아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Problem and Solution
Many countries are experiencing an increase in numbers of teenage crimes. What do you think is causing this problem? What measures could be taken to reduce them?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The essay addresses the task prompt and provides reasons for the increase in teenage crimes and suggests measures to reduce them. However, the reasons provided lack development and evidence. Additionally, the solution proposed is not fully explored.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
The essay has some coherence and cohesion, but there are issues with the organization and linking of ideas. Some of the paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, and there is a lack of transitions between ideas.
Lexical Resource: 5
The essay shows an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and word choices that do not fit well. There is also repetition of certain words and phrases throughout the essay.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 4
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as subject-verb agreement, incorrect verb tenses, and word order mistakes. Additionally, there are instances of sentence fragments and run-on sentences.
Overall: 5
Based on the evaluation of the four criteria, the overall band score for this essay would be 5. The essay shows some weaknesses in task response, coherence & cohesion, lexical resource, and grammatical range & accuracy. The ideas are not fully developed, and there are notable grammatical errors and issues with the organization of the essay.
Task Response: 6
The essay addresses the task prompt and provides reasons for the increase in teenage crimes and suggests measures to reduce them. However, the reasons provided lack development and evidence. Additionally, the solution proposed is not fully explored.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
The essay has some coherence and cohesion, but there are issues with the organization and linking of ideas. Some of the paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, and there is a lack of transitions between ideas.
Lexical Resource: 5
The essay shows an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and word choices that do not fit well. There is also repetition of certain words and phrases throughout the essay.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 4
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as subject-verb agreement, incorrect verb tenses, and word order mistakes. Additionally, there are instances of sentence fragments and run-on sentences.
Overall: 5
Based on the evaluation of the four criteria, the overall band score for this essay would be 5. The essay shows some weaknesses in task response, coherence & cohesion, lexical resource, and grammatical range & accuracy. The ideas are not fully developed, and there are notable grammatical errors and issues with the organization of the essay.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Many countries are experiencing an increase in numbers of teenage crimes.
What do you think is causing this problem?
What measures could be taken to reduce them?
Essay:
In recent years, the issue of teenage crime has become a matter of great concern to the general public. Many countries are witnessing a surge in the number of illegal activities committed by young people. This essay will discuss the various causes contributing to the increase in teenage crimes and propose measures to mitigate them.
There are several factors that can be attributed to this problem. Firstly, a lack of parental supervision plays a significant role in the rising rate of teenage crimes. With parents paying less attention to their children, it becomes easier for youngsters to engage in unlawful activities without being detected. Additionally, the advancement of science and technology has made it easier for young people to access and disseminate information about criminal behavior. Furthermore, as children's rights continue to be recognized and protected, it becomes increasingly challenging for adults to impose punishments, even in cases of serious crimes committed by teenagers.
To address this social issue, efforts from all sectors of society are required. Primarily, parents should prioritize their role in monitoring their children's actions and behaviors. By being more vigilant, parents can prevent their children from engaging in illegal activities. Furthermore, implementing stricter laws and regulations regarding teenage crimes can serve as an effective solution. The fear of punishment acts as a deterrent and could discourage young individuals from getting involved in criminal behavior. Lastly, governments should prioritize educating teenagers about the dangers and consequences of engaging in criminal activities from an early age. By spreading awareness and instilling a sense of responsibility, young people can acquire a better understanding of the negative impacts of crime.
In conclusion, it is crucial for adults, particularly parents, to take proactive measures in preventing teenage crimes. While some countries may be hesitant to enact laws specifically targeting young offenders, many nations are facing the detrimental consequences of an increase in illegal activities committed by teenagers. However, through a combination of education and changes in legislation, the rate of teenage crimes can be significantly reduced.
Word count: 263
Good expressions:
1. surge in the number of - 증가하는
2. can be attributed to - ~로 돌아갈 수 있다
3. a lack of - ~의 부족
4. parental supervision - 부모 감독
5. engage in - ~에 참여하다
6. without being detected - 탐지되지 않고
7. access and disseminate information - 정보에 접근하고 보급하다
8. recognized and protected - 인정되고 보호받는
9. impose punishments - 처벌을 가하다
10. serve as an effective solution - 효과적인 해결책으로 작용하다
11. act as a deterrent - 억제제로 작용하다
12. getting involved in - ~에 참여하다
13. spreading awareness - 인식을 확산
14. instilling a sense of responsibility - 책임감을 심어주다
15. significantly reduced - 상당히 감소함
In recent years, the issue of teenage crime has become a matter of great concern to the general public. Many countries are witnessing a surge in the number of illegal activities committed by young people. This essay will discuss the various causes contributing to the increase in teenage crimes and propose measures to mitigate them.
