아이엘츠 라이팅 AI 첨삭
- Opinion
Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or not agree?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 6
The essay addresses the given prompt and expresses a clear opinion. However, the arguments provided are not well-developed and lack supporting evidence or examples. The essay could benefit from providing more specific examples or discussing different perspectives on the issue.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
The essay generally has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are some issues with sentence structure and transitions between paragraphs that affect the overall flow and coherence of the essay.
Lexical Resource: 4
The essay demonstrates some use of vocabulary and terminology related to the topic. However, there are some errors and inconsistencies in word choice that hinder clarity and precision.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 4
The essay contains a range of grammatical structures and sentence patterns. However, there are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including verb tense errors, subject-verb agreement errors, and incorrect word order.
Overall: 4.5
The essay shows potential but lacks sufficient development and clarity in its arguments. There are also several language errors that impact the overall effectiveness and coherence of the essay. The overall band score would be around 4.5.
Task Response: 6
The essay addresses the given prompt and expresses a clear opinion. However, the arguments provided are not well-developed and lack supporting evidence or examples. The essay could benefit from providing more specific examples or discussing different perspectives on the issue.
Coherence & Cohesion: 5
The essay generally has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are some issues with sentence structure and transitions between paragraphs that affect the overall flow and coherence of the essay.
Lexical Resource: 4
The essay demonstrates some use of vocabulary and terminology related to the topic. However, there are some errors and inconsistencies in word choice that hinder clarity and precision.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 4
The essay contains a range of grammatical structures and sentence patterns. However, there are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including verb tense errors, subject-verb agreement errors, and incorrect word order.
Overall: 4.5
The essay shows potential but lacks sufficient development and clarity in its arguments. There are also several language errors that impact the overall effectiveness and coherence of the essay. The overall band score would be around 4.5.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or not agree?
Essay:
Achieving one's goals is often attributed to luck according to some individuals. However, I strongly disagree with this perspective. In my opinion, reaching one's aims requires continuous effort and dedication. Successful people like Bill Gates and Elon Musk have demonstrated this through their relentless pursuit of their goals.
To begin with, all successful individuals have put in continuous effort to achieve their positions. For instance, Bill Gates dedicated his entire career to the computer industry, focusing on developing programs for his company. Similarly, Elon Musk has gone to great lengths, even sending his company's engineers to land rockets in the ocean. It is through these efforts that Bill Gates created the Windows program and Elon Musk successfully launched his company's products.
Furthermore, the attainment of goals is not solely based on luck, but rather on the amount of effort invested. If one hopes to succeed purely by relying on luck, they must still put in some form of effort. It is vital to develop the necessary traits and skills required to reach one's aims. This involves focusing on various aspects of life such as business, education, and relationships. Ultimately, the likelihood of achieving one's goal depends on the level of effort and dedication put into it.
In conclusion, reaching one's aims requires concentration, effort, and the development of key traits. Success does not come solely through luck, but rather through continuous perseverance. Without effort, the attainment of goals is unlikely. It is therefore crucial for individuals to commit themselves to their aspirations and strive towards them.
[265 words]
Good expressions:
1. continuous effort - 지속적인 노력
2. relentless pursuit - 끈질긴 추구
3. put in continuous effort - 지속적인 노력을 기울이다
4. dedicate one's career - 자신의 경력을 바치다
5. go to great lengths - 최선을 다하다
6. send engineers - 엔지니어를 파견하다
7. rely on luck - 운에 의존하다
8. invest effort - 노력을 투자하다
9. develop traits and skills - 특성과 기술을 개발하다
10. level of effort and dedication - 노력과 헌신의 정도
11. commit to aspirations - 목표에 헌신하다
12. strive towards - 노력하다
Achieving one's goals is often attributed to luck according to some individuals. However, I strongly disagree with this perspective. In my opinion, reaching one's aims requires continuous effort and dedication. Successful people like Bill Gates and Elon Musk have demonstrated this through their relentless pursuit of their goals.
To begin with, all successful individuals have put in continuous effort to achieve their positions. For instance, Bill Gates dedicated his entire career to the computer industry, focusing on developing programs for his company. Similarly, Elon Musk has gone to great lengths, even sending his company's engineers to land rockets in the ocean. It is through these efforts that Bill Gates created the Windows program and Elon Musk successfully launched his company's products.
Furthermore, the attainment of goals is not solely based on luck, but rather on the amount of effort invested. If one hopes to succeed purely by relying on luck, they must still put in some form of effort. It is vital to develop the necessary traits and skills required to reach one's aims. This involves focusing on various aspects of life such as business, education, and relationships. Ultimately, the likelihood of achieving one's goal depends on the level of effort and dedication put into it.
In conclusion, reaching one's aims requires concentration, effort, and the development of key traits. Success does not come solely through luck, but rather through continuous perseverance. Without effort, the attainment of goals is unlikely. It is therefore crucial for individuals to commit themselves to their aspirations and strive towards them.
[265 words]
Good expressions:
1. continuous effort - 지속적인 노력
2. relentless pursuit - 끈질긴 추구
3. put in continuous effort - 지속적인 노력을 기울이다
4. dedicate one's career - 자신의 경력을 바치다
5. go to great lengths - 최선을 다하다
6. send engineers - 엔지니어를 파견하다
7. rely on luck - 운에 의존하다
8. invest effort - 노력을 투자하다
9. develop traits and skills - 특성과 기술을 개발하다
10. level of effort and dedication - 노력과 헌신의 정도
11. commit to aspirations - 목표에 헌신하다
12. strive towards - 노력하다
제출한 라이팅
It is common accepted that reaching the aims is important to individuals. Some people assert achieving their goals is considered to matter of luck. However, I totally disagree with the perspective.
To begin with, all of successful person is doing continuous effort. If they did not any effort, they could not arrive their position. Those who occupying high position such as Bill Gates and Elon Musk have a lot of trait for achieving goals. For example, Bill Gates is concentrating to computer industry for his company on his all days. Moreover, Elon Musk is entering to land in ocean with his company's engineers for making rocket of his company. Consequently, Bill Gates make Window program by his efforts, and Elon Musk success lunch their product by countless traits.
On top of that, Goal is not controlled to matter of luck, regarded amount of effort by making traits. If you hope to success using luck, you get a attempt by effort. It is important for you to gain trait for reaching your aims. In fact, you is concentrating your things such as business, studying and relationship. If some individuals's goal is made by luck, opportunity for arriving to aim is consider to how much you are concentrating your effort.
In conclusion, For reaching the aims, you should have to concentrate effort factor by making countless traits. All of successful mankind must have effort part. Furthermore, If effort were not existed, reaching aim is not there.
To begin with, all of successful person is doing continuous effort. If they did not any effort, they could not arrive their position. Those who occupying high position such as Bill Gates and Elon Musk have a lot of trait for achieving goals. For example, Bill Gates is concentrating to computer industry for his company on his all days. Moreover, Elon Musk is entering to land in ocean with his company's engineers for making rocket of his company. Consequently, Bill Gates make Window program by his efforts, and Elon Musk success lunch their product by countless traits.
On top of that, Goal is not controlled to matter of luck, regarded amount of effort by making traits. If you hope to success using luck, you get a attempt by effort. It is important for you to gain trait for reaching your aims. In fact, you is concentrating your things such as business, studying and relationship. If some individuals's goal is made by luck, opportunity for arriving to aim is consider to how much you are concentrating your effort.
In conclusion, For reaching the aims, you should have to concentrate effort factor by making countless traits. All of successful mankind must have effort part. Furthermore, If effort were not existed, reaching aim is not there.
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