments to support the view that excessive smartphone use among children is detrimental.
Undeniably, there are certain advantages to children using smartphones on a daily basis. Firstly, smartphones offer a vast array of information and resources that can inspire and encourage children to express their thoughts and ideas. Moreover, through the use of electronic devices, children can familiarize themselves with technology, which is increasingly prevalent in modern society. Additionally, platforms such as YouTube provide opportunities for children to learn new things and interact with individuals from different cultures and backgrounds. However, I contend that the negative consequences outweigh these benefits.
One crucial consideration is the potential exposure to inappropriate content. Children who are engrossed in smartphone usage may inadvertently stumble upon violent or sensitive videos and photos that are unsuitable for their age. This lack of caution when exploring the internet can lead to easy access to improper sites. Furthermore, excessive smartphone use can have adverse effects on children's health and mental well-being. Extended screen time can lead to vision problems, and the constant pursuit of stimulation and reward through smartphone usage may result in a dopamine addiction. As children become increasingly absorbed in their virtual worlds, their interaction and communication skills in real-life settings may suffer.
In conclusion, while it is debatable whether children spending hours every day on their smartphones can be seen as beneficial for their development, the negative consequences of this trend are worrisome. The exposure to inappropriate content, potential health issues, and impaired social skills are all compelling reasons to view excessive smartphone use as a negative development. It is crucial for parents and guardians to monitor and regulate their children's smartphone usage to ensure a more balanced and healthy upbringing.
[Word count: 264]
Good expressions:
1. Every coin has two sides - 모든 동전은 두 가지 면이 있다.
2. Inarguably - 즉각적으로 이해되는 것처럼
3. Merits - 장점
4. The opposite is certainly more agreeable - 결코 그렇지 않다고 확신한다
5. Explore my thoughts and ideas - 나의 생각과 아이디어를 탐구
6. Truthfully - 솔직히 말하면
7. Give inspirations - 영감을 주다
8. Adjust electronic devices - 전자기기를 조정하다
9. Tend to think - ~하는 경향이 있다
10. Toward bad development - 나쁜 발전을 향하고 있다
11. Take into consideration - 고려에 들어가다
12. Access violent and sensitive videos - 폭력적이고 민감한 동영상에 접근하다
13. Enter any improper sites easily - 쉽게 부적절한 사이트에 접속하다
14. Cause health and mental problems - 건강 및 정신적인 문제를 초래하다
15. Obsession with phone - 휴대폰 집착
16. Communication problems - 의사소통 문제
17. View that - ~라는 견해
18. Negative consequences outweigh - 부정적인 결과가 더 크다
19. Stumble upon - 우연히 맞닥뜨리다
20. Unsuitable for their age - 그들의 나이에 맞지 않은.
In today's technologically advanced world, it is not uncommon to see children spending hours every day on their smartphones. While some argue that this trend has its merits, I firmly believe that it is a negative development. This essay will explore the reasons behind this phenomenon and present arguments to support the view that excessive smartphone use among children is detrimental.
Undeniably, there are certain advantages to children using smartphones on a daily basis. Firstly, smartphones offer a vast array of information and resources that can inspire and encourage children to express their thoughts and ideas. Moreover, through the use of electronic devices, children can familiarize themselves with technology, which is increasingly prevalent in modern society. Additionally, platforms such as YouTube provide opportunities for children to learn new things and interact with individuals from different cultures and backgrounds. However, I contend that the negative consequences outweigh these benefits.
One crucial consideration is the potential exposure to inappropriate content. Children who are engrossed in smartphone usage may inadvertently stumble upon violent or sensitive videos and photos that are unsuitable for their age. This lack of caution when exploring the internet can lead to easy access to improper sites. Furthermore, excessive smartphone use can have adverse effects on children's health and mental well-being. Extended screen time can lead to vision problems, and the constant pursuit of stimulation and reward through smartphone usage may result in a dopamine addiction. As children become increasingly absorbed in their virtual worlds, their interaction and communication skills in real-life settings may suffer.