There are several factors that can be attributed to this problem. Firstly, a lack of parental supervision plays a significant role in the rising rate of teenage crimes. With parents paying less attention to their children, it becomes easier for youngsters to engage in unlawful activities without being detected. Additionally, the advancement of science and technology has made it easier for young people to access and disseminate information about criminal behavior. Furthermore, as children's rights continue to be recognized and protected, it becomes increasingly challenging for adults to impose punishments, even in cases of serious crimes committed by teenagers.
To address this social issue, efforts from all sectors of society are required. Primarily, parents should prioritize their role in monitoring their children's actions and behaviors. By being more vigilant, parents can prevent their children from engaging in illegal activities. Furthermore, implementing stricter laws and regulations regarding teenage crimes can serve as an effective solution. The fear of punishment acts as a deterrent and could discourage young individuals from getting involved in criminal behavior. Lastly, governments should prioritize educating teenagers about the dangers and consequences of engaging in criminal activities from an early age. By spreading awareness and instilling a sense of responsibility, young people can acquire a better understanding of the negative impacts of crime.
In conclusion, it is crucial for adults, particularly parents, to take proactive measures in preventing teenage crimes. While some countries may be hesitant to enact laws specifically targeting young offenders, many nations are facing the detrimental consequences of an increase in illegal activities committed by teenagers. However, through a combination of education and changes in legislation, the rate of teenage crimes can be significantly reduced.
Word count: 263
Good expressions:
1. surge in the number of - 증가하는
2. can be attributed to - ~로 돌아갈 수 있다
3. a lack of - ~의 부족
4. parental supervision - 부모 감독
5. engage in - ~에 참여하다
6. without being detected - 탐지되지 않고
7. access and disseminate information - 정보에 접근하고 보급하다
8. recognized and protected - 인정되고 보호받는
9. impose punishments - 처벌을 가하다
10. serve as an effective solution - 효과적인 해결책으로 작용하다
11. act as a deterrent - 억제제로 작용하다
12. getting involved in - ~에 참여하다
13. spreading awareness - 인식을 확산
14. instilling a sense of responsibility - 책임감을 심어주다
15. significantly reduced - 상당히 감소함
제출한 라이팅
In recent years, young people crime has been of much interest to the general public. A lot of countries are experiencing an rising in amount of young people illegal acting. The essay will identify causation of inclining in the rate of teenage crimes and suggest the solution for declining in numbers of teenage crimes.
There are various contributing factors to current situation. First of all, diminishing of parent's attention is one of the part of causation of that. Because of declining of attention of parent, parent could not check their children, they do not find illegal action of their children. Moreover, developing of science technology is easy to find crime information by children. Furthermore, right of young people is growing compare to before, adult should not punish them. For example, even if they committee to serious crime, government could not punish because they are childhood.
To address this social problem, various efforts across society are required. First and foremost, adults have more attention about their children. By checking their action, they do not committee to illegal action. In fact, conducting of punishment by changing of laws would be a good solution of this problem. Many young people have fear about disciplines, they would not do crimes. Last but not least, government conduct education to teenage about danger of crime in childhood. These who educate about that, have recognition about bad effects of crime.
In conclusion, teenage crime should be prevented by adults. but many nations would not make laws for protecting young people crime. Now, lots of nations is suffered by raising in numbers of teenage crimes. However, conducted a lot of solutions, such as education and changing of laws, is diminishing in amount of rate of student crimes.
There are various contributing factors to current situation. First of all, diminishing of parent's attention is one of the part of causation of that. Because of declining of attention of parent, parent could not check their children, they do not find illegal action of their children. Moreover, developing of science technology is easy to find crime information by children. Furthermore, right of young people is growing compare to before, adult should not punish them. For example, even if they committee to serious crime, government could not punish because they are childhood.
To address this social problem, various efforts across society are required. First and foremost, adults have more attention about their children. By checking their action, they do not committee to illegal action. In fact, conducting of punishment by changing of laws would be a good solution of this problem. Many young people have fear about disciplines, they would not do crimes. Last but not least, government conduct education to teenage about danger of crime in childhood. These who educate about that, have recognition about bad effects of crime.
In conclusion, teenage crime should be prevented by adults. but many nations would not make laws for protecting young people crime. Now, lots of nations is suffered by raising in numbers of teenage crimes. However, conducted a lot of solutions, such as education and changing of laws, is diminishing in amount of rate of student crimes.
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