AI IELTS Writing AI Correction
- Problem and Solution
Many people today do not feel safe, either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions?
스코어팩토리 AI가 에세이를 평가하였습니다.
Evaluation
Task Response: 4 - The essay directly addresses the questions asked and provides relevant ideas on both the causes and solutions to the issue of feeling unsafe.
Coherence & Cohesion: 3 - The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, some of the sentences are not well-connected, making the essay less coherent.
Lexical Resource: 3 - The essay uses a range of vocabulary but some of the word choices are not accurate or appropriate. Additionally, there is some repetition in the essay.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 3 - The essay contains some grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures. However, the writer demonstrates the ability to use a range of sentence structures.
Overall: 3 - The essay has some strengths in addressing the task and providing relevant ideas. However, there are areas for improvement in coherence, vocabulary, and grammar. The overall band score would be 6.0.
Task Response: 4 - The essay directly addresses the questions asked and provides relevant ideas on both the causes and solutions to the issue of feeling unsafe.
Coherence & Cohesion: 3 - The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, some of the sentences are not well-connected, making the essay less coherent.
Lexical Resource: 3 - The essay uses a range of vocabulary but some of the word choices are not accurate or appropriate. Additionally, there is some repetition in the essay.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 3 - The essay contains some grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures. However, the writer demonstrates the ability to use a range of sentence structures.
Overall: 3 - The essay has some strengths in addressing the task and providing relevant ideas. However, there are areas for improvement in coherence, vocabulary, and grammar. The overall band score would be 6.0.
스코어팩토리 AI가 작성한 모범답안입니다.
Many people today do not feel safe, either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions?
Essay:
In today's world, safety has become one of the major concerns of people, both at home and in public places. Despite numerous attempts made by the authorities, the feeling of insecurity prevails among individuals. This essay will explore the causes of this phenomenon and suggest a few remedies to tackle the issue.
The primary reason for people feeling unsafe is the soaring crime rate. Criminal activities can occur abruptly, leaving even people with the soundest mind agitated and alarmed. Another contributing factor to this issue is people's inclination towards an individualistic lifestyle. Technological advancements have created an environment where communication on a personal level has become almost obsolete, making people suspicious of others, leading to a lack of trust and the feeling of fear.
One possible solution to address these problems is by imposing stringent laws to deter criminals from committing crimes. The government needs to formulate policies and laws that instill the fear of severe consequences in offenders. Increased patrolling in high-risk areas by law-enforcement personnel should also help instill a sense of safety among the public. Furthermore, to promote social cohesion, local administrations could endeavor to arrange awareness campaigns and regular community gatherings. Such events will create opportunities for people to build trust and foster a sense of community, reducing the feeling of isolation and insecurity.
In conclusion, the fear of harm, whether out in public or within the confines of our homes, is an unfortunate reality. By introducing stricter laws and increasing police presence in high-risk areas, together with promoting community involvement and social awareness campaigns, the government can address this issue and help ensure the safety and security of its citizens.
[260 words]
Good expressions:
1. soaring crime rate: 급증하는 범죄율
2. criminal activities: 범죄행위
3. agitated and alarmed: 동요하고 불안해진
4. individualistic lifestyle: 개인주의적인 생활방식
5. lack of trust: 신뢰 부족
6. deterrent effect: 억제 효과
7. severe consequences: 엄중한 결과
8. instill a sense of safety: 안전감을 심어주다
9. law-enforcement personnel: 사법 당국자
10. social cohesion: 사회 통합력
11. community gatherings: 지역사회 모임
12. foster a sense of community: 지역사회 의식을 자각시키다
13. reduce the feeling of isolation: 고독감을 줄이다.
In today's world, safety has become one of the major concerns of people, both at home and in public places. Despite numerous attempts made by the authorities, the feeling of insecurity prevails among individuals. This essay will explore the causes of this phenomenon and suggest a few remedies to tackle the issue.
The primary reason for people feeling unsafe is the soaring crime rate. Criminal activities can occur abruptly, leaving even people with the soundest mind agitated and alarmed. Another contributing factor to this issue is people's inclination towards an individualistic lifestyle. Technological advancements have created an environment where communication on a personal level has become almost obsolete, making people suspicious of others, leading to a lack of trust and the feeling of fear.
One possible solution to address these problems is by imposing stringent laws to deter criminals from committing crimes. The government needs to formulate policies and laws that instill the fear of severe consequences in offenders. Increased patrolling in high-risk areas by law-enforcement personnel should also help instill a sense of safety among the public. Furthermore, to promote social cohesion, local administrations could endeavor to arrange awareness campaigns and regular community gatherings. Such events will create opportunities for people to build trust and foster a sense of community, reducing the feeling of isolation and insecurity.
In conclusion, the fear of harm, whether out in public or within the confines of our homes, is an unfortunate reality. By introducing stricter laws and increasing police presence in high-risk areas, together with promoting community involvement and social awareness campaigns, the government can address this issue and help ensure the safety and security of its citizens.
[260 words]
Good expressions:
1. soaring crime rate: 급증하는 범죄율
2. criminal activities: 범죄행위
3. agitated and alarmed: 동요하고 불안해진
4. individualistic lifestyle: 개인주의적인 생활방식
5. lack of trust: 신뢰 부족
6. deterrent effect: 억제 효과
7. severe consequences: 엄중한 결과
8. instill a sense of safety: 안전감을 심어주다
9. law-enforcement personnel: 사법 당국자
10. social cohesion: 사회 통합력
11. community gatherings: 지역사회 모임
12. foster a sense of community: 지역사회 의식을 자각시키다
13. reduce the feeling of isolation: 고독감을 줄이다.
제출한 라이팅
Feeling safe and comfortable at home is basic. However, it is true that people couldn’t feel a sense of security in their place whether in public.
The main cause of people feeling unsafety is the increasing crime rate. Crime is happening suddenly, even for individuals who have a sensitive personality about phenomena around them. Another cause of this reason is people live individualistic these days. With the advancement of technology, the communication environment is getting disappeared and this situation leads to people make individualistic. So some people are suspicious people and they don’t believe in other people.
To address these problems, there are several solutions that could be considered. One solution is to change the law of crime strongly.
The main cause of people feeling unsafety is the increasing crime rate. Crime is happening suddenly, even for individuals who have a sensitive personality about phenomena around them. Another cause of this reason is people live individualistic these days. With the advancement of technology, the communication environment is getting disappeared and this situation leads to people make individualistic. So some people are suspicious people and they don’t believe in other people.
To address these problems, there are several solutions that could be considered. One solution is to change the law of crime strongly.
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