There are a few major issues with the student's essay, including grammar errors and unclear arguments. Here is a revised version that should achieve a higher band score:

Essay:
Advertising is a pervasive force in modern society, appearing on TV screens, magazines, billboards, and now even on social media platforms. While many advertisements promote legitimate products and services, some use unethical and unacceptable tactics to capture the attention of their target audience. In this essay, I will argue that such advertising methods, at best, are ethically questionable, and, at worst, can have a damaging effect on individuals and society as a whole.

One of the most problematic tactics used by advertisers is manipulating the emotions of viewers or readers. For example, when advertisers target families with young children, they may use images of happy, smiling kids playing with the latest toy, and make it seem as if buying the toy will increase the child's happiness or social status. However, the reality is often different, and parents may feel pressure to comply with their child's demands, leading to financial hardship or creating a sense of entitlement in the child.

Another area of concern is the use of misleading advertising copy or images. For example, advertisers may use images of beautiful or fit models to sell unhealthy products, such as cigarettes or sugary drinks, creating a false sense of desirability or reinforcing unhealthy beliefs about body image. This type of advertising can be particularly damaging to young people who are still developing their self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

Finally, advertisers sometimes engage in invasive tactics, such as tracking people's movements online or using data they have gathered from social media platforms to target specific demographics. This violates people's privacy, and can make them feel as if they are being watched or manipulated without their consent.

To conclude, while advertising can be a legitimate way to promote products and services, certain tactics used by advertisers are unethical and damaging to individuals and society as a whole. Governments and other regulatory bodies need to take a more active role in monitoring advertising practices, and hold companies accountable for any breaches of ethical standards.

Word count: 306

Good expressions:
1. pervasive force
2. ethically questionable
3. manipulate the emotions
4. financial hardship
5. a false sense of desirability
6. invasive tactics
7. violate people's privacy
8. regulatory bodies
9. breaches of ethical standards