AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Opinion
Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear opinion, stating that the government is not responsible for the increase in obesity in children. The reasons supporting this argument are provided, although they could be developed further. However, the content is slightly repetitive and lacks specific examples to illustrate the points made.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
The essay is generally coherent and follows a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some sentences are not well connected, resulting in a slightly choppy flow of ideas. Additionally, there is some repetition of ideas and language throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource: 5
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use less common words or expressions. However, there are instances of incorrect word choices and awkward phrasing that affect the clarity of the writing. Some sentence structures can be improved to enhance the overall lexical resource score.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
The essay displays a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. However, there are noticeable errors in verb agreement, prepositions, and word order that affect the clarity and accuracy of the writing. Some sentences also lack subject-verb agreement.
Overall: 5.5
The essay has some strengths in addressing the task and presenting a clear opinion. However, there are areas for improvement in terms of coherence, vocabulary usage, and grammatical accuracy. With further development of ideas and more precise language, the essay could achieve a higher overall score.
Task Response: 6
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear opinion, stating that the government is not responsible for the increase in obesity in children. The reasons supporting this argument are provided, although they could be developed further. However, the content is slightly repetitive and lacks specific examples to illustrate the points made.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
The essay is generally coherent and follows a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some sentences are not well connected, resulting in a slightly choppy flow of ideas. Additionally, there is some repetition of ideas and language throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource: 5
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use less common words or expressions. However, there are instances of incorrect word choices and awkward phrasing that affect the clarity of the writing. Some sentence structures can be improved to enhance the overall lexical resource score.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5
The essay displays a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. However, there are noticeable errors in verb agreement, prepositions, and word order that affect the clarity and accuracy of the writing. Some sentences also lack subject-verb agreement.
Overall: 5.5
The essay has some strengths in addressing the task and presenting a clear opinion. However, there are areas for improvement in terms of coherence, vocabulary usage, and grammatical accuracy. With further development of ideas and more precise language, the essay could achieve a higher overall score.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children.
Do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Essay:
Childhood obesity has become a major concern in today's society. While some people argue that the government is to blame for this issue, I strongly disagree with this viewpoint. I believe that the responsibility for the rise in obesity in children lies with parents and society, rather than the government.
Firstly, it is important to note that the government cannot control every aspect of the market and the choices made by parents and their children. For instance, the government cannot force food manufacturers to produce healthier products or dictate what parents should feed their children. Imposing regulations on the food industry, such as increasing the cost of high-calorie foods, would not only harm the industry but also affect regular consumers who may rely on these products for their daily meals.
Moreover, it is crucial to respect the rights of children and their parents when it comes to food choices. Limiting children's food intake through government interference can be seen as an infringement on their rights. The decision to maintain a healthy lifestyle lies with the individual and their family. Punishing food businesses due to the high rates of childhood obesity would not only harm those employed in the industry but also hurt the economy as a whole.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that the government is not responsible for the rise in obesity in children. It is impractical for the government to control every aspect of children's lives and the food industry. Instead of placing blame on the government, it is important to focus on implementing strategies that encourage healthier lifestyles and provide opportunities for physical activity, such as the establishment of sports centers in schools.
[253 words]
Good expressions:
1. childhood obesity (소아비만)
2. a major concern (주요한 우려사항)
3. blame for (의탓하다)
4. viewpoint (시각)
5. responsibility (책임)
6. lies with (에 있다)
7. choices made (할 결정)
8. imposing regulations (규제를 시행하다)
9. affect (영향을 미치다)
10. rely on (의지하다)
11. infringement (침해)
12. respect (존경하다)
13. limiting (제한하는)
14. food intake (식이 섭취)
15. government interference (정부 개입)
16. infringement on their rights (자신들의 권리에 대한 침해)
17. decision (결정)
18. maintain a healthy lifestyle (건강한 생활습관을 유지하다)
19. harm (해를 입히다)
20. economy as a whole (전체적인 경제)
Childhood obesity has become a major concern in today's society. While some people argue that the government is to blame for this issue, I strongly disagree with this viewpoint. I believe that the responsibility for the rise in obesity in children lies with parents and society, rather than the government.