In conclusion, while it is debatable whether children spending hours every day on their smartphones can be seen as beneficial for their development, the negative consequences of this trend are worrisome. The exposure to inappropriate content, potential health issues, and impaired social skills are all compelling reasons to view excessive smartphone use as a negative development. It is crucial for parents and guardians to monitor and regulate their children's smartphone usage to ensure a more balanced and healthy upbringing.
[Word count: 264]
Good expressions:
1. Every coin has two sides - 모든 동전은 두 가지 면이 있다.
2. Inarguably - 즉각적으로 이해되는 것처럼
3. Merits - 장점
4. The opposite is certainly more agreeable - 결코 그렇지 않다고 확신한다
5. Explore my thoughts and ideas - 나의 생각과 아이디어를 탐구
6. Truthfully - 솔직히 말하면
7. Give inspirations - 영감을 주다
8. Adjust electronic devices - 전자기기를 조정하다
9. Tend to think - ~하는 경향이 있다
10. Toward bad development - 나쁜 발전을 향하고 있다
11. Take into consideration - 고려에 들어가다
12. Access violent and sensitive videos - 폭력적이고 민감한 동영상에 접근하다
13. Enter any improper sites easily - 쉽게 부적절한 사이트에 접속하다
14. Cause health and mental problems - 건강 및 정신적인 문제를 초래하다
15. Obsession with phone - 휴대폰 집착
16. Communication problems - 의사소통 문제
17. View that - ~라는 견해
18. Negative consequences outweigh - 부정적인 결과가 더 크다
19. Stumble upon - 우연히 맞닥뜨리다
20. Unsuitable for their age - 그들의 나이에 맞지 않은.
제출한 라이팅
Inarguably, every coin has two sides and so are the opinions of the people. Concerning this issue, there are some people believing that children who use their smartphones for a long time in everyday has merits. In the meantime, I absolutely believe that the opposite is certainelymore agreeable. Today, I will explore my thought and ideas through this essay.
Truthfully, it would be right to say that using their smartphone everyday has advantages in their childhood time. First of all, it gives inspirations and provides to express thier thoughts and ideas through internet. In the middle of using their phone, they could accept how to adjust electronic devices. In modern time, people use technological devices, so it will be helpful to educate. In addition, there are a lot of things they could learn from it like Youtube. They could get some information and communicate with international people. However, I tend to think that it is towarding to bad development. The thing we need to take into consideration is that it could be easy to access violent and sensitive videos and photos which are not suitable at their ages. To be specific, it is in the process for learning, they will press button regardless any care. It makes them to enter any improper sites easily. In addition, it will cause health and mental problems in their lives like degrading their eyesights or obsession of dophamin. Using smartphone more and more, it causes seeing attractive things more and more. This means they are easy to get obsession with phone and the using time will be increase.
Last but not least, it cause some communication problems. If some kids will use internet words or sentences, it will hardly speak with real people.
It isdebatable whether kids spending hours everyday using smartphone are good for development or not, but I would say that it has more disadvantages as a sight of long distance.
Truthfully, it would be right to say that using their smartphone everyday has advantages in their childhood time. First of all, it gives inspirations and provides to express thier thoughts and ideas through internet. In the middle of using their phone, they could accept how to adjust electronic devices. In modern time, people use technological devices, so it will be helpful to educate. In addition, there are a lot of things they could learn from it like Youtube. They could get some information and communicate with international people. However, I tend to think that it is towarding to bad development. The thing we need to take into consideration is that it could be easy to access violent and sensitive videos and photos which are not suitable at their ages. To be specific, it is in the process for learning, they will press button regardless any care. It makes them to enter any improper sites easily. In addition, it will cause health and mental problems in their lives like degrading their eyesights or obsession of dophamin. Using smartphone more and more, it causes seeing attractive things more and more. This means they are easy to get obsession with phone and the using time will be increase.
Last but not least, it cause some communication problems. If some kids will use internet words or sentences, it will hardly speak with real people.
It isdebatable whether kids spending hours everyday using smartphone are good for development or not, but I would say that it has more disadvantages as a sight of long distance.
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