아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The essay adequately addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument and expressing a clear opinion. However, the arguments lack depth and are not fully developed.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
The essay is generally organized, but there are some issues with cohesion and coherence. The ideas are sometimes repetitive and the essay lacks clear paragraphing. Transitions between ideas could also be improved.
Lexical Resource: 4
The vocabulary used in the essay is adequate, but there are some errors and awkward word choices. Additionally, there could be more varied and precise vocabulary used throughout the essay.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
There are some grammar errors throughout the essay, such as incorrect verb tenses, missing articles, and sentence structure issues. However, the essay demonstrates an attempt at using a range of grammatical structures.
Overall: 5
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the task and expresses a clear opinion. However, the arguments lack depth and are not fully developed. There are also issues with cohesion, coherence, vocabulary, and grammar. With these weaknesses, the overall band score would be around 5.
Task Response: 6
The essay adequately addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument and expressing a clear opinion. However, the arguments lack depth and are not fully developed.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
The essay is generally organized, but there are some issues with cohesion and coherence. The ideas are sometimes repetitive and the essay lacks clear paragraphing. Transitions between ideas could also be improved.
Lexical Resource: 4
The vocabulary used in the essay is adequate, but there are some errors and awkward word choices. Additionally, there could be more varied and precise vocabulary used throughout the essay.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
There are some grammar errors throughout the essay, such as incorrect verb tenses, missing articles, and sentence structure issues. However, the essay demonstrates an attempt at using a range of grammatical structures.
Overall: 5
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the task and expresses a clear opinion. However, the arguments lack depth and are not fully developed. There are also issues with cohesion, coherence, vocabulary, and grammar. With these weaknesses, the overall band score would be around 5.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In recent years, there has been a growing interest in living in large urban areas. Some people argue that living in big cities is detrimental to people's health. However, I strongly disagree with this viewpoint. While factors such as noise pollution and stress may exist in cities, they only represent a small portion of the overall impact on human health. In fact, living in big cities can have numerous benefits for health, including access to social facilities and opportunities for weight management. Additionally, factors such as diet, exercise, and medical treatment have a more significant influence on individual health. Ultimately, the impact on health is determined by various factors and cannot be solely attributed to city living.
Living in a big city does not pose a threat to people's health. Although there may be stress caused by car noise and bright lights, these factors are relatively minor compared to other health risks. On the contrary, big cities offer a wide range of social facilities that can contribute to improving health. For example, there are numerous gyms and salad stores that can assist individuals in managing their weight. By decreasing obesity rates, several illnesses can be prevented. Furthermore, big cities provide leisure facilities such as theaters, concert halls, and theme parks, which can help individuals better control their stress levels compared to residents in rural areas.
Moreover, individual health is influenced by various factors such as diet, exercise, and access to medical treatment. Big cities often provide better opportunities for managing these aspects of health compared to rural regions. For instance, large markets and a greater number of hospitals are available in urban areas, providing individuals with easier access to a variety of food options and medical services. This advantage allows urban dwellers to have greater control over their health compared to those living in rural areas.
In conclusion, living in a large city does not harm one's health. On the contrary, cities offer numerous facilities and opportunities for individuals to improve their health. Therefore, it is important to acknowledge that individual health is influenced by various factors and cannot be solely attributed to city living.
[263 words]
Good expressions:
1. a growing interest - 성장하는 관심
2. detrimental to - ...에 해로운
3. viewpoint - 견해
4. noise pollution - 소음 오염
5. stress - 스트레스
6. access to - ...에 접근
7. numerous benefits - 다양한 이점
8. weight management - 체중 관리
9. significant influence - 상당한 영향
10. ultimately - 궁극적으로
11. attributed to - ...에 기인한
12. pose a threat - 위협을 가하다
13. stress levels - 스트레스 수준
14. influenced by - ...에 영향을 받는
15. prevention of illnesses - 질병 예방
16. a wide range of - 다양한
17. access to - ...에 접근
18. a variety of - 다양한
19. acknowledge - 인정하다
Living in a big city does not pose a threat to people's health. Although there may be stress caused by car noise and bright lights, these factors are relatively minor compared to other health risks. On the contrary, big cities offer a wide range of social facilities that can contribute to improving health. For example, there are numerous gyms and salad stores that can assist individuals in managing their weight. By decreasing obesity rates, several illnesses can be prevented. Furthermore, big cities provide leisure facilities such as theaters, concert halls, and theme parks, which can help individuals better control their stress levels compared to residents in rural areas.
Moreover, individual health is influenced by various factors such as diet, exercise, and access to medical treatment. Big cities often provide better opportunities for managing these aspects of health compared to rural regions. For instance, large markets and a greater number of hospitals are available in urban areas, providing individuals with easier access to a variety of food options and medical services. This advantage allows urban dwellers to have greater control over their health compared to those living in rural areas.
In conclusion, living in a large city does not harm one's health. On the contrary, cities offer numerous facilities and opportunities for individuals to improve their health. Therefore, it is important to acknowledge that individual health is influenced by various factors and cannot be solely attributed to city living.
[263 words]
Good expressions:
1. a growing interest - 성장하는 관심
2. detrimental to - ...에 해로운
3. viewpoint - 견해
4. noise pollution - 소음 오염
5. stress - 스트레스
6. access to - ...에 접근
7. numerous benefits - 다양한 이점
8. weight management - 체중 관리
9. significant influence - 상당한 영향
10. ultimately - 궁극적으로
11. attributed to - ...에 기인한
12. pose a threat - 위협을 가하다
13. stress levels - 스트레스 수준
14. influenced by - ...에 영향을 받는
15. prevention of illnesses - 질병 예방
16. a wide range of - 다양한
17. access to - ...에 접근
18. a variety of - 다양한
19. acknowledge - 인정하다
제출한 라이팅
In recent years, Living in the large urban region has been of much interest to the general public. Some individuals assert that living in large city harm to health of individuals. However, I totally disagree with this perspective. There is not regarding to people's health, other factor is related to human's health state, such as weight, treatment, and diet.
To begin with, Living in big city is not harmful people's health. Of course, there make people stress by nosing of cars and building lights, but, this stressed factor is small part of danger of human's health. Moreover, the large urban has many social facility. For instance, the urban has many gym and salad stores, it makes individuals manage their health by decreasing their weight. This is become declining of the rate of obesity of people, which can be protecting several illness. Furthermore, leisure facilities, such as theater, concert hole, and theme park, is placed in big cities. This is reason why the urban citizen could be more controlled their stress rather than the rural area residents
On top of that, The individual's health is related to the variable factor, such as diet, exercise, the hospital treatment. The urban would be more easier to manage diet and treatment of individuals rather than the rural regions. For example, there has a lot of huge markets, and lots of hospital compared to the rural areas. This is the reason why the urban is more good at controlling health state of individuals rather than the rural areas.
In conclusion, large city cannot harm human's health. Moreover, there would help health of individuals improved by many facilities. Therefore, I believe that mankind's health state is considered to variable factors.
To begin with, Living in big city is not harmful people's health. Of course, there make people stress by nosing of cars and building lights, but, this stressed factor is small part of danger of human's health. Moreover, the large urban has many social facility. For instance, the urban has many gym and salad stores, it makes individuals manage their health by decreasing their weight. This is become declining of the rate of obesity of people, which can be protecting several illness. Furthermore, leisure facilities, such as theater, concert hole, and theme park, is placed in big cities. This is reason why the urban citizen could be more controlled their stress rather than the rural area residents
On top of that, The individual's health is related to the variable factor, such as diet, exercise, the hospital treatment. The urban would be more easier to manage diet and treatment of individuals rather than the rural regions. For example, there has a lot of huge markets, and lots of hospital compared to the rural areas. This is the reason why the urban is more good at controlling health state of individuals rather than the rural areas.
In conclusion, large city cannot harm human's health. Moreover, there would help health of individuals improved by many facilities. Therefore, I believe that mankind's health state is considered to variable factors.
공유
목록으로 돌아가기 😎