Firstly, it is important to note that the government cannot control every aspect of the market and the choices made by parents and their children. For instance, the government cannot force food manufacturers to produce healthier products or dictate what parents should feed their children. Imposing regulations on the food industry, such as increasing the cost of high-calorie foods, would not only harm the industry but also affect regular consumers who may rely on these products for their daily meals.
Moreover, it is crucial to respect the rights of children and their parents when it comes to food choices. Limiting children's food intake through government interference can be seen as an infringement on their rights. The decision to maintain a healthy lifestyle lies with the individual and their family. Punishing food businesses due to the high rates of childhood obesity would not only harm those employed in the industry but also hurt the economy as a whole.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that the government is not responsible for the rise in obesity in children. It is impractical for the government to control every aspect of children's lives and the food industry. Instead of placing blame on the government, it is important to focus on implementing strategies that encourage healthier lifestyles and provide opportunities for physical activity, such as the establishment of sports centers in schools.
[253 words]
Good expressions:
1. childhood obesity (소아비만)
2. a major concern (주요한 우려사항)
3. blame for (의탓하다)
4. viewpoint (시각)
5. responsibility (책임)
6. lies with (에 있다)
7. choices made (할 결정)
8. imposing regulations (규제를 시행하다)
9. affect (영향을 미치다)
10. rely on (의지하다)
11. infringement (침해)
12. respect (존경하다)
13. limiting (제한하는)
14. food intake (식이 섭취)
15. government interference (정부 개입)
16. infringement on their rights (자신들의 권리에 대한 침해)
17. decision (결정)
18. maintain a healthy lifestyle (건강한 생활습관을 유지하다)
19. harm (해를 입히다)
20. economy as a whole (전체적인 경제)
제출한 라이팅
It is certain that overweight of young ages is one of the most pressing issues in such a contemporary society. Some individuals asserts that the nation is responsible for the increasing of overweight rate in young ages. However, I totally disagree with the perspective. This is because the country can not control children's obesity rate.
To begin with, the nation is not related to children's overweight. This is because the government can not fix all of area of market and people who parent and their son and daughter. For example, the nation do not have any way for forcing to market and do not distinguish normal customs and children and their parents. If the government do restriction to food market and industry by inclining the cost of high-calorie foods, this result become damage to normal consumer by rising the price of high-calorie products.
On top of that, the government do not interfering right of children. I think that limited children's eating food by the government is invading about right of children. young ages's overweight is considered to their choice. In fact, the government would not restrict and punish food industry by regarding about children's obesity rate. If the nation would restrict to food business because children's overweight rate is so high, other individuals such as industry workers and normal adults is damaged by the government's restriction.
To sum up, the government is not related to children's weight. Furthermore, the government do not control children, their parents and food industry. Rather than controlling those with children's obesity rate means, it is essential to focus on implementing comprehensive strategies that government should be encourage to place sport center in school.
To begin with, the nation is not related to children's overweight. This is because the government can not fix all of area of market and people who parent and their son and daughter. For example, the nation do not have any way for forcing to market and do not distinguish normal customs and children and their parents. If the government do restriction to food market and industry by inclining the cost of high-calorie foods, this result become damage to normal consumer by rising the price of high-calorie products.
On top of that, the government do not interfering right of children. I think that limited children's eating food by the government is invading about right of children. young ages's overweight is considered to their choice. In fact, the government would not restrict and punish food industry by regarding about children's obesity rate. If the nation would restrict to food business because children's overweight rate is so high, other individuals such as industry workers and normal adults is damaged by the government's restriction.
To sum up, the government is not related to children's weight. Furthermore, the government do not control children, their parents and food industry. Rather than controlling those with children's obesity rate means, it is essential to focus on implementing comprehensive strategies that government should be encourage to place sport center in school.
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